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Trip: Why am I here, Doc?
Phlox: I need a witness.
Trip: For what?
Phlox: To make sure I don’t perform any sexual improprieties when I give my self a prostate exam.
Dear Chromedome, Please do not worry. Frankie Chestnuts KNOWS that Miss Marple DOESN'T SHARE like that!
"What's going on? One of my wives is having an affair with Frankie Chestnuts! And that one! And that one! And ..."
"I wonder if Miss Marple knows?"
"Probably, one of my wives is having an affair with her too."
"Phlox, do you really keep track of your wives through Tindr?"
Phlox : I can't believe it! Is it really that big?
Trip : I know... It makes me kind of uncomfortable, you know
Phlox : I really must introduce you to my wives...
Phlox: “Captain 8472?? 8472?? Why 8472?? Why not Captain Gorn?? Captain Pakled?? Captain Tribble?? Captain Crystalline Entity?? I mean… Come on!!”
Trip: "It's just a screen name."
Phlox: "Sure... You ALWAYS take his side!"
Phlox: “So what you’re saying is that Frankie Chestnuts is actually Joe Pesci playing Tommy DeVito in Goodfellas, based real life mobster Tommy DeSimone… WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED THIS??”
Phlox: “So what you’re saying is that Frankie Chestnuts is actually Joe Pesci playing Tommy DeVito in Goodfellas, based real life mobster Tommy DeSimone… I thought he was a tobacconist from Kraków?!”
Phlox: “So what you’re saying is that Frankie Chestnuts is actually Joe Pesci playing Tommy DeVito in Goodfellas, based real life mobster Tommy DeSimone… I thought it was just a funny, made up name!”
They couldn't quite believe their eyes - England had finally beaten Germany at football after 55 years of trying.
"You're going home! You're going home! You're going, Germany's going home!"
Phlox: Wait until you meet my friend. His name is Biggus Dickus.
Trip: What?
Phlox: He also has quite the lovely wife. Her name is Incontinentia Buttus.
Phlox: Wait until you meet my friend. His name is Biggus Dickus.
Trip: What?
Phlox: He also has quite the lovely wife. Her name is Inctinentia Buttus.
Phlox: With this virus spreading so chaotically, you are the only one left who can pilot the ship.
Trip: Surely you can’t be serious.
Phlox: I am serious. And how did you know what my second wife calls me in bed?
Phlox: I just realized I forgot my wedding anniversary.
Trip: Which one?
Phlox: All of them, actually.
When researching the term ‘death by snu-snu,’ have the safe search on.
When researching the term ‘snu-snu,’ have the safe search on.
When you try to psychoanalysis someone, be wary of their browser history.
"So they've released a 'Now Thats What I Call Summer' compilation. But what happened to the 'Now Thats What I Call Lockdown'?"
"They did. But it was too miserable, so only the goths bought it."
"Oh look, there's a special release for Matt Hancock - 'Now Thats NOT What I Call Social Distancing'!"
"42? Four-ty two? What the hell do you think we asked you computer?"
The medical scan showed a foreign object in Commander Tucker’s lower abdomen. There was a question as to why it was cylindrical with a rounded end.
When watching de-con chamber status reports, don’t look into the security recordings.
Phlox: How can she bend like that?
Trip: It’s a cat.
Phlox: The spinal structure must be incredible.
Trip: It’s a cat...
Phlox: I wonder, what kind of musculature is required for such a range of motion?
Trip: It’s a CAT!
Trip: What is Porthos doing?
Phlox: He is just sitting there in the de-con chamber with T’Pol, Hoshi and Captain Archer. My question is what is ‘death by snu-snu?’
Trip: What is Porthos doing?
Phlox: He is just sitting there in the de-con chamber with T’Pol, Hoshi and Captain Archer. My question is why they must stay in there until the end of sweeps week?
Trip: What is Porthos doing?
Phlox: The better question is, why is the Captain participating?
Trip: What is Porthos doing?
Phlox: Cleaning his ‘lipstick.’
Phlox: So, that is the problem.
Trip: The broken shin?
Phlox: No, the caption.
Phlox: So that is how that got up there.
“Oh great machine of computation, grant us a vision of future caption competitions.”
Two individuals studying the history of ‘Brexit.’
"What the f*** does she see in Matt Hancock?"
(Matt Hancock, British Health Minister, was caught on camera not socially distanced from an aide)
Phlox: So Mr.Tucker how many lights do you see there?
Trip: I thought Pon Farr was Vulan sex? Phlox: So did I.
Phlox: So you're dressing up as a vulcan to spice up your sex life with T'Pol? Trip: I'm getting cosmetic surgery to look like a Romulan, to go undercover in Romulan space for Section 31 doc.
Phlox: So what do you think about your new look for your new identity Mr.Tucker? Trip: I'm not too crazy about being a redhead or the bushy mustache.
So you're saying they just bounce graviton particle beams off the main deflector dish over and over again?
Offscreen: "Don't look at the light!"
Phlox & Tucker: "I can't help it! It's so beautiful!"
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: How long has it been there, Doc?
Phlox: What makes you think it was not there from conception?
Trip: I don’t think human bodies come with literal good vs evil switches.
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: So, that is where my favorite wrench went.
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: That explains the random vibrations down there.
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: That explains the flower petals in my underwear.
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: Reed did what with his phase pistol?
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: T’Pol said she only had one drink.
Phlox: I do believe that is the problem.
Trip: How did I get pregnant again?
Phlox: I am surprised this prime minister was able to survive that.
Trip: Why would he touch that in public?
Phlox: I am surprised this prime minister was able to do that.
Trip: How did he get is head up his hind end?
Phlox: I was told an engineer designed the human body. Could you please explain?
Phlox: I am told, when we see it, we will defecate bricks.
A doctor and an engineer discuss the human body...
"Phlox, it's bad enough that we've gone back in time to the early 21st Century without you starting false anti-vaxx rumours amongst the population!"
Looking for the ANY key.
Trip: "Let's see here... It looks like the [TECHNO-BABBLE] is overloading. I think we need to [TECHNO-BABBLE] the [TECHNO-BABBLE]. But be careful not to [TECHNO-BABBLE] the [TECHNO-BABBLE] or it will become [TECHNO-BABBLE] and we could all [TECHNO-BABBLE], or worse..."
Phlox (under his breath): "What a [TECHNO-BABBLE]!"
Phlox: You REALLY miss a lot if you don't watch the Harry Potter movies with the captions on. Here... let me cue it up for you...
Trip: Wait, who the hell is Death Eater Ethan?
Trip: "So, who is your favorite character from Earth fiction?"
Phlox: "Oh, I can't decide. It's either Dr. Frankenstein or Dr. Zoidberg!"
Trip: "And now I regret that I asked..."
Phlox: "Hospital series from Earth are really fascinating. But who that Ethics they all keep talking about?"
Phlox: Mr.Tucker everything I've learned about human medicine is from watching this highly acclaimed doctor's videos. Onscreen: Hi everybody! Hi Dr.Nick!
The sight of food going round and round in a 20th Century microwave was fascinating.
"Enter your NHS number??? What on earth is that?!?!"
Phlox : Damn these Windows updates take way to long to install.
Phlox : Trip I'm not seeing your postal code here to be eligible for a second shot of the COVID vaccine.
"Phlox, I don't care if it's a classic antique. Where the hell are you going to drive a Bugatti Veyron around here?"
"This is incredible! According to these video archives from 1960's Earth, a Starfleet ship which has not been built yet , but which is named after this one, will go back in time and is spotted over somewhere called Omaha! How could this be?"
Archer's request for keeping up with the Cardassians' activities provided mixed and disconcerting results.
Trip; I don't understand why ALL my sign-in passwords are compromised.
Phlox: Perhaps, SeXXXyBeast38, because you use the same password for all your accounts...
Voice off camera: And your vanity license plates...
Second Voice off camera: and that tattoo...
Hacker: and using it both for your "User Name" AND password.
Watching people in the d-con chamber was a great way to pass time in sickbay.
Phlox: "Oh, look! A vintage "Operation" game for a really low price!"
Trip: "You already have, like, ten of them."
Phlox: "This is simply astonishing! It's the perfect apex predator! I've never seen such a lifeform before! How did you call it again?"
Trip: "That's Pac-Man!"
Phlox: "Right, here we are! Pornhub. Now, where's the Denobulan category?"
Trip: "Am I going to like this?"
Phlox: "Probably ... not."
"Tortillas? I said warp drives, NOT wrap drives!"
"I'm sure I can find the parts you need for the warp drives here on Amazon."
Phlox : Why doesn't this facial recognition software recognize me ?!!!
Phlox: "Oh no! Something's wrong."
Trip: "What is it?"
Phlox: "This isn't going to be good."
Trip: "What isn't? What are you looking at? I don't see anything on the screen."
Phlox: "Oh, the screen is fine, but the curry I had for lunch has caused a containment failure in my pants!"
"The voting MUST be rigged if we ended up with this lousy caption!"
"Oh man! I can't believe they voted to give us this caption!"
Trip: "Why do you need a contraption like this?"
Phlox: "To safely insert a suppository."
Trip: "I thought you just shoved them in with your finger?"
Phlox: "In a Klingon?"
Trip: "Fair point."
Trip: “What seems to be the issue, doctor?”
Phlox: “I notice a neutrino surge in the hyper sensitive ray flinger. We should magnatize the containment generator. I'm also detecting a slight field variance in the revolving microfilament autosequencers. We should increase power to the ion energy core.”
Trip: “You have no clue, do you?”
Phlox: “Nope.”
Trip : Phlox ! Hurry up and finish your census form !!!
Phlox : I'm trying to but , your making me lose count of how many wives I have.
Trip: Are you sure you should be entering all that personal information for the Microsoft repairman on the phone?
Despite the zoom call pandemic of the 21st century, some people never learned to appropriately fear the wrath of “Room Raters.”
Despite the zoom call pandemic of the 21st century, people never learned that you have sit closer together, and at equal distance to the camera.
Despite the zoom call pandemic of the 21st century, we never learned how to casually look forward into the camera, and stop looking off to the side at the face of the person actually speaking.
It always looks like the opening to the Brady Bunch.
Despite the zoom call pandemic of the 21st century, we never learned how to control appropriate facial lighting.
The dangers of online gambling still persisted even in Starfleet.
"So where is this planet Galifrey? I would like to meet this Dr. Who."
Dr Phloxster went to Gloucester
In a shower of rain
He stepped in a puddle
Right up to his middle
And never went there again
Does someone have a bun in the oven?
Phlox: "I used to love online shopping, but Amazon's business practices have become even more cutthroat than before, since they got bought up by the Ferengi..."
In all their adventures travelling through time Trip and Phlox managed to get their hands on a future collection of Star Trek episodes.
Would you buy a used starship from this pair?
Phlox: "Everything I know about your people's medicine was taught to me by this delightful software classic from Earth!"
Trip: "Dr. Mario!?"
Phlox: "Who is the being with the bald, square head?"
Trip: "That's Kryten the Mechanoid."
Phlox: "Pwhoar! He's a looker alright!"
"This is where I learnt my techniques."
"Seriously, Doc? You learnt everything rom watching the Home Surgery Channel?"
"Oh, not everything. Just the human medical procedures. What did you say was wrong with you?"
"Uhhh, never mind. Just give me two aspirin and call me in the morning."
"My God, it's full of stars."
Phlox: "...so if you let your manufacturer's warranty run out, you run the risk of having to pay for huge car repair bills."
Trip: "Wow... I really don't want to be stuck with a massive bill... But I still don't own a car."
“Doc, what kind of arcane language is this document written in?”
“Government.”
When reviewing disclaimers, make sure you understand the language known a ‘Legal.’”
“Doc, what happened to your computer?”
“What is this program: WebMD?”
“Doc, if I am to make this, I must know what it will be used for.”
“You will have to ask T’Pol.”
When watching the news, be prepared for disappointment.
Trip: "So this thing will enable us to travel through time?"
Phlox: "Yes, it's my own invention. I call it the Phlox Capacitor."
Seeing just how deep the rabbit hole really gets...
Look where the wild things ran off to.
Phlox: "So what you are saying is that Liberty Mutual actually chose a non-talking emu as their mascot?"
Phlox: "So you are telling me that it's been 7 months and Trump STILL claims he won the election???"
"Is it the right time to buy into pork bellies?"
(Janeway's voice offscreen) "Phlox, how many times have I told you not to wear your pyjamas for video conferences?"
"Are you sure this thing will find Frankie Chestnuts?"
“Doc, what is that doing in my colon?”
“Did you anger T’Pol?”
“Doc, what are we watching?”
“An old Earth TV character named Honey Boo-Boo.”
“Doc, what are we watching?”
“An old Earth show titled: Ancient Aliens.”
“Commander, did you know she could do that?”
“That is called dancing.”
“Commander, did you know she could do that?”
“Why are we watching my birth?”
“Commander, did you know she could do that?”
“Why is Reed with a woman?”
The confusion is real.
The opening scene of a reaction video.
Scrolling through previous captions, wondering why yours didn’t win.
Phlox : DAMN IT !!! TRIP ..... He's dead !!!
Scans indicate no intelligent life inside that
climate denier rally.
Scans indicate that we are in for an early cancellation.
“Mr. Tucker, why does the Sub Commander have a blog about you?”
“Doc, what happened on Risa? They have banned you for a year.”
“Doc, how many drinks did you have last night?”
“Commander, what are Berman and Bragga doing?”
“Commander, could you explain what you were doing with Porthos?”
“So, these are the reactions to the pictures of T’Pol and myself?”
“So, this is a recording of Captain Archer’s cabin? How did he do that?”
“So, this is a recording of Captain Archer’s cabin? How did you get the camera in there?”
“Doctor’s orders.”
“So, this show was called ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians?’”
Discovering the YouTube archives in the future.
Trip: "Whoa... Transporter malfunction?"
Phlox: "Transporter malfunction."
Phlox: "Does Porthos do that in Malcolm's coffee every morning?"
Trip: "Ever since I trained her..."
"No, hang on, we're just getting to the funny bit where the toilet flushes ..."
"OK, so if you have the deep pan Mighty Meaty and I have the Hawaiian then we can get the wedges and the ice cream for free."
"But how long is it going to take?"
"Ummm, at this distance from Earth, about when the series gets cancelled."
"Not very practical is it?"
"Well, we can have them at the wrap party after the final episode."
"Noooo! No way! She can't be! No, really ... oh, that's gross, I mean ... she's going for it ... look, her hand is going down ... Ohhhhh ... I can't believe she puts that much garlic in the stew!"
"So the leg bone is connected to the thigh bone ... hey, this medical stuff isn't that hard is it?"
Trip & Phlox anxiously await the outcome of the auction for Voyager on ebay.
Phlox: "Mr. Tucker... Are you sure T'Pol uses the Sonic Shower every day at this time?"
Trip: "Like clockwork. Remember... She's a Vulcan."
Phlox just can't get the hang of an ATM.
Phlox : I see Frankiechestnuts has been victorious once again.
Trip : Hell no one can catch this guy.
Phlox : OMG !!! I've never seen one this big !!
Trip : Yes , It fills the whole screen .
Phlox: "...so what you are saying is that it's the quality of the captions, not the number of entries?"
Trip: "If this is Klingon porn, why is everyone fully clothed?"
Phlox: "Believe me, they're much more attractive this way."
Phlox: See, Commander, I told you that tri-gendered mating practices are fascinating. Just look at how the Vissian cogenitor is able to...
Trip: *thinking* Why is he making me watch this?
Phlox: Do you mean to tell me that Frankie Chestnuts been locked out of voting for the caption competition for months, and he’s still winning?
When looking at a cat video, make sure it is a cute one.
When you are waiting to see if your caption won.

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© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 71,529 Release date : 1 Jul 2021