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Caption Competition

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Name Caption
Miss Marple Odo: You wanted to discuss my log entries?
Sisko: Starfleet prefers you just start off with "Constable's Log:" and proceed from there. There's no need for a preamble like "Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death..."
Odo: You object to Shakespeare?
Chromedome "If I discover that X is ten, does that make me an existentialist?"
The Geek Odo: "I talked to The Geek about his puns."
Sisko: "Good. And?"
Odo: "I told him that if he could make me laugh at any one of ten puns, I would not arrest him on a disturbing the peace charge."
Sisko: "Clever. Did he?"
Odo: "No, Commander. No pun in ten did."
Dax (offscreen): "Okay, even I think that was bad..."
Bird of Prey Sisko: "Where's Quark?"
Odo: "In my bucket. After what he's done this time, I figured the brig was too good for him."
Alberto Hello Word
Chromedome Sisko: "When I said there was trouble at t'mill, I didn't expect the inquisition!"
Odo: "Nobody expects the Odo Inquisition! My chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise ..."
Sisko: "Shut up."
Chromedome Sisko: "When I ordered a cheesy pizza, I didn't expect you to appear out of the box."
Chromedome "Yes, I'll have a Babycham."
Jeffery Do you like cheese as well?
Chromedome "DO. NOT. EVER. Pretend to be my morning doughnut."
Bird of Prey Odo: "I always take care to keep my bucket squeaky-clean. After all, my name is Odo, not Odour!"
Captain 8472 “So, Constable. What have you been doing to cause Garak to vandalize your bucket?”
Captain 8472 “Constable, why were you pretending to be a wig that fit Quark’s head?”
Captain 8472 “How long have you been disguising yourself as Quark’s favorite shirt?”
Frankie Chestnuts Sisko: "No Constable... Your ass doesn't look big in that uniform. But good God, your nose could lose a few centimeters."
Chromedome "Commander, I have a problem with Quark ..."
"So what's new with that?"
"It's about the bands he has booked to play at his bar."
"What of it?"
"Ann Drex And The Cling On Shifters? They might upset the Klingons."
"I'm sure they'll wipe the floor clean."
"Or Big Willy And The Trouser Torpedoes?"
"Willy Eckaslike? He's great!"
Chromedome "Constable ... does my bum look big in this?"
Captain 8472 Sisko: Odo, why is Quark so angry with you this time?
Odo: I got him to get his ears pierced. Without any anesthesia.
Captain 8472 “Commander, I am curious. What is this ‘Rickrolling’ that Garak did to you?”
Captain 8472 “Odo, I have a new job for you. I want you to make Quark think that he has accessed your surveillance equipment. When that happens, an old Earth ‘music video’ must play on all the monitors in his bar. The recording is ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ by Rick Astly.”
Captain 8472 “Odo, what is I hear about you turning into a ‘biggus dickus?’”
Chromedome "I see your cupcakes ... and raise you my chocolate brownie."
The Bake Off contest on DS9 was taken very seriously.
Chromedome The "Strictly Come Dancing" lineup is revealed.
Bird of Prey Odo: "You would look better with a beard and a shaved head. Just try it out!"
Sisko: "Easy for you to say. You can change your look in a matter of seconds!"
Captain 8472 Odo: Commander, have you ever considered getting your ear pierced?
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "Captain, I-"
Sisko: "Constable... I'm going by the name "Hawk" now."
Odo: "Hawk?"
Sisko: "Correct. Hawk. No other name. Just Hawk. Like Bono, or Cher. My best friend is "Spencer".
Odo: "Spencer? Does he have another name."
Sisko: "Nope... just Spencer."
Odo: "Captain, you do realize I only have one name... Like Madonna, or Charo... or Stimpy."
Chromedome Sisko looked at his latest Amazon delivery with satisfaction. Yes, this was the perfect April Fool for Quark - an inflatable Odo!
Beechy Sisko tried so hard not to stare at the blue air freshener on Odo's chin.
Beech Sisko tried so hard not to lookout the blue air freshener stuck on Odo's chin.
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "Did not."
Sisko: "Did too."
Odo: "Did not."
Sisko: "Did too."
Odo: "Did not."
Sisko: "Did too."
Odo: "Did not."
Sisko: "Yes, Odo. You DID turn yourself into a toilet... Now... more importantly... Where do you do this?
The Geek Odo: "Before you go, Commander, you need to know about the animorphic beings who inhabit this planet. Apparently they can transform into creatures that closely resemble the Earth bear."
Sisko: "Thank you, Constable."
Odo: "I just wanted you to care and be aware of the werebear scare there."
Kira: (offscreen): "Chief, two to beam out three meters outside Docking Bay Two."
Bird of Prey Odo: "...and then I revealed that I've disguised myself as a bar of latinum, and Quark said 'That's not what I meant when I talked about liquidating my assets!'"
Captain 8472 “Odo, why were you watching cat videos while you were in duty?”
The Geek Odo: "I solved the mystery of why the old and blind Katterpod farmer fell down the well on his property."
Sisko: "And?"
Odo: "He couldn't see that well, Commander."
Sisko: "Where are you getting your material?"
Odo: "From one who calls himself 'The Geek'. I will chat with him about it later."
Sisko: "See to it that you do."
Odo: "I see what you did there."
Kira (offscreen): "AARRGH!"
Bird of Prey Sisko: "All that time I thought the Bajorans consider me their Messiah. Turns out they just like my cooking."
Chromedome "I think we're alone now."
Bird of Prey Odo: "My name is 'Odo', with a 'd'. 'Oh no' is just what Quark keeps saying whenever he sees me."
Bird of Prey Sisko: "The peace negotiations with the Dominion are going pretty well, it seems. The Founders said that my arguments are all very solid."
Odo: "Um... I hate to break it to you, but that doesn't mean what you think it means..."
Captain 8472 Odo: There is a report that Doctor Bashir removed an stick from Major Kira’s hind end, while in public.
Sisko: What!?
Odo: There is more. This stick apparently contained a powered vibration device.
Captain 8472 “Commander, there is a rumor going around that you got blackout drunk and woke up naked, and in bed, with two of Quark’s dabo girls.”
Captain 8472 “What would be the harm? I turn my self into one of Kai Winn’s hats and get what we need to have her excommunicated.”
Captain 8472 “What would be the harm? I turn my self into one of Quark’s drink glasses and conduct a surprise health inspection.”
Captain 8472 “Commander, when will I be allowed to throw Garak and Quark into the same holding cell? I have an ‘experiment’ I wish to perform.”
Captain 8472 “Constable, I hope you are ready for your ‘initiation.’”
Captain 8472 “Tell Quark that he should pray for Morn to not press charges. Giving his best customer food poisoning...”
Captain 8472 Sisko: Odo, why is Doctor Bashir in a coma?
Odo: Jadzia called out ‘Julian’ while she was ‘with’ Warf.
Captain 8472 “Odo, have you ever heard of an old Earth story called ‘Deliverance?’”
Captain 8472 “Commander, how does one talk to the parents of an individual that one wishes to date?”
Robin -FakeAsmr Must Be Stoppe Of course I am not spying on you playing with your Action Man. I am not mad.
The Geek Odo: "If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross... but it's not for the timid."
Sisko: "So asking Winn out on a date might not be such a good idea..."
Captain 8472 “Odo, why were you found in Jadzia’s bath tub, in your liquid state?”
Chromedome "Did you just fart?"
Bird of Prey Sisko: "I hear you've been annoying Quark again?"
Odo: "Sir, I can explain..."
Sisko: "Today is my turn to annoy Quark!"
McFortner Sisko: Are you eyeballing me, son?
Captain 8472 “Odo, why is Dukat in my office, sitting in my chair, naked?”
The Geek Odo: "I spoke to the widow. She told me her old husband's last words before he kicked the bucket."
Sisko: "'Kicked the bucket', Constable?"
Odo: "An old Earth idiom. May I continue?"
Sisko: "By all means."
Odo: "He said, 'Do you want to see how far I can kick this bucket?'"
Sisko: "Excellent set up and punchline; much better from last week."
Captain 8472 Sisko: Constable, I have a difficult job for you.
Odo: What is it, Commander?
Sisko: I want you to find out who has been writing and post ‘fanfics’ regarding me being ‘romantically’ involved with you.
Captain 8472 Sisko: Constable, I have a difficult job for you.
Odo: What is it, Commander?
Sisko: I want you to find out who has been writing and post ‘fanfics’ regarding me being ‘romantically’ involved with Quark.
Captain 8472 Sisko: Constable, I have a difficult job for you.
Odo: What is it, Commander?
Sisko: I want you to find out who has been writing and post ‘fanfics’ regarding me being ‘romantically’ involved with Jadzia.
The Geek Odo: "Huh. So tell me, Mr. Starfleet, have you ever committed even just the tiniest infraction?"
Sisko: "No, but I have done some shady shit for a Klondike Bar."
The Geek "Dear Penthouse..."
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "Captain, I-"
Sisko: "Constable... I'm going by the name "Hawk" now."
Odo: "Hawk?"
Sisko: "Correct. Hawk. No other name. Just Hawk. Like Bono, or Cher. My best friend is "Spencer".
Odo: "Spencer? Does he have another name."
Sisko: "Nope... just Spencer."
Chromedome "Commander, if I don't get a decent caption, I'm leaving."
Bird of Prey Sisko: "Be more flexible, Odo!"
Odo: "I'm a Changeling! How much more flexible do you want me to be!?"
MR. WORF Avery was none to happy to here Rene got a bigger salary increase him !!!!
Captain 8472 “Constable, why are you a ‘tripod’ right now?”
john Is that your foot?
Miss Marple Sisko: “It’s always Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!”
Odo: Excuse me, Commander, but that phrase has recently been replaced by “It’s always Frankie, Frankie, Frankie!”
Sisko: But … Frankie Chestnuts was never even on the Brady Bunch.
Chromedome "Constable, as a shapeshifter - why don't you have a better haircut?"
"Commander, as a shapeshifter - I don't have a receding hairline."
Chromedome "Constable, step away from the Commander. You're supposed to keep two metres apart."
Chromedome "How long can we keep straight faces when Quark is behaving like that behind the camera?"
Chromedome "Constable, I'm organising a remake of 'Plan 9 From Outer Space'. Can you do Bela Lugosi?"
"Great, we'll call it ... 'Deep Space 9 From Outer Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace'. Yeah?"
Chromedome "Constable ... is that a toupee or is a tribble getting up close & personal?"
Captain 8472 “Commander, why did you pull down your pant?”
Captain 8472 Sisko continued to pace in a circle around Odo, unsure what to make of his security chief. Every bone in his body... That was a poor choice of words...
Captain 8472 Siko: Constable, the next time you set up Quark on a date with Garak, make sure it doesn’t happen on this station.
Odo: Is the Defiant available?
Captain 8472 Sisko: Let me see if I understand this. In a bout of anger, Quark told you to shove your head where the sun doesn’t shine. You then stretched out your neck so you could put your head up your hind end, and did so just to make a point. What was the point again?
Odo: Be careful about what you wish for.
Captain 8472 “Commander, remember that when you try to grab me down there, I have no ‘male’ parts.”
Captain 8472 “Commander, I just found out Garak is interested in getting a sex-change operation. From Bashir.”
Captain 8472 Frankie Chestnuts confronts the person trying to steal Miss Marple.
Miss Marple Forgive me, DITL Captioneers, if I keep coming up with naughty comments, but you’re the one with the “naughty” pictures.
Miss Marple I’ve got your “universal translator” right here!
Miss Marple Benjamin, shaking his fist: I’ve got your “universal translator” right here!
Captain 8472 This image shall inspire a great many fanfics.
Captain 8472 “Constable, why were you spying on my son?”
Miss Marple Sisko: Constable, I served with Frankie Chestnuts.
I know Frankie Chestnuts.
I’ve been mocked by Frankie Chestnuts.
Frankie Chestnut is my friend.
He lets me call him Frank.
Constable, you are no Frankie Chestnuts.
Chromedome "Odo, did you put the cat out?"
"we don't have a cat, Commander."
"It's just as well you didn't put it out then."
Chromedome "Commander, I have vital information!"
"It's half price at Quark's Pizzeria tonight."
Chromedome "Hold it, Odo. Miss Marple called. She says you're not up to impersonating Frankie Chestnuts."
Captain 8472 Just kiss each other already!
SlartyBardFast “Odo, why did you let me walk into a kiddie pool?”
“I was preparing to relax sir”
“I hope that’s water I’m standing in.”

“It is not, sir."
SlartyBardFast Since space travel began, from the brave, intrepid explorers and the rugged home-steaders to even the consummate professionals of Star Fleet, all the voyages have been marked by the bitter contest of wills of “he who smelt it…"
MR. WORF Sisko : Don't Stand So Close To Me ...
MR. WORF Sisko : Did you complete the mission ?
Odo : Yes Commander , now Frankiechestnuts is going win the Caption Competition . Muhahahaha !!!
The Geek Odo: "Commander, just between you and me, something smells."
Sisko: "What is it, Constable?"
Odo: "Your nose."
Sisko: "Working on your sense of humor, eh?"
Odo: "So what do you think?"
Sisko: "It stinks."
Odo: "Then I odor work on it some more."
Kira (offscreen) "WILL YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF?!?"
Chromedome Sisko: "If you were half the man I am then ..."
Odo: "I would be in charge."
Chromedome "I think I love you."
MR. WORF Odo : Commander Sisko , where's your vaccination passport ?
Sisko : Hmmm I don't seem to have it , I am in charge so I'm sure you'll let be by this time.
Odo : Think Again !!!
MR. WORF The two of them still couldn't agree on which button press to stop the auto-destruct.
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "So when I was first working with Dr. Pol, he had me transform into various basic shapes... cubes, spheres, cylinders... Then we transitioned to more complex shapes: pyramids, cones... That's when it got disturbing. First it was a meat cleaver. Then a toilet [shutters]. It got worse from there..."
Commodore Bob Wesley Look into my eyes...
Commodore Bob Wesley "Commander, we're f*cked."
Captain Kirk Do you mean to tell me that they don't have Raktajinos in the 23rd century? I need my caffeine!
Commodore Bob Wesley "Do you mean to tell me that they were eating deep-dish pizza?"
=NoPoet= Odo: "Commander, I never said I dislike 'Merlin', only that I haven't seen it."
Sisko: "..."
Odo: "All right! I will make time to watch an episode."
Sisko: "..."
Odo: "I will watch the entire show! Right now! Please, just say something, anything!"
Sisko: "In a land of myth, and a time of magic..."
=NoPoet= It had been thirty-eight hours and his eyes felt like they were on fire, but Sisko wasn't going to lose the third Annual Staring Contest.
Miss Marple Sisko: Back off Father Mulcahy! I was complementing your performance on M*A*S*H, not mashing.
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "Captain... I've always wondered... Why isn't Jadzia aware of Curzon Dax's feelings about her when she was a candidate to become a host? I mean, she should have all the memories of previous hosts..."
Sisko: "It's best not to ponder on such things. Curzon was always a lying a-hole."
Frankie Chestnuts Sisko: "Constable... Who is your barber?"
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "Captain... Help me out with this: Supposedly a Monk, a Clone and a Ferengi decide to go bowling... What is this 'bowling'?"
Commodore Bob Wesley Among Changelings, the game "Got your nose" evolved into "Imitate your nose." Unfortunately, Odo was not very good at it.
Frankie Chestnuts Sisko: "Constable... The next time you shape shift into Kasidy Yates you will regret the day you stepped foot on this station."
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid... I need to know... What is a urinal used for?
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid, I've become obsessed with 17th century French fashion. Sir... I need help.
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid, I keep wondering... Why didn't the Founders give me a more realistic nose?"
Frankie Chestnuts Sisko: "Constable... You say Quark was hiding twenty condoms of China White Heroin WHERE?"
Miss Marple Odo: No, Chromedome, I cannot try to become Frankie Chestnuts because, from what I've heard, He's SO HOT I might combust
Captain 8472 Sisko: Why is Garak in the infirmary and Major Kira in a holding cell?
Odo: Kira walked in on Garak and Zyal. In Kira’s bed.
Captain 8472 Sisko: What is Garak accused of this time?
Odo: He is accused of planting a noise making sub-routine into communications system for Quark’s quarters. It appears that random high pitch sounds would occur at random intervals. Quite ingenious.
Captain 8472 “Odo, I did not give you authorization to monitor Quark’s finances just so you could make it look like he is impotent.”
Captain 8472 “Commander, Quark was recently caught peeping on Major Kira. Accompanied by Nog and your son.”
Captain 8472 “Commander, do I have your permission to annoy Quark?”
Chromedome "So your nose can't change shape because you've got a Covid swab stuck up it?"
Chromedome "Hello, good looking!"
Chromedome "Odo, seriously, is that the best Boris Johnson you can do?"
Chromedome "Odo, do you think you can impersonate Frankie Chestnuts?"
Captain 8472 Sisko: When did Quark ‘acquire’ the rights to rent out an upper pylon?
Odo: After you attended that bachelor party.
Captain 8472 “Constable, when did Garak plant that listening device in my office?”
Captain 8472 Sisko: Odo, Quark has registered a complaint regarding you.
Odo: I haven’t done anything to him lately.
Sisko: That is the problem. He claims you are now up to something particularly evil.
Odo: That’s preposterous. I will only perform actions that are legal.
Captain 8472 “Commander, has anyone told you that you would look better with a goatee and shaved head?”
Captain 8472 This staring contest will have a predictable winner. Only one individual has no biological requirement for blinking.
Captain 8472 Sisko: Odo, Dukat is arriving in two hours. Please have an ‘appropriate greeting’ prepared.
Odo: I’m sure Garak can set something up.
Captain 8472 “Commander, are you sure you want to know how Quark was used as a ventriloquist puppet?”
Captain 8472 “Commander, I have observed many contradictory behaviors in humanoids, but a parent tellin thier child ‘they will not be in trouble if they tell the truth’ is one of the worst.”
Captain 8472 Sisko: Odo, why has Upper Pylon 3 been ‘closed for maintenance?’
Odo: Quark rented it out to a group of Naucicans. They were ‘celebrating’ their captain’s divorce.
Captain 8472 Sisko: Odo, what happened to Quark and Garak?
Odo: It appears someone set them up on a blind date. With each other.
Chromedome "Are you talking to me? Are YOU talking to ME? Hey?!"
"Yeah, I AM talking to you! Are you too dumb to tell?"
"You gotta problem with me, buddy!?"
"No, I got a problem that you brought me a Meatball Marinara when I asked for a BMT!"
PegasusJF Changelings are unbeatable in staring contests.
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid, I've had these... urges. And Captain... I think I love you.
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid, I now have a sense of smell. And Captain... It's your breath..."
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid, my body's been generating these small malodorous orbs."
Frankie Chestnuts Odo: "I'm telling you, Captain... Ever since I've become a solid, I've lost EVERY staring contest!"
Miss Marple Sisko: When I am dancing, Odo, I prefer to lead.
MR. WORF Sisko : Major Kira informs me you were in the women's bathroom in the form of a towel. What the hell were you thinking ???
Odo : I was just hanging out to dry ...
MR. WORF Odo : Commander , where's your proof of vaccination passport ??

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© Graham & Ian Kennedy Page views : 2,009 Release date : 30 Nov -0001