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Picard: "Alright... Let me see... You transported him off the starboard nacelle?"
Riker: "Nope."
Picard: "OK... You sabotaged his Sub-Molecular Biology experiment, it will mutate and enter his blood stream resulting in a slow painful death?"
Riker: "Close... But no."
Picard: "I give up... What happened to Wesley?"
Riker: "I set him up in the Holodeck with one of Warf's training programs... then disengaged the safety protocols."
Picard: "Well done, Number One." |
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| Picard: Number One, has it ever occurred to you that these journeys always take precisely as long as we need in order to complete the discussion we started when we entered the turbo-list? |
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Picard: What are you thinking there, Number One?
Riker: Ha... I'm thinking about how farcical those caption competitions over at the Daystrom Institute have become.
Picard: ... You're right, you know. |
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| Riker, to self: Come on... Say something... Then the old "he who smelt it..." applies. |
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Picard: Will, if I were to say that Commander Worf's forehead looks like -
Riker: Yes, sir, I think I would find that amusing... |
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Picard: ''There seem to be technical problems, so I guess we are stuck in this turbulift for a while. By the way, did I ever tell you the hilarious story of how I once saved the USS Stargazer from a bunch of Orion pirates and also tricked them to give me all their treasures and gold-pressed latinum?''
Riker: ''Yes. Approximately a thousand times.'' |
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| "You know Will, as often we use the turbolifts, and no matter how many decks outside flash by..., I can still only see 4 lights!" |
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| Picard: ''Why is there this stereotype that all Frenchmen are gay? Just because we tend to stand around like this?'' |
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Picard: ''Do you know what I have read yesterday in a magazine? A new study shows that women will find a man at least 42 % more attractive if he has a beard.''
Riker: ''Hmmm...'' |
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Riker, to self: I just can't wait to show him this manicure. God -I love this Metro-Sexual stuff.
Picard, to self: Good lord, what' s he gone and done now? He's an embarrassment to nancy boys! |
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| Riker (thinking): How can I rub it in that he's bald? I know, I'll grow a beard.... |
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| Picard: ''Come on, dance with me! It'll be fun!'' |
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Picard chose the most inappropriate place to teach Riker how to dance the Time Warp.
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Picard: "...and so the Ferengi says 'Hey... Is that a brick of glod-pressed latinum in your pocket, or are you auditioning for Ferenginar's Got Talent'?"
Riker: "Oh, yes sir... Of course... Auditioning... Very good, sir... I just don't think it's all that appropriate for Lieutenant O'Malley's funeral." |
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Patrick: I think these "X-Men" movies will really help my career.
Jonathan: Ah, but my "Thunderbirds" movie will be absolutely epic. |
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Picard: "So it should be very...what's that smell?"
Computer: "Warning, methane levels in Turbolift 4 approaching unsafe levels."
Picard: You're back on that high-protein diet again, aren't you? |
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Picard: "I still can't make myself look as smugly satisfied as you! But I've been practicing....look, how's this?"
Riker: "No no no, you've got it all wrong. That's closer to happy then smug...look, it's more like this..." |
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| Captain Picard always liked looking at the pulsating yellow window, while Commander Riker found serenity in the cool blue ceiling lights. |
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| Picard: ''Does this uniform make me look fat?'' |
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| Picard: ''What do you think, will the turbolift go faster if I jump around a bit?'' |
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| So ridden with secrets and guilt the crew of the Enterprise D could NEVER look each other in the eye. |
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Piccard : You see Will , in the 23th century they didn't have many of the luxuries we have here ...............
Rike : Christ I wish he'd shut up about the 23rd Century !! , I've got to take a crap , HURRY UP TURBO LIFT !!!! THHHHHHSSSSP !!!
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Picard: ...and their history dates back 10,000 years. I can't wait to see some those historical...
Riker (thinking to himself): Please, kill me now. |
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Picard: "Frankly, Number One... I don't see how the crew has come up with the nickname Commander Flatulence. I've never known you to break wind on the Bridge."
Riker: "Sir... It's Flatulent... They call me Commander Flatulent."
Picard: "Flatulent?? Oh, well... THAT I understand. You ARE a pompous asshole."
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| Thank God it id Picard and Riker are the ones wearing red shirts because if it was just two random Starfleet members, the next scene would involve a horrible turbolift accident. |
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Picard: Commander, make it show.
Riker: Make what show?
Picard: Warp speed now, Commander, if you would.
Riker: ... Odd way to phrase it... Wesley, make it show.
Picard: Make it so. Riker, get to the bridge.
Riker: Very well, sir. Computer, bridge.
Picard: That's very kind of you Number One, to drop me off first, but I think we better get you squared away where you belong first. Bridge, now.
Riker: We're going to the bridge, sir. Unless you mean... brig?
Picard, in disbelief: You're deaf; you're also fired. Computer, airlock 5. |
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Picard: "Well, I think the upgrades Geordi made to the plasma injectors are phenomenal! I am encouraging him to write it up and submit the modification to the Journal of Warp Technology. I cannot believe we improved efficiency 3.5%... THREE POINT FIVE PERCENT!! Amazing!!! I think the work is entirely deserving of publication. And in just two years…”
Riker (to self): “Dum-de-dum… I wonder if they will have any of that cake left over from last night.” |
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| Riker: ''You sound so funny when you're speaking French!'' |
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Picard: ''...and then I said to him: 'THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!'''
Riker: ''Haha! Man, I wish would have been there!'' |
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Picard: "I'm a little teapot,Short and stout,Here is my handle".
Riker: "Here is my spout!".
Picard: "What the...Get out!"
Riker:"When I get all steamed up..."
Picard: "Hear me shout!" |
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Picard: “…and that time I found vases that were over 700 years old and they weren't even cracked. Can you…”
Riker (thinks to himself): “HELP ME!!!” |
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Riker, to self: I can see my reflexion in the shine of his head!
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| Riker is so smug, he AND Picard likes the smell of Riker's farts! |
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Picard: Commander, I seem to recall I asked you to keep me from making an ass of myself in front of the children.
Riker: Yes sir, you did.
Picard: Well? |
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Riker, to self: This uniform fits SOOOO snug now that i've gotten my chest waxed. God -I love this Metro-Sexual stuff.
Picard, to self: Good lord, what' s he gone and done now? He's an embarrassment to nancy boys!
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Picard: "Well, Number One.. I HAVE considered Ensign Gomez."
Riker to self: "Tapped that."
Picard: "...however, Ensign Felton has many desirable qualities."
Riker to self: "Tapped that one too."
Picard: "...but I've decided to approach Dr. Pulaski."
Riker: "Right, sir... Going where no man has gone before." |
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Picard: "Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah."
Riker (to self): "Wait for it..."
Picard: "Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blahditty blah."
Riker (to self): "Wait for it..."
Picard: "Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah..."
Riker (to self): "Wait for it... Wait for the cabbage... I know it's coming... Wait for it."
Picard: "Blah, blah... Mr. Riker... What's that smell?"
Riker (to self): "Success!" |
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Picard: Number One, I recently came across a report stating the Federation colony Centari III has had a huge increase in births recently. Didn't you go there on leave?
Riker: Yes sir.
Picard: When were you there did you see notice anything unusual?
Riker: Didn't notice anything usual.
Picard: When were you there?
Riker: Around nine months ago. |
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| Stewart (quietly): No, why you don't you try a fake smile, Jonathan? |
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| You see Number One, I told you that the new 'Night Nurse' holodeck program was well worth a look didn't I?! |
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Picard: "Yes, Crusher and I had a rather interesting conversation this morning about the medical advances taking place on Ramatis III. It seems they're..."
Riker: "Mmm, Crusher..." |
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On return from a concert:
Picard: ...and during the third movement, Number One, I tell you I could barely restrain my self from jumping up to ...
Riker, to self: Yeah, well, I can fart out the first part of the Hallelujah Chorus and the only standing "ovation" I ever get is when I clear the bridge. |
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Picard: I wonder how many jokes there are to be made about two men in a turbo-lift.
Riker: Forty-seven, but most of them are fart gags. |
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Picard: So where are we going again, Number One?
Riker: We're going to the hydroponics bay, to see Deanna's new bush. |
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(elevator muzak): "Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a pose,there's nothing to it
Vogue!" |
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Picard: "No... She's DEFINITELY not a natural redhead... What about Deanna? Does the carpet match the curtain?
...Commander?
...Will?" |
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| Picard: ''You know, back when I was a little boy in rural France, I always used to look up to the stars - and dreamt about one day becoming a ballerina.'' |
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| Patrick: I find that, if you hold your arms angled out like this, the shoulder pads don't make you look so dorkey. |
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Picard: You know, Number One, the early space capsules were no bigger than this turbolift. Can you imagine space travel in such cramped conditions?
Riker: With Deanna as a crew mate? Mmmm..... |
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Picard: ''And who am I imitating now?''
Riker: ''That's an easy one. Captain Janeway of course!'' |
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| Never seen a betetr post! ICOCBW |
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| "With Rick Berman and Brannon Braga taking the helm, so to speak, I predict a stress-free, limitless future for the franchise. Three cheers for Berman and Braga!" |
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Picard: So I was thinking about instituting casual Fridays on this ship, what do you think Number 1?
Riker: mmmmmmm--mmmmm-mmmmhmmmmmm
Picard: Huh? Wait a minute, have you been cavorting with the GorrilaGluian ambassador again?
Riker: mmmmhmmm
Picard: (Sighs) Well, was she good?
Riker: (Smiles and nods) mmmmmmmmmmHMM! |
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| (Off Screen): In this week's Candid Camera we put this life like hologram of one Commander Riker and see how the crew reacts! |
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(in rikers head)the music from the can-can.
sorry sir were you saying something |
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| who thinks: this gig will turn me into a major film star? |
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| You know number one to think that in the future i will be the director of the CIA who gets more insane in every show in a cartoon by that trekkie fan seth mcfarline. |
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| "You know, Will…, once we get there, I hope Dr. Crusher can discover the source of this alarming increase in the Risian birth rate." |
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| Riker, thinking: I've just stole a phaser...! |
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Picard: ou know Riker, there was once a time that I had hair... it was glorious!
Riker: Yes sir. (sniker) |
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Riker, to self: I bet he can't figure out what my new fragrance is. God -I love this Metro-Sexual stuff.
Picard, to self: Good lord, what' s he gone and done now? He's an embarrassment to nancy boys!
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| Riker, to self: Who the hell do you have to sleep with around here to get a uniform that zips in the front?!?!? |
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| The Enterprise D: Where no one will look you in the eye. |
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Picard: So I say to Beverly, I am not ready to settled down... as Captain, I can have any woman I wants, so she should just be happy and...."
Riker (in thought) Captian William Riker of the USS Enterprise... no, Captain William T. Riker of the USS Enterprise... now that sounds right. Now just to get this old fart relieved for being lecher... yes... Captain William T. Riker.... |
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| Picard: ''Yes, dumping Wesley out of the airlock was really cathartic!'' |
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Riker, to self: My new nose-hair clipper gives such a great trim. God -I love this Metro-Sexual stuff.
Picard, to self: Good lord, what' s he gone and done now? He's an embarrassment to nancy boys!
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Picard: ...And he was telling me about this planet called Taresia, where every man gets married to three women, even though it's followed by...
Riker: *thinking* Note to self: visit Taresia at next opportunity. |
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| Riker (to self): Just smile and nod... |
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| he who smelled it, dealt it |
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| Sometimes Commander Riker just had to indulge in his living statue hobby. |
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Picard: ...and their history dates back 10,000 years. I can't wait to see some those historical...
Riker (thinking to himself): Longest turbo lift ride ever. |
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| Picard: ''Here's a philosophical question for you, Number One. Is this turbolift really moving, or is it actually staying perfectly still, and instead the ship around it is moving?'' |
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| When do you think the director will call 'action'? |
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| Picard: ''Aah, it's good to be back on the Enterprise after that vitalizing shore leave. But please remember, Number One: What happened on Risa, stays on Risa!'' |
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Riker smiling because he knows exactly what he is going to do if they get stranded for days on this turbolift. He will eat very well.
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"Just promise me that if the Borg ever attack and I'm taken, you won't try to kill me."
"I promise" |
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Picard: "Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah."
Riker (to self): "Dum-de dum... Diddly dee dum."
Picard: "Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blahditty blah."
Riker (to self): "Dumby-dum, twiddle-de-de, fiddle-de-doo."
Picard: "Blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah..."
Riker (to self): "Fiddle-de-de. Dum-de-dum"
Picard: "Blah, blah... Mr. Riker? MR. RIKER."
Riker: "I'm sorry sir... You were saying?"
Picard: "Blah, blah. Blah blah blah blah." |
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| Riker (thinking): He'll never guess that I got him a William Shatner toupee for his birthday! |
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| As the Captain droned on about some silly nonsense of his "adventures" in the holodeck, Riker smiled, knowing it was just a matter of time... It's been three weeks since a transporter accident. He just needs a bit of patience... |
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Picard: Number One, I know that was you.
Rike: No, sir.
Picard: He who denied it, supplied it.
Riker: Ah, but he who smelt it, dealt it.
Picard: Touche, Number One. Touche. |
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Picard: I must confess Number One that I found that Xyrillian hand massage most intriguing; I experienced a sort of unity with her, I wonder to what degree it plays a role in her society's...
Riker, to himself: [I can't believe he fell for it! The growths should start showing any day now!] |
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| Picard and Riker enjoy the fast they found Wesley Crusher a suitable weapon to use against the Borg |
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| TNG Reboot idea #489: 'Hobbit Picard' |
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Picard: We have to stand in this turbolift for one MONTH?
Riker: (Smiles and Nods) |
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