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Rand Paul? We came here to see RuPaul! What a drag.
Hey, buddy, I don't mind you reading over my shoulder, it's just creepy with you doing it to my face.
Archer: "Hey, hey hey... Eyes are up here, 'Buddy Love'!"
Archer: "Hello There!! We're two members of an a cappella boy band called 'Dilithium Meltdown'. We seemed to have been separated from the rest of our group. You haven't seen three more shirtless guys wondering around here... have you?
"What do you mean, "New Law?"
"I thought the Indiana Dunes State Park was open to everyone!"
Archer: So you're saying that being the BIGGEST LOSER is a GOOD thing...
So, what SHOULD we have worn to a birthday party?
Hey, you said take me ANYWHERE but a Bieber concert…
Archer: ''Really, there is nothing obscene about this. It's just an ancient Earth sport called 'beach volleyball'.''
I'm the kind of guy that laughs at my funeral,
got a history of taking off my shirt.
Archer: I'm a starship captain, I swear!
Tucker: Me too, I'm the engineer.
Guy watching TV: Now they're getting desperate.
Apparently, it took a lot of trial and error to sort out how do "first contact" properly.
Archer: *thinking* Don't joke about phase pistols. Don't joke about phase pistols.
Guy in Shirt: So, uh, is that a phase pisto-
Archer: DAMMIT!!!
Shirt: Kirk did it.
Archer: What?
Shirt: What you are doing right now, Kirk did it first.
Archer: I don't understand what you're sayin-
Shirt: Of course, he won't be born for another hundred years or so but he still beat you to it.
Archer & Tucker: *stares* ...
"What the hell do you mean Kirk did it first!?"
"We searched for hours in this desert and couldn't find a single drop of shaving cream."
"Uh, you were supposed to find water."
"Yea, we couldn't find any of that either."
Archer: ''Are you serious? This is your planet's winter?''
Archer: ''We are not out of uniform. We are both wearing Starfleet issue bathing trunks!''
At least we know that Kirk was carrying on the proud tradition of Captains taking off the their shirts.
Guard: ''No females allowed here!''
Archer: ''Look closely, do we look like females to you?''
Tamarian: "Tucker and Archer, naked in the desert."
Human: "Ok, I really didn't need that image in my head."
Spring break on Tatooine didn't go as planned.
Archer: You mean to tell me that our ship was just over that hill. We've been searching for it for three days.
These two are not the Enterprise crew members I wanted to see topless.
Archer: I haven't seen Magic Mike, Why would you ask.
Archer: We are incredibly HOT.
Blue Shirt: I'll be the judge of THAT!
Im-PEC-able credentials Mr. Tucker
Archer: ''Wait, I think there is something wrong here, Trip... This isn't Risa!''
Everyone needs a hobby
Archer: "What do you mean, they sacked Clarkson"?
Trip: "And what exactly is a 'fracas'?"
Gentlemen !! I think you've both had a little more sun than you need.
Archer: ''We have lost our clothes in a sand storm!''
Trip: ''He doesn't look like he believes you...''
Archer: So you're saying this is NOT related to climate change.
"We have a logically reasonable explanation for being naked in the desert...really!"
After TOS doing 'The Naked Time' and TNG 'The Naked Now', the writers of ENT decided to try that out too...
Empress's New Clothes
Captain Archer : OH ! BOY !!!
Archer: WHAT! You mean this isn't a desert island with no hope of rescue?! Trip put your clothes back on!
Archer: " then Trip hands me his Romulan Ale and says 'Watch This'..."
I've been looking for the ocean this beach is on and I can't seem to find it.
Ok, ok! The Seahawks lost, and we've paid-off now on our little bet.
Now can we have our clothes back?
Amazing how much chest hair Trip grew after TPol rubbed him down in the decon chamber
Enterprise borrowed heavily from the other Trek series, here we see the remake of "The Naked Now"
Archer (sings): ''See my chest, see my chest, not even covered by a vest...''
(wedding crashers exposed)"what? this not a betazoid wedding!!
Santorum means WHAT? -I mean, we HEARD what he said, we're just not sure what he MEANS.
"Oh, boy!"
*Quantum Leap theme music*
Man: ''Don't get me wrong, your chests are not bad... But you are no Khan Noonien Singhs either.''
Archer: "Look, we put the lotion on our skin. When do we get the hose again?"
Archer: ''Excuse me, do you have a ruler? Me and my chief engineer want to seize this opportunity to settle once and for all what has been a matter of dispute between us for years.''
They are more accepting in the 2150s
Excuse me sir, could you point the way to the nearest tailor?
Archer: "Well, the deal is that we have been studying the Old Earth "Historical Documents"... and this was the way Starship Captains always dressed."
Archer: "Actually, yes, I have seen a grown man naked."
Trip: "Yep, he has. Naked. Very naked. Highly naked, the kind of naked you read about in Penthouse. The kind of naked..."
Archer: "THANK YOU, TRIP."
OK, we played your stupid game, had a camel ride, and even showed you his third nipple. Now we REALLY have to go back.
On our planet "skins" usually get to leave their pants ON.
these aren't the droids we're looking for, move along.
So it's NOT gay when it's in a three way?
Okay, we took our pen**** in the sand and diagrammed the whole plan. WHAT??? You told Hoshi with our pencils in our hands?
Uh, no, we're not really a couple per se....
So you're telling us you don't EVER have a water polo tournament here?
For the last time, no! You will not be used as models for the Starfleet Calendar.
Don't call us Tiny.
Archer: *sigh* Yes, this is, in fact, exactly what it looks like. Have any other questions?
This week on E! True Hollywood Story: Jawas -- Beneath the Robe.
Archer and Trip perform a scene from a desert rendition of "The Emperor's New Clothes."
Alien Stranger: "Wellllll... You want to head south for about a mile, maybe three. And you want to take a left at the tree that looks like a bear. Then head hang a right at the fork in the road. That's another mile or three... Then take a left at the bear that looks like a tree. Then it's another mile or three..."
Alien Dude (to self): "Don't ask, don't tell... Don't ask, don't tell... Don't ask, don't tell."
Archer: ''I am really happy to see you!''
Man: ''I... can tell.''
Star Trek: Naked and Afraid!
Archer: Wait, we have to run naked in the desert for HOW LONG?!
Man: Just till the end of Sweeps Week.
(BLue Shirt internal monologue): "Just keep looking at their eyes..eyes..eyes..OMG, I just looked down and now I have no tricorder to hide my ..."
Gee, Cap', did ya have tuh tattoo "I'm with stupid" on yer belly like that?
Archer: "Would you say our uniforms are black-and-blue, or white-and-gold?"
Alien: "Umm..."
Why do you have to shave off every hair on our bodies?
The spice must flow, but the lice must go!
Transporters were rare in the 22nd century. Some officers had never seen one before and mistook them for shower heads.
I wish Hoshi was here, Trip. I haven't spoken Kurganese since my academy days. I think he's saying something about a smelly, slack-jawed desert creature with brown hair all over its body. Appearantly it's frequently humped.
...and if he pushes you out of the circle, you lose. Now let me introduce you two to our reigning champion, Captain Montgomery Scott.
The first "Duck Blind" anthropological observation missions often resulted in failure. Early holographic suits were certainly invisible in the lab, but certain deficiencies became appearant when personnel actually wore them in the field.
No, I think there's been some sort of mistake. My friend here is Connor Trinneer, not Connor MacLeod.
You mean I'm not the only naked starship captain you've seen in the desert today? I think I'd like to meet this "Malcolm Reynolds" fellow.
Bedouin: Finally--my Archer and Trip dress-up figures are here.
Day 4 of the Bedouin Pledge Week: The Naked Sunburn Challenge.
ARCHER: Now when I dared us all to remove one item of clothing...
Trip: Sand gets into more tight holes than a vulcan dureing ponfar; he's gonna be cleaning that for weeks...
Man in Blue: "*cough cough* the nude beach is that way..."
Tucker and Archer: "I know."
I'm too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
Archer: We're here for the Betazoid wedding. The ambassador invited us to- We're at the wrong place aren't we?
In this episode: The female fan service that no one demanded!
So why is there not a topless Hoshi and T'Pol in this scene?
Archer: So what are YOU willing to give up for lent?
Yeah, that guy in the blue shirt photo-bombs all my vacation pics, too.
Archer: It's Frankie Chestnuts, -you know, that guy who is always talking smack about us.
Trip, to self: Well, he HAS a point HERE...
It just goes to show you that you really have to check out a spa’s amenities BEFORE you book.
Archer: ''I am terribly sorry, but out transporter technology is still rather new, and is sometimes malfunctioning like this...''
Trip: ''I don't know Captain. I think Reed is simply pranking us...''
(Archer)what do you mean you never heard of water polo?(Trip) your in for a treat.
Archer: "I can explain..."
Ambassador: ''Wha- Why are you naked?''
Archer: ''Your distress call said something about Klingons stripping on this planet. So we thought...''
Ambassador: ''They are strip-mining this planet, you morons!''
"Whoa, captain, I'm afraid someone's played a joke on you. There isn't a hot tub within 15 klicks of here!"
"OK, we're naked. Now, where are these pills we're supposed to take?"
Archer: "Is there a YMCA in this town?"
Stranger: "There isn't even a TOWN in this town."
Archer: "Is there a YMCA in this town?"
Archer: ''It's not what it looks like! Space pirates have stolen all our stuff''
Man: ''Space pirates. Suuuure...''
Towels... ALL hitchhikers need TOWELS.... Don't Panic.
Extra: No, I'm serious; this is the Great Desert, and not just an unusually long stretch of beach...
Archer and Trip thought the simple desert Bedouin would be an easy mark for the weekly "strip poker" game. Boy, were they wrong...
Acher : Ummm.... Well you seee. We were just giving each other a complete body check to ......
Trip : What he means is we were looking for any foreign objects on are bodies. You know snakes , spiders or scorpions.
Archer: "Well... Trip took me to this Rave Club on Risa. Then we smoked something called a "Jeffery". Then we woke up naked here."
That one night the heat went out...
OK, let me get this straight: we don't have enough budget to build a set and we don't have enough budget for costumes. Just what kind of show are we running here?
Archer: ''We have to pay a fine for public nudity? Are you kidding me?''
Police officer: ''Well, you ARE nude. Completely butt naked. You can hardly deny that.''
Archer: ''What I don't agree with is the 'public' part! We are in the middle of an uninhabited desert!''
Hoshi and T'Pol would love to join in, but they have issues with the dress code.
TSA Security screening at the Las Vegas Int. Airport.
Archer: Really, it's not what you think...
Archer's and Tripp's gambling problem has completely gotten out of hand.
Producer: Connor, Scott... What's going on? Where are your clothes?
Scott Bakula: Billingsley said the script called for this.
Producer: He said...what?
*John Billingsley laughs so hard he nearly passes out*
"Cap'n, I'm gettin' sunburns in places I can't even reach."
"So they took your clothes and marooned you here?"
"They didn't take our clothes."
Archer: "I think we're close here... I'll let you have the nice young Lieutenant here, and you'll give me 10 liters of water and two goats?"
Trip: "Capt'n... Are you trying to-"
Archer: "Shut up, Trip! I'm trying to do some business here... So what do you say... We have a deal?"
Archer: " you're saying we DIDN"T have to take all our clothes off and walk across the desert?"
Due to the sunburn they got, Tripp and Archer spent the next week saying "don't touch me".
No need to explain, dearie, my husband won’t ask for directions, either.
Trip (to self): "Is the captain actually trying to sell me into slavery for water?
I hope I get a sip."
Trip (to self): "Is the captain actually trying to sell me into slavery for water?"
Trip, to self: I TOLD him he would get himself into trouble one day if he didn't stop saying "Oh, balls!" all the time.
Archer: it's not a HICKEY, it's a rope burn!
Trip, to self: He's not making this look any less kinky...
Archer: So what do YOU think, Trip: blue & black, or white & gold?
Well, if you had read the tags CAREFULLY, you would have known your outfit's SPF stopped at 50+. What did you THINK that meant?
Ok, so you don't have heard of SPF ? -Sun Protection Factor? Sun screen? How about sunblock? Suntan lotion? Sun cream? BLOCK OUT????
Archer: ''What are you staring at? Did you never see two naked dudes in the middle of the desert before?''
Stranger: "SURE I can give you a ride. One question... Do you like movies about gladiators?"
Archer: Okay, where the hell are our clothes?
The galaxy's worst Male Strip Club...
Archer: "Well, we've kinda had a rough day... Our rental broke down a few kilometers back. Then we were picked up by a truck driver by the name of Jim Bob-"
Trip: "Tell him about the wolverine!"
Archer: "I'm GETTING to the wolverine!"
Archer: "There's a lesson to be learned here... Never play strip poker with a species that has a head larger than a basketball.
Archer: " you're saying you DO like gladiator movies?"


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 12,122 Release date : 1 Apr 2015