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Granted. The dentist makes a mistake and removes one of your incisors instead. (something like that actually happened to me)


I wish I could travel to other Earth-like worlds.

Granted. On arrival, you find that those worlds are, unfortunately, populated by people just like this planet's people.

I wish my pancreas still worked. (Don't feel sorry, I can take it - I wouldn't have put it on here if I were too sensitive.)

Granted. However the only way to fix it was with nano probes and you are now a borg drone!

I wish my mug of tea was still warm.

Granted. However, it was reheated with napalm, and that cup of tea is now the only thing left in the smoldering wreckage of your home.

I wish I hadn't had that second (or third) shot of Jagermeister this evening.

Granted. However you can never ever drink alcohol again.

I wish I had a bottle of jagermeister to go with my JD so I could mix sledgehammers.

Granted, but you wake up the next morning married to one of the Duras sisters.

I wish I didn't need the gym to gain muscle.

Granted. Your daily steroid cocktail has made you super-buff. But are now impotent and suffer constant bouts of 'roid-rage'.

I wish Barry Bonds never tied or broke the home run record in Major League Baseball.

Granted. The sport of baseball never existed.

I wish old people were not allowed to drive cars.

Granted. Now old people have a special taxi service, and your a driver in it.

I wish I wasn't surrounded by sloths.

The Wormhole wrote:Granted. Now old people have a special taxi service, and your a driver in it.

I wish I wasn't surrounded by sloths.

hahaha as long as im drivin then we'll get into 5th gear no probs

...

Granted. You are now in sorrounded by Zombies from 28 Days Later, and they're rather hungry.

I wish I had a nice cold can of coke

Granted, but you've lost all the fingers on your right hand to frostbite, due to a misinterpretation of the phrase "nice, cold".

I wish my daughter would stop saying "no" to me and start listening.

Granted. She stops speaking to you entirely. She does start to listen to you, but only while your listening to Disco music.

I wish I had a new calculator that actually works when I want it to, not when it decides to...

Granted, the calculator works whenever you want it to - however it will only calculate the amount of time it will take you to break it.

I wish I had not let my friend mix me a cocktail last night

(FYI - Strongbow, Malibu, JD, And some kind of wine. Madness)