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| Name | Caption |
| Bird of Prey | Another example of Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planetary Development: In every humanoid species, the "disapproving girlfriend" face was exactly the same..." |
| Name | Caption |
| Cyrus Ramsay | "Yes, Travis, your stories are so...interesting." |
| Chromedome | "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow." |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Travis: “No, I don’t want to turn off the gravity plating and jump up and down on the bed.” Nora: “Okay… How ‘bout we just have sex?” |
| Captain 8472 | Nora: What were you doing with that stuffed bear? Travis: I was lonely while in the expanse. |
| Miss Marple | How women really feel while you are mansplaining things. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Question: Where will YOU be when your twenty condoms of China White Heroin burst? Answer: Talking to Travis. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Travis: "WOW! Those are some 'Bedroom Eyes'." Nora: "Sorry... Ragweed." |
| The Geek | My spouse's reaction to my announcement that I won another Caption Competition on ditl.org. |
| Miss Marple | The Geek's wife complementing him for his recent win... Despite the fact that he's no Frankie Chestnuts. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Coed Urinals: One of the worst ideas is the 22nd century. |
| Captain 8472 | When you spend more time in your self made survival bunker than with your family, don’t expect your wife to understand. |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Officer Travis: "Ma'am... Please step out of the shuttle craft and show me your license and registration. Have you had anything to drink tonight?" Nora: "I'm not so think as you drunk I am." |
| Chromedome | "My agent told me I'd get to meet Frankie Chestnuts!" |
| Miss Marple | I like big bunks, and I cannot lie… |
| Frankie Chestnuts | "And she'll tease you, she'll unease you All the better just to please you She's precocious, and she knows just what it Takes to make a pro blush She got Greta Garbo's standoff sighs, she's got Bette Davis eyes" |
| Bodhi | "Some would say my eyes are half closed. Others would say they're half open. Which are you?" |
| Commodore Bob Wesley | So you are saying that the COVID Vaccine deniers are now dying of COVID? So surprising I forgot to register it... |
| Miss Marple | Nora: So why don’t the three of us … wait where did the other you go? Travis: How many fingers am I holding up? Nora: That would be 2 times 2 … that’s FOUR! |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Officer Travis: "Ma'am... Do you know why I pulled you over?" Nora: "I'm wanted in 6 different star systems? I didn't come to a full stop at that globular cluster? I was driving light speed in an impulse-only zone?" Officer Travis: "No Ma'am... But those are all good... What was that one about the globular cluster?" |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Officer Travis: "Ma'am... We witnessed you failing to stop at a red light, forcing a bus load of nuns off the road and running over a box full of kittens." Nora: "I went to Catholic school." Officer Travis: "Well... that explains the kittens." |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Officer Travis: “License and registration ma’am.” Drunk Nora: “What do you need officer?” Officer Travis: “Just your license and registration.” Drunk Nora: “Why? I haven’t been drinking... DRYING... DRIVING! I haven’t been DRIVING!” |
| Chromedome | "YOu forgot to put chocolate ice cream on the grocery delivery ... and you expect me NOT to be angry?" |
| Bird of Prey | Nora: "So your ship often has to deal with some mysterious guy from the future? Am I supposed to believe that?" Travis: "But it's true!" Nora: "What's this future guy's name?" Travis: "Future... uh, Guy..." Nora: "Uh-huh." |
| Bird of Prey | Woman: "Oh, I know you Kirk-types, having a woman on every planet and stuff..." Mayweather: "Kirk-type? But Jim Kirk hasn't even been born yet!!" Woman: "See? His reputation is THAT notorious!" |
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