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EMH: "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."
Riley: "The nature??? You want to know THE NATURE OF THE EMERGENCY?? The NATURE of the medical emergency has a lot to with two bottles of Romulan Ale and two Irishmen."
Carey: "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to give a half-Klingon female a complement? Whatever the hell you do... DON'T MENTION HER RIDGES!!"
Carey: "One word of advice, Doctor. Never... NEVER go up to a half-Klingon female and tell her that her outfit makes her ridges look big."
Well, SOMEBODY's timid.
Well, SOMEBODY's timid.
Here's my Salvador Dali look.
Oh yeah, ladies. He's single.
I was just quietly joking that I got my crappy shoes from PAYLESS, and she hit me!
Star Trek 3.5... The Search for Snot.
EMH: ''That'll teach you! Make fun of a Bajoran's nose, and he'll make sure that your own nose will suffer!''
Sheeeeeeeeeess...... in love with me !!!! Yeoch !!!!
Picasso in the 24th century.
You call that magic? I can pull a *RED* hankerchief out of MY nose!
The doctor said I wouldn't get so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of there.
Ralph Wiggum in the 24th century.
In the 24th century, power drills look a lot like nose hair trimmers.
The guy who attacked me was quick, like a shadow. When I punched him, my fist went right through him. You might think he's gone now, but he's always there... like something in the corner of your eye!
Hercule Poirot in the 24th century.
His secret, secret shame is that he wanted to be a red shirt, and was willing to do ANYTHING to achieve his goal.
EMH: Just stop brown-nosing.
She overheard me call her a KILF, and she HIT ME!!!
Carey: I just love going to these concerts, but I hate it having to leave in the middle with these nose bleeds. Can you help me Doc?
EMH: Sure, I can help you. Spend a little more for your tickets so you don't have to sit in the nosebleed section.
He just transported from a planet where Wesley Crusher is considered a god. Let's hope the side effects are temporary.
The Emh masters yet another human trait, the photobomb.
EMH: Well, you must've said something to upset her.
Carey: I just said "Ni" and she hit me!
Carey: ''THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!''
EMH: ''Don't worry, seeing lights after having been punched in the face is perfectly normal, and only temporary.''
Some people reacted quite harshly to These Are The Voyages.
exsanguination, from latin ex ~ out and sanguineus ~ blood
Star Trek: Exsanguination
EMH: Bag it Lieutenant. That's the worst impression of Kirk I've ever seen. Your hair looks way too real and, besides, your shirt is still in one piece.
"...it."
Q: If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires, both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid
Carey: ''At the very least, B'Elanna should have punched the other side of my nose too, so that the blood stain is symmetrical!''
Carey: ''I asked B'Elanna for a blood wine, not a blood stain!''
Fight? No, Captain. I walked past the Mess Hall and accidentally smelled what Nelix was making for dinner tonight.
No, Captain, I have not gotten into your Tyrellian Cocaine stash. Why do you ask?
Where no(se) man has gone before!
I AM SPAARTAAAAAA!!!
EMH: ''Get back onto the biobed, Lt. Carey! I don't want you to smudge my whole carpet with your blood!''
Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!
Carey: She called it a "Maquis cut".
EMH, to self, sarcastically: Activate the "Pretending-to-Care" subroutine.
EMH: It appears that your Stigmata are acting up again.
We are in orbit, thousands of miles above the planet. These are nosebleed seats
And tonight, on HOME SURGERY CHANNEL ... Worlds Worst DIY Nose Jobs
And the moral is ... don't pick your nose.
See kids, this is what over acting does to you!
Get a medic! I have a nasal hair emergency!
Janeway: Lt. Carey, let that cut under your nose heal.
Carey: Captain, are you telling me to shut up?
Janeway: No, you have a cut under your nose, and you should have it treated by the Doctor.
Vulcan absinthe: Always to be sipped, not guzzled,...or snorted.
I am NOT A CYLON!
Apparently, suppositories are still big in the 24th century.
EMH: Quiet down, it's just the traditional Epistaxis' greeting.
Carey - his face cringed, his eyes red.
"Every time I make this face, my nose bleeds."
"Then stop making that face."
"I was applying my lipstick when the ship jolted and I smeared it."
"Lipstick?"
"I mean, I was fighting a bear. This is blood because I was fighting a bear."
"Right..."
The Doctor tried his hand at Red Neck Dentistry with Lt Carey
Lt Carey "I swear its not the Captains lipstick"
EMH: "Uh-hu"
Who needs sedatives when a holographic fist will do
The Doctor tests his new oathe on Lt Carey - Do no harm unless you can fix it afterwards
Mr Carey has been snorting some of the red stuff
Foreground: Frankie Chestnuts.
Background: The Geek.
Not pictured: Mr. President.
It's true, Doc!

Kes was just showing us some of the things she'd made in her pottery class to help with her work in the Hydroponics Bay..., and all I said was "You've got a nice set of jugs there."
Then Nelix hit me!
Give it a rest Lieutenant. You've been trying to break that glass by singing for the last hour and all you've managed to do is rupture blood vessels and get on my holo-nerves.
Lieutenant: What's wrong with everybody? Why is everyone trying to kill me Doc?
EMH: Nothing's wrong with them. It's you.
Lieutenant: What?
EMH: You've got a rare case of Kenny McCormick's disease and, as an unfortunate result, everybody wants to kill you.
Lieutenant: You've got to save me Doc.
EMH: Too late. That last injection wasn't vitamins.
Lieutenant: Oh, you bastard.
EMH: Aren't we all.
EMH: I don't care if you are Irish. Mixing Romulan Ale with Klingon Blood Wine is never a good idea.
Carey: ''Odd... I am smelling blood...''
I only asked her for mustard not ketchup!
Another graduate of the "Miles O'Brien School of Crazy Friggin Irishmen".
A typical reaction to all the cheesy jokes The Geek posted last month.
EMH: ''Your fault. After all, what did Q tell you about taking a little bloody nose?''
Rocky: ADRIAN!
So, let me get this straight: You have a half-Klingon assistant, and you got into an argument with her, and then the argument got physical.
Exactly which in this progression of events seemed like a good idea?
EMH: ''How did you spend February 14th?''
Carey: ''It was my bloody Valentine...''
I'm Scottish, I've got got angry eyebrows. and can complain any time I want to..
Notice Dr Who-cares?
You got blood on your face, big disgrace, kicking your can all over the place...Singing we will, we will, Rock you.
PLEASE! MAKE SHATNER STOP SIGNING!
NO! I don't think anyone would be so desperate as to snort KETCHUP!
Fine! I'll call you GARRETT!
And then when I said: "That DOESN'T make your ass look big, she hit me AGAIN!"
I am to old for this crap
Come on, people, be nice. Wouldn't you also be upset if a hologram just ripped off half of your mustache?
"Cocaine problem?! The hell?! Who has a cocaine problem?! I don't see anyone around here with a cocaine problem?! What cocaine problem?!
"I want that moustache back NOW, dammit!"
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you EMH's bedside manner. Absolutely nothing. Could someone hand me a tissue?
"... so then I said he was a doorstop, not a doctor, and he HIT me!"
Carey: "... so then I said he was a doorstop, not a doctor, and hit HIT me!"
First Spock's Brain, now Carey's Nose.
Carey: What kind of doctor are you???
Doctor: Quiet, this is in the name of science... now, does it hurt when I do this?
Carey: Oh, sh--
Doctor: No, it's not time for a colorful metaphor.
(voiceover) "Tonight, on Doctor Photobomb, M.D., see the good doctor manage to squeeze himself into a close-up of another person! Only on UPN!"
DOCTOR !!!!!!!! IT'S MOUTH TO MOUTH RESUSCITATION !!!! NOT NOSE !!! YOU HOLOGRAPHIC DUMB ASS !!!!
Stereotypical pissed off Irishman.....
IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!!
Carey: ''Why are you all staring at my nose? is there snot hanging out, or something?''
"I referenced one Monty Python bit and next thing I know, I have a flesh wound of my own!"
Just to shake things up, the EMH becomes the nature of the medical emergency.
The Geek is BACK!
Just to shake things up, the EMH becomes the nature of the medical emergency.
IT'S A BLOODY NOSE! So why do you have to KEEP CHECKING my prostate?!?!
Nosebleeds: Just one more negative side effect of the "Shatner" acting method.
Doctor: "Gesundheit!! ...also EEEWW!"
Doctor: "Gesundheit!!"
"The beatings will continue until morale improves."
Doctor: "Lt. Carey, if you don't shut up and sit down, I'm going to have to give you a hypo of Shatnerzene. It won't calm you down, but no one will notice because of the over-acting.
Doctor: "Lt. Carey, if you don't shut up and sit down, I'm going to have to give you some of the Captain's coffee... It always seems to calm HER down."
Doctor: I can treat that bloody nose immediately, the attitude adjustment will take much longer, ...probably requiring more bloodied noses.
"Badges??? We don't need no STINKING BADGES!!!"
Carey's attempt at getting facial tattoos left a lot to be desired.
Bad mustaches... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

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Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 7,152 Last updated : 30 Nov -0001