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Caption Competition

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Name Caption
Miss Marple Shhhhh! The scary Christmas decorations are back.
Miss Marple Nora, sighing: I wish this were February... it only has 28 days... Not a word, Travis.
Miss Nora, sighing: I wish this were February... it only has 28 days...
Bird of Prey Nora: "So your ship often has to deal with some mysterious guy from the future? Am I supposed to believe that?"
Travis: "But it's true!"
Nora: "What's this future guy's name?"
Travis: "Future... uh, Guy..."
Nora: "Uh-huh."
SlartyBardFast "Yes, I agree. We were better than Discovery. Can we get back to the episode now?"
Chromedome "So what's your idea of a perfect date?"
"Lots of people like DD/MM/YYYY or MM/DD/YYYY, but I prefer YYYYMMDD because it is easier to sort."
Frankie Chestnuts Travis: "Lemme guess:
Bubba Kush?
Afgooey?
Slurricane?
Apple Fritters?
Super Lemon Haze?
9 Pound Hammer?
Sweet Skunk?
Fruity Pebbles?
Zkittlez?
Head Banger?
Hawaiian Thunder F**k?
Animal Kookiez?
The Grunk?
Urban Cheeze?
Phatt Monkey?
Gorilla Ballz?”
.
Nora: “Alergies.”
Bird of Prey Nora: "My eyes are up here!"
Travis: "But they're half closed!"
Silverwolf Where will you be when the edibles kick in?
Chromedome Paddington Bear isn't the only one to use a hard stare
Bird of Prey Nora (thinking): I won't be able hold in that sneeze for that much longer...
Chromedome "YOu forgot to put chocolate ice cream on the grocery delivery ... and you expect me NOT to be angry?"
Miss Marple Travis: No, but thank you. I don’t think I can stay over. That bed’s so small, we would wind up sleeping on top of each other.
Nora looks at him.
Miss Marple Overhearing part of a musician’s wife’s never ending lament:
Nora: No! You can’t store your stomp boxes and gig bag up here. IT’S THE BED. We need something to sleep on.
Bird of Prey The face you make when you want to come off as listening attentively, but are actually tired as heck!
Captain 8472 “Please, dear. I know my mother said I could do better than you, that you are a gold digging hussy... I am not making my case am I?”
Chromedome "You don't come any closer without proof of your vaccination status."
Bird of Prey Nora: "If you start singing 'Faith of the Heart' once again, this date is over."
Captain 8472 Nora: If you say this bunk bed is big enough for us to share, you will be sleeping alone.
Frankie Chestnuts Officer Travis: “License and registration ma’am.”
Drunk Nora: “What do you need officer?”
Officer Travis: “Just your license and registration.”
Drunk Nora: “Why? I haven’t been drinking... DRYING... DRIVING! I haven’t been DRIVING!”
Chromedome "Move out of my way ... only a fool gets between me and The Great British Bake Off."
Captain 8472 “Could you please explain the existence of your tinder account, even though we are together.”
Captain 8472 “Why were you looking at other girls on-line?”
Captain 8472 Every breath you take, every lie you make, she’ll be watching you.
Chromedome "So when were you going to tell me about the blow up Klingon doll?"
Bird of Prey And then Travis Mayweather found himself in his very own personal Kobayashi Maru scenario...
Captain 8472 When you try to talk your way out of a punishment, keep your lies consistent.
Chromedome "Travis, have you been eating curry again?"
"Er, no." (Farrrrp)
(Gasp/Splutter) "Liar..."
"..Liar, my butt's on fire. OK."
Chromedome While Enterprise was off to watch some volanoes exploding, Mayweather was about to face an eruption up close & personal.
Frankie Chestnuts Officer Travis: "Ma'am... We witnessed you failing to stop at a red light, forcing a bus load of nuns off the road and running over a box full of kittens."
Nora: "I went to Catholic school."
Officer Travis: "Well... that explains the kittens."
Chromedome "Frankie Chestnuts? Yeah, he just left."
Chromedome "Come fly with me? Is that the best chat up line you can come up with Travis?"
Bird of Prey The face of international Trek fans when Paramount announced at the last second that they won't get to see Discovery season 4 until some time in 2022...
Chromedome "Hey, this may be ONLY a J class freighter to you, flyboy, but it's MY home - and it's WAY better than that Serenity freighter that they have on Firefly!"
Chromedome "Nora, there is something I need to ask you. Something important."
(draws breath) "What is it, Travis?"
"Can you help me with my tax return?"
Frankie Chestnuts Officer Travis: "Ma'am... Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Nora: "I'm wanted in 6 different star systems? I didn't come to a full stop at that globular cluster? I was driving light speed in an impulse-only zone?"
Officer Travis: "No Ma'am... But those are all good... What was that one about the globular cluster?"
Miss Marple In space, no one can hear a quiet sigh of disappointment.
Captain 8472 After an hour, he has still failed to notice her new hair do.
Chromedome Nora's agent explains his new fee structure.
Chromedome "You are not Santa, and I will not be your elf!"
Miss Marple Botox makes ladies look scary.
Miss Marple This is how we all look, on the inside, when we smell your fear.
Miss Marple Nora: So why don’t the three of us … wait where did the other you go?
Travis: How many fingers am I holding up?
Nora: That would be 2 times 2 … that’s FOUR!
Commodore Bob Wesley So you are saying that the COVID Vaccine deniers are now dying of COVID? So surprising I forgot to register it...
Bird of Prey Mayweather: "What you're saying is illogical!"
Nora: "And you're hanging out with that Vulcan hussy T'Pol way too much!"
Captain 8472 When your lies are busted because of your social media.
Captain 8472 No matter the culture or the point in history, pick up likes are always bad.
Captain 8472 Keeping a significant other happy is easy to screw up.
Chromedome "A warp 5 ship? I bet you say that to all the girls!"
Bird of Prey Another example of Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planetary Development: In every humanoid species, the "disapproving girlfriend" face was exactly the same..."
Captain 8472 “Travis, it was your turn to clean the cat box.”
Captain 8472 This image displays the classic ‘angry girlfriend’ trope.
Captain 8472 The truth will set you free. Or condemn you to the dog house.
Captain 8472 Travis was cornered. The only way out was to tell the truth. Or lie through his teeth.
Captain 8472 [insert Valentine’s Day joke here]
Captain 8472 The look you receive after forgetting flowers.
Captain 8472 “Travis, you will not be ‘Black Panther.’”
Captain 8472 “What are ‘Tribbles,’ and why should I wear them?”
Captain 8472 “Was I not good enough for you? Why were you peeping on T’Pol?”
Captain 8472 “Make one joke about the color ‘red’...”
Captain 8472 “Be careful about what you say next.”
Captain 8472 When you forget your anniversary.
Captain 8472 Even Q fears that look.
Captain 8472 Every husband just had a chill run down their spine.
Captain 8472 One wrong word, and the couch will be calling.
Bird of Prey Girl: " In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets - and my boyfriend happens to be the most boring person ever in it!"
Captain 8472 “I’m sorry, but we can only go to one Thanksgiving Dinner per year and your mother hates me.”
Chromedome Travis: "What's wrong? What have I done?"
Nora: "Nothing."
Travis: "I can tell from the look, what am I supposed to apologise for?"
Nora: "Nothing."
Travis: "So what are you giving me a hard look for?"
Nora: "Nothing."
(Some things in life never change!)
Chromedome Oh no, she's looking at me in that tone of voice again!
Bird of Prey If your girlfriend has that look on her face... GET OUT AT WARP SPEED!
MR. WORF After 25 takes , this woman had just enough of this crap. Travis will recover in 2 weeks.
Frankie Chestnuts Nora: "All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."
Travis: "People on ‘ludes should not drive."
Nora: "Dude... You're the pilot!"
Bird of Prey Travis knew that this was the end of an era in Starfleet history when the girls weren't impressed at all anymore by him piloting the first Warp 5 ship...
Bird of Prey Mayweather: "Hey, if you think *I* talk too much, you should meet Morn!"
MR. WORF Woman : Damn it !! That wasn't a birth control pill , it was a sleeping pill !!!!!
MR. WORF Woman : Excuse me !! But what the hell is that thing your wearing ??
Travis : It's an Andorian pleasure condom.
Woman : What's up with those little spikes ???
Bodhi "Some would say my eyes are half closed. Others would say they're half open. Which are you?"
Frankie Chestnuts "And she'll tease you, she'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious, and she knows just what it
Takes to make a pro blush
She got Greta Garbo's standoff sighs, she's got Bette Davis eyes"
Chromedome Nora shows why she is a Burrito Bottom Burp champion.
Miss Marple I like big bunks, and I cannot lie…
Bird of Prey Woman: "Oh, I know you Kirk-types, having a woman on every planet and stuff..."
Mayweather: "Kirk-type? But Jim Kirk hasn't even been born yet!!"
Woman: "See? His reputation is THAT notorious!"
N'tran DS 12 Uh oh, what is it this time?
AdmiralM The Vulcan eyebrow raise is hard to master.
Chromedome "My agent told me I'd get to meet Frankie Chestnuts!"
Chromedome "Nora, don't look out of the window in the morning."
"Why?"
"Because otherwise you'll have nothing to do in the afternoon."
"Huh?"
Chromedome "So I was, like, y'know, OMG, and like, whatever n' stuff, right and like ..."
"Look, what coffee DO you want?"
Bird of Prey If you're not Odo, trying the Cardassian neck trick won't impress anyone.
Frankie Chestnuts Officer Travis: "Ma'am... Please step out of the shuttle craft and show me your license and registration. Have you had anything to drink tonight?"
Nora: "I'm not so think as you drunk I am."
Miss Marple Nora: I recognize this taste ... it tastes like ... like disappointment.
Miss Marple Random thought generator engaged.
Miss Marple The Smokey eye… IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Captain 8472 Nora: So, what you are saying is that a military life is easier than ‘dealing’ with me?
Captain 8472 When you spend more time in your self made survival bunker than with your family, don’t expect your wife to understand.
Captain 8472 Covid quarantine dates take place in fallout shelters.
Codingjungle My cat had the same look on their face once, when one of the dogs came up and put a wet cold nose on their butthole.
Codingjungle Nora: "Romuuuulaaan aaaalllleee shoo..should be ill...legal"
Travis: "It is!"
Chromedome "So how many bagels can you fit on there?"
Captain 8472 Nora: What are you not telling me?
Travis: I... I walked in on T’Pol and Commander Tucker. I did not know he was a sub.
Captain 8472 “You know the rules: my approval is required for each new ‘contact.’”
Captain 8472 “You broke Covid protocols to go out drinking?”
Captain 8472 “What did you do this time?”
Captain 8472 The more he tries to come up with excuses, the more time he will spend on the couch.
Captain 8472 “So, tell me. Who is this ‘Maria’ that contacted me this morning?”
Captain 8472 The deadpan stare of an incredulous girlfriend.
Chromedome "Talk dirty to me. I love it when you talk dirty."
"Yeah? Give it 15 minutes before you open the door to the toilet. I've just core dumped a curry."
MR. WORF Woman : Hmmmm....Excuse me but why are there bunk beds in my quarters ??
Tuvok : These are Our quarters. I'll sleep on the top bunk.
Bird of Prey "Yeah, I GET IT, Travis! You found those three-breasted women very impressive. Now please stop talking about them while we're ON A FRIGGIN' DATE!"
Samus When your freighter is hauling 30 kilotons of Sass at warp 1.5
Samus "You fly a Warp 5 starship....that don't impress me much"...*Breaks out into Shania Twain*
Samus "Really?"
Chromedome "You've been a bad boy, haven't you?"
"Yes, mistress."
Chromedome "I don't care whether B'Etor looks good in it, I am NOT wearing that chainmail bikini!"
Miss Marple If looks could kill…
Frankie Chestnuts Officer Travis: “Ma’am…. Do you realize you were going warp 3 in a school zone?”
Frankie Chestnuts Officer Travis: “...Sorry ma’am. I obviously wasn’t clear. Please close your eyes, put your arms to your sides, and touch the tip of YOUR OWN nose with your index finger of your right hand.”
Bird of Prey Mayweather "No really, the Draylaxian women DO have three breasts!"
Woman: "Uh-huh."
MR. WORF Woman : Good heavens ! I wish he'd shut up , I think I'm going to throw up !!!!
MR. WORF Woman : You weren't that good Tuvok .
Tuvok : I find that illogical .....
Frankie Chestnuts Coed Urinals: One of the worst ideas is the 22nd century.
Captain 8472 Her patience is wearing thin. Her leg, ready to strike below the belt.
Captain 8472 One woman, ready to punch her way through the glass ceiling.
Miss Marple The Geek's wife complementing him for his recent win... Despite the fact that he's no Frankie Chestnuts.
Miss Marple The Geek's wife looking sorry she was ever dragged into DITL.
Miss Marple The Geek's wife's reaction to all of his bad puns.
The Geek My spouse's reaction to my announcement that I won another Caption Competition on ditl.org.
Frankie Chestnuts Travis: "WOW! Those are some 'Bedroom Eyes'."
Nora: "Sorry... Ragweed."
Frankie Chestnuts Question: Where will YOU be when your twenty condoms of China White Heroin burst?
Answer: Talking to Travis.
Miss Marple It's impossible to give consent when you are drunk.
Miss Marple How women really feel while you are mansplaining things.
Captain 8472 Nora: What were you doing with that stuffed bear?
Travis: I was lonely while in the expanse.
Captain 8472 So your girl walked in on you doing something embarrassing, now what do you say and/or do?
Captain 8472 The deadpan stare of the angry girlfriend.
Captain 8472 Nora: Zip up your fly, that is not impressive.
Frankie Chestnuts Travis: “Sure, Nora… Serving on a starship’s pretty cool. Most of the time I spend brooding in zero-G until the captain finds me and tells me to get my ass back on the bridge.”
Frankie Chestnuts Travis: “No, I don’t want to turn off the gravity plating and jump up and down on the bed.”
Nora: “Okay… How ‘bout we just have sex?”
Chromedome "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."
Cyrus Ramsay "Yes, Travis, your stories are so...interesting."

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© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 1,705 Release date : 30 Nov -0001