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Riker: It's just like your dad says. If you don't stop being so pessimistic now, you'll grow up to be a bitter, competitive, resentful, older child. Nothing will bring you joy, not even posting things on the caption competition.
Riker: Don’t worry, you’re not the first kid to throw up on my shoes.
Father, to self: THAT’S my boy!
Son, to self: Gold-pressed latinum in my future!
Riker: Don’t worry, you’re not the first kid to show up on my shoes.
Father, to self: THAT’S my boy!
Son, to self: Gold-pressed latinum in my future!
Riker was less than impressed when the science team showed him the new model proto-Wesley.
Lt. : Alright young man , I think you better apologize to the Commander for putting crazy glue on his trombone mouth piece .
Kid : I'm sorry sir .
Riker : Grrrrrrrrrr !!!!
When someone asks if you are tall enough.
Riker: "Oh, you'll see, little man... One day I'll be captain of the USS Titan, and do you know who I will NOT handpick for my crew? You!"
"What would you like to say to Commander Riker, son?"
"My Dad says you're weird, mister."
"?!?! ..."
"And you've got big feet."
"Sorry, Jimmy. You got face up to the fact that the DITL captioneers are not going to give you an easy time. You've just got get used being stuck here with us."
"It's Timmy."
"My name. It's Timmy."
Riker:"Seriously, why DO we have children abort this ship? We're out in space for years, it's like the longest bring-your-kids-to-work day ever!"
Does the kid look like Riker or is it just me?
Riker: "Well then Timmy... When you grow up, are you going to be a full-fledged neo maxi zoom dweebie like your dad here?"
Timmy: "No, sir."
Riker: "GREAT!... So you are going to be a big, brave Starfleet officer."
Timmy: "No, sir. I plan on studying to become an organizer for SciFi Conventions."
"OK Jimmy, I want you to nip down to the shop and get a packet of 20 cigarettes & a bottle of cheap cider for me, and the Lieutenant here wants a packet of pipe tobacco."
Riker: "If it feels awkward to be reminded that Data is a machine, just remember that we are merely a different variety of machine, in our case electrochemical in nature."
Kid: "...I didn't ask..."
Commander Riker?
Yes, little boy
Can I have 2 pizza's, 1 Cheese & the other Hawaiian.
Riker: "Oh, don't feel embarrassed, kid! I too often get lost in the Enterprise's uniform looking maze of hallways!"
Kid: "I would like to join Starfleet one day, but this uniform is kinda dumb."
Riker: "Oh don't worry, they change the uniform style every few years!
"Don't you EVER use the word 'Thunderbirds' in front of me again."
Two Men and a Red Shirt
Two and a Half Men
Tow and a Half Men
When dealing with children, it is advisable to not also be considered one.
Every parent knows this situation.
Riker: "No, no Timmy... When you cower in front of Captain Picard, you must drop your eyes, THEN submissively urinate. Let me demonstrate."
"Mr Riker, is it wrong that my Dad thinks Wilma Flintstone is sexy?"
"Well, I'm more of a Betty Rubble fan actually ..."
A popular game amongst the Enterprise crew was "How long can you hold onto the burrito bottom burp?"
The Krankies ... IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!
In this image, we have two children being disciplined by an adult.
Riker: "So, your father called me an excellent role model? I feel flattered!"
Kid: "Yes Sir! He said that I should carefully observe you in order to learn what definitely not to do!"
"Don't you know ANYTHING about social distancing?"
"Commander Riker, is there any thing you want to say to your past self at age nine?"
Lt. : Unfortunately they are side effects to the COVID vaccine .
Cmdr Riker : What are they ?
Lt. : Well you become a 7 year old , just like your Capt. here .
Cmdr. Riker : Let me get back to you on that.
“If you are going to pull a prank, make sure you keep me out of it.”
“So, you are the one who re-wrote Data’s behavioral subroutines. Next time, don’t make him have a bad Italian accent.”
“So, tell me. What got you suspended this time?”
“So, tell me. What did you break this time?”
“So, tell me. What did you do to your dad’s coffee?”
Riker: "What happened to your mom, you want to know? Well, that's a bit hard to explain... Let's just say that she shouldn't have worn that red shirt."
"I'm sorry for sticking a 'KICK ME' sign to the back of your uniform, Commander."
"That's alright. I transferred it to Mr. Worf and he is looking for you."
Riker: "See, the red uniform means that in the command division. And your father wears a blue uniform because he's a huge nerd - er, I mean because he's in the science division."
"Right, let's play Twister ... put your right foot ona blue dot!"
Riker: "And why aren't you supposed to tease Alexander about his forehead ridges?"
Boy: "Because if I do, his father will kill me."
Riker: "I was about to say because it's morally wrong, but that works too."
Riker : Alright kid , did you leave your calling card on the carpet here ????
Riker: "Officially, I have to reprimand you, as it is my duty. But off the record? Yes, Baldy McGrumpypants *is* a funny nickname for the Captain!"
"Is it hard having a Dad who looks so smug, kid?"
Riker: "A bit more respect boy, that 'boobilicious Betazoid hottie' happens to be the ship's Councilor! Aren't you a tad too young for stuff like that anyway?"
Boy: "I was just repeating what Daddy said..."
Boy's dad: "Uhm... Uh... Er..."
"Please, Commander, he's really cute and I promise to walk him and clean up after him. So can I keep him?"
"Lieutenant, I suspect that the being who sold you this 'Tribble' was, in fact, a fraudster."
"Are you sure he's my Mini-Me?"
Riker : Kid your not standing on your mark , see its down here.
Kid : Oh you mean this red X on the floor .
"I can assue you Commander - I am NOT a cat!"
There was shrinkage..
Riker: "If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand!"
Crewman: "Is it really appropriate to say stuff like that to a kid?"
Riker: "Sure! My father said that to me all the time!"
"Sorry Billy, you forgot it was Mother's Day, so I'm going to have to put you in the brig for 30 days."
Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?
Man: Tell the commander what you've been doing, Billy.
Billy: I've been voting for my own caption entries.
Riker: Shame on you, Billy. You're not supposed to do that.
Billy: I know. I was seduced by the glamour of it all.
"So I've got to tell Captain Picard that the reason he is confronting a fleet of angry Nausicaan salvage ships is because you thought it would be a laugh to put the Enterprise up for scrap on ebay?"
Kid: "I'm terribly sorry, Commander. That was just supposed to be a prank."
Riker: "Thanks to your prank we're at war with the Romulans now."
Riker: "So there's been a Transporter accident and you're really Captain Picard? A likely story!"
When Did You Last See Your Father?: The Next Generation.
Riker: "Well, young man... I understand you participated in 'Captain Picard Day'?"
Young Man: "Yes, Commander."
Riker: "...and will you be participating in 'Commander Riker Day'."
Young Man: "Yes, Commander."
Riker: "Very well... As you were."
Young Man [under his breath]: "More like Commander A$$hole Day."
Juice spills; the true test of the Enterprise's carpeting.
Riker : Alright , young man . Would you care to explain why you put the Star Wars theme on your father scanner when he opens it ??
Riker: ", what have you learnt today?"
Kid: "That warp plasma is not a toy. I am so sorry, Commander."
Riker: "Well there Lieutenant... Is this your son?"
Lieutenant: "Yes Commander."
Riker: "...and what's this little tike's name?"
Lieutenant: "His name is Charlie, Commander."
Riker: "Charlie? Well, Charlie... Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"
Charlie: "Only my dad."
Riker [hits communicator]: "Riker to security... Report to Deck E, near Engineering."
Riker: "Well there Lieutenant... Is this your son?"
Lieutenant: "Yes Commander."
Riker: "...and what's this little tike's name?"
Lieutenant: "His name is Charlie, Commander."
Riker: "Charlie? Well, Charlie... Do you like movies about gladiators?"
Charlie: "What's a movie?"
Man: he's been writing terrible stories about us all and abusing the popular works of the writers who came before him.
Riker: you should be ashamed of yourself, young man. What is your name?
Boy: Alex Kurtzman.
Riker: you were the one who snuck the Ripper-5000-warp-core-breach-whoopie-cushion onto the captain's chair a few days ago?
Boy: yes, sir.
Riker: Worf laughed himself into an aneurysm and Picard hasn't left his ready room in three days.
Boy: yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.
‘Stupid adults. I should just kick this red shirt in the groin.’
Every time Riker stares down a kid, an angel looses it’s wings.
One of these 3 is Q. Can you figure out which one?
“Listen, I know you want to annoy Q, but you cannot possibly pretend to be Captain Picard.”
"Home schooling is over! You can go back to the classrooom and see your friends again! Isn't that great?"
"No. I'm the only one in my class."
In other news, DITL security are looking for a thief who steals the endings off captions. He is described as being short, with brown hair and wearing a
"Listen to me, kid. If you turn out like Wesley Crusher I'm gonna shoot you."
"You may be an engineering genius, kid. But causing the toilet in Captain Picard's ready room to reverse flush is a career limiting move."
"... and may the Captioneers of DITL have mercy on your soul."
Riker: "So you want to join Starfleet one day? That's a splendid decision, I'm sure you won't ever regret it! What's your name, anyway?"
Kid: "Cristóbal Rios, Sir!"
So you're the little punk who keeps voting for his own unfunny captions so you'll win the competition?
Riker: "What do you want to do when you're grown up."
kid: "I want to join Starfleet, Sir!"
Riker: "Good! Starfleet is always in need of new cannon fod- er, I mean eager young officers!"
"I am William Thomas Riker. Commander of the Enterprise. General dogsbody of the legions. Loyal servant to the True Captain, Jean-Luc Picard. Father to a murdered screenplay, husband to a murdered script. And I will have my vengeance, in this episode or the next!"
"Yeah, right."
"Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!"
Riker: "So... Your name is Anthony?"
Anthony: "Yes, Commander..."
Riker: "...and from what I understand, you sent Wesley Crusher to 'The Cornfield'".
Anthony: "Yes, Commander..."
Riker: "That's fine... Anthony, have you ever had the feeling you've done this before... Déjà vu?"
Anthony: "Yes, Commander..."
Riker : Now kid this is how you stand at attention when a superior officer enters the room.
Kid: "What do I have to do to become an awesome Commander just like you?"
Riker: "Work hard, be studious, and I'm sure you'll make it. If you survive being a low-ranked redshirt, that is."
Kid: "Understood, I - wait what?"
Parenting. Everyone’s greatest joy and worst nightmare.
Riker: "So, Timmy... did you break into the armory, steal a phaser and kill your cat?"
Timmy: "Yes, Commander..."
Riker: "...and did the cat deserve it?"
Timmy: "Yes, Commander..."
Riker: "Good..."
Shame: Damn... Riker is so good at that!
Every childhood memory, now ruined.
Crewmember: "I have to apologize for my son. Asking why you aren't Captain yet was very rude of him."
Riker: "Indeed, it was!"
Crewmember: "That being said, why AREN'T you Captain yet?"
Yet another gag to annoy Riker.
Yet another kid who could stand a condescending adult.
"It's an important life lesson, kid. The good thing about wetting yourself when wearing a black uniform is that it leaves you with a warm feeling and nobody notices."
"You're gross, mister."
"Hello kid, what are you doing here?"
"Shove it, bignose!"
"That's Commander Bignose to you."
"I caught him trying to call his agent to get an extra 20% for having to work with us."
"Only 20%, kid? I'd have gone for 40% at least!"
"Yes. We will. Stand here. Looking awkward and. Deliver our lines. Badly."
"Yes. Commander."
"Hey, how long do I have to stand here with these two ham actors before someone gives me an ice cream?"
(offscreen) "Cut! Shut up, kid, you've just ruined the take."
Frakes (thinking): "Maybe things will be better in Season Two. I just hope I never have to do a clip show. I HATE clip shows..."
Distracting kids with clown shoes.
When disciplining another person’s child, get that parent’s permission.
The future of shrinkage.
At least Riker is not a catholic priest.
"I have to apologize for my son, Commander. Lately he's telling every clean-shaven man that he'd look much better with a beard."
"Yeah, he's one of mine all right. Just keep your trap shut and stick him on deck 10 with the others."
"We found your Twitter troll Commander."
"Has it selected a gender yet?"
Riker: "No. I don't care what you say, he is too small to be Frankie Chestnuts."
"I call this meeting of The Guild Of Wooden Actors to order ..."
"Yes sir, I have successfully cloned Wesley Crusher. Isn't that great?"
"Now, let your arms hang by your side ... and relax. That is the end of this session of Corridor Yoga."
Kid: "So Mr Riker, are you gonna strip down to your tights like Captain Kirk?"
And the winner of the Starfleet Haircut Competition is ....
Here we see Cmdr. Riker practicing his 'submissive urination stare' on some of the more vulnerable members of the crew.
Riker: "Hey kid... My eyes are up here!"
Too tall, too short, and very amused.
Sooooo.... Riker just met his inner child.
Aren’t you a little short to be a storm trooper?
Here we have an apology gone wrong.
Not even a kid will take Riker seriously.
Riker noticing that a kid has spotted his lower salute.
Riker: I'm not looking down on you because I'm a snarky a**hole, I'm just looking down on you because you're unusually short.
Home schooling ... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Lt. , alright ! Who farted ??!!!
Commander , we scanned both you and the boy . Your not his father.
One of these things is not like the others ...


© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 67,493 Release date : 1 Apr 2021