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Meet Ann Drex & The Klingon Shifters
Yes, we do take American Express.
Archer: ''Really, you are the female of your species??''
Klingon: ''Really, you are NOT the female of your species??''
Archer: Sure Porthos LOOKS delicious, but...
The look of horror on her face is because she hears Tic-Tacs rattling in the background.
Archer: Wow! That is some fancy motorized wheelchair you’ve got there, you can almost lay down in it. What do you call it?
Bu’Kah: I call it: Transportation And Relative Disposition IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Archer: TARDIS? REALLY? You’re actually going here?
Bu’Kah: - on WHEEEEEEEEEEELS!
Archer: Wow! That is some fancy motorized wheelchair you’ve got there, you can almost lay down in it. What do you call it?
Bu’Kah: I call it: Transportation And Relative Disposition of the Schubert Supervarieties... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Archer: Like “TARDIS"? REALLY? You’re actually going here?
Bu’Kah: - on WHEEEEEEEEEEELS!
Klingon: "Let me go!"
Archer: "Not on your nellie!"
Klingon: "Why not?"
Archer: "We're going to cling on to you for a while"
Klingon: "Kerplunk"
Klingon : What is the meaning of this ?
Archer : You were seen Kneeling during our National Anthem. This is a warning . Next time we put you in the Brig.
Archer: ''If you Klingons ever attack any of our planets again, we'll retaliate so strongly that you all will lose your hair over it!''
Archer: Crewman, why are you laughing?
Crewman: … She said her name was “Ruffles” … and she has ... RIDGES!!!
Archer: "Who are you?"
Bu'Kah: "I am Bu'Kah... of the house of Ka'Nook."
Archer: Ah-Ha! You're Canadian. NOW we're getting somewhere!"
Archer: Somehow, I didn't expect you to have ridges...
Archer: Yup you heard right miss. You're last year's model. The new Klingons don't do hair.
"I will NOT become Discovery's Klingon!"
"Come now, there's no need to make this difficult. Just look how great we turned out..."
Doctor Becket had just woke up to find himself starring a mirror image of HIMSELF !!! but he had leapt into a female Klingon's body. OOOOOHHH BOY !!!
Archer: "A DOG!! Short little guy... Four legs... Hairy... Floppy ears... Doesn't say much. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?"
Bu'Kah: "I don't know what you are taking about."
[Under breath]: "burp".
OMG! I just saw Lucius Malfoy... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Archer: "A DOG!! Short little guy... Four legs... Hairy... Floppy ears... Doesn't say much. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?"
Archer: ''It seems that my dog has infected you with worms. The good news: We have a quite effective anthelmintic. The bad news: The administration will be a bit... undignified. Ensign, please begin.''
Archer: ''Sorry, but we have a dog on board, which means that this inoculation against rabies is obligatory!''
Crewman: Captain, she said "IBS-D," so I would back off if I were you.
Bu'Kah: Don't make me laugh!
Crewman: She's serious, Captain.
Archer: "Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?”
Bu'Kah: "I don't understand what I'm accused of".
Archer: "Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!"
Okay, out with it! Who killed Kenny?!
Archer: Do NOT be afraid, this is not a medical facility. We won't be performing any tests on you. This is a "SOF" facility. We "operate" on the "survival of the fittest" paradigm... ever since we got rid of affordable healthcare.
Crewman: Yes, we have eliminated taxes on the richest, but I do miss my mother.
Bu'Kah: The universal translator appears to be malfunctioning.
Archer: ''Me Archer! I am Captain here! You understand? Big boss! This is my starship! S-t-a-r-s-h-i-p! That means that it flies through outer space! Whoosh! Where the stars are! Do you understand that?''
Klingon: ''I am a Klingon, not a moron!''
You like? Is chest hair from last par'mech ki. Needs replace, need new par' mech ki.
Klinger, this is your oddest costume in the last century. You will get a vivasection 8 for that forehead.
Crewman: "OK, folks. We went over the rules in the back. Protect yourself at all times, let's have a clean fight, no hits below the belt. Touch gloves, back to your corners. Wait for the bell and come out fighting."
Yes, counting cards technically isn't illegal, however it's strongly discouraged!
Dear Penthouse. Jackpot!
Archer: ''Can you please leave the room for a minute? This nice gentleman over there is the exterminator, and he needs treat everything here with his bug spray.''
Archer: ''Do you Klingons always look that angry?''
Klingon: ''No, just me right now, because I don't like you. At all.''
At last Kirk didn't have to chat up the "guest of the week" at gun point!
Archer: "OK... I'm all done. Let me get a mirror for you to see the finished product.
[quietly] Crewman, standby. I'm not sure if she't going to like this haircut, I got a bit overzealous on the back."
Klingon: ''Stop staring at my forehead ridges! My boobs are down there!''
Archer: ''Go and ask Ensign Sato to translate me the following sentence into Klingon: 'Your eyes are beautiful like a lake glistening in the morning sun of Risa!'''
Klingon: ''I will never tell you any secrets about Klingon technology!''
Archer: ''Can you at least tell me what shampoo you are using? Your hair looks wonderful!''
You'll love what we've done with your forehead. Let me get a mirror.
I'm not a dentist I'm just a dental moniter.
Archer: "Don't worry my dear, the proctologist will be with you in a moment."
"Do not panic. He is here to execute you because your medical insurance has run out. Sorry. Sign here please."
"You want him to tattoo WHAT on your forehead?!"
"Just relax and my crewman will have your earwax removed in no time at all!"
Archer pawnders whether he would endure this Klingon woman ....... ?
Klingon : Well !!!!!! What are you waiting for ? I'm ready to
see if you can anjur an evening with me !!!
Archer : Hmmm well ...... Geesh !! I think I can !!! I won't
need an armed guard.
Say hello to my little friend!
Archer found he couldn't stop....staring....at the.......RIDGES
At least Kirk knew how to make the most of this kind of situation.
At least Krik knew how to make the most of this kind of situation.
Mötley Crüe members... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Crewman, to self: I'm sure she feels bad that we are sexualizing her for ratings, but compared to not even giving me a NAME...
Finally Star Trek is mainstreaming a character-who-uses-a-wheelchair into the ableist future.
...and baby Captain said, "Someone's still sleeping in MY bed."
Klingon: ''You claim to be a peaceful species - so why does this guy over there have a huge gun?''
Archer: ''Ensign, please tell Dr. Phlox that he should consider changing the design of his new invention, this 'hypospray'. The current one only tends to lead to misunderstandings.''
What, do you expect me to talk?
No, I expect you to die!
Klingon dentistry.
"You are not a prisoner.
You are food for Porthos."
Caught on camera: the awkward moment after a one night stand in space
Ok Ms....Klinger, is it? Just relax. I know it looks scary but that device is totally painless. You paid for a teeth cleaning, after all. If you won't open your mouth, how can we even get started?
Crewman: Looks like someone is in for a severe chiding.
Crewman: Captain, please stop! You know how she gets when you talk smack about Frankie! Besides, it just makes you look mean-spirited.
Klingon: ''You petaQ!''
Archer: ''Oh, thank you! I am really flattered...''
Klingon: '''petaQ' is an insult!''
Archer: ''Oh.''
Tell us which standard caption will get an honorable mention this month:
-the Full Shatner School of Overacting
-At least I'm not wearing a red shirt
-Wesley and/or Neelix died and there was much rejoicing
-What are you doing to the Uniformian ambassador?
-Slowly step away from the keyboard, Frankie Chestnuts
-Archer, his access denied
-Illness caused by "These are the Voyages"
Tell us which standard caption will get an honorable mention this month:
-No one expects the human inquistion
-I hate fanfiction
-Vulcan death fart
-Klingons... in spaaaaaace!
-Mayweather actually spoke a line today
-Typical reaction to Shatner's singing
-There are four... rank pips on your uniform
-Is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
-Why aren't you wearing pants?
You know, on earth we have these old stories about humans being abducted by aliens and having all kinds of probes stabbed into them. Guess what? It's payback time.
Bu'Kah: "What is the significance of the gold stripe?
Archer: "The gold indicates that I'm a member of the Command team of the ship."
Bu'Kah: "And his red stripe?"
Archer: "The red indicates that he won't be in the next scene. And probably any of the following ones."
Bu'Kah: "What is the significance of the gold stripe?
Archer: "The gold indicates that I'm a member of the Command team of the ship."
Bu'Kah: "And his red stripe?"
Archer: "The red stripe indicates that he's Jamaican."
Bu'Kah: "What is the significance of the gold stripe?
Archer: "The gold indicates that I'm a member of the Command team of the ship."
Bu'Kah: "And his red stripe?"
Archer: "The red indicates that he probably won't be mentioned in the credits of this episode."
Bu'Kah: "What is the significance of the gold stripe?
Archer: "The gold indicates that I'm a member of the Command team of the ship."
Bu'Kah: "And his red stripe?"
Archer: "The red indicates that he will probably be turned into a cube in the next 15 minutes."
Archers: ''Are you Klingons born with foreheads like this?''
Klingon: ''No. We just have a lot of low door frames on Qo'noS.''
I know the Discovery Klingon look ridiculous, but you'll be alright.
Archer: ''I like you eyebrows! What is your care program for them?''
Her name means "Irma".
One glass of prune juice and she's anybody's.
Klingon: ''Hey, what are you staring at? My eyes are up here!''
Archer: ''But they are so scary!''
Crewman: Captain, if I take off her restraints, she's gonna kick your ass.
Klingon : Are you going to put that Phaser Rifle to my head
and try to torture me for information ?
Archer : Torture ?! .... Hmmm more like an immunization
shot.
Klingon : WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS !!!!!!!!!!!
Archer : NO TICKET !!!
Interstellar Diplomacy FAIL
"I'll never talk! Never! Even if you klept me strapped down to this table, and, umm, used those clamps on me! Ooh, yeah, and then, umm, spanked me... or even if we did some pony play! And then you told me what you want for breakfast! Wait, was that out loud?"
"Why? Because you've been SOOOO naughty, and now you need to be... disciplined (remember, the safe word is 'targ.')"
Captain: You said you could "take us both" with one hand tied behind your back... we're gonna start you off with two hands.
Crewman: Captain, I believe she has told us EVERYTHING she knows.
Archer: OK, now hand me the shut-the-hell-up hypospray.
Guard in the background (thinking) : ''The sexual tension is almost tangible! Kiss each other finally!''
"No wonder you Earthers are so weak. You perform your duties whilst still wearing pajamas!"
Bu'Kah: I understand that you think I am unclean, but don't you think an autoclave is a bit extreme?
Ten seconds before Archer gets the crap beat out of himself...
.
Again."
Archer: "Crewman, why don’t you go check on the poached eggs."
Crewman: "Pardon?"
Archer: "Head out and gather up some dirty laundry."
Crewman: "Excuse me?"
Archer: "Go away, I need to “interrogate” [finger quotes] the prisoner."
Crewman: "Sir?"
Archer: I almost wore that same outfit.
Klingon: That would have been embarrassing.
Archer: Yes.
Klingon: One of us would have had to change.
Klingon: you'll never get me to talk.
Archer: we'll make you watch 'These Are the Voyages. '
Klingon: I'll tell you everything.
Archer: you don't look anything like the picture in your match.com profile.
For the last time, tell me why you are wearing a furcoat with cleavage... IN SPACE?!
There are TWO douchebags!
Bu'Kah: "So if I go to movie night with you, will you untie me?"
Crewman: "Captain... It doesn't count as an actual date if you capture your date at gunpoint and then restrain her."
Archer: "Fine... Put that gun away and let's see if that loosens her up a bit."
Crewman: "Captain... It doesn't count as an actual date if you capture your date at gunpoint and then restrain her."
Archer: "And why do we need the security guard?"
Klingon: "Start reciting that love poetry and you'll find out."
Archer, to self: Can Tinder Lead to a Long-Term Relationship?
Bu'Kah, to self: Can Tinder Lead to a Long-Term Relationship?
Crewman: Just so you know: Tinder is one of the causes of the nation-wide rise in STDs.
Archer, to self: Can Tinder Lead to a Long-Term Relationship?
Bu'Kah, to self: Can Tinder Lead to a Long-Term Relationship?
Crewman, to self: Can Tinder Lead to Long-Term Relationships?
Archer: "OK Bu'kaH... Please stop staring at the crewman. I have a gun also. And it almost as big. BIGGER. My gun's MUCH bigger."
Archer: "Crewman... Please put that weapon away... It's just a tad intimidating,.. To me... Just a little... A little intimidating... To me... Just a little."
"It's no use trying to disguise yourself as Archer ... I know you are really Chromedome"
"It's no use trying to disguise yourself as a Klingon ... I know you are really Frankie Chestnuts!"
Klingon: I can't stop staring at the guns on that guy.
Archer: It takes practice.
Archer: ''You know you are kind hot...''
Klingon: ''Thanks!''
Archer: ''...for a Klingon.''
Klingon: ''WHAT!?''
Klingon: 'Probe' me all you want, Captain. You'll never get my secrets!
Archer: ...That's not something we actually do.
Klingon: Oh...Are you sure you don't want to at least try?

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Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 33,245 Release date : 1 Oct 2017