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T. Kirk




Star Trek XI
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Tuvok, to self: Set attitude on "DISMISSIVE", safety "OFF"...
Tuvok: I apply Nair everywhere except the scalp, and then gently scrape it all off with the edge of a silver soup spoon... I learned it in the service as a way to avoid all those shaving bumps and ingrown hairs... It is not technically necessary to cover my whole body, but it IS worth the effort.
Thirty-one days in stasis and still no sign of facial hair.
Neelix: "Goodness me... What type of hair care products do you use?
With a little work, in 6 months you could have a full head of hair like mine."
Neelix: ''What? Space is cold! You of all people should acknowledge that it is therefore perfectly logical to wear a coat during space travell!''
Tuvok: Yes, it IS inappropriate to ask people what they use for personal hair removal.
Nelix: "No one cares about the caption competition during the summer, do they?"
Tuvok, who often sleeps with his eyes open, seems to take a moment to ponder...
Question answered.
Tuvok: ''...and now will you please climb into the photon torpedo chute?''
Neelix: ''But...''
Tuvok: ''No buts. You know that this was a direct order from the Captain.''
Try as he may, Neelix just can't stop focusing on the one nose hair that Tuvok missed.
Neelix: ''Those pointy ears... Are you an elf?''
Tuvok: ''Are you an orc?''
Neelix: ''Point taken.''
In times of extreme stress, Vulcans have been known to revert into a catatonic state.
Neelix: Mister Vulcan! Did you see that? Did you see THAT??? DID YOU SEE THAT!?!?!?
Tuvok: ... ... ... No.
Neelix: I spy... with my little eye... A BOOGER!
Neelix: ''Wait, now I am confused! Have this been seven or eight things you don't like about me?''
Neelix: What? Am I suppose to kiss you or something. These Vulcan rituals and manners get so confusing at times.
This is a rare picture of a Vulcan Death Fart about to happen. Notice the stiff posture of Tuvok and the nervous look of Neelix.
Try as he may, Neelix just can't stop focusing on the one nose harr that Tuvok missed.
"Let's get together, sometime."
A Transporter accident waiting to happen.
Tuvok: ''Is this real fur, or is it synthetic?''
Neelix: ''Yes and no. It is the fleece of one of the electric sheep the androids like to dream about so much.''
Neelix: ''Of course I am looking forward to this way mission! But I have one question? Why is this planet called Murder-Hell Prime?''
Tuvok: ''Live long, and prosper, Mr. Neelix. Lieutenant, activate transporter.''
"Mr Vulcan, you mind-melded with my girlfriend. What did she honestly think of my cooking?"
Tuvok : I never should have agreed to this mind meld !!! What is this creature ? Must have been something I ate.
Nelix learns quickly that he has NOT been using the “live long and prosper" gesture at all.
In an attempt use humor to ease the situation Tuvok says "You have a spot there."
Nelix learns quickly that he has NOT been using the "mahalo" gesture at all.
Never a quitter, Sanders continues to campaign and hold rallies... IN SPAAAAAAACE!
Tuvok: "No, Mr. Nelix... We DO NOT participate in 'Casual Fridays' on Voyager."
Nelix: "You know the thing about a shark, Mr. Vulcan, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces."
Tuvok: "Pardon?"
Nelix : My itchy finger tells me ..... you sir are a Vulcan !
Tuvok : Oh Joy , Yet another illogical species .
Tuvok whispers: " Gumball! "
Tuvok whispering..., " Gumball! "
Tuvok: Okay, continue pretending to be a mannequin and hopefully the annoying lion-creature will ignore you...
Tuvok is unimpressed by Neelix's impression of Keith Lemon.
"Excuse me, is this the way to the little boys room?"
Another awkward attempt to downplay their height differences.
Neelix: ''Logic? What is this 'logic' you are always talking about?''
Tuvok: ''Mr. Neelix, I can assure you that it is not something you can see in my face.''
Mentally tuning out Neelix' constant chatter - a technique Tuvok has perfected over the years.
Neelix: ''How can I be sure that you are in fact the real Tuvok, and not a hologram, or a clone, or a shapeshifter, or...''
Tuvok: ''Mr. Neelix, as chief of security, it is MY job to be overly paranoid.''
Donald Trump (on the right) suspiciously eyeing up "One 'o dem foreigners”.
Neelix: ''I have to go for little Talaxians, Mr. Vulcan. Where was the bathroom again? Over there?''
Tuvok: ''Mr. Neelix, I realize that it sounds rather illogical, but I have already told you a dozen times: There is no bathroom on the USS Voyager!''
Tuvok: So I assume you are a rare female Ferengi trader?
Neelix: But I am wearing clothing.
Tuvok: Thankfully.
Nelix: I’m known as the "Paul Manafort" of the Delta Quadrant.
Neelix: "Gesundheit!"
So who's the stinking foreigner NOW???
Donald Trump (on the right) and his campaign manager.
Campaign Manager: "Yes, sir, Mr. Trump. Whatever you say Mr. Trump. ...and exactly HOW are we going to build this wall again?"
Neelix: ''No, your zit isn't that noticeable. But isn't it illogical take care about such things?''
Neelix: ''Is he meditating... or is he just ignoring me?''
Neelix: "Booky… I’m smelling roast booky. Roast booky with puder beans."
Neelix: My vision isn't what it used to be, Katherine. Doctor said cataracts.
Tuvok: I am not Captain Janeway.
Neelix: Hmm. My ears must be going too.
Neelix: One kiss before I go.
Tuvok: For the last time, Mr. Neelix. My answer is no.
Neelix: ... c'mon.
Neelix: ''How is it, Mr. Vulcan? Group hug?''
Donald Trump (on the right) "working" with Paul Ryan.
Staring contest. IN SPACEEEEE!
Neelix: Wow, this Tuvok hologram is very impressively detai-
Tuvok: I am NOT a hologram.
Neelix: AHHCK!
Did you know that Nelix’s character was initially supposed to have a Canadian accent, eh?
Donald Trump (on the right) negotiating with the Mexican President to build his wall.
"Why, yes, your ears are different than mine."
Neelix: ''Say, what did the lady with the forehead ridges mean when she called me a 'talking targ'?''
Aw, shucks. Look at them. It's love at first... first...
...I can't type that with a straight face...
In ten seconds....
One of the most awkward Star Trek kisses
"Yes, you heard me correctly. Starfleet have volunteered us to have our clothing insulted, I mean assessed, by readers! Isn't that great?"
"This must be a definition of the word 'great' that I wasn't previously aware of."
Don't try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you in my breakfast cereal!
Neelix's water addiction ultimately got him kicked off Voyager.
Deportation...IN SPACCCEEEE!
Tuvok maintained a perfect poker-face as he guided Neelix toward the sabotaged airlock.
Just think about it: This is what you're going to be stuck with for the next seven years. Why would anyone do that to themselves?
Star Trek: The Odd Couple.
Nelix : Hmmmm Sir ... Ahhh, could you take my luggage to my room ?
Tuvok : What's your room number ??
Psst! Hey! You wanna buy a watch?
Neelix: ''I never noticed before that your eye brows are pointed too...''
Neelix: What lovely cheekbone you have.
When Kes left, Tuvok regrettably found himself the nearest shoulder to cry on.
Neelix (voiceover): So I find myself on this Federation tub ya? It was passing through so I try to introduce myself. They let me in, but then send these living statues with gazes so cold they bleached half my face. I tell ya, I get no respect!
The Talaxian ambassador gets no respect.
Neelix: "Don't criticise my quiff when you appear to be wearing a carpet tile on your head!"
Nyah! nyah! nyah! My ears are pointier than your ears!
Fagin to Oliver Twist: "You got to pick a pocket or two, my boy!"
No Mr. Neelix, after examining the similar structure of you ear, as compared to that of the typical Vulcan ear, I think it is safe to say with certainty that the Talaxian race and the Vulcan race are in no way related.
I do however suggest that you look into the uses of an Old-Earth invention called, I believe, a "Q-Tip".
Nelix : Mr. Vulcan , do I see an eyebrow hair out of place ?
Tuvok : My god ! what is that awful smell !!! This creature needs a bath bad time . Bleh !!! Barf !
Nellix: Nice ears...
Tuvok: Nice hair...
Nellix: "You blinked first"
Tuvok: "No I didn't"
Nelix: "DUDE!"
Tuvok: "Dude?!?"
Neelix: ''We have tribbles here in the Delta Quadrant too. But we never let them procreate so much that they become a problem. We kill them all on sight, and then we make coats out of them.''
Ah Mr. Vulcan, though your face says no, I'll bet you're the joker of this crew.
Neelix: "Of course I don't have my underwear.
Tuvok: "WHAT?"
Neelix: "I'm definitely not wearing my underwear."
Tuvok: "I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?"
Neelix: "They're in the pocket of my jacket. Here."
Tuvok: "I don't want them back."
Tuvok: I do apologize if I am standing on your foot.
Neelix: That's not my foot.
Tuvok: ...
Damn, I can't see where they they glued on those ears....
Tuvok had mastered the human trick to winning staring contests: look at a spot just above your opponent's eyes.
Neelix: "How much for the little girl. The women, how much for the women?"
Tuvok: "What?"
Neelix: "Your women, I want to buy your women, the little girl, your captain. Sell them to me, sell me your women!"
Tuvok: ''Are you sufficiently prepared for the way mission to the ice planet?''
Neelix: ''Of course! Lt. Torres even lent me her mother's old targ fur coat!''
Neelix: So how much for the life-size Tuvok action figure?


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 22,838 Release date : 1 Jun 2016