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Caption Competition

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Miss Marple McCoy: GOOD GOD, MAN! Haven't you heard of "say it, don't spray it?"
Miss Marple Spock: I got Stone's tickets!
Miss Marple McCoy: GOOD GOD, MAN! I meant Special K the breakfast cereal!
Miss Marple Spock: No, Doctor. I do not need to use the "little Vulcan's room."
McCoy: Trust me. That's the face you always get just before you start the pee-pee dance... And this away mission is going to take hours.
Miss Marple Spock: ...and then, when I pressed the enter button, it said my votes were accepted!
Miss Marple McCoy's nightmare:
Picking Spock up after school, and having to listen to everything that happened that day.
Miss Marple McCoy: Spock, you've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
Chromedome "Doctor, I have been experimenting with different diets. Last week, I just ate Pop-Tarts, the week before it was pigs trotters ..."
"And this week?"
The Geek Nimoy and Roddenberry decided on the "Vulcan Nerve Pinch" after determining that the "Vulcan Jugular Gnaw" was a bit too much for 60s television.
Captain 8472 Spock is attempting the lesser known skill: Vulcan Morning Breath.
Bird of Prey McCoy: "Your father is a computer and you mother an encyclopedia!"
McCoy: "...and your father?"
Spock: "Eh, that's fair enough."
N'tran DS 12 "Waiter,there is a fly in my Plomeek soup."
"Sorry, Commander, we're out of Tau Ceti eels."
N'tran DS 12 "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my Plomeek soup?"
"The backstroke, I believe."
N'tran DS 12 "Doctor, there appears to be a fly in my Plomeek soup."
"Don't worry Spock, they won't charge you extra for it."
Chromedome "The next scene should be fun, I sprinkled chilli oil in Shatner's posing pouch."
Bird of Prey McCoy: "My advice? Stick to playing your lute, and let Uhura do the singing."
Chromedome "I said, 'Damn it, Jim. I'm a science officer, not a doctor!'"
SlartyBardFast "And then he screamed Ka-Ka-Ka-Kaaaahhhhnnnnn" and shook so hard he toupee shifted! No shit."
Chromedome "Doctor, shut the f*** up."
Chromedome "Yes, Doctor. I am in some pain. I have been attempting to break the Galaxy-wide ferret legging record."
SlartyBardFast You know who the Orion STD antidote is really for, do you have any left?
Simon Beech “Cough for me Mr Spock.”
Bird of Prey McCoy: "I have to admit, when you told me that you've composed a song inspired by the works of J.R.R. Tolkien, I didn't expect... well, I didn't expect THIS."
"Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He's only three feet tall
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
The bravest little hobbit of them all..."
N'tran DS 12 "Spock,it's impolite to chew with your mouth open."
Frankie Chestnuts Spock: "Old country doctor? OLD COUNTRY DOCTOR! I'm looking for a potential holder of my Katra... Who knows what could happen in the future?"
Bones: "In the future, I MAY BE an old country doctor!"
Chromedome Spock loses this month's "Who can hold onto the burrito bottom burp?" competition.
Captain 8472 “Doctor, is there a good reason my quarters smell like the Captain and shame?”
Horta not Vorta Buuuuuurrrrppp!!!
Captain 8472 Every time McCoy wins an argument, Spock suffers a seizure.
Bird of Prey Spock: "My love is a fever, longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease..."
Bones: "Honestly, Spock? I can see maybe some horny Betazoid being impressed with that - but not Lt. Uhura."
Chromedome "We have received a threatening call, Doctor. If Frankie Chastnuts drops below #1 in the competition, a bomb will go off in the sun."
Chromedome "Heeheeheehee! Bottom! Heeheeheehee! Banana."
Chromedome "You know, Spock, it's a shame we don't have green shirts in Starfleet. You would make a very convincing elf."
Chromedome "Doctor, please could we do this proctology examination somewhere other than the corridor."
"The Jefferies tube?"
"Is that a euphemism?"
Bird pf Prey Bones: "So that's the noise a sehlat makes? Sounds just like an Earth goat to me!"
Captain 8472 Spock: “I know where the Captain’s tribble went.”
McCoy: “If this is a Richard Gere reference, I’ll pass.”
EMH_MkI Mccoy: So, how would a Vulcan smile if they tried?
Spock: Hmm, I will... 'try'. *tries*
Mccoy: Forget I asked.
Captain 8472 “Doctor, I need help. Jim has decided to sing again.”
Captain 8472 “Doctor, are you able to isolate and purge select memories?”
EMH_MkII Spock: Apparently, a certain 'Nimoy' once roamed these corridors. Fascinating.
Mccoy: Dammit, man. I'm a doctor, not a caption competition!
Obama3rdterm If Trump is still President, he can not be elected in 2024.
Frankie Chestnuts Spock: "Dr. McCoy... I am NOT a 'hobgoblin' [air quotes]. And while my ears are definitely elongated compared to a human, they are NOT 'pointy' [air quotes]. Oh well... I AM green blooded, but that's besides the point!"
Captain 8472 “Doctor, how does my breath smell?”
Captain 8472 “Damn it, Spock, I’m a physician, not a dentist!”
Cyrus Ramsay Spock: "Is that a hypo-spray in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"
McCoy: "Mmm, we don't have pockets."
Captain 8472 Nimoy: Why must I do more facial expression?
Kelly: Someone Named Rick Berman has become involved with production.
Captain 8472 Every time sweeps week comes up, pandering begins.
Cyrus Ramsay "...and I end up playing second fiddle to Chris Pine!"
Frankie Chestnuts Bones: “Whoa, Spock… how ‘bout a breath mint. What the hell you been eating?
Spock: “Nurse Chapel’s Plomeek Soup.”
Bones: “She trying to kill you?”
Trekanonymous Spock: Ha white rabbit, good one doctor.
Trekanonymous Spock: Doctor did you know I have a half brother and an adopted sister? McCoy: (Visibly schocked) You do? Spock: (Begins laughing his ass off) Ha gotcha doctor!
Trekanonymous DeForest: Have you heard that Shatner's directing Star Trek 5? Nimoy: *Begins laughing before stopping and then asking* "Wait you're serious, then let me laugh even harder" *then laughs his ass off while walking away.*
Trekanonymous McCoy: Have you heard that Jim's gonna be directing a movie called Star Trek 5? Spock: *Begins laughing hysterically before pulling out a phaser and walks down to engineering.*
Trekanonymous DeForest: Have you heard that Shatner's directing Star Trek 5? Nimoy: *Begins laughing hysterically before pulling out a gun and walking to Shatner's dressing room.*
Trekanonymous Deforest:Have you heard that Shatner's directing Star Trek 5? Spock:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Peter watts “We’ve just won the postcode lottery” !!
Bird of Prey Bones: "Damnit Spock, how should I know if your singing is good? I'm a doctor, not a reality show judge!"
Captain 8472 Spock: “Doctor, you and I have been assigned a problematic mission. We must explain the benefits of vaccination to an anti-vaxx world.”
Captain 8472 Not even Spock is able make sense of the US 2020 election.
Captain 8472 Spock: “I have been the one messing with the DITL caption competition.”
Captain 8472 Spock: “I just went over the history of Earth’s various religions. I am completely confused!”
Captain 8472 Spock: “I walked in on Mr. Scott’s engineering lecture. I could not understand a word he said.”
Captain 8472 Spock: “I am so excited, and I just can’t hide it!”
McCoy: “You green blooded jerk! How dare you ruin my favorite song!”
Bird of Prey Spock: "Row, row, row your boat..."
Bones: "Keep practicing, and MAYBE you'll do this well enough when we have our fifth movie..."
Captain Spock is practicing his facial expressions. Dr. McCoy is not amused.
Captain Proposed Rule of Acquisition: When a Vulcan laughs, run!
Captain 8472 “It’s okay, Spock. You are not the the first person to walk in on Jim doing the towel butt floss.”
Captain 8472 “Ok, Spock. Who’s personality did you absorb this time?”
Justin Bones: "And people think Data looks creepy when he tries to smile...good grief, Spock!"
Captain 8472 When Spock is fighting an uncontrollable case of hiccups, McCoy smiles.
Chromedome "Yes, Doctor, Starfleet are looking for a thief who steals the results of caption competitions."
"What sort of evil lifeform would do a thing like that?"
Chromedome "I didn't know you sang falsetto, Spock!"
"I don't, Doctor, but my pants have shrunk in the wash!"
Captain 8472 “Doctor, I need your help. I have been sentenced to death by the captain’s singing.”
Chromedome Nimoy's rendition of "The Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins" is met with a stunning lack of enthusiasm by his fellow castmembers.
Miss Marple After a crewman ran over to Mr Spock and did the Heimlich manoeuvre, Bones promised himself that he would never again just “tune out” around Spock.
Miss Marple Spock: … and then …
Bones: Those “anti-aging” face exercises do not work. It just makes you look ludicrous.
Miss Marple Spock, sputtering….
Bones: Calm down, man! Frankie Chestnuts is NOT RELATED to Joey Chestnut, the perennial Nathan’s Famous hot dog eating champion. Besides, Frankie is a vegetarian.
MR. WORF Bones : Damn it ! Is he going to keep rambling on all night about his date with Nurse Chappel ????!!!!
Captain 8472 Not even Spock could control himself. The rumors regarding Kirk’s latest bedroom fail would entertain and haunt many.
Captain 8472 “Please, the Tribble went someplace it shouldn’t have.”
Frankie Chestnuts Spock: “…but I don’t wanna wear a red shirt! I DON’T WANNA AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”
Captain 8472 It appears Spock is allergic to McCoy being correct.
Captain 8472 Even Vulcans laugh. The requirements are just beyond absurd.
Bird of Prey The Laughing Vulcan and His Doc
Captain 8472 Spock: “I didn’t know Jim had company!”
McCoy: “There was a tie taped to his door.”
Captain 8472 (insert mouthwash joke here)
Captain 8472 “My father is going through a midlife crisis. He wants to move in with me!”
Captain 8472 “Cat video’s are so addicting! I cannot stop watching!”
Captain 8472 “I just pulled a prank. The captain thinks he is a father!”
Captain 8472 “I have been summoned for jury duty. I need to get out of it. It is a divorce trial.”
Captain 8472 “I am trying to win an argument with my wife. Doctor, do you have any advice?”
Captain 8472 “Did you heat what Jim said to Star Fleet command?”
Captain 8472 “What kind of woman would say our captain is bad in bed?”
Captain 8472 “Would you like fries with that?”
Chromedome Spock: "FRANKIE'S ALIVE!!!!"
McCoy: "Sorry Spock, your Brian Blessed impersonation is rubbish."
Chromedome "Doctor, please can you remove this Tribble from my rectum?"
Chromedome McCoy, fed up with the Vulcan Nerve Pinch, demonstrates the Terran Groin Grab.
Chromedome "I like big butts and I cannot lie."
ehass40062 I swear I closed the refrigerator door!
Bird of Prey Spock: "I beat you in 3D chess, Doctor. Six times in a row. Logic dictates that I'm now entitled to what you humans call 'bragging rights'."
Frankie Chestnuts Nimoy: "YES, I photograph LARGE NAKED WOMEN! BIG DEAL!! You must have hobbies also!?"
Kelley: "Well... I do collect fungus."
Nimoy: "Are they naked?"
PegasusJF The apparent loss of last month's captions was a deep blow for all. Spock, however was trying to be cheerful about it.
Chromedome In space ... no-one can hear you acting.
Chromedome "Spock, if you want me to check your tonsils then you'll have to do better than that."
Captain Whichway I have told you already doctor, I have no interest in going to a ferengi brothel. My ears do not require caressing for another seven years
EMH_MkI Spock: *opens his mouth to say something*
*sees caption commentators*
*leaves without saying anything*
Chromedome You'd be screaming too if you had a fringe like that!
Trekanonymous McCoy: So is this classified as blue uniformed or green faced?
Trekanonymous Spock: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Bing Boom Attention your Mr.Spock has crashed. To reset...
Trekanonymous Spock: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!
Frankie Chestnuts Spock: "What the hell is the matter with you, Doctor... I just want to drop off my Katra in you for a bit. Maybe an hour or two. I have a date with Christine Chapel. I have no need for my soul."
Frankie Chestnuts Spock: "It’s Pon FARR… Pon FAAAAAAARR… Like STAR! Or Bumper CAR!"
Frankie Chestnuts Spock: "...RIGHT HERE! My Lower Left Lateral Incisor!"
Bones: "Dam it Spock, I'm a doctor, not a dentist!"
Commodore Bob Wesley McCoy: "My, what pointy ears you have!"
Spock: "The better to hear you with..."
Commodore Bob Wesley Dental medicine was not a priority in the 23d century.
Miss Marple The problem with doing speed is that your mind races a mile a minute, and you just blurt stuff out without thinking.
Or so I’ve heard.
Frankie Chestnuts Bones: “Dam it Spock… I’m a doctor, not a comic.”
Spock: “You could have fooled me!”
Captain Kirk Spock: But Doctor, I can't stop laughing!
McCoy: I know, it a once in a life time experience with that cursed Vulcan blood of yours.
Captain Kirk Spock: So Doctor McCoy, you're telling m that I have laughing syndrome.
McCoy: yes.
Spock: SO I will be highly illogical.
McCoy: Probably.
Spock: Oh S***, my vulcan reputation is ruined!
Captain 8472 Here we see a rare instance of Leonard Nimoy breaking character during filming.
Captain 8472 Spock, his voice failing him.
Captain 8472 Spock: I need your help. My ex-wife is looking for me.
McCoy: I see even Vulcans have messy divorces.
Spock: Will you assist or not?
McCoy: Let me just enjoy the look on your face for a moment.
Captain 8472 Spock: It is all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
McCoy: Then it is all fun and games without depth perception.
Captain 8472 Spock, mid sneeze.
Captain 8472 Spock just lost another argument to Dr. McCoy.
Captain 8472 Spock: I have found happiness.

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© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 1,782 Release date : 30 Nov -0001