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"Trick or Tailor?"
Garak: "What did one Tholian say to the other Tholian? You're looking kinda lonely there. You me spin my webs?"
Bashir: "Oh Jesus Christ."
Garak: "Doctor, let me tell you a joke."
Bashir, looking suspicious: "Well...I suppose it wouldn't hurt to hear one..."
Garak: "What did the Tholian say to the other Tholian? I have no idea. I don't speak Tholian."
What kind of Cardassian spy can't spy on anything? A dead one.
Garak: "Looks like you've missed your French lesson, doctor. You know what time it is." *pulls out disruptor*
“Doctor, I am a tailor, not a spy.”
“Doctor, are you available for some Halloween pranks? I intend quite the unexpected mischief this year.”
"That, Doctor, is my 'Special' suit you are wearing. I just press the button on the remote control and it instantly gives you an atomic wedgie! Bwahahaha!"
Bashir: "You think I'm dork? Oh, well, then, you're a nuisance."
Garak: "Really? Then you're a social flunk."
Bashir: "Ha. You're a social bomb."
Garak: "Tryhard."
Bashir: "Taylor Sluggish."
Garak: "Doctor Doctored."
Bashir: "Vole."
Garak: "Cutie pie."
Bashir: *stunned silence, jaw agape, helpless blushing*
Garak: "Haha, got him. LOL"
Bashir: "You think I'm dork? Oh, well, then, you're a nuisance."
Garak: "Oh? Then you're a social flunk."
Bashir: "Ha. You're a social bomb."
Garak: "Doctor Doctored."
Bashir: "Vole."
Garak: "Cutie pie."
Bashir: *stunned silence, jaw agape, helpless blushing*
"Ermagersh, the Cerdershian Verle"
Bashir was horrified to find that someone had tampered with the appearance of the EMH.
"Doctor, I'm having trouble ingesting this liquid medicine. Would you mind...personally feeding me a spoonful of sugar to help it go down? I'm sure you don't want me to keep you from your other patients."
Garak : Dr. Bashir, what exactly is a Colonoscopy????
Dr. Bashir : Captain Sisko ?! Is that you ???
Sisko : Yes it's me. What do you think of my Halloween Costume ??
"Five lights... Poppycock.. There are much more effective ways of breaking someone's reality."
Garak : Sniff , Sniff , Sniff ....Eweweweweweee!!! No wonder your here in this corner.
“Doctor, how skilled are you at removing sewing needles from sensitive areas?”
Always looking to improve his tailoring skills, Garak continues his search for the elusive Orb of Embroidery
Garak : Doctor, could you get me more of that drug you call " Viagra " It has some interesting effects on me.
A Kardashian poses for his fans.
Cardassian tailor, not Taylor Kardashian.
Yes I am a tailor, but not a Swift.
"Doctor, could you help me with my bikini wax?"
If I had been the one torturing Picard, he would be a Cardassian dupe now.
Bashir: I am playing Dr. Frank-n-furter this year!
Garak: And I am making the costumes.
Bashir: …
“Doctor, I have wonderful news! I get to play Doctor Frankenfurter in this year’s performance of the Rocky Horror Picture Show!”
Garak: Doctor, do you happen to have tomorrow evening available?
Bashir: Who are you planning to annoy this time? Odo? Quark? Kira?
Garak: Oh, I intend nothing of the sort. Besides, I am not that bored.
Garak: "Doctor, do you know what I did to the last customer who argued with me for a better price? I ate his liver and lungs with a nice yamok sauce and washed it down with some blood wine. Now what were you saying about my rising prices?"
Bashir: "I-I w-was just talking about how amazingly generous your p-prices are c-considering how war and inflation has made costs rise g-greatly everywhere..."
"When I asked for my agent, I meant my theatrical agent. Not one from the Obsidian order!"
"Sorry, my bad. Although I am good at getting my way in negotiations ..."
Garak: Doctor, I have wonderful news!
Bashir: What is so exciting?
Garak: Dukat just became the CEO the company formerly known as Twitter. Now he will have to endure that constant dumpster fire!
Garak is hearing that the COVID-19 “Lambda Dodeca-Prime” variant has become prevalent on the station and mask and social distancing protocols will be initiated once again.
Bashir: I feel like I'm "always the bridesmaid, never the bride."
Garak: What do you expect in that outfit?
Do not argue with the tailor, or you may become a fashion victim ... or possibly just a victim.
Garak: Have you heard of our one true savior, Dumar?
Garak : Who are you, and what do you want???
Fan : I'm your #1 fan and I want your autograph.
Garak: "Wait! Just hold it there, Doctor! Yes, exactly like this...Our fans will go stir-crazy dreaming up captions involving you and me...look, it's working! Look how they fawn!"
“Doctor, heard you were assigned as liaison officer to some visiting diplomats. Would you like me to provide an escape plan?”
Garak: Doctor, I have some wonderful news.
Bashir: Garak, what ever it is, please spare me. I have enough on my mind with what one on my nurses did with her boyfriend in the infirmary.
But I don't WANT "FrankieChestnuts" putting words in my mouth. That's the Order's job.
"Doctor, it is not polite to look at the person using the opposite urinal."
Things they never said: "And the actual truth is...."
Garak: I remember him saying: Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? And for some reason, I DO feel lucky.
"Duke, I killed your father."
Bashir: I hate fanfiction.
Garak: I love this fanfic.
“Doctor, I have been informed by a lovely customer of mine that she is interested in you. How do you feel about dating a Naussican? I have observed their rather ‘intense passion’ for physical interactions.”
"Doctor, doctor, doctor. My canine lifeform has no olfactory sense."
"You really don't understand humour do you?"
Garak: Doctor, are you sufficiently trained to help me break through the ego of an unhinged narcissist?
Bashir: Sorry, Garak, but you will have to do face Dukat on your own.
“Doctor, how skilled are you when it comes to proctology? Morn had an incident regarding a set of undergarments I made for him.”
"Suit you, sir! Suit like that. Would you like one made up or do you like it off the peg, sir? For a new job, sir? Will you be having your own assistant, sir? Something in blue, sir? Grey! Ooo, sir, the ladies love a man in a suit, sir. Will you be giving it to her, sir? Sorry, sir, just making conversation. Bit roomy in the crotch, sir! Will she be disappointed, sir? Ooo! Suit you, sir!"
Garak, his torpedo armed.
Bashir, his hanger deck shielded.
Looking for par'Mach in all the wrong places.
This face presages an act of unmitigated trolling.
Marlin Perkins: “Jim… watch the slow, deliberate movements of the skilled hunter as he stalks his prey… the trusting doctor is utterly unaware of the danger… AND HE STRIKES!!

While brutal, this kill will sustain him and his family for more than a week… in this vast, barren wasteland… known as Deep Space Nine.”
"Doctor, I feel unwell. I have been to a culinary experience in the engineering section!"
Garak: "I never tell the truth because there is no such thing."
Garak: Doctor, I always tell the truth. The truth is I lie constantly.
Bashir: Garak, that is a nice try at breaking my brain with a logical conundrum, but I don’t have time for this challenge. Ziyal is pregnant and you are not the father.
“Doctor, I recently had to make an order for Corinthian leather from Earth. Dax requested an outfit that is made of such material as straps. She said it was for Worf’s birthday. Are you able to educate me on how that works?”
“Doctor, I just heard you are running for Speaker of the US House of Representatives. I never knew you loved pain that much. Does Dax know?”
"Is this Congress? I believe you have a vacancy for a leader? I am very good at dealing with dissent."
Dr. Bashir : Garak are you absolutely sure you want to go ahead with sexual reassignment surgery ????? You'll be the first Cardassian to ever have this.
Garak : Does this face look like I'm thinking no ?
Bashir : Garak I want to tell you we found something unusual with your body scan. It seems you have a wood spoon stuck in your forehead.
“Doctor, I am curious. What did you do to Quark’s stock of Saurian Brandy?”
“Doctor, why did I see you sneaking into my quarters this morning?”
Bashir: "Tell me, Garak... Why is it whenever I see a Cardassian out of uniform, they're dressed like Marcel Marceau?"
“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Garak. Plain, simple, normal, average, unimportant, regular, boring Garak.”
Garrak : Doctor what do you mean I have COVID 25 ???
Garrak : Why do I feel I've been here before ??? Just in a different location and camera angle.
It was at this moment Garak realized he had found a new intellect to mess with. The coming games, miss directions and out right lies will be very fun to perform.
I know this look. It is the same one my cat gives when she is about to pounce on my crotch.
“Doctor, would you mind shifting to your left? Quark just angered Major Kira and Odo.”
“Doctor, I have heard you turned down a date with Lt. Dax. How drunk were you?”
“Doctor, do you have time for a seminar on Cardassian Mindfulness?”
“Doctor, as much as I decry the accusations regarding the poor treatment of prisoners, nothing compares to what humanity did to it’s own in the past. Insurance companies, hedge funds, Time Warner Cable.”
“Doctor, I recently learned of a fascinating organization from late 20th century earth that was renowned for the suffering it caused on those that were required to deal with it. Have you ever studied the Department of Motor Vehicles?”
"Good evening, can I talk to you about God?"
Garrak : What do you mean ? My Passport has expired ??!!!
"Doctor, I am having difficulties with the new diet you prescribed for me."
"Is it a hard?"
"Yes, I have been eating Viagra."
Mesa tink dis might be Gul Dukat again....
Every time Garak smiles, a puppy dies.
"Well, well, that veteran Frankie Chestnuts is back in full force!"
"Honey, I'm baaaack!"
Garak: "Hello, it's me..."
Bashir: *blushes*
"Hello, it's me..."
Garak: The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Is that clear now?
Garak: If you notice on my left shoulder, Doctor, I'm working to use lens flare as a fashion statement.
"GET. MY. AGENT. I want decent coffee on set!"
"Do you want fries with that?"
"OK, try smiling a bit more when you say that."
"Because you're an unemployed, method actor who needs a job."
"I'm looking for a man with very particular skills ... his name is Frankie Chestnuts."
"Trick or treat!"
"Get lost, you're too early!"
Dr. Bashir finally gets to opportunity to study a Cardassian Vole, up close and personal.
Garak is shocked, shocked I say, at being accused of not telling the truth.
“Doctor. I could use your help. Do you know how to diagnose and treat Klingon warts in personal areas?”
Garak is enjoying the opportunity to make Bashir question reality once again.
“Doctor, have you spent any time studying Earth politics around the year 2020 to 2023 of the nation known as The United States? Not even the Obsidian Order could understand those individuals.”
Bashir: I have heard an interesting rumor. Someone set Kira up on a blind date with Quark.
Garak: Really? That would explain Quark needing emergency surgery.
Bashir: I never said anything regarding Quark’s health.
Garak: I just assumed Major Kira would badly injure Quark at first sight on a date.
Bashir: Quark is actually healthy and Kira had a fun time with him.
Garak, his desires aroused.
“Doctor, are you willing to test some new… products I am working on?”
“Doctor, did you enjoy the gladiator holo-program? I am told it is quite… detailed.”
Bashir: "Garak... I do believe you should have put the lotion on the skin..."
Garak: “Oh, and Doctor, just one more thing: Love the uniform.”
Garak: “You know what you look like to me, with your nice doctor bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a dork. A well scrubbed, hustling dork with a little taste. Genetic modification’s given you some advantages, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Dr. Bashir?
Bashir: "I prefer the term nerd."
Garak: “Well Doctor, I do wish we could chat longer, but… I’m having an old friend for dinner.”
Bashir: Garak, I hear you were once a member of the Obsidian Order… In High School, I was the president of the Rock Club!”
Garak: ???
And now you understand why everyone hates / wants to be Frankie Chestnuts.
I'm not paranoid. Who said that about me?
Garak: “A Legate once tried to test me… I ate his liver with some yamok sauce and a nice Ka-naair.”
I'm not paranoid. Why are you asking?
Garak: I heard that, GMO…
Bashir interrupts: SPOONHEAD!!!
Garak: What I was actually saying Dr Bashir, was that I heard that genetically modified food products were not as harmful as previously believed in some instances….
Basheer blushes.
Garak: “What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”
Bashir: "With or without the skills, you are still a nightmare."
Creepy Smiles: Works for ALL Species


© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 96,252 Release date : 1 Nov 2023