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Data: ''I am all for adding additional access points to the Jefferies tubes, but Lt. Barclay went a bit too far by trying to create one with his phaser.''
Data: If you recall, I did warn you; You should have gone with the copper piping in here.
Data: But Geordi, you told me that you wish someone would shoot this terminal.
Geordi: That was a metaphor. I didn't mean for actually shoot the terminal.
Data: Duly noted.
This terminal is completely destroyed. There is no way to recover the hard drive or browsing history.
Wesley; (thinking to himself) Thank God.
Data: But Geordi, you tole me that you wish someone would shoot this terminal. to actually shoot the terminal.
Data: Duly noted.
Geordi: That was a metaphor. I didn't mean for you
Wesley seems to be able to find someone's backside, with both hands.
Toxic black mold ... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
There's your problem. We're gonna haft get a couple of guys in here, shut off all the water, pull out all these bulkheads, ... It's gonna cost you.
(with apologies to Bird of Prey)
(with apologies to Bird of Prey)
Data: Counselor Troi is unlikely to shoot a computer.
Geordi: But she said it sounds like her mother.
Data: She it would sound like her mother, if her mother was ever polite.
Data : I can explain ..... I was listening to a William Shatner song on this Jukebox , When the Captain walked in ; pulled his phaser out and said
Geordi: 'Who did that?''
Data: ''Counselor Troi. She tried to shoot the computer.''
Geordi: ''What? Why?''
Data: ''She said that she got annoyed by the fact that its voice sounds just like her mother's.''
Geordi: ''Very disturbing...''
Geordi: the baby Horta might still be nearby. Stick your arm in the hole and check.
Data: ... No.
Data: the unit possibly exploded because its spam filter was set far too high.
Yeah, here’s your problem,
LaForge: You put your foot through the bulkhead and into the equipment?
Data: I have often noticed humans striking objects in shows of frustration.
LaForge: Yes, but humans can't shove their feet through the bulkhead.
Data: I believe I saw Mr. Crusher in this room around the time of the accident.
Wes: *trying desperately to find Data's off switch*
Data: I “got nuttin’”
Yeah, that’s yer
Geordi : Well !!!!! Thanks a lot Data . You just disintegrated my entire uniform wardrobe !!
Data : Are you sure it wasn't the Bleach you added during the rinse cycle ?
Data: ''I am sure there are other ways to test out if your phaser is still working...''
So Data, just so you know, you can't use the wall the same way you used Tasha Yar.
Picard: Wesley, I know you're young, but don't you think it was a bit...childish to build
Captain: Wesley, don't you think it was a bit childish to build
Data: ''Strange... I you listen closely, you can hear music coming out of this hole.''
Data: I do not know what happened, but let us agree it is probably Wesley's fault.
Data: This refridgeration unit is beyond repair.
Geordi: What happened?
Data: Someone put a bowl of Neelix's Warp Core Chili in it. It appears we have a Warp Core Chili breach.
Geordi: *groaning* I should have seen that one coming.
This incident illustrates the reason why one must empty their pockets of things like keys, wallets.., and phaser pistols, before doing their laundry.
Data: ''We just found this episode's major plot hole!''
It appears that Commander did not check his pockets before laundering his uniform...
Data: It appears I have mastered the art of the Vulcan Death Fart.
...and this is why we have to keep our quarters clean. Else we risk the spontaneous formation of miniature black holes.
Data: Call the Captain. We have a mole on this ship.
Geordi: You mean some crew member is secretly working for one of our enemies?
Data: Not... THAT kind of mole.
Wesley : OMG !!! I was so drunk last night , I must have
come in here with a phaser ; OH! I thought I saw a
Romulan and I fired !!! Oh my aching head !!!
The Breach
Operation: Annihilate!
Data: I understand that it is natural for young boys to be curious about androids, but I am not willing to participate.
Geordi: What
There is a sentient fungi identifying oneself as
Geordi, this human custom called Drinking Games, i do not feel that Wesley is up to the task!!
Data: A holey console. We have to cover this up again. Wholey.
Geordi: The hole?
Data: Yes, the whole hole.
Geordi: What is your analysis, Data?
Data: It is a hole.
Counselor Troi complained that someone had phasered a peephole into her shower.
Captain Picard formed a committee to look into it.
Geordi: ''The ambassador did an emergency call to the bridge because somebody was shooting at him. Well, this sooty hole is definitely the result of phaser fire - but where is the ambassador?''
''Data: Geordi... The soot *is* the ambassador. Or rather was.''
Data : I think SUBJI was standing here when the phase discharged.
Geordi : Well .... I guess we have tell SUBJ2 , pitty .
GEORDI : Well , Data ! How do you explain this ?!!
Data : There was this big Rat , he looked at me and stuck his tongue out at me . So in response I pulled my phaser out and shot at him.
GEORDI : Let me guess .... you missed him by that much .
Data: Yes, this WAS caused by global warming.
Wesley: "I guess THAT'S what happened when you mount a 'LASER' into the head of a cat."
Data: "Where is Spot?"
Geordi: "I would think that Wesley's 'Fecal Incinerator' doesn't work as planned."
Picard: "Who's on 'cleanup' detail?"
All (in unison): "NOT ME!"
Geordi: "...and THAT'S why there is no smoking in the lavatories."
Wesley: "OK, OK... I got it. No more science experiments in the warp core relay junction."
Picard: "Well, THAT was something... Next time, let's set the phaser to 'Stun'."
Data: We were finally able to destroy MichaelGub, though there was some collateral damage.
Picard: An acceptable trade-off.
''Data: ''Geordi, tell Mr. Worf that this is NOT how to trouble-shoot a computer program! And people say that I tend to interpret things too literally...''
Data: ''Go and tell the Captain that we have got termites."
"I believe I may have put a tricorder in with the wash again."
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
Mysterious, black, frighteningly hot... But enough about Geordi.
Gerodi : DR. Crusher stated , you tried to grab her from behind . She then pulled a phaser out and shot at you.
Well what do you have to say about that ??
Data : BBBBBeeeeee ... That's All Folks !!!
Data: ''It appears that this console is in fact out of plywood and paint instead of a duranium-alloy...''
The public safety watchdog. Is there any lower form of life?
"I command you, Kneel before your Captain!"
In typical fashion for a TNG episode, Brent Spiner actually looks like he's doing something technical, whereas Will Wheaton looks like he passed out drunk with his head against a set piece.
Well, I suppose we could try to fix it, but wouldn't it be easier just to shove Wesley into the hole? I figure that will keep it sealed until we reach the nearest starbase.
Wesley : Data don't tell anyone what happened !!! Or I'll rewire that Positronic brain of yours .
Data: ''You really should try to restrain yourself more when you are feeling angry, Mr. Worf.''
Worf: ''EVEN MORE restrain!? You are lucky that I didn't thrash the whole place!''
I swear Geordi, if he doesn't stop examining my a**, i shove his head through this console!!
It's a hole sir
"Geordi, we have a serious situation here and both the Captain and Wesley are present. Perhaps now is not the appropriate time to hit on Doctor Crusher."
Data: "Geordi, Wesley will resolve the incident in 42 minutes, we should head to the ten forward until needed."
Geordi: "What could have caused this?"
Data: "This may be the reason the dryer instructions says no heat for on replicated clothes."
"24th century or not, Geordi, you must still refrain from putting aluminum foil in the microwave."
Data: "Huh. Yes, the aperture DOES appear to match the cranium of the last person who critiqued my work. Does anyone else have some commentary they'd like to share?"
This is what happen's when you put a phaser in the washer.
Next time Doctor Crusher asks for a urine sample I suggest she hold the cup lower !!!
"I believe that my safe-cracking routines need refining."
Data: it appears to be a hole, Geordi.
Geordi: yes date, anything else?
Data: a big hole?
Wesley: hold on, I'll hit his reset button.
Data (quietly:) "Yes, Geordi, I do believe I could jam the 'little shit' in there, but wouldn't the doctor start asking questions?"
"Captain, I believe we have discovered a Black Hole."
How many crew members does it take to change a panel?
"Geordi, there appears to be a glitch with the new firewall."
SO, I figure it'll be about 200 latinum for parts, another 50 for labour costs. Just leave your keys at the register. We'll get to work right away and you'll be able to pick up your starship first thing tomorrow morning. It'll be as good as new.
Geordi: What happen?
Data: I am at fault. As you know, I am fully functional and the computer on this machine started humming at the correct frequency. And it's been so long since Tasha, my programming became heighttened and I just....
Geordi: That's enough, I can see what happened. Just fix it.
Data: OOPS!
You smell ammonia and methane from sewage matter.
I smell lawsuit.
When was the last time this septic tank was emptied?
Well, sure I can fix it, but I'm gonna need a very expensive part that won't get here for a couple of weeks, and that's if I order it today. Which I won't.
Data"If Wesly doesn't get off my back I'm gonna shove his head in this hole to give him a closer look,"
Data: I told you Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"The Horta hatchling went through here. Tracking it will not be a problem. Capturing it, though...
"Who is Han, and why does Security have a training mission about whether he 'shot first'?"
"This is why ancient protocol forbids weapons at the poker table."
"Well there's your problem."
Data: "...hence the expression, 'Blow the lid off that sucka'."
Yes, Brent, that's great. Now you look like you actually know what you're doing. Will, just keep your hands on Brent's back to make yourself look like an idiot. The rest of you, just stand around. This is gonna be a great shot.
While Data is confident, Wesley still - even with the help of a tricorder - can't tell his own ass from a hole in the wall.
"I have conducted a detailed multispectral and micrographic analysis, Geordi. It is, in fact, a hole."
Data : I can explain ; I was summed to the Doctors , and while she was doing a scan of my Positronic brain , I accidentally let a fart go. My bad.
Data: I believe it is called a "brexet hole'.
What did you say you brought back from LV-426?
Curious. Is this the human phenomenon known as a glory hole?
Data: "Missed me by THAT MUCH."
Geordi: "I was aiming for Wesley."
Data: Is Wesley trying to deactivate me? Is that what this is really all about?
Data: It appears to be related to "climate control".
Data: "Yes Geordi, I DO excrete sulfuric acid... Why do you ask?"
Data: "Standing there pretending to be a teapot will NOT get this fixed. And Wesley, get your hand OUT of my pocket!"
Keenser was here, and he still has a cold.
Data: ... and did you empty your pockets before you put your pants into the washing machine?
Damn it, Data! I told you NOT to let Wesley pee on the consoles!
Who's extinguishing their cigarettes against the wall?
I raise dragons now. Dragons are cool.
Before you ask, it was NOT the cat!
Data: This is why we need more than one washing machine on a ship of this size, and a separate dryer is really a "must".
Data: Yes, I have been known for having explosive gas, but I am not the "one who dealt it".
Data: I believe it is time to "call the Maytag repairman".
Data: It would appear that Wesley's attempt to equip Cardassian voles with miniature phasers has had some...unfortunate results.
Wesley: I SAID I was sorry!


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 31,522 Release date : 1 Jul 2017