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Might have been the wiskey , might of been gin , might of been the 3 or 4 six packs , I don't know but , look at the mess we're in !!!
Trip : Flux you made a mistake here !!!! What were you thinking when you altered the Captains appearance !????? Mine is fine but I don't think you'll be getting a Promotion anytime soon after this !!
Archer : I'm going to kill someone !!!!
Look at it this way honey, at least you are not as ugly as hoomans
"Nah, sorry Ma, that isn't Frankie Chestnuts."
Yellow always makes you look terrible!
Nadet: “May we please have two more Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters..."
Jamin: “...and I'll have one also.”
Unfortunately, for some, the MacGuffin is obtainable, and it is never as desirable as we had imagined.
Jamin: If that happens, we would both have egg on our faces!
Athan: And that would be MUCH WORSE!
Starfleet medical training slide #36:
The heartbreak of Psoriasis
... and do you have any of this magick Benzoyl peroxide?
Archer: "There is something on your face..."
Jamin: "Har har. Never heard THAT one before."
Jamin: "We have a little concern with tanning booth number 3."
"And the losers of the pie eating contest are????"
"You call it paintball fun. We call it our most sacred ritual!"
Moral of the story: Don't stand behind someone with diahorrea when they bend over.
"Yup, this here's ma wife. Got 'er from the same feller that stole my cow. Reckon he got the better end of the deal."
Man: Mycelial network? Spore drive? What the hell are they talking about?
Woman: Ignore them. They're just mad that they've run out of believable technobabble.
"Ma does her makeup herself! And mine too."
"What? There are planets out there that have more biomes than just swampland!? That boggles my mind!"
"I am sorry, but I think the universal translator didn't pick up that one word. What the heck is 'soap'!?"
“What do you mean it’s not sunscreen? That Klingon told us the best type could only be found at a Targ farm”.
"The peace talks on Khitomer? They are not going very well, honestly. We just came from there - and boy is there much mudslinging!"
I wish I'd got the part I auditioned for on Downton Abbey ...
This is what happens when you let your Trek actors wear their alien make-up for way too long...
Take my Wife ........... PLEASE !!!!
I think we should have taken the Blue Pill after all !!!!
What do you mean the shows sold out !!! We crawled through 2 football fields of pure crap to get here and YOUR Sold Out !!!!!
Hey, they put more effort into our makeup than the guy with the Magic Marker goatee.
The last two Woodstock hippies have finally come down from their bad ‘Brown Acid’ trip.
"Yes, we are indeed working as test subjects for the cosmetics industry! How did you notice?"
Man: What? I thought you said this was anti-aging mud cream?
Woman: You dumba@@
"OMG! Have you seen the picture for next month's competition?"
"Never mind, let's get through the day and then give our agent a good kicking for getting us these parts."
"You filthy cowards!"
"Hey, that's absolutely uncalled-for! We are not cowards!"
Some "Empty Nesters" manage less well than others.
"Wesley Crusher? No, we hate him too! And we haven't even met him yet."
"C'mon Ma, you can manage one more blue WKD can't you?"
"I want to complain about this fake tan you've given us. What sort of beautician are you? ... Oh. You're a plasterer. Right."
(Should have gone to Specsavers!)
Twenty Four Hour Party People
"I don't think much of this fake tan! Where did you get it?"
"Home Depot."
"Whaddya mean she's too old for a Happy Meal?"
"We're an avant-garde jazz trio named Primary Colors, but we just lost our drummer, Red, to a Christian metal group..."
Mr. & Mrs. Claus have changed considerably over the years.
" fact, we are our society's upper crust. Literally."
Proof that wearing make-up CAN be very manly!
What do you mean ?? Where over dressed for dinner ???? Your upsetting my wife !
"See, we may hunt and kill the Terranovian crocodile, we don't waste any part of it: We eat its meat, we use its skin for clothes, and its poop for face paint!"
"You think WE look like crap? Just check out some of the drek that 'Mikey' guy enters in the caption comp!"
Behold: the secret of Sir Paul McCartney's baby-soft skin.
While not widely used after the Mid-22nd century, the paint ball setting on early Starfleet phase pistols was marginally successful in its day.
"We broke down on the way to Burning Man. Can we hitch a ride? We have peyote!"
Let's see if Tide® Pods can clean this mess up ?!!!
"We are like those noble savages in your old stories - just without the noble part."
"Do you see the face as blue and grey, or yellow and white?"
"... one application per day, you say, and we'll look ten years younger?"
"Is it possible to crank up the humidity in here a bit? My skin feels rather dry right now..."
The reaction to seeing the sign saying : The Sonic Shower Is Out Of Order Until Further Notice .
Signed : Capt. Archer
What do you mean we have to go back and clean the garbage disposal again !!!?????
"How do you know he's a king?"
" 'E must be a king... 'e 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Honey ! Don't be sad , I guess The Cellular Expansion Factor was a little to much.
Archer: "You really should ask Dr. Phlox to give you something for your flakey skin. On an unrelated note, this cereals you brought me from your planet are delicious! Are those corn flakes?"
Jamin: "Not exactly...."
Of course we look like hell, we've been out partying all night.
"Klingons? We have nothing in common with them! Well, except that we too don't like baths..."
Jamin: “Unguent... we need unguent.”
Nadet: “Or possibly salve.”
Please do not park on the double yellow lines.
"Look, Ma, it's easy. Just pick which kind of bread you want, 6 inch or 12 inch. Then pick what meat you want, choose some salad to go with it. Then at the end give them this voucher to get a free cookie and let them scan your Subway card."
"It seems very complicated. Couldn't we just go to Nando's instead?"
Wait a minute -is that Jumpin' Jack Flash with a spike right thru his head?!?!
Wait a minute -is that Jumpin' Jack Flash with a spike right thru his head?!?!
Ok. It's all right now, in fact, it's a gas!
Honey ! Don't be upset , they just missed two small areas of your face with French's® Mustard .
"Sorry Mom, but the sign here says that the face painting event is only supposed to be for little children..."
"Looking on the bright side, nobody will park on her head."
The one time Harry Kim didn't walk into sickbay...
Who pushed the big red button that said "Do not push?" Anybody?
"Does my breath stink? Because when I do this *exhales* she does this."
Archer: We've received your distress signal. How may we be of assistance?
"We want your garbage."
Archer: Perhaps you need medical attention? Food?
"We want your garbage."
Archer: Maybe... you'd like-
"We want your garbage."
Archer: Get off my starship.
Marriage counseling in the 22nd century sure took a turn for the worst...
These are the Ugly Sisters from the Starfleet Christmas pantomime
X Factor hopefuls await their turn on stage
"Ma! Ma! I want ridges like that Klingon, Ma! Pleeeease."
And the moral of our story? Never get a Tattoo from a drunk Cardassian.
"We would like to file a complaint. This paint we bought here starts crumbling away very fast."
"Well, it's supposed to be paint for walls, not your face!"
To save money as ratings tumbled, the Make Up dept. resorted to fence paint sprayed at 4100psi.
"please somebody by them some soap for Christmas"
Guy: "Please tell me about that concept that is very basic to your people, but completely alien to us!"
Archer: "Uh... You mean love?"
Guy: "No. I mean bathing!"
Jamin: "I have a mole?"
"Isn't this better than being on Babylon 5?"
"I am sorry Ma, but this is the casting call for 'Mudd's Women', not 'mud women'."
Someone told us the phaser range doubled as a tanning salon.
We wished we took up his offer for a dermal analgesic!
The aftermath of someone putting a mistletoe under the warp reactor...
Multi-year recipients of Santa Claus' coal.
"Is this the audition for 'Star Trek: Braveheart'?"
These people are traumatized, TRAUMATIZED that the "It's a good day to dye" caption didn't get on the list last month.
Someone tell these people what Christmas is all about STAT!
Space hobos... in SPAAA-
Starfleet instituted a 'no restrooms near the warp reactor' policy shortly thereafter.
Archer: “Good God... what happened?
Jamin: She'd been drinking too much eggnog, snd we begged her not to go.
But she forgot her medication, and she staggered out the door into the snow.
When we found her Christmas morning. At the scene of the attack.
She had hoof-prints on her forehead, and incriminating Claus marks on her back.
Jamin: “Gesundheit...
We dress like this to try to divert your gaze from our poor dental hygiene practices.
At Burning Man, the Reno emergency services departments always tried to staff with “client sensitive providers”.
"If only we'd got the Shakespeare gig ..."
"Look on the bright side, at least we get paid for this."
"It's not enough."
"You mean this ISN'T a fancy dress party?"
"Yeah, I guess we pissed off the makeup department."
"What is this.... skin care... you talk of?? I don't think our culture is familiar with that concept..."
Jamin: “Could you spare some water?”
Nadet: “We are just a wee bit thirsty.”
...but the Republicans claimed we wouldn’t lose our insurance because of our pre-existing condition.
Welcome to Trump’s America.
METH: Never even once.
And this, kids, is why you wear sunscreen when you go outside.


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 44,199 Release date : 2 Jan 2019