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| Name | Caption |
| The Geek | Bones: "She's dead, Jim." Kirk: "Oh, hoo, hoo, look who knows so much! It just so happens that your friend here is mostly dead! Mostly dead means slightly alive. If she were all dead, there would only be one thing to do." Bones: "And what is that?" Kirk: "Go through her pockets and look for loose change!" Spock: "I should have listened to my father..." |
| Name | Caption |
| The Geek | Kirk: "According to the tricorder, she finds me irresistible." Bones: "Please give me my tricorder, Jim..." Spock: "Captain I must also point out the tricorder is currently deactivated." |
| Chromedome | "She's acting Jim, but not as we know it!" |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Bones: "I don't need to see the Tricorder... She's a space hippie and she drank the grape Kool-Aid." Kirk: "But it appears she isn't dead..." Bones: "...no need to look... Grape Kool-Aid." |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Bones: "Curious case, Jim... swollen lymph node(s)... purple spots... epistaxis... I am really stumped." Spock: "Perhaps this arrow in her back will help with your diagnosis." |
| The Geek | (voiceover): "This week on Star Trek: Captain Kirk spends 10 minutes mansplaining a medical tricorder to a Doctor." |
| Ayni | Kirk : She's dead Bones ! McCoy : That's unfair... Spock : Do you know her ? McCoy : What ? Oh no... It's... It's... It's my catchphrase ! |
| Bird of Prey | Kirk: "Great. First that planet with the horned albino gorillas, and now we are on one where people get attacked by a land octopus." |
| mwhittington | Bones: Looks to me like she died of space herpes. Kirk: Oh, crap!...Uh, I mean, that's a shame. By the way, is space herpes curable, and do we have the cure aboard? Bones: Jim, you can only get space herpes through...*sighs* Not again, Jim! |
| Bird of Prey | Kirk:"See, with this new program in our tricorders, we will find out who the killer was in no time. You could say that it is... a killer app!" |
| Bird of Prey | Kirk: "Well, I guess I am just that drop dead gorgeous..." |
| Chromedome | "It's no use hiding behind the girl ... she only stops 5 points of damage ..." (offscreen there is the rattle of RPG dice rolling) |
| Chromedome | "No, she doesn't have the winning lottery ticket either." |
| Chromedome | "Jim, I know you use Lynx Africa deodorant because you think it attracts women, but I think you've overdone it this time." |
| Bird of Prey | Kirk: "Look Bones, I am very sorry that I called you a hillbilly quack. And now please go back to performing your duty and find out what happened to this woman." |
| Bird of Prey | Bones: "Something... very dangerous was here." Kirk: "Gee, you think!?" |
| Chromedome | "Bones, how was I to know the VD would mutate and kill them all?" "Jim, don't you know ANYTHING about safe sex?" |
| Chromedome | They arrived at the dead centre of the galaxy. |
| Bird of Prey | Bones: "They are all dead." Spock: "Well Captain, in this case there is only one logical way to proceed..." Kirk: "Get back to the Enterprise immediately, jump to warp, and deny that we were ever here...?" |
| Danish33 | Jim,this place reminds me of your quarters on a Sunday Morning.... |
| Chromedome | (Thinking) If I have to lie here while Shatner screws up yet another take then I'm gonna punch his lights out. |
| Bird of Prey | Kirk: "I told them that founding a colony on Murderdeathlethalus IV was a rather foolish idea..." |
| Frankie Chestnuts | Kirk: "Bones... um... over here." Bones: "But look at that one over there..." Kirk: "Bones, how 'bout the patient right here." Bones: "But she's almost dead... and that one over there is just so... alive!" Kirk: "Good point." |
| Miss Marple | Kirk: Remind us to never cheese off Liam Neeson again. |
| Bird of Prey | Kirk: "Why do we even have you aboard, Bones? You have been exposed! The tricorder does all the work for you! Look, I scanned her, and the display literally says: 'She is dead, Jim!'" |
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