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"Computer, return Husband of Chaotica to a monochrome image."
After removing their masks, crew members were astonished at the toll Captain Janeway’s pandemic drinking had taken...
Everyone felt a little awkward seeing each other naked -faced again.
Tom Paris was horrified as, before his eyes, a ravenous Tribble jumped onto the man’s head and started to eat him.
Following two years in the early 21st century in which it was cancelled, Coachella celebrated 350 consecutive years of crazy hippie fun in the desert.
Tom Paris was horrified as, before his eyes, a rogue muppet jumped onto the man’s head and started to eat him.
"You know the difference between us? I make it look GOOD!"
Son, I know more about orange clothes than you ever will.
Paris was trying out the "What will I look like at this age" feature of his new holo-mirror, and he didn't like the result.
"Do you want fries with that?"
Guy: "Welcome to Headband-Topia! All praise the Headband God!"
Paris: "Strangest. Cult. EVER!"
"Computer, return Husband of Chaotica to a monochrome image."
The Head is Hollow and I am in Disguise.
Band Minders
"My god, Tom, what's that on your face?"
"Oh. It's nothing. I just...tripped and fell."
"Wow. Did you fall on Seven?"
"My god, Tom, what's that on your face?"
"Oh. It's nothing. I just...tripped and fell."
"Wow. Did you fall on Captain Janeway?"
"My god, Tom, what's that on your face?"
"Oh. It's nothing. I just...tripped and fell."
"Was that Kes you fell on, or B'elanna?"
"My god, Tom, what's that on your face?"
"Oh. It's nothing. I just...tripped and fell."
"Was it Spot you fell on, or Kes?"
"My god, Tom, what's that on your face?"
"Oh. It's nothing. I just...tripped and fell."
"Was that Spot you fell on, or B'elanna?"
"An outsider! Tell me! Is lockdown over yet?"
Starfleet's entry to the Eurovision Song Contest gets ready to go on stage.
"Revenge is near! Finally I have you in my clutches, Thomas Eugene Paris..."
"Thomas... who?"
"Tom Paris! That's you, isn't it?
"Nope, never heard of that guy. My name is Nick Locarno."
"But... How can that be!? You look exactly like him!"
A visit to Osmondworld was always unsettling. It wasn't that rejuvenation techniques meant that Little Jimmy Osmond was still able to greet you personally, but when he started singing "Long Haired Lover From Liverpool" it was STILL cringeworthy.
Kidnapper: "So, its seems your Captain refused to pay the ransom. Do you know what that means?"
Paris: "Oh, please don't say it..."
Kidnapper: "It means we'll always have Paris!"
Guy: "Welcome to the planet of ugly fashion!"
Paris: "Why do I always get THOSE kind of away missions...?"
Space Joe Biden: "Come on Man"
OMG Its Space Joe Biden
Every young person will sympathize with this image: meeting your crush’s dad.
Gagger of the Mind
Snigger of the Mind
Sucker of the Mind.
Hugger of the Mind
Wringer of the Mind.
Bugger of the Mind.
Danger of the Mind
Digger of the Mind.
"Hey, old guys!"
Richard Simmons in the 24th century !!
“I don’t kiss and tell.”
Tom: Alright I've got an illusion of crystals I'll trade it for a vision of our ship. Space Hippie: What are you talking about just give me the damn crystals and I'll have my repair crew get to work! @#$?!& weirdo.
Tom: I've got the crystals. Space Hippie: No you have not. Tom: What? Hippie: Objects are an illusion, possessions are mearly visions.
Tom: Hey that's the delta flyer! Space Hippie: This vessel suffers from wounded chi, only the power of the crystals can hope to heal it. (Points to the desert) Beyond! Ohm OOOHM.
"Welcome to this guided tour of Jefferies Tube hatch covers!"
Man : Damn it Tom , he's dead !!
Tom : I take it you didn't have any side effects from your vaccine Harry ?
"Tom, I am your father."
I am you, the Ghost of Star Trek yet to come...
An Alien with a brain sucking symbiote.
"Greetings! Can I talk to you about the teachings of Wesley Crusher ..."
"No. I've got something more interesting to do."
"What's that?"
"My tax return."
The "Just Eat" delivery arrives for Tom Paris. It's taken a while, the delivery guy was a teenager when he set off.
Tom : Which one of those signs says " Washroom ? "
Space Hippie: "Can I interest you in energy savings solar panels?"
Paris: "I don't know... What about when I need to replace my polarized hull plating?"
Space Hippie: "Have you accepted Chakotay as your personal savior?
Paris: "I'm more a fan of Neelix..."
Anthony Joshua vs Tyson Fury this ain't!
"What kind of loony do you think I am?"
"It's not a headband, it's the safety belt for my Tribble."
"I was a redshirt, but the colour came out in the wash."
"I've got bad news, the Sixties called - they want their outfit back!"
Dr Who had an android dog, Red Dwarf had a highly evolved cat, Star Trek has ... a mutant chipmunk.
“When you get married, remember this piece of advice: every thing is your fault.”
“When you get married, remember this piece of advice: wear a cup when you deliver bad news.”
“When you get married, remember this piece of advice: every move you make, every breath you take, every step you take, she’ll be watching you.”
“When you get married, remember this piece of advice: you no longer have any say in your life.”
“When you get married, remember this piece of advice: she now owns your man bits.”
“When you get married, remember this piece of advice: always have an apology ready.”
Paris: "Why are you wearing that silly headband?"
Guy: "To keep my hair out of my face, dummy!"
Paris: "But your hair is too short to... oh, never mind."
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. Did she tell you what happened to the last guy that rejected her?”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. I see you also like to live dangerously.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. What is your method to avoid broken bones?”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. Keep an emergency medical kit on your side of the bed.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. Well, she can definitely take care of you if you misbehave.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. Good luck with your vows.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. Fair warning, she is her mother’s daughter.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. A word of advice, don’t cheat on her.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. Choose which hand you wish to loose during your honey moon.”
“So, you are the young man that wants to marry my daughter, Be’lana. How is your health insurance?”
This week, on Candid Camera...
"This headband holds my facelift in place."
I am you from the future, Tom. In seven minutes and 34 seconds, DUCK.
Man : Tom the COVID 30 vaccine may have some side effects.
Tom : Such as ?
Man : Such as , I was a younger Commander Chakotay !!!!
Paris: "What do you recommend for my back pain?"
New Age Guy: "Have you tried using healing crystals?"
Paris: "Wow, I can almost feel our EMH rotating in his holo-matrix right now!"
So, be honest. What do you think of my facelift?
Paris: "Space hippies? That's so 2260s!"
"Welcome to Beaverworld!"
"I'm a leprechaun! Isn't that obvious?"
"But shouldn't you be wearing green?"
"Don't stereotype me!"
"But ... they told me Frankie Chestnuts wears a headband just like this?"
Yet again, Robert McNeill was left with the feeling that maybe he ought to get a new agent.
"I see the costume budget is running low again."
Tom : What's up with that headband ?
Man : I'm elongating my head so I can stop Alzheimer's , other than that , I just can't remember.
“I have a 16 inch pizza with mushrooms and sausage for a Mr. Paris.”
"Feel the force! Let it flow through you! Become one with the force"
"Sorry mate, you've got the wrong franchise."
“Please. I only wear this headband to keep my skin out of my eyes.”
“So, when is your wife coming home?”
“So, how do like the house?”
Fitness trainer: "Come on, exercise is good for you!"
Paris: "My girlfriend is a Klingon - that provides me with all the exercise I need."
Space Hippie: "Tuck, tuck, tuck..."
Paris: "No, no no... A beaver sounds like this: chuck, chuck, chuck."
Space Hippie: ♪"Heading out to Eden
Yea, brother
Heading out to Eden
No more trouble in my body or my mind
Gonna live like a king on whatever I find
Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind
Yea brother, yea."♫
Trip: "Oh... You must be looking for The 60’s. Down that way, third door on the left.”
Space Hippie: ♪"Heading out to Eden
Yea, brother
Heading out to Eden
No more trouble in my body or my mind
Gonna live like a king on whatever I find
Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind
Yea brother, yea."♫
Trip: "Oh... You must be looking for The Sonic Showers. They are on Deck 6.”
Space Hippie: ♪"Heading out to Eden
Yea, brother
Heading out to Eden
No more trouble in my body or my mind
Gonna live like a king on whatever I find
Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind
Yea brother, yea."♫
Trip: "Oh... You must be looking for The AA Meeting. They meet on Deck 6.”
Space Hippie: ♪"Heading out to Eden
Yea, brother
Heading out to Eden
No more trouble in my body or my mind
Gonna live like a king on whatever I find
Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind
Yea brother, yea."♫
Trip: "Oh... You must be looking for The Jazz Club. They meet on Deck 6.”
Space Hippie: ♪"Heading out to Eden
Yea, brother
Heading out to Eden
No more trouble in my body or my mind
Gonna live like a king on whatever I find
Eat all the fruit and throw away the rind
Yea brother, yea."♫
Trip: "Oh... You must be looking for The Dystopian Society Club. They meet on Deck 6.”
"Can I get your JAG officer to represent me when I sue the costume department?"
"Welcome to Planet Tasteless!"
Cut along solid line
"Okay...this headband is too tight..."
OMG Star Trek Joe Biden
Shouldn't you be wearing a mask? Guy: I have a Headband.
Riiiight spaaaace mushrooms. And how many have you had?
Headband, cap, or wig? YOU MAKE THE CALL.
Tom:I like your tiara. Guy: It's a headband! A HEAD BAND!
That's not how the Force works!
“Pardon me… I was looking for the 80’s. They were around here a few minutes ago.”
“So, where is this ‘A-Team’ that you hired?”
“I am serious. And don’t call me ‘Shirley.’”
“Why yes, this head band keeps my hair on my head.”
“Excuse me sir, do you have time to talk about our Lord and Savior, Cthulhu?”
“Just slap me and call me Shirley.”

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© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 70,124 Release date : 1 Jun 2021