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| Name | Caption |
| Captain 8472 | ‘Stupid adults. I should just kick this red shirt in the groin.’ |
| Captain 8472 | Every time Riker stares down a kid, an angel looses it’s wings. |
| Captain 8472 | One of these 3 is Q. Can you figure out which one? |
| Captain 8472 | “Listen, I know you want to annoy Q, but you cannot possibly pretend to be Captain Picard.” |
| Chromedome | "Home schooling is over! You can go back to the classrooom and see your friends again! Isn't that great?" "No. I'm the only one in my class." |
| Chromedome | In other news, DITL security are looking for a thief who steals the endings off captions. He is described as being short, with brown hair and wearing a |
| Chromedome | "Listen to me, kid. If you turn out like Wesley Crusher I'm gonna shoot you." |
| Chromedome | "You may be an engineering genius, kid. But causing the toilet in Captain Picard's ready room to reverse flush is a career limiting move." |
| Chromedome | "... and may the Captioneers of DITL have mercy on your soul." |
| Bird of Prey | Riker: "So you want to join Starfleet one day? That's a splendid decision, I'm sure you won't ever regret it! What's your name, anyway?" Kid: "Cristóbal Rios, Sir!" |
| Rylan Sato | So you're the little punk who keeps voting for his own unfunny captions so you'll win the competition? |
| Bird of Prey | Riker: "What do you want to do when you're grown up." kid: "I want to join Starfleet, Sir!" Riker: "Good! Starfleet is always in need of new cannon fod- er, I mean eager young officers!" |
| Chromedome | "I am William Thomas Riker. Commander of the Enterprise. General dogsbody of the legions. Loyal servant to the True Captain, Jean-Luc Picard. Father to a murdered screenplay, husband to a murdered script. And I will have my vengeance, in this episode or the next!" "Yeah, right." "Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!" |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Riker: "So... Your name is Anthony?" Anthony: "Yes, Commander..." Riker: "...and from what I understand, you sent Wesley Crusher to 'The Cornfield'". Anthony: "Yes, Commander..." Riker: "That's fine... Anthony, have you ever had the feeling you've done this before... Déjà vu?" Anthony: "Yes, Commander..." |
| MR. WORF | Riker : Now kid this is how you stand at attention when a superior officer enters the room. |
| Bird of Prey | Kid: "What do I have to do to become an awesome Commander just like you?" Riker: "Work hard, be studious, and I'm sure you'll make it. If you survive being a low-ranked redshirt, that is." Kid: "Understood, I - wait what?" |
| Captain 8472 | Parenting. Everyone’s greatest joy and worst nightmare. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Riker: "So, Timmy... did you break into the armory, steal a phaser and kill your cat?" Timmy: "Yes, Commander..." Riker: "...and did the cat deserve it?" Timmy: "Yes, Commander..." Riker: "Good..." |
| Frankie Chestnuts | MORAL: Shame: Damn... Riker is so good at that! |
| Captain 8472 | Every childhood memory, now ruined. |
| Bird of Prey | Crewmember: "I have to apologize for my son. Asking why you aren't Captain yet was very rude of him." Riker: "Indeed, it was!" Crewmember: "That being said, why AREN'T you Captain yet?" |
| Captain 8472 | Yet another gag to annoy Riker. |
| Captain 8472 | Yet another kid who could stand a condescending adult. |
| Chromedome | "It's an important life lesson, kid. The good thing about wetting yourself when wearing a black uniform is that it leaves you with a warm feeling and nobody notices." "You're gross, mister." |
| Chromedome | "Hello kid, what are you doing here?" "Shove it, bignose!" "That's Commander Bignose to you." |
| Chromedome | "I caught him trying to call his agent to get an extra 20% for having to work with us." "Only 20%, kid? I'd have gone for 40% at least!" |
| Chromedome | "Yes. We will. Stand here. Looking awkward and. Deliver our lines. Badly." "Yes. Commander." "Hey, how long do I have to stand here with these two ham actors before someone gives me an ice cream?" (offscreen) "Cut! Shut up, kid, you've just ruined the take." |
| The Geek | Frakes (thinking): "Maybe things will be better in Season Two. I just hope I never have to do a clip show. I HATE clip shows..." |
| Captain 8472 | Distracting kids with clown shoes. |
| Captain 8472 | When disciplining another person’s child, get that parent’s permission. |
| Captain 8472 | The future of shrinkage. |
| Captain 8472 | At least Riker is not a catholic priest. |
| Bird of Prey | "I have to apologize for my son, Commander. Lately he's telling every clean-shaven man that he'd look much better with a beard." |
| Bodhi | "Yeah, he's one of mine all right. Just keep your trap shut and stick him on deck 10 with the others." |
| Bodhi | "We found your Twitter troll Commander." |
| AdmiralM | "Has it selected a gender yet?" |
| Chromedome | Riker: "No. I don't care what you say, he is too small to be Frankie Chestnuts." |
| Chromedome | "I call this meeting of The Guild Of Wooden Actors to order ..." |
| Chromedome | "Yes sir, I have successfully cloned Wesley Crusher. Isn't that great?" |
| Chromedome | "Now, let your arms hang by your side ... and relax. That is the end of this session of Corridor Yoga." |
| Chromedome | Kid: "So Mr Riker, are you gonna strip down to your tights like Captain Kirk?" |
| Chromedome | And the winner of the Starfleet Haircut Competition is .... |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Here we see Cmdr. Riker practicing his 'submissive urination stare' on some of the more vulnerable members of the crew. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Riker: "Hey kid... My eyes are up here!" |
| Captain 8472 | Too tall, too short, and very amused. |
| Captain 8472 | Sooooo.... Riker just met his inner child. |
| Captain 8472 | Aren’t you a little short to be a storm trooper? |
| Captain 8472 | Here we have an apology gone wrong. |
| Captain 8472 | Not even a kid will take Riker seriously. |
| Captain 8472 | Riker noticing that a kid has spotted his lower salute. |
| Miss Marple | Riker: I'm not looking down on you because I'm a snarky a**hole, I'm just looking down on you because you're unusually short. |
| Chromedome | Home schooling ... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE! |
| MR. WORF | Lt. , alright ! Who farted ??!!! |
| MR. WORF | Commander , we scanned both you and the boy . Your not his father. |
| ilandra | One of these things is not like the others ... |
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