www.ditl.org

Just something I'm curious about.

Could hardly be better. They moved down here to my town about seven years ago, so they're now about a mile and a half away from me. I visit weekly, as well as going over when they need help with stuff - they're both in their 70s and both disabled, my dad more so after he had a stroke last year, so they need a helping hand now and again. We get on great, have no issues between us, and I couldn't want better parents.

I consider myself lucky to have the parents I've got. Aside from typical adolescent angst while I was growing up, I have a great relationship with my folks. I speak to them at least weekly and visit 1 - 2 times per month at minimum. They are getting up in age - my dad just turned 80 and my mother will be 77 early next year - and have a host of medical issues that aren't individually too major but tend to pile up; my mother has just had opthalmologic surgery to remove a cataract (the other eye was done years ago) and receives injections into her eyeball to forestall the progress of macular degeneration, and both my parents have the osteoarthritis, back issues, etc. that can be expected at their age. However, I still find it hard to keep up with their schedule. They're fairly busy in their community and travel a fair bit.

Pretty good. I live about twenty miles away. They like the fact that I have never moved back in unlike my brother and that I am self sufficient unlike my brother.

They like the fact that I am the one who does the cleaning as both are hoarders. Not dirty, piles of garbage all over the place with junk piled high, but collectors. My Dad collects guitars and other musical instruments and my Mom goes through hobbies but never throws them away. So I am the one who organizes and throws stuff away. I also do the repairs to the he house. Both are mid 60's.

I also help out my Dad with his music business. I am the one who makes boxes for shipping. I also do repairs to guitars as well.

Graham Kennedy wrote:Could hardly be better. They moved down here to my town about seven years ago, so they're now about a mile and a half away from me. I visit weekly, as well as going over when they need help with stuff - they're both in their 70s and both disabled, my dad more so after he had a stroke last year, so they need a helping hand now and again. We get on great, have no issues between us, and I couldn't want better parents.

As he said

Father: I've seen him about half a dozen times this year. He is not so cool with my and not too understanding with my mental health. Things have been better over this last year, but mostly because I just keep my life a secret. I do know that he would do anything he could if I needed help, and despite our clashes we get on well when we see each other, which is usually when I visit his.

Mother: She left when I was 6. She came back into my life when I was in my teens, but we both have mental health problems, and couldn't be more different. She craves attention, and leaves her home at 6am to sit in town until 6pm just to be around people. I am the complete opposite and hate any sort if attention or large social gatherings. She has always been fine with my sexuality, as was my stepdad (who incidently I got on better with than either of my biological parents until he passed away), but we clash a lot as she calls my phone at unsociable hours, and she is also racist which is another thing we clash on (I believe that all Humans are equal regardless of anything).

However, though my relationship with my parents is not great, I have been more aware lately that neither is getting younger, and I do my best to maintain some sort of relationship because, my father especially I will miss when he passes, as he was the one that brought up myself and my four brothers.

Also, my brothers have a similar relationship with my parents, though for different reasons. Most of us have very little to do with our mother, as she did leave us as small children, and our dad is... difficult to maintain a relationship with as his texts are all one worded, and even though he is semi retired he works a hell of a lot of hours. However, if one of us was in need, he'd do anything he could to help, he's that sort of person.

My parents have generally been accepting of my own mental issues and supportive. I see them every day as a consequence of the fact I still live with them. Though I'm in the sixth year at my job (located just a few blocks from home incidentally) I haven't been entirely self sufficient. There was tension between myself and my parents in my early to mid twenties, when I was in worse condition overall, not working and not in school. Since I stabilized things and got back to school (in '05) those tensions relaxed. The degree I ended up with isn't relevant at my current occupation and I may never end up doing that work (mechanical engineering)* but the experience of getting through school was generally positive for my recovery.

Now I pay for some of my needs (while the folks cover housing and related costs, TV and internet service I pay for my own food and clothing, my cell phone bill and other amenities) and do my part to maintain the home and help them. Since they're paying the same housing costs anyway albeit with somewhat higher electric and water bills on my account my presence isn't really a net burden for them anymore. Medicaid (gov't disability insurance) covers the great majority of my medical costs (with only really insignificant copays of $1 on refills of my meds). I've become more communicative in the last few years, particularly with mom. With dad I share a few more interests, including the sports (and teams) we follow.

* The school I ultimately got the degree from wasn't a particularly rigorous program in the field (the local public uni), even though it was accredited. Actually they were (properly) concerned about making the program a lot more rigorous at about the time I graduated but when I was there it was as easy as an engineering degree gets. More to the point, my mental state would be problematic in a more stressful and demanding position. My interaction with people in person is quite awkward and I often have mutual problems understanding others and being understood in conversation. At this point, being several years past my graduation date with no relevant experience wouldn't exactly look good either.

My mom died in October of 2010, and my dad... well, after what he did to my mom while I was growing up, he'd be fortunate to meet as quick an end.

I still live with mine which is no great shock as I haven't broken the 20 mark as yet. I have a really good relationship with my parents MOST of the time and consider them some of my best friends. That being said we have our frictions. They are incredibly protective which does sometimes get difficult and I have to remind them that I am an adult and am more than able to look after myself. I won't be able to leave home for a while but as I advance in the bank I hope to speed that process up. Me and my dad share our motorcycling passion and my mother is a gaming nerd such as I. Generally all goes well.

So far.

Reliant121 wrote:I still live with mine...as I haven't broken the 20 mark as yet.

Reliant121 wrote:I have to remind them that I am an adult and am more than able to look after myself.

Sorry, man, I couldn't resist the ironic juxtaposition.

But trust me, a day will come when you appreciate the fact that someone loves you enough to be that oppressively concerned.

Ironic, yes But an adult may life at home. Haven't got much choice nowadays!

I appreciate it. But it can cause problems.

I know it, my sense of irony just wouldn't let me pass it up. Even I did it for a bit after uni.

I still live with my mother. We get along fine for the most part. I pay half the bills and do the heavy stuff like raking and shoveling snow/using the snow thrower. She and my dad divorced in 1981, but it was an amicable split. He never missed a child-support payment and was always there for me. He'd let me come over when my ex-stepfather-may he rot in hell-was too much to handle. Honestly, I love them both and feel blessed.