The Joke Thread

AlexMcpherson79
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by AlexMcpherson79 »

AH yes,

Vampire: "Can I come inside you?"

Woman: "HELL NO!"

Vampire who just wants to be a father: "... damnit."
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Nutso
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Nutso »

Chewie is short for Chewbacca
Ani is short for Anakin Skywalker
What is Luke short for?
A Stormtrooper

Link for reference
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Tinadrin Chelnor
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Re: The Joke Thread

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In a park there were two statues of the human form, one male and one female. After many decades an angel came down from heaven and animated the statues so they could move around. The angel said "you guys have done such a great job depicting the human form, I wanted to reward you with some time to move around. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you like." So the male and female statues look at each other and then go behind a bush, where the angel hears them making strange noises. After 15 minutes they come out and tell the angel they're done, to which the angel replies "Well you guys still have 15 more minutes if you want." So the male statue says to the female statue "Okay, let's do that again, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on him."
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by RK_Striker_JK_5 »

Tinadrin Chelnor wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 8:01 pm In a park there were two statues of the human form, one male and one female. After many decades an angel came down from heaven and animated the statues so they could move around. The angel said "you guys have done such a great job depicting the human form, I wanted to reward you with some time to move around. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you like." So the male and female statues look at each other and then go behind a bush, where the angel hears them making strange noises. After 15 minutes they come out and tell the angel they're done, to which the angel replies "Well you guys still have 15 more minutes if you want." So the male statue says to the female statue "Okay, let's do that again, but this time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on him."
Okay, brilliant. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Coalition »

Is it strange how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentence saying how strange it is?

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Re: The Joke Thread

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ex-Khan...that made me laugh, hard! Thanks for that!!
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Coalition »

When showing up for yodeling lessons, form an orderly orderly orderly queue

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Fibonacci Soup ingredients:
1) Yesterday's Soup
2) Day-before-yesterday's soup
Add together

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Did you know Disney used a lot of pilots to create the film 'My Little Mermaid'? That's because it was mostly Ariel footage

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T'Pau
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by T'Pau »

"Ariel footage" ... thanks for that!
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Coalition »

Optimist: The glass is 1/2 full
Pessimist: The glass is 1/2 empty
MS Excel: The glass is January 2nd
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Re: The Joke Thread

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What starts with an E and ends with an E, but only has one letter in it?
Envelope

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I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.
Turns out that idea was taken.
I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

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Nothing to do with my intelligence. I just go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

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A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans.
The dog says, “Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.”
The cat smiles and says, “You’re not really going to win this one you know.”
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Coalition »

If the COVID vaccine knocks you out, does that mean they set Pfizers to stun?
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Nutso »

Coalition wrote: Sat Jul 02, 2022 5:33 pm If the COVID vaccine knocks you out, does that mean they set Pfizers to stun?
:D

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cause he couldn't see that well.
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Re: The Joke Thread

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Not knowing Greek mythology is my Achilles' horse

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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by IanKennedy »

Coalition wrote: Wed Oct 12, 2022 11:36 pm Not knowing Greek mythology is my Achilles' horse
:)
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Re: The Joke Thread

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The Indian restaurant near me has a secret recipe for their bread. Before you are allowed to work in the kitchen, you have to sign a naan-disclosure agreement
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