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Kirk: Does this make my ass look big?
Charlie: Does this make my ass look big?
Kirk, singing: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!
Every one else thinks the visual are pretty painful, too.
Kirk: Bask in the manliness that is me
Reading through the captions, I noticed someone lamenting about "unfunny" captions. Please remind yourself that captions were funnier when life didn't suck so much.
McCoy: You didn’t have to remove your shirt.
Kirk: Yes I did. It’s in my nature
"Spock, pass the baby oil once you've finished with it."
Kirk: "Our instructors at Starfleet Academy told us to never lose our pants. They didn't say anything about shirts though."
Macho Macho Macho Man....
Gym Kirk
"At least I won't look this bad in T.J.Hooker!"
You see, Charlie, this is how you "accidentally" rip your shirt
"So I'm wrestling Giant Haystacks? What sort of alien is that?"
Kirk: "If I'm sexy and you know it, take my hand..."
"I'm ready for my suppository, Nurse Chapel."
Everyone’s reaction to the internet.
Kirk is being accused of shredding the Shirtian ambassador.
Kirk is waiting for his cup to be delivered.
Are we ready to RUMBLE??!!!
An unexpected side effect of a new batch of corona virus vaccines.
This is what every female character du jour has contractual obligations to adore..
What do you mean, you don't like my shatnerpants?(tm)
Kirk: "My love... is a fever! Longing still... for that which longer nurseth... the disease!"
Spock: "With all due respect Jim, but Picard does it better."
Kirk: "If we're really doing this Lucha libre thing, I'm going to need a mask. How about one of those rubber masks over there that look like me... I'll just turn it inside out!"
Kirk: "It's kinda the reverse to the female uniforms - exposes much skin above the waistline, but shows no leg."
Are you having issues seducing that Orion slave girl? Not able to hold up Starfleet's tradition? Try Shatlis. For three years, Shatlis has been proven to provide that extra little bit that a Starfleet Captain needs. Yes... Shatlis! It'll knock your boots off!
"Bones do you have anything for male enhancement?"
Star Watch
"If I'm gonna humiliate myself like this, I'd better get a damn good caption!"
"Shatner didn't only wrestle with his lines."
"Hey, Gene! Won't this look destroy my credibility as a serious actor?"
Kirk: "Trousers? I've heard a lot of weird alien languages in my life - but who calls pants trousers!?"
Kirk has lost a bet. McCoy made sure it was woman repellent.
Kirk: "How long do I have to wear this orthopedic pants, Bones? I can barely feel my legs anymore."
"Do I HAVE to put my shirt back on?"
I've heard people saying that Kirk always tries to get into some sexy space girl's pants, but I didn't expect this to be meant so literal...
"Are you sure the Ambassaor will be impressed with this?"
Kirk: "To be... or not to be! taH pagh... taHbe'! Damn, it DOES sound better in the original Klingon."
A very rare instance when Kirk is speechless.
Rule 1 on Kirk's guide to seducing women: Let them gaze upon perfection.
Those tights make the viewer wonder one thing: is Shatner padding his ego?
Kirk: "Back at Starfleet Academy, they called me... Mr. Funky Pants!"
“Doctor, what do you recommend to treat shrinkage?”
Tinyus knobus, strikes again.
The Enterprise turns pirate, captained by Long Johns Silver
"It's time for your sensitivity training."
"Unlike on Discovery quit your crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
Kirk: "This is totally a legit uniform variant. It has the Starfleet delta on it and all!"
Kirk: "Wait a sec... There was a naked sexy Vuncan here, just a second ago..."
James Tiberius Kirk: Too sexy for his shirt.
But luckily not too sexy for his pants.
Due to the many uniforms he has ruined, Kirk is now on a limited clothing budget.
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Kirk’s date night ended as a solo act.
Kirk: "Charlie... You CAN'T send my testicles to the corn field... Now hand them here."
Kirk: "These are my party pants, for the party *in* my pants!"
In days of old
When captains' were bold
And holodecks were not invented
The crew wore tights
In macho fights
And had to be contented
Something has to be done with the tons of leftover Red Shirt tunics.
I only wear this on laundry day.
"No mistaken Kirks gender."
"Someone find me a matching shirt. I can think of at least a dozen crew members who won't be needing theirs any longer."
"Look, I explained the rules of Strip Fizzbin."
Kirk in unfashionable tights
Practicing self defense fights
Charlie X in the class
Gets knocked on his a**
Disintegrates the witness for spite.
"Does my bum look big in this?"
Yeomen , what's with the whip ????
Yoemen : Just a little discipline Captain. You've been a naughtly boy !!
The Captain's order for a Buccaneer's shirt and track pants came up a little short.
"If I don't get a decent caption, the tights are coming off too!"
(Offscreen) "Is that a phaser in your tights, or are you just pleased to see me?"
(Kirk) "Both."
"Ripped-shirt-Kirk" < "No-shirt-Kirk"
Kirk: It's "topless Tuesday," Nurse Chapel.
Chapel: No. No, it's not.
Kirk's "shirts v skins" briefings made everyone uncomfortable.
Kirk: "I mean, it's quite sexist if you think about it. So I decided to set an example. Why should only the female Starfleet uniforms expose so much skin?"
Shatner: it'll be called "Star Trek: the Sexy Frontier."
Producers: No.
Shatner: Hear me out...
Starfleet asked its members for input on new uniform designs. Kirk's were rejected almost immediately.
Kirk kept getting into trouble with HR over his approach to 'casual Friday.' He never let it stop him.
"Spock. Baby oil. Now."
"Charlie, do you like movies about gladiators?"
"You ever been to a Turkish prison?"
"Hey! I don't have man boobs!"
How can you be surprised Biden didn't deliver his promises and destroyed jobs when he said he was going to do just that?
Kirk: I'm sure you remember when people didn't vote for their own unfunny caption. I can't be the only one that remembers captions used to be funny when chosen by moderators.
Kirk’s philosophy on PPE is orgy casual.
Kirk’s dress code: no shirt, no tie, no problem!
With a choice between a big, baggy shirt and a pair of incredibly tight, tights...
Choose the shirt.
"These things are tighter than my agent's wallet!"
Kirk enters the Starfleet Lucha Libre contest under the name "El Gran Jamon"
Another day on set with the staff trying to manage Shatner’s ego.
The Peter Pan rehearsal was going just fine until..... Kirk tried to direct.
Kirk: "They said 'no shirt, no service', and threw me out of the restaurant. Who knew that the people on that planet are such prudes!?"
"It's bad enough I always have to lose my shirt these PANTS!! come on man!?"
“Spock, why are you wearing a hazmat suit?”
Shatner was utterly confused. Why was he invited to host a Star Wars convention?
Kirk: "What do you mean... No shoes, no shirt, no service?"
Kirk’s revenge body.
As quarantine lockdowns drag on, we see one person loosing their sense of social decorum.
Every time Kirk takes off his shirt, Spock enters ponfar.
Every time Kirk takes off his shirt, McCoy groans.
Here we are introduced to Mr. Biggus Dickus.
Kirk does not appear to know why he has to participate in mandatory therapy.
We're men
We're men in tights
We roam around the forest looking for fights
We're men
We're men in tights
We rob from the rich and give to the poor
That's right!
We may look like sissies
But watch what you say
Or else we'll put out your lights
Always on guard
Defending the people's rights
We're men
Manly men!
When you're in a fix
Just call for the men in tights
We're butch!
Kirk: "Charlie... do you like movies about gladiators?"
"Spock, have you ever been in a Turkish jail?"
This is one of the things that should stay BEYOND the final frontier!
"WD40? I can't oil my torso with that!"
"OK, Frankie, the first rule of Fight Club ..."
All the nice girls love a sailor (allegedly)
What do you mean , I have to submit to a drug test ?
Kirks question to the Judges at the 23rd Century Olympics.
Kirk: "Red shirts only get people killed. But have you ever heard about anyone wearing red PANTS dying?"
Kirk: "Charlie... You've got to be comfortable with your body... Take you tunic off...
Kirk: "Yeoman Rand... Do you have my shirt there?"
Rand: "Yes, Captain... It's right here."
Kirk: "Hide it, NOW!"
Kirk: "Yeoman Rand... Are you sure these tights are the right size."
Rand: "Yes, Captain. And I don't think we have any larger sizes available right now."
Kirk: "LARGER? I was thinking tighter..."
Kirk: "Anthony... You can't just keep wishing people to the cornfield..."
Charlie X: "Yes I can... and my name is not Anthony."
Whenever I put in captions at the same time as Frankie Chestnuts, I always hear the "Dueling Banjos" theme in the background. But don't we all???
They're called SPANX....
Kirk: "Hey, Charlie... My eyes are up here."
Now THAT'S confidence.
Kirk: "OK Charlie... That's called a 'purple nurple'. That's frowned upon in a manly wrestling match. Now, stop laughing..."
Kirk: "OK Charlie... That's called a 'purple nurple'. That's frowned upon in a manly wrestling match."
Stop talking smack about Kirk's chest!
It's like with tyres: the balder the tyre, the smoother the ride.
Kirk: “Mr. Scott... increase the temperature in the gymnasium by five degrees”
[to self]: “Damn shrinkage.”
All The Questions You Had About Tucking, But Were Afraid To Ask... as explained by Kirk.
Kirk: Like Cartman said: It’s MY HOT BOD, I’ll do what I want.
(Director) "Shatner, where have you put the phaser?"
To Boldly Wear Tights Where No Man Has Been Before
The Manliest Men Wear the Tightest Tights.
"Chief, rematerialsie my six pack ... NOW!"
"Spock! Analysis!"
"That is not a good look, Captain."
"Yeah, so I was hiding behind this sheet in last month's caption competition when ..."
"Wax on ... wax off."
Uhura : Captain Kirk to the bridge .... Capt. Kirk to the bridge .
Kirk: "This new uniform was designed specifically for me. I have been damaging my shirt so often, Starfleet figured that this is the best way to save resources."
"Leggins are not pants!"
Kirk has already broken his new year’s resolution, he took his shirt off in public.
So, it appears Kirk waxes everything.
When looking for the correct outfit, make sure to choose one that fits.
After seeing this image, many people will wish they could bleach their eyes and brains.
“What do you mean ‘the debate isn’t topless?’”
No shirt could hold back Shatner’s ego!
“Director, where is my cabin boy?”
What happens on Risa, stays on the internet.
“Scotty, why did the transporter not properly rematerialize my clothes?”
Sadly, this image does not provide any evidence proving or disproving the idea Shatner was a literal puppet.
Confusion can strike any time. Be sure you are ready to strip down as a distraction when confusion hits.
Star Fleet uniforms now include cups for those members that request them.
Kirk lost a bet.
Kirk is wondering where his friends took him last night.
“Bones, I have no need for the diet.”
“Mr. Spock, this IS what I wear to meet my date’s parents.”
“Mr. Spock, this IS formal attire for Risa.”
Lulu Lemon’s newest designs did not inspire consumer confidence.
Here we have a young Donald Trump practicing his sex predations.
"Strewth! There's a bloke down there with no strides on!"
And here we find Red Pants.....Alpha Male of the Red Shirts in his Natural Habitat
Ok is this Ballet lesson over yet ???
What ? No one to even challenge me !!
"But how can I get my shirt ripped if...?"
Well, that's not where I'd have put the Captain's insignia .....
Here we see Capt. Kirk modeling the new Star Fleet Track Pants.


© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 66,011 Release date : 1 Mar 2021