|Chromedome||"YOu forgot to put chocolate ice cream on the grocery delivery ... and you expect me NOT to be angry?"|
|Miss Marple||Travis: No, but thank you. I don’t think I can stay over. That bed’s so small, we would wind up sleeping on top of each other.
Nora looks at him.
|Miss Marple||Overhearing part of a musician’s wife’s never ending lament:
Nora: No! You can’t store your stomp boxes and gig bag up here. IT’S THE BED. We need something to sleep on.
|Bird of Prey||The face you make when you want to come off as listening attentively, but are actually tired as heck!|
|Captain 8472||“Please, dear. I know my mother said I could do better than you, that you are a gold digging hussy... I am not making my case am I?”|
|Chromedome||"You don't come any closer without proof of your vaccination status."|
|Bird of Prey||Nora: "If you start singing 'Faith of the Heart' once again, this date is over."|
|Captain 8472||Nora: If you say this bunk bed is big enough for us to share, you will be sleeping alone.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Officer Travis: “License and registration ma’am.”
Drunk Nora: “What do you need officer?”
Officer Travis: “Just your license and registration.”
Drunk Nora: “Why? I haven’t been drinking... DRYING... DRIVING! I haven’t been DRIVING!”
|Chromedome||"Move out of my way ... only a fool gets between me and The Great British Bake Off."|
|Captain 8472||“Could you please explain the existence of your tinder account, even though we are together.”|
|Captain 8472||“Why were you looking at other girls on-line?”|
|Captain 8472||Every breath you take, every lie you make, she’ll be watching you.|
|Chromedome||"So when were you going to tell me about the blow up Klingon doll?"|
|Bird of Prey||And then Travis Mayweather found himself in his very own personal Kobayashi Maru scenario...|
|Captain 8472||When you try to talk your way out of a punishment, keep your lies consistent.|
|Chromedome||"Travis, have you been eating curry again?"
"Er, no." (Farrrrp)
"..Liar, my butt's on fire. OK."
|Chromedome||While Enterprise was off to watch some volanoes exploding, Mayweather was about to face an eruption up close & personal.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Officer Travis: "Ma'am... We witnessed you failing to stop at a red light, forcing a bus load of nuns off the road and running over a box full of kittens."
Nora: "I went to Catholic school."
Officer Travis: "Well... that explains the kittens."
|Chromedome||"Frankie Chestnuts? Yeah, he just left."|
|Chromedome||"Come fly with me? Is that the best chat up line you can come up with Travis?"|
|Bird of Prey||The face of international Trek fans when Paramount announced at the last second that they won't get to see Discovery season 4 until some time in 2022...|
|Chromedome||"Hey, this may be ONLY a J class freighter to you, flyboy, but it's MY home - and it's WAY better than that Serenity freighter that they have on Firefly!"|
|Chromedome||"Nora, there is something I need to ask you. Something important."
(draws breath) "What is it, Travis?"
"Can you help me with my tax return?"
|Frankie Chestnuts||Officer Travis: "Ma'am... Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Nora: "I'm wanted in 6 different star systems? I didn't come to a full stop at that globular cluster? I was driving light speed in an impulse-only zone?"
Officer Travis: "No Ma'am... But those are all good... What was that one about the globular cluster?"
|Miss Marple||In space, no one can hear a quiet sigh of disappointment.|
|Captain 8472||After an hour, he has still failed to notice her new hair do.|
|Chromedome||Nora's agent explains his new fee structure.|
|Chromedome||"You are not Santa, and I will not be your elf!"|
|Miss Marple||Botox makes ladies look scary.|
|Miss Marple||This is how we all look, on the inside, when we smell your fear.|
|Miss Marple||Nora: So why don’t the three of us … wait where did the other you go?
Travis: How many fingers am I holding up?
Nora: That would be 2 times 2 … that’s FOUR!
|Commodore Bob Wesley||So you are saying that the COVID Vaccine deniers are now dying of COVID? So surprising I forgot to register it...|
|Bird of Prey||Mayweather: "What you're saying is illogical!"
Nora: "And you're hanging out with that Vulcan hussy T'Pol way too much!"
|Captain 8472||When your lies are busted because of your social media.|
|Captain 8472||No matter the culture or the point in history, pick up likes are always bad.|
|Captain 8472||Keeping a significant other happy is easy to screw up.|
|Chromedome||"A warp 5 ship? I bet you say that to all the girls!"|
|Bird of Prey||Another example of Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planetary Development: In every humanoid species, the "disapproving girlfriend" face was exactly the same..."|
|Captain 8472||“Travis, it was your turn to clean the cat box.”|
|Captain 8472||This image displays the classic ‘angry girlfriend’ trope.|
|Captain 8472||The truth will set you free. Or condemn you to the dog house.|
|Captain 8472||Travis was cornered. The only way out was to tell the truth. Or lie through his teeth.|
|Captain 8472||[insert Valentine’s Day joke here]|
|Captain 8472||The look you receive after forgetting flowers.|
|Captain 8472||“Travis, you will not be ‘Black Panther.’”|
|Captain 8472||“What are ‘Tribbles,’ and why should I wear them?”|
|Captain 8472||“Was I not good enough for you? Why were you peeping on T’Pol?”|
|Captain 8472||“Make one joke about the color ‘red’...”|
|Captain 8472||“Be careful about what you say next.”|
|Captain 8472||When you forget your anniversary.|
|Captain 8472||Even Q fears that look.|
|Captain 8472||Every husband just had a chill run down their spine.|
|Captain 8472||One wrong word, and the couch will be calling.|
|Bird of Prey||Girl: " In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets - and my boyfriend happens to be the most boring person ever in it!"|
|Captain 8472||“I’m sorry, but we can only go to one Thanksgiving Dinner per year and your mother hates me.”|
|Chromedome||Travis: "What's wrong? What have I done?"
Travis: "I can tell from the look, what am I supposed to apologise for?"
Travis: "So what are you giving me a hard look for?"
(Some things in life never change!)
|Chromedome||Oh no, she's looking at me in that tone of voice again!|
|Bird of Prey||If your girlfriend has that look on her face... GET OUT AT WARP SPEED!|
|MR. WORF||After 25 takes , this woman had just enough of this crap. Travis will recover in 2 weeks.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Nora: "All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."
Travis: "People on ‘ludes should not drive."
Nora: "Dude... You're the pilot!"
|Bird of Prey||Travis knew that this was the end of an era in Starfleet history when the girls weren't impressed at all anymore by him piloting the first Warp 5 ship...|
|Bird of Prey||Mayweather: "Hey, if you think *I* talk too much, you should meet Morn!"|
|MR. WORF||Woman : Damn it !! That wasn't a birth control pill , it was a sleeping pill !!!!!|
|MR. WORF||Woman : Excuse me !! But what the hell is that thing your wearing ??
Travis : It's an Andorian pleasure condom.
Woman : What's up with those little spikes ???
|Bodhi||"Some would say my eyes are half closed. Others would say they're half open. Which are you?"|
|Frankie Chestnuts||"And she'll tease you, she'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious, and she knows just what it
Takes to make a pro blush
She got Greta Garbo's standoff sighs, she's got Bette Davis eyes"
|Chromedome||Nora shows why she is a Burrito Bottom Burp champion.|
|Miss Marple||I like big bunks, and I cannot lie…|
|Bird of Prey||Woman: "Oh, I know you Kirk-types, having a woman on every planet and stuff..."
Mayweather: "Kirk-type? But Jim Kirk hasn't even been born yet!!"
Woman: "See? His reputation is THAT notorious!"
|N'tran DS 12||Uh oh, what is it this time?|
|AdmiralM||The Vulcan eyebrow raise is hard to master.|
|Chromedome||"My agent told me I'd get to meet Frankie Chestnuts!"|
|Chromedome||"Nora, don't look out of the window in the morning."
"Because otherwise you'll have nothing to do in the afternoon."
|Chromedome||"So I was, like, y'know, OMG, and like, whatever n' stuff, right and like ..."
"Look, what coffee DO you want?"
|Bird of Prey||If you're not Odo, trying the Cardassian neck trick won't impress anyone.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Officer Travis: "Ma'am... Please step out of the shuttle craft and show me your license and registration. Have you had anything to drink tonight?"
Nora: "I'm not so think as you drunk I am."
|Miss Marple||Nora: I recognize this taste ... it tastes like ... like disappointment.|
|Miss Marple||Random thought generator engaged.|
|Miss Marple||The Smokey eye… IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!|
|Captain 8472||Nora: So, what you are saying is that a military life is easier than ‘dealing’ with me?|
|Captain 8472||When you spend more time in your self made survival bunker than with your family, don’t expect your wife to understand.|
|Captain 8472||Covid quarantine dates take place in fallout shelters.|
|Codingjungle||My cat had the same look on their face once, when one of the dogs came up and put a wet cold nose on their butthole.|
|Codingjungle||Nora: "Romuuuulaaan aaaalllleee shoo..should be ill...legal"
Travis: "It is!"
|Chromedome||"So how many bagels can you fit on there?"|
|Captain 8472||Nora: What are you not telling me?
Travis: I... I walked in on T’Pol and Commander Tucker. I did not know he was a sub.
|Captain 8472||“You know the rules: my approval is required for each new ‘contact.’”|
|Captain 8472||“You broke Covid protocols to go out drinking?”|
|Captain 8472||“What did you do this time?”|
|Captain 8472||The more he tries to come up with excuses, the more time he will spend on the couch.|
|Captain 8472||“So, tell me. Who is this ‘Maria’ that contacted me this morning?”|
|Captain 8472||The deadpan stare of an incredulous girlfriend.|
|Chromedome||"Talk dirty to me. I love it when you talk dirty."
"Yeah? Give it 15 minutes before you open the door to the toilet. I've just core dumped a curry."
|MR. WORF||Woman : Hmmmm....Excuse me but why are there bunk beds in my quarters ??
Tuvok : These are Our quarters. I'll sleep on the top bunk.
|Bird of Prey||"Yeah, I GET IT, Travis! You found those three-breasted women very impressive. Now please stop talking about them while we're ON A FRIGGIN' DATE!"|
|Samus||When your freighter is hauling 30 kilotons of Sass at warp 1.5|
|Samus||"You fly a Warp 5 starship....that don't impress me much"...*Breaks out into Shania Twain*|
|Chromedome||"You've been a bad boy, haven't you?"
|Chromedome||"I don't care whether B'Etor looks good in it, I am NOT wearing that chainmail bikini!"|
|Miss Marple||If looks could kill…|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Officer Travis: “Ma’am…. Do you realize you were going warp 3 in a school zone?”|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Officer Travis: “...Sorry ma’am. I obviously wasn’t clear. Please close your eyes, put your arms to your sides, and touch the tip of YOUR OWN nose with your index finger of your right hand.”|
|Bird of Prey||Mayweather "No really, the Draylaxian women DO have three breasts!"
|MR. WORF||Woman : Good heavens ! I wish he'd shut up , I think I'm going to throw up !!!!|
|MR. WORF||Woman : You weren't that good Tuvok .
Tuvok : I find that illogical .....
|Frankie Chestnuts||Coed Urinals: One of the worst ideas is the 22nd century.|
|Captain 8472||Her patience is wearing thin. Her leg, ready to strike below the belt.|
|Captain 8472||One woman, ready to punch her way through the glass ceiling.|
|Miss Marple||The Geek's wife complementing him for his recent win... Despite the fact that he's no Frankie Chestnuts.|
|Miss Marple||The Geek's wife looking sorry she was ever dragged into DITL.|
|Miss Marple||The Geek's wife's reaction to all of his bad puns.|
|The Geek||My spouse's reaction to my announcement that I won another Caption Competition on ditl.org.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Travis: "WOW! Those are some 'Bedroom Eyes'."
Nora: "Sorry... Ragweed."
|Frankie Chestnuts||Question: Where will YOU be when your twenty condoms of China White Heroin burst?
Answer: Talking to Travis.
|Miss Marple||It's impossible to give consent when you are drunk.|
|Miss Marple||How women really feel while you are mansplaining things.|
|Captain 8472||Nora: What were you doing with that stuffed bear?
Travis: I was lonely while in the expanse.
|Captain 8472||So your girl walked in on you doing something embarrassing, now what do you say and/or do?|
|Captain 8472||The deadpan stare of the angry girlfriend.|
|Captain 8472||Nora: Zip up your fly, that is not impressive.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Travis: “Sure, Nora… Serving on a starship’s pretty cool. Most of the time I spend brooding in zero-G until the captain finds me and tells me to get my ass back on the bridge.”|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Travis: “No, I don’t want to turn off the gravity plating and jump up and down on the bed.”
Nora: “Okay… How ‘bout we just have sex?”
|Chromedome||"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."|
|Cyrus Ramsay||"Yes, Travis, your stories are so...interesting."|
|© Graham & Ian Kennedy||Page views : 1,531||Release date : 30 Nov -0001|