Wankship alert

[Mark]

I stumbled across this site, billing the Enterprise-F.

http://enterprise-f.bravofleet.ws/specifications.html

Enjoy

[Mark]

And another site full of them.

Wow. I saw a Mk 100 burst fire torpedo tube on this site.

[Sionnach Glic]

Wow, that flies right past "wank" and straight into the realm of auto-felatio.

That said, it's still nowhere near as ridiculous as this monstrosity.

[Mark]

Is that scaling for real?

How the HELL would you get from one end to the other?

[Teaos]

One of those smaller ships?

Serioisly you'd need to strip a moon to build that thing...

[Sionnach Glic]

Yeah, E1701 from Spacebattles.com summed up this ship nicely with the following:

Maiden Flight, SDSD Freudian Nightmare


Imperial Weapons Development Center, Coruscant

To Whom it May Concern:

Gentlemen, let me start by saying that I am greatly honored to be chosen for command of such a magnificent vessel. That said, our insystem shakedown cruise has turned up a few minor issues that I would like to see remedied as soon as possible.

1) We understand your desire to continue the classical stylized lines of the first star destroyer class vessels, and we appreciate your asthetic sense in that regard. However, strictly speaking, was it absolutely necessary to scale up the bridge tower directly? I must confess the foreward bridge window is a great distraction. Militarily, we feel that as is, the three kilometer tall window pane may provide too tempting a target for enemy forces we may engage. We've lost four helmsmen so far to vertigo as well, and we don't think this is in the best interests of the vessel's well-being.

2) The sheer size of our vessel, while a glorious symbol of the mighty Emperor, which we all appreciate completely, has become apparent to us all. My intial briefing tour of the vessel took six days to complete, and the travel tubes were based on the design in use aboard rhe slightly smaller Executor-class vessels. Travel time being prohibitive, we were forced to camp out in the corridors of the major sectors when we stopped for the night. Furthermore, since our crew quarters sections are located entirely within the aft dorsal sectors, both our Engineering crew and ground forces complements have built tent cities within their own sections, and are living there. Fire hazard has become nearly intolerable and the hydroponics department has sent me six hundred messages insisting that the smoke from the camp-fires is ruining their crop, and that we have enough food left aboard for only another three weeks.

2) Our vessel's own gravity is not being handled as well as could be done, with some minor problematical consequences. Our plumbers called my attention to the fact that the sewage from our 6 million-man crew backwashed through the air vents in Sections 42 to 78, decks 258 through 532. Malaria and dysentary broke out in those sections, and we were forced to cordon it off to prevent an epidemic. Our first Chief Medical Officer unfortunately was killed when he requested the paperwork on those affected, and upon recieving e-mailed reports from all 739 of his senior doctors, the computer screen in his quarters self-destructed, propelling shrapnel throughout his quarters. All droids who enter the area have failed to return, and a remote camera probe sent in, recorded images of the survivors in the affected area where they were flinging their own feces at each other, warring with sharpened pieces of metal, and attempting to eat the dismembered limbs of the aforementioned droids.

3) On a similar note, regarding the unfortunate loss of our last CMO, we have finally decided that the staff requirements of this vessel are creating further problems. For instance, our Chief Engineer has begun the habit of signing his reports, "Chief Marshall, Soveriegn Nation of Ree'Ak'tor." He has since sealed off those decks, and started a war. The war in question is against his apparent rival, the commander of our ground forces near the main flightdeck, who has taken to calling himself "Bringer of the Apocalypse." Survaillance records indicate that they have since stopped wearing their armor, and have begun smearing their bodies with industrial cleaning fluid and lubricants before launching raids upon the Engineering department. We believe that they have begun ritualistically sacrificing one of our TIE-fighter pilots before each attack to bring them luck.

Aside from a minor note that some of our turbolaser turret gunners may have starved to death when their food shipments were cut off by the warzone, there is little else to remark on, save that in our first tactical drill, during the course of a two-hour right turn, we failed to halt our rotation with the result of the subsequent and very unfortunate destruction of the entire Coruscant 4th Defensive Fleet. I've made a note to send out letters of regret the moment we reaquire contact with our communications room at the bow of the vessel. That of course is the reason why this message had to be sent to your offices via pen, paper, and one of our probe droids. I beg forgivness for the clerical difficulties that may cause.

Signed,
Grand Admiral
SDSD Freudian Nightmare

[Lazar]

When I was a very young child I used to fantasize about being on some kind of starship, to the extent of actively pretending that parts of my house or my schoolyard were different sections of the ship. Needless to say, it was about 50 km long, it had about a million crew, and I was the captain of it.

[Mikey]

Why?!

OK, the "E-F" is just butt-ugly, aside from being a wank-ship. I mean, look at the torp types... photon, quantum, transphasic, and "hellfire?"

And the SW wankship... OMG. Why would anyone need to invent something like that?

[Mark]

Here's another one

http://www.geocities.com/alphafleetsimu ... libur.html

The Excalibur class..........God help us.

[Aaron]

Why?!

OK, the "E-F" is just butt-ugly, aside from being a wank-ship. I mean, look at the torp types... photon, quantum, transphasic, and "hellfire?"

And the SW wankship... OMG. Why would anyone need to invent something like that?

Good enough to kill a Soviet tank, good enough to shoot at a Klingon.

[Mikey]

I thought maybe they were filled with acid needles, just in case the UFP ever ran into the Tyrannids.

[Deepcrush]

Wow, that flies right past "wank" and straight into the realm of auto-felatio.

That said, it's still nowhere near as ridiculous as this monstrosity.

Just when you think people are pathetic enough. They get worse.

[Deepcrush]

I stumbled across this site, billing the Enterprise-F.

http://enterprise-f.bravofleet.ws/specifications.html

Enjoy

I'll give him credit. No matter how stupid this guy is, he put a lot of thought (or what passes for thought for him) into his stuff.

The RSE and the Dominion HELPING the UFP to build a more powerful ship. Very likely!

[Lt. Staplic]

with the E-F:

I'm loving the "rechargable fusion generator", how exactly does recharging an atom make it more productive when fusing it with another atom?

and does anyone else see this as a rather poor cross of a Miranda and a Nebula?

the Excaliber:

wow...the stat's scream wankship, the story screams drama queen.

[stitch626]

And here I thought the E-F was supposed to be a Century class starship.

And it is a normal ship.


I guess not.
And the SDSD...
And the Excaliber... basically designed for BC so that noobs have a ship that can usually take on a Sov.