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"Why do I get the pointy ears and Riker gets the nice blue dress & earring? Uhura, open a hailing frequency to my agent!"
Chekov: "...look at his eye brows."
Ohura: "...look at his ears."
Sulu: "...look at his hair line."
Shatner: “So I hear Nimoy’s got some sort of kooky song out there...”
Koenig: “Certainly, ‘The Ballot of Bilbo Baggins”.
Shatner: “Yea, yea, right. That one. I’m working on my own song. I'm going to re-do Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual"."
Koenig: "Will you be wearing that makeup?"
Shatner: "Sure... Why do you ask?"
♫ One of these things is not like the others...♫
♫ One of these things is not like the others...♫
The crew REALLY HATED it when Kirk started to sing.
Kirk: "An eye for an eye, an ear for an ear."
Chekov: "Ear? Vasn't that a tooth?"
Kirk: "Not on Romulus..."
"Kirk": But... how did you figure out that I am actually a Romulan spy?"
Chekov: "Vell, for starters, the real Kaptin Kirk would newer greet us with the vords 'hello fellov pathetic humans'."
"Spock told me he needed some alone time. I don't know why."
Two Yellow Shirts and a Red Shirt walk into a bridge...
"Right everyone, prick up your ears!"
Kirk: "Sure, everyone is politely ignoring Chekov's stupid haircut, but when something seems odd about MY appearance, none of you can refrain from staring. Hypocrites!"
Kirk: "Well, it turns out that I am kind of a reverse Michael Burnham."
Chekov: "A... vhat!?"
Kirk: "I am a Vulcan who got adopted by human parents."
"You need to give those back to Nimoy or the director's will never let us go home!"
"I can't."
"I've... superglued them to my face."
Kirk: "The fans love Vulcan's, the network might make us all Vulcans."
Captain, I do not think Mr Spock is going to see the humor in your Halloween costume.
Sir, I think the transporter is acting up again.
Chekov: "To be honest, Kaptin... Deanna Troi looks vay better as a Romulan."
Kirk: Why is everyone staring at me. This is not logical. Oh Crap I am looking like Spock and now I am sounding like Spock.
"Captain, about your ears ..."
"Chekov, if this is the joke about how many ears do I have, then I've heard it and I don't get the point."
Kirk: "If I ever want to beat Mr. Spock in 3D chess, I have to become his mirror image in every conceivable way!"
Kirk: "If you want to beat the Romulans, you have to think like a Romulan. And if you want to think like a Romulan, you have to BECOME a Romulan!"
FYI: Martin Luther King Jr was Nichelle Nichols biggest fan.
Oh, on the starship Enterprise / There's someone who's in Satan's guise / Whose devil ears and devil eyes / Could rip your heart from you!
Kirk: "Well... that happens if you eat too much plomeek soup. What, did you think that the Vulcans are born like this!?"
Bit of advice Chekov...avoid eyebrow threading...
Kirk: "Do you think Vulcan chicks will find me attractive now?"
Chekov: "You realize that they are only mating once every seven years, right?"
Kirk: "Oh, I know exactly what you all are thinking right now. I mean, the change in my appearance is obvious. Well, to satisfy your curiosity, thanks to my new workout program, I lost exactly 8.67 pounds so far!"
Kirk: "Spock ... Analysis!"
Chekov: "Kaptain, I am not Mr. Spock ..."
Kirk: "So who are you then?"
Chekov: "I am Sulu, Kaptain."
Sulu: "And I am Chekov, Captain."
Kirk: "So who's Uhura?"
Uhura: "I'm McCoy, Jim"
Kirk: "Vulcan? No, I am an Elf! Today is 'Lord of the Rings' Cosplay Night!"
Spock was very impressed with this holographic face, though it did need some tweaks with the eyebrows & ears.
Kirk: "What's the matter? Why are you all staring at me?"
Uhura: "You look... somehow different today, Captain..."
Chekov: "But ve are not sure vhy..."
Kirk and Chekov remained blissfully unaware of the truly horrible spider now making it's way up the Captain's neck.
Chekov: "...I think you have a point there, Kaptin."
Kirk: "I have ALL the points, Mr. Chekov. On my ears and on my eyebrows."
This was the moment the cast realized that Shatner had a toupee .
Captain we checked the data banks about your parents and you strike an incredible resemblance to your Mother T'Pol !!!
Spock: *walks in with shaved eyebrows* I fail to see the logic in your humor, Jim.
Uhura felt very out of place with her Raptors colours on. Go RAPTORS !!!
Chekov: Keptin, your ears! What happened?
Kirk: They Sulu's mechanical rice-picker.
Sulu: ...I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
Kirk: "Mwahahahahaha! Trick or treat?"
Chekov: "Kaptin, I need to tell you something wery important..."
Kirk: "I am all ears. And eyebrows."
"But sir, Vulcan has no full moon!"
Halloween on the bridge: Judd Hirsch as a Vulcan.
Spock's most recent mind-meld with Kirk wound up having some...interesting side effects.
Kirk: "Whom are you calling a pointy-eared hobgoblin!?"
Chekov: "Look, I am wery sorry about the hobgoblin part..."
Tuvix: The Prequel
"If you think the eyebrows look weird..."
Chekov: "Kaptin, Starfleet Intelligence just told us that they suspect that one member of the Enterprise bridge crew has been replaced by a Romulan spy!"
"Kirk": "What? Nonsense! They are just overly paranoid!"
Kirk: "I don't get why Spock thinks that this is racist."
Uhura: "Remember the 'black-facing incident' I was so upset about? It's kinda like that..."
Kirk: “So... I drank a little too much last night... Passed out on my bunk... Woke up... And came straight to the bridge. Why do you ask?”
Sulu (whispers): “Pssst... Ohura... Did you see the sign on his back? He-He... ‘KICK ME!’ He-He.”
Kirk exhibited the first signs of Pinocchio Syndrome. As he told stories about his ability to attract women, his ears grew.
"You are incorrect. I do not look like a Vulcan. That is a fake story circulated by fake news media."
"No, Captain! Please. Do not sing the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins again."
Kirk : Mr. Chekov , who's driving the ship ??!!!
There were times Bone's regretted not having any courses in Plastic Surgery
Doctor Bone's personal Hell.
Chekov : Ahh Captain .... What happened to your ears and eyebrows !
Captain : Hmmm well I was going to try and get a date with T'Pring . So I got the Doctor to do a little Plastic Surgery . What do you think ??
"NO! I am not Spock's Mini-Me!"
Axe Body Spray sometimes got you more than just beautiful woman in the 23rd Century.
It was at this moment that George Takei realized how sexy William Shatner was !!!
Kirk : NO ! I didn't fool around with T'pau !!! . What ever gives you that idea ?????
"Right, when I say 'Engage', you lot spin this chair as fast as possible!"
Takai: (thinking)"...Are those... hair plugs?"
"Well, Chekov, am I Romulan-y enough for the Romulan Club"
"Yes, Keptin. Wery enough."
"Introducing the official Star Trek Alienizer®! With your Alienizer®, you too can become an alien from the hit television show! Simply apply the eyebrows and eyeliner, our exclusive 'Sideburns of the Alien' (not included), pointed ears, then slick your hair back and voila! Instant alien! Fun at parties! Fool your friends! Confuse your Command staff! Get your official Star Trek Alienizer® today!"
Kirk: "Bones says these are the symptoms of drinking too much Romulan ale."
Chekov: "Really!? That stuff should be illegal!"
(To tune of Rocky Horror's Time Warp)
Kirk: "It's just matter to the left"
Chekov: "And anti-mat to the right"
Kirk: "Mix them up in the core"
Sulu: "And pull the mag field tight"
Uhura: "But it's all that thrust, that really drives you insane"
"You are being illogical Lt. Chekov, of course I am Captain Kirk!"
Looks like Nimoy has been playing with the permanent marker pen while Shatner had a nap.
"Excuse me, sir. Do you have a reservation?"
"I had it done to distract people from looking at my beer belly."
Shatner: “Why yes. I DID have my makeup done in Nemoy’s dressing room... Why do you ask?”
"How do I know that you're not all Romulans disguised as humans?"


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 48,373 Release date : 1 Jul 2019