| Caption |
Vote |
Picard: BERRRMAAAAN!!
Data: Calm down, Captain. He wasn't important anyway.
Troi: He might as well had a big sign on his neck saying "Expndable". We'll manage. |
|
| Chillin' out... IN SPAAAAAAACE!!! |
|
Troi: "Who would do something like this?"
Picard: "Whoever it was... [puts on sunglasses] ...we have an ice cool killer."
[cuts to CSI: Miami titles] |
|
| Data: According to the suicide note he left in his hand sir, he felt that waiting another month for who would make the funniest punchline was just too much to bear..." |
|
Data: Tell me, please sir, are there any other bylaws that will be changed?
Troi: I am sensing a growing sense of bitterness, an overwhelming, intense, feminine source of bitterness... |
|
| The war with the ice people of Freezus 3 had a great many casualties. |
|
Data: Given the structure of the ice crystals and the dispersion of the frost I would say this person was frozen almost instantly.
Picard: Well, look at that, he has a smile on his face. At least he died happy.
Troi: Considering where his other hand is frozen, I'd say he died very happy indeed. |
|
| I know Dr. Pulaski has a cold bedside manner but this is ridiculous! |
|
Data: In the Zombie alternate universe we just visited I believe this would be classified as a "Frozen TV dinner?"
Picard: Data.... |
|
Picard: Data, can you identify this man?
Data: I believe his name is Chuck Norris, an actor from the early 21st century
Picard: Norris... Norris... nope, can't say I've heard of him.
Troi: I sense great anger from him, despite his appearance of death, simply because you just said that...
Picard: Get that man off my bridge, now! |
|
Data: "Sir, it appears it is...."
Picard: "Frozen Data I know! You don't need to tell me everything!" |
|
| Picard's space order bride was finally delivered. However, Data and Troi were shocked to see it was a guy. |
|
| Picard: ''Look, Data! We found someone who is as pale as you.'' |
|
Picard: What happened here?
Data: Perhaps it was done in retribution.
Picard: What makes you think that?
Data: I have heard that revenge is a dish best served cold. Perhaps someone served her a dish of revenge in retribution for some wrong she was responsible for. |
|
Picard: Poke him.
Data: What? No.
Picard: Oh, come on, don't be a fuddy duddy.
Data: No, you poke him.
Picard: Dare you to lick him.
Troi: What's going on guys? |
|
Picard: KHAAAAAAAAANN!!!
Shatner (offscreen): Hey! That's my trademark line! |
|
| In hindsight, Data concluded that his pairing a "pull my finger" joke attempt with liquid nitrogen was a really bad idea. |
|
| "Q"uintessentially frozen |
|
| Sorry nerd86: I AM a vegetarian, and unbeknownst to you, I may be your mother... There may be other reasons I would not participate in eating the frozen food. |
|
| Picard: We can rebuild him... we have the technology. He will be the first bionic ensign... |
|
Data: "Captain, She appears to be frozen."
Troi: "Ooo, ooo... Let me see."
Picard: "What could be the cause, Mr. Data?"
Troi: "Outta the way... Let me by."
Data: "Difficult to determine... It is most perplexing."
Troi: "I wanna see... What's it like?"
Picard: "Counselor... If you don't shut up, we will beam you 100 meters off the starboard bow and you find out exactly what it's like." |
|
| In an effort to reduce the impact of the redshirt problem StarFleet started supplying each ship with a pack of frozen ensigns who could be defrosted when necessary. It didn't work well. |
|
| Data: ''It seems that the flour spontaneously evolved sentience and killed the baker.'' |
|
| "Who's idea was it to allow a Batman villain onto the bridge anyway?" |
|
| New cereal from Kellogg's. Frosted Redshirts, fortified with 7 minerals and iron. |
|
Picard: "What the devil?"
Data: "The Trill army is formidable indeed. Able to freeze enemies with a single touch."
Troi:"Dibs on his wallet!" |
|
| Troi: ''This is a very cold-hearted man.'' |
|
Data: "He appears to be dead, sir."
Worf: (off screen) "Captain, we are being hailed."
Picard: "Can you identify?"
Worf: "Yes, sir. It is an ambulance. It appears to be chasing us."
Picard: "Damn, that was fast." |
|
| data facanting sir you have frozen Madusa |
|
| Q: "Im good arent I? I was once a fire extinguisher for nearly 300 years! The first century was great, but after that it started to drag.." |
|
Troi: "No, the Polar-Fleecian Ambassador has just fainted.
-That "pilling"is just a sign of his age. DON'T PULL THAT!
Data & Picard to selves: "that is unusually unattractive" & "I believe I just vomited a little in my mount"
Troi: and he is an empath. |
|
| Troi: *thinks* "With everyone distracted by the death of Lieutenant Torres, no one will notice that I've stolen Geordi's VISOR and used it as a hair band." |
|
| It appears Captain that the counselors cheerleader outfit left him a little cold. |
|
| Picard: "Tell Geordi to check the heater in transporter room two again. It happened again." |
|
| One of the less successful crossovers; ST:TNG and "The Man in the White Suit". |
|
"I guess someone told to...[Data puts on sunglasses]
...chill out"
Roll CSI Miami credits. |
|
| Apparently, he heard Shatner singing. |
|
| On the floor: Ensign Kardashian |
|
What? I've got to lie here for a MONTH?!?!?!?!
Now you guys can call it the caption-"curse"-atition! |
|
You gotta problem, yo, I'll solve it.
Check out the beat while the DJ revolves it.
Ice Ice Baby
Ice Ice Baby |
|
| The scrubbing bubbles tried to keep it fairly clean, but Data didn't think it was funny, Picard felt insulted, and Deanna's wondering eyes found something offensive indeed. |
|
Picard: Wow, he's whiter than Data and my remaining hair combined!
Troi: I can't even see his red shirt! |
|
Picard: Dare you to lick it.
Data: That is incredibly inappropriate sir.
Troi: Lick what? |
|
Data: The note we found in his hand said that he was waiting for something called the "Caption Competition" to update.
Picard: Poor fool should have just gone out and got a life like the rest of us instead of just freezing himself. |
|
Data was fascinated by how quickly the Warrant Officer had been frozen. Picard was concerned for the man's safety. Troi wondered if he was just plain vanilla, or if there were fudge swirls mixed in.
|
|
What? I've got to lie here for a MONTH?!?!?!?!
Who will ever forget what Worf smelled like after THREE WEEKS? |
|
| Even I can't think of anything more clever for this! |
|
Everyone to themselves: Bored stiff -frozen stiff... really what's the difference?
Data: Technically the differences...
Picard quietly: It was a rhetorical question Data. |
|
| Picard: "So thats what a Breen looks like.." |
|
Data: BUD.
Picard: WEIS.
Troi: ERRRRRRRR! |
|
Data:"Captain, this is the worst case of brain freeze I have ever seen."
Deanna:"So cold!" |
|
| The common cold-Trek style. |
|
| If this was HD you'd see some significant pavlovian reflexes going on. |
|
| If you've been injured, frozen in time, or have had your safety just plain ignored in the line of your work, call the law offices of Q & Q for your free consultation. We'll get you the representation you deserve, and we won't treat you as coldly as your employer. |
|
| In an effort to stamp out all imagination "Frosty the Snowman" was replaced with "Frosty the Ensign" |
|
Man: Is it, the f-f-future, did it w-w-work?
Data: No, locking yourself in a freezer at the Comic Con does not allow you to travel into the future.
Man: Well, at least I get to meet you guys.
Picard: We're cosplayers.
Man: NOOOOOO! |
|
Data:"I warnedhim not to go in there."
Picard:"Mr. Worf, I told you it was a bad idea to air out the conference room like that."
Troi:"I'll go see if Superman can come up and thaw the redshirt out." |
|
| Apparently ensign River Phoenix was doomed from the beginning... |
|
Trio: I sense dis-incentivization...
|
|
| Troi: Captain, I'm sensing something... cold. |
|
Data:"He was warned not to draw the phaser, sir."
Picard:"Those beings must be very powerful to throw him out an airlock like that."
Troi:"These Jedi are facinating."
Obi-Wan:"Anakin, I told you not to throw him out!"
Anakin:"I didn't do it, you did! Ask the android!" |
|
Data: My temporal beaming project works! Unfortunatly, the targeting scanners were off.
Picard: At least you froze Rick Berman. |
|
Deanna: I get it now! No tip!
Picard: No no, that's not the joke at /all/. |
|
| Data: ''Did you know that not only you can set your phasers on stun, but you can also regulate the temperature of the phaser beam? I have just found this out.'' |
|
| "We can't proceed now, Mr. Data. I'm quite sure I told you that she has to defrost completely before we can put her in the oven." |
|
| Poor, poor Ensign Hell meets his ironic end. |
|
Data: It's not frost, it's frosting, cake frosting.
Picard: He died while searching for a women in the bachelor party cake on deck twelve.
Troi: Death by Virna Lisi... |
|
| They just came to congratulate the winner of Geordie's game of twister. |
|
| 5 gum ... even more awesome in spaaaacee! |
|
| Data: ''I told you that nobody can survive a space-walk without a space-suit, because of the temperatures out there being near absolute zero. But noooo, you had to try it out yourself.'' |
|
| Data: "Apparantely he was scared stiff when he looked in the mirror." |
|
Data: "She's dead, Jean-Luc."
Picard: "--!--" |
|
| Troi: I TOLD you it was too cold on the bridge! |
|
| Picard: Ensign Frosty, can you speak? Ensign Frosty! |
|
| The Andorians decided to encourage tourism by opening a beach resort. Turns out that the sea on Andoria is a bit too cold for most humanoids. |
|
| Data: Captain, I believe we have discovered which member of the crew had the powdered sugar addiction. |
|
| The real reason MacDougal was replaced by Argyle as chief engineer: She had a bad habit of playing with the environmental controls. |
|
Troi: "Not to worry... She wasn't a 'Regular'."
*Data and Picard slowly look up at Troi* |
|
| The first and last time he stepped outside for a smoke. |
|
Data: "Captain, is it true that if you put a sleeping person's hand in warm water they will urinate involuntary?"
Picard: "That's what they say."
Data: "...and these people were drunk when this happened?"
Picard: "So it seems."
Data: "Therefor, if I put this unfortunate gentleman's hand in ice water, he should pee frozen daiquiris."
Picard: "Hmmm... Make it so." |
|
| Looks like Ensign Revenge was promoted! |
|
| Jackass.. The Next Generation |
|
| Well, at least we aren't testing the transporters with an admiral's pet beagle this time. |
|
Picard: The iceman cometh.
Data: Actually Captain, it's not truly ice...
Troi: Data, just ignore him. He's trying to be funny again. |
|
| Data's presentation of his thesis on 20th century freeze-drying techniques would have gone over much better with the audience if it hadn't immediately followed lunch. |
|
Data: Tell me, please sir, are there any other bylaws that will be changed?
Troi: I am sensing a growing sense of bitterness, an overwhelming, intense, feminine source of bitterness... from someone who has TOO much time on her hands... |
|
| Could be worse... could have been a Stormtrooper. |
|
| Troy you get his wallet. Data you make sure he is dead. I'll keep watch. Make it so. |
|
| "She's dead, Jim... I mean, Jean-Luc... I mean, Captain." |
|
| Data: ''What? You did just arrive from Hoth? But that isn't even a Star Trek world!'' |
|
| Picard: This students is the last known member of the NRA, frozen for posterity. |
|
What? He has got to lie there for a MONTH?!?!?!?!
No, (Captain Picard sighs): He will remain in frozen in FIRST PLACE, or almost in first place, perhaps forever. |
|
Picard: Is he unconscious?
Data: Yes, sir.
Picard: Good, get me a Sharpie, I need to draw on his face! |
|
Data: "He is dead, sir."
Picard: "Well, at least he never got to see 'Code of Honor'."
Troi: "Or 'Justice'."
Data: "Or 'Haven'."
Picard: "Or 'Skin of Evil'."
Troi: "Or 'We'll Always Have Paris'."
Data: "Or 'The Child'."
Picard: "Or 'The Royale'."
Troi: "Or 'The Icarus Factor'."
Data: "Or 'Shades of Gray'."
Picard: "Or, really, any randomly episode from the first two seasons. *pause* Lieutenant Torres, you lucky, lucky bastard." |
|
| Data: "Sir, according to the lower central button on the left, we have to leave him on the floor for another three weeks. However, decomposition will set in in about five days thirteen hours and twenty four minutes. Which means he will be rotting on the bridge for fifteen days ten hours and thirty six minutes. I'm afraid, we won't be able to clean the stains this decomposing body will leave on the carpet." |
|
| Tickets, freeze. |
|
| Quick, someone, get a medical tricorder, if we press two buttons he'll get up and start singing! |
|
Data: ''An accident involving a transporter and a sack of flour? Weird."
Picard: "Weird is part of the job, Mr. Data.'' |
|
| does anyone have some smokes |
|
| Picard: ''Data, I think your hands are a bit cold.'' |
|
Data:"Facinating, the freeze ray is 47% more efficent than what the box said."
Picard:"Good thing it was the pilot and not me."
Troi:"Whoa! Our first redshirt!" |
|
Lieutenant Torres: "Tell my.. Wife and child.. I hate them.. *ugh*.."
Picard: "That, I was not expecting.." |
|
Troi: "He's frozen!"
Picard: "Who him? No my dear he's just chillaxing" |
|
| "I was frozen today!" |
|
Data- Frozen in time and frozen in space.
Troi- Time Warp, Captain? |
|
| Look people! This is what can happen to you if you participate in a Coca-Cola commercial. |
|
| His own fault, he was wearing red |
|
| Troi! His eyes are up here hun, keep your mind out of the gutter. |
|
Troi to self: How could this have happened? It makes no sense.
He changed out of the red shirt just like I told him... |
|
| "Picard to all decks. Be on the lookout for Mr. Freeze." |
|
Data: "He is cold Jean-Luc."
Picard: "Cool down Data."
Troi: "I'll get the chocolate sauce." |
|
Data: "He is dead, sir."
Picard: "Quite right. That'll teach him for using my Ready Room toilet." |
|
| An android, a Captain, and a counselor find a frozen body... stop me if you've heard this one. |
|
| You were right Data. Freezing in dead redhirts so we can use them again was an excellent idea. |
|
| Data: It was bad enough that kid I rescued trying to look like me, but I think this guy had taken the pale skin look too far with disastrous consequences |
|
| Star Trek: TNG - Season One.. Acting you can SEE!! |
|
| eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee |
|
Picard: What the devils going on.
Data: Well, Captain, you did order him to freeze.
Picard: I know, but I didn't think he'd take it so literally.
Data: If you remember, his species can morph.
Picard: Hmmm...I'll remember that next time.
Troi: I wonder if his children will call him 'Pop cycle'? |
|
| Captain, this man has got the deadly Rigillian dandruff disease from Rigel 4. Yes Data, I also had it. It cost me my hair; I miss my hair! |
|
| Picard: Dumbass... |
|
| Shit! This freezer burn death rate is getting out of hand!!! |
|
Data: "Wish you were here Hermione. We need you... Now, more than ever."
* Picard and Troi slowly turn to look at Data. * |
|
| "Welcome, to the world of tomorrow!!" |
|
Captain: It looks like he got a "frosty" reception.
Data: Apparently so, Captain.
Captain: I believe he got the "cold" shoulder.
Troi: Yes, Captain.
Captain: Just thinking about it gives me the "chills".
Data and Troi: That's enough, Captain. |
|
Data: It appears this caption is frozen Captain.
Troi: I bet you were the smartest in your class weren't you? |
|
| Troi: I'm sensing "drugs are baaad" " drugs are baaad" "drugs are baaad" over and over again... |
|
| Lieutenant Torres: I regret.. Nothing..*ugh*.. |
|
| Picard considered this to be a quite cold reception. |
|
Picard: Data, how is he?
Data: Captain, he's frozen stiff.
Troi: No argument there. |
|
Data: Fascinating.
Picard: Grotesque.
Troi: If his wiener snaps off, I'm keeping it. |
|
| Space Hitch Hiking- Arthur Dent, You're doing it wrong. |
|
| I said we shouldn't have made him be the fairy on top of the Christmas tree. |
|
| Unbeknownst to all, ensign redshirt would be the only survivor of the Predator attack. |
|
| Troi (sniff-sniff):I think he is thawing. Does anyone else think he may be thawing out a bit? |
|
Picard: You sure he's unconscious?
Data; Yes sir.
Picard: Good, take off his pants.
Data: ... why?
Picard: No reason, I just want to mess with him when he comes to. |
|
| Data: "Sir, I believe you should have left her on Risa." |
|
| Picard: That's the third person transporter into space this week. Data, please run diagnostics on the transporter system. |
|
| I triple dog dare you to stick your tongue to him. |
|
| Picard took Beverly's cool headed rejection quite frigidly... |
|
Data: It appears that he died of extreme cold.
Picard: Tell me something I don't know.
Data: Ok, there no way you can touch your elbow with your tongue.
Picard: That's not what I mean. |
|
| You know last week's poll? Well, 4 of the 5 were Admirals at some point, and Archer was the Federation's first President. geez. |
|
| If you wanna hang out you've got to take her out, cocaine. If you wanna get down, down on the ground, cocaine. She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, cocaine. |
|
| "Are you ... Captain Birds Eye?" |
|
| Troi: "Looks like Geordi's been here again." |
|
Data:"He stuck his head ut the window."
Picard:"This is a starship not a convertible."
Troi:"The redshirt!" |
|
| When all the replicators quit the crew was starting to get a bit desparate. |
|
Data: I believe it is a humancicle.
Picard: Data...
Data: It was a joke. An allusion to the frozen treat 'popcicle.' I substituted 'pop' for 'human' in this circumstance. The young ensign here was frozen so I accessed my new humor subroutines and determined...
Picard: Data...
Data: Sorry, sir.
Troi: I heard something about a popcicle. Is there a chocolate one? |
|
| PICARD: "Stay frosty, Ensign. Stay frosty." |
|
Data: Hello.
Picard: Hello.
Troi: Hello.
All: Hello! |
|
| Good god man! We're not yet in high def! |
|
Captain Picard: What happened?
Data: He was watching "Scott of the Antarctic" in the Holodeck".
Troi: This is just a hunch, but I guess the safetie program boke again." |
|
*CLICK* You gotta' play it cool! *CLICK*
*CLICK* You gotta play it ice cold baby! *CLICK*
*CLICK* You got to be smoooooth as silk! *CLICK* |
|
Picard: "What happened?"
Data: "It appears the MPAA's Ironic Punishments division got to him while he was illegally downloading Ice Station Zebra."
Picard: "Oh, my god, and they've got to you too, Deanna!"
Troi: "Me?"
Picard: "Your hair! Have you been downloading Bigfoot movies? King Kong?"
Troi: "No."
Picard: "Oh. Well, in that case, your hair looks lovely."
Troi: *cries* |
|
| Data's lack of familiarity with idiomatic language once again shows itself after Picard told him to have their guest "just chill out." |
|
| Troi to self: WOW, but I will not make jokes about being frozen stiff... |
|
EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT! Cyrus Redblock proves Picard wrong when he puts ensign yellowshirt on ice! Data Astonished, Picard Agasp, Deanna Agape! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
|
|
Picard: What happen Data?
Data: Apparently... He fell asleep watching a serie called "Enterprise" and nerver woke up... |
|
I've got to lie here for a MONTH?!?!?!?
I'll never live long enough to beat The Geek! |
|
| Picard: God how long is this month. I've had to pee for the last three weeks. |
|
| Picard: Astonishing. A frozen person here on the Enterprise and Geordie nowhere in sight... |
|
Data:"Captain, I think he was taking proactive measures before going back to SD.net."
Picard:"The poor man. Mr. Worf set a course for SD.net. They'll pay for what they've done."
Troi:"Riker don't worry we'll avenge you." |
|
| Data: The last entry in her personal log says: 'I wonder what will happen if I open this door?'. |
|
| Yet another victim of "freeze lightning"...oops. Wrong show. |
|
Troi: He's frozen!
Picard: Data will he be OK?
Data: No.
Picard: Why? He's just frozen.
Data: Yeah, but he's dead.
Picard: Well... just because someone goes into suspended animation doesn't mean they die. Just... thaw him out.
Data: But even if we still did that, he'd still be dead.
Picard: Then... reanimate him!
Data: Sir... cell walls rupture after a freezing and thawing process. If we thaw him he'll still die, regardless of resuscitation attempts...
Picard:... *sigh* you and your plot holes... |
|
| Bored stiff... Frozen stiff... Really what's the difference? |
|
| Data: Is this what Riker meant by "ice cold b!tch"? |
|
| Picard: "Suffocated by his own dandruff. The poor man." |
|
| Sherlock Data Holmes and the Hunt for the Murderer of Frosty the Snow Man |
|
Data: Is this what it means to be scared stiff?
Picard: No. But to a Cannibal this could considered a frozen dinner.
Troi: Ooohhh...he must really have a warm heart. I like that. |
|
| How many times have I told you kids to stop messing with the thermostat?!?! |
|
| In contrast to trip last month, this ensign as actually too cool... for everything. |
|
| In an effort to reduce the impact of the redshirt problem StarFleet started supplying each ship with a pack of frozen ensigns who could be defrosted when necessary. |
|
| Guy on Floor: The new fire supression system is set just a tad too high sir. |
|
| He had himself cryogenically frozen until a time when the caption competition became easier to win. |
|
Data:"I told that wouldn't work."
Picard:"Number One, post an announcement that the type-1s are not garage door openers and thaw this redshirt out. We need as many as we can get."
Riker:"I'm an XO not doctor."
Picard:"Well I'm a captain not doctor, Number One, so get someone who is!"
Troi:"I told him he was better off a stormtrooper." |
|
| Data: ''An android's bottom is smoother.'' |
|
| Data: He's dead Jim, whoops wrong show |
|
| I was trying to come up with something for this caption, but my mind is totally frozen. |
|
| Captain, I have heard of giving someone the "cold shoulder" but this is taking it way too literally. |
|
| Upon entering the Enterprise bridge and annoucing that the caption competition is now monthly, he got a chilling reception. |
|
DeForest Kelley from Offstage: "She's dead, Jim!"
Patrick Stewart: "Will someone get him outta here!" |
|
| Data: "Wish you were here Hermione. We need you... Now, more than ever." |
|
Data: What do you make of it?
Picard: That 80's pop song freeze frame comes to mind. |
|
| The scrubbing bubbles claim yet another victim. |
|
Data: It appears he has died of extreme cold exposure.
Picard: I told him that vacationing on the Breen homeworld was a bad idea. |
|
| "He's a cold hearted snake *ooo* look into his eyes, oh ohhhh, they're as cold as ice..." |
|
Data: Captain, this crew member was last seen with Esnsin Muri
Picard: Data, I know all the guys say she is frigid, but you can't blame this on her.
Troi (in thought): The rest of his body may be cold, but I see something in his pants that sure looks hot... and Riker always made excuses in the pool. |
|
| Well, I was looking at the hose on the fire extinguisher, and I guess I thought "what's the worst that could happen?" |
|
data: Captain It appears that he is suffering from brain freeze.
Troi: And I hope thats a serious case of shrinkage
Picard: I warned him to stay away from the slurpees |
|
| Captain, this is what happens when the cocaine explodes in your pocket. |
|
| Brent (to heavily dusted actor): Who needs to scratch his nose? You do! Yes you do! |
|
| ...does "sudden death" now take longer? |
|
| Picard: Data, be sure to tell Geordi that the air conditioning unit in guest quarters 6B is running a little on the high side. |
|
| The mirror universe Kirk wasn't quite so lucky when exiled to Delta Vega, although the red matter came in handy to explain why he appeared 134 years in the future |
|
Picard: "Mr. Data, is there a problem with the environmental systems?"
Data: "No sir, all environmental systems are operating within normal parameters."
Troi: "What could have done this?"
Riker [showing a PADD]: "Captain, take a look at this."
Picard: "Just as I feared... it's a basilisk." |
|
| Data: ''Hello, Mister! Do you need a blanket?'' |
|
| When Q speaks with an icy tone to his voice, it is not hyperbole. |
|
"You mean she's going to be like this for a month instead of a week."
"That's right."
"Poor dear." |
|
| Q: "Ha HA! I didith tellith himith to Stayith where thou art didnt I?..ith" |
|
Klingons say revenge is a dish best served cold.
YOu just have to wonder who this guy pissed off. |
|
| Data: ''I can try of course, but it is quite doubtful that a kiss from me will wake him up again.'' |
|
| Going outside for a walk from a starship was apparently a bad idea... |
|
| "Is this a popsicle I see before me? Alas, poor Torres, I knew him well!" (Patrick Stewart regresses to his roots as a Shakespearean luvvy - sorry, actor) |
|
| Q is one ice-cold killah. |
|
It's frozen!
|
|
| The latest casualty of the cocaine room. |
|
Picard: "Look, Data, if this is the sort of thing I can expect to happen when I leave you in command I just won't bother. Alright? I may as well assign Counselor Troi to pilot the ship."
Troi: "Exactly ... Wait, what?" |
|
| Data's presentation of his thesis on 20th century freeze-drying techniques would have gone over much better with the audience if it hadn't immediately followed lunch. |
|
| *Please enter your laboured Star Trek related Pun here* |
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| Two things that 24th Century medicine still can't cure: Picard's baldness and Ensign Ricky's dandruff. |
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| Picard: ''See? That's what happens when you have no clue how to adjust the thermostat.'' |
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Data: He froze himself with the hope that his terminal illness might be cured some time in the future.
Picard: That is the second saddest thing I've ever heard.
Troi: What is the first?
Picard: The Caption Comp is now monthly. |
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| Just checking in. I wish Mr. Kennedy would make these weekly again. *sigh* |
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| Picard: Data, are you sure that liquid nitrogen is prescribed for headache relief? |
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| The Geek, Mr. President, and Miss Marple discovered Nerd86's body when the Caption Comp finally updated. Frankie Chestnuts suggested they eat the body... there was much rejoicing. |
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| Data: Apparently he was attempting to hitchhike when we found him. |
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| Apparently ensign Too-Col-For-His-Shirt was frozen. |
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Thanksgiving Dinner at the Picards
Jean-Luc: "I knew that turkey should have gone into the oven sooner."
Deanna: "That thing isn't going to be thawed until Christmas week!" |
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Picard: Let's look at it this way: if it's going to have to be here for a month, at least THIS ONE is frozen.
Data: Yes. This will delay the natural decomposition, and most likely avoid stench and whining that was encountered last time... |
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| Deanna concentrates on the man's brain. |
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| "Go on Data and lick the frosting." |
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| I think it is obvious which one of us has killed this guy with their dandruff problem |
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"Let's propose SOPA!" He said.
"They'll love it!" He said... |
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| Picard and Data were looking at his face...Troi was looking at something else.... |
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| Data ! That's one hell of a cold your spreading !!!! |
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| Pictured: Four people's blood running cold. |
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| Picard: "Wow, this guy's deader than Megaupload. Amirite?" |
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Data: "They say he saw Dr. Pulaski naked."
Picard: "So the legends are true..." |
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Picard: "Data, I suggest you report to Engineering and have Geordi run a diagnostic. I've never seen such a severe reaction to someone's breath before."
Data: "I DID just have my oil changed at Pep Boys." |
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| Christopher Lloyd: I was frozen today! |
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Troi: "Who is he?"
Data: "Lt. Kelly Peterson, his character was suggested by the producers but the fans gave him the cold shoulder."
Picard: "Yes, well, that much is clear." |
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Data:"It appears the stormtroopers forgot the carbonite when they put Han Solo in."
Picard:"Data I think Vader did that on purpose because from what I heard Mr. Solo was dating his daughter."
Troi:"He's a stormtrooper not a redshirt."
Riker:"Is everyone feeling okay?" |
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| Troi: His hand doesn't appear to be the only thing that's up... |
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| Data: Apparently, according to ship's log, he has a benefactor. One Hubert Fonsworth... in the fine print there is a request for "Save the Blood"... |
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| Time to recycle some of those entries from when we featured "The Naked Now" in this competition? |
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| Deanna to self: Aw dang, they found my emergency stash! |
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| Picard: "Huh ... I guess I'll have to change the standard "I regret it is my duty to inform you your son has passed away" letter template on this one." |
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Troi - He's frozen!
Data - No duh!!
Troi - Hey I have very little to do on this mission other than making the auidence cringe and point out the obvious! And I am going to do it! |
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| The announcement that the caption competition was now monthly was coldly recieved by some. |
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| See Data, this is what happens when Riker huffs freon!!! |
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Data:"It appears the transporter malfuntioned."
Picard:"O'Brian, what your wife told you about testing the transporter on the redshirts?"
Troi:"The redshirt might still be alive, I sense cold thoughts from his mind." |
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Data: "Confirmed, Captain. This man has been in the Cocaine Room."
Picard: "You know, looking back, perhaps replacing hydroponics with a Cocaine Room was not my best command decision."
Data: "Despite the fatalities, the Cocaine Room is still the most popular venue on board.
Troi: "I sense... this man... still owes me 50 bucks. Cocaine Room." |
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Data: 'A ccording to the records he was the last senator to support something called SOPA.'
Picard: 'Throw him back into space. This is one man that will not be revived.' |
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Picard: Data, when I said "chill out, man" I meant "don't worry about the current situation" not literally bathe Ensign Johnson in liquid nitrogen.
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| This is not the right episode to find people frozen. We're still in Encounter at Farpoint not The Naked Now |
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| ...and I thought we were going to do away with the whole "red shirt" thing. |
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| "A hundred years later and we still haven't solved the curse of the red shirt!" |
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Picard: Remember everyone, when Riker walks in I want you, Data, to scream "oh my god, you killed Kenny" and Counselor you call him a bastard. Got it?
Data, Troi: Check. |
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| "I want a drumstick!" |
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| Data: It appears that someone tugged on Superman's cape. He doesn't like people tugging on his cape. |
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| Picard: I really love this resturant, they always deliver on time! |
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Picard: Report Commander.
Data: Sir, I'm finding it difficult to remove my finger from his ear. It appears to be frozen as well. I've hypothesized that blowing into his ear might have a 70% chance of success.
Picard: Make it so.
Troi: Ohhh, I see the crabs I gave him last week are skiing down the left side of his torso. |
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| The first day as a Andorian attache is always a bit rough. |
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Picard: ''Computer, tea, Earl Grey, hot.''
Troi: ''Captain?''
Picard: ''It's not for me, it's for him. There is no better remedy for hypothermia than a cup of steaming hot tea in your stomach.'' |
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| New Ensign Initiation |
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| In the 24th century dandruff has developed into a serious illness. |
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| That's actually the first case of someone bored stiff when Data told one of his joke. |
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| Sigh...you know we could use an Academy Award winnng make-up artist for this show. |
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| Cold Fusion gone horribly wrong. |
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Picard: Quickly - bring me some of those tree-shaped car air-fresheners!
What? We haven't any? Well they don' t HAVE to be tree shaped.
Anything tasteful will be fine! |
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| Future TV dinner flavors: Soylent Green |
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| Cocaine... So... Much... Cocaine... |
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Data: *careful study*
Picard: *intrigued curiosity*
Troi: *thought there would be cake* |
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Data:"I am detecting traces of Freezing Peppermint toothpaste."
Picard:"Mr. Worf, what have we told you about using the redshirts to test your breath?"
Troi:"Hey, Yar, you better put this guy on ice! It looks like he tried to shoot another officer!" |
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| Cocaine... IN SPAAAACE!!! |
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| Coldly calculating the quiet credentials of the chilling cadaver, the captain keeps a cool head. |
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Data: Lifeforms, You tiny little lifeforms, You precious little lifeforms, Where are you?
*turns to Picard*
Not here, sir.
Picard: Alright, resume our previous course. |
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| So; this episode is from the 80s. Data has a dumb-found look of someone with an IQ in the 80s. Picard looks like a man in his 80s. Deanna has a hairstyle from the 80s. The ensign has a core temperature of -80. Coincidence! I think not! |
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Picard: "No!.. *sigh*.. Lieutenant Torres was only 16,437 days from retirement! Why Q! Why!!"
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| Killed by a random Biggus Dickus joke. |
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| Picard: Data what did I tell you about not experimenting with liquid nitrogen again! |
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| Troi: All I said is that he needed to take a chill pill. |
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| Stewart: "Brent, Marina, this guy's got even less life in him than your careers after Star Trek." |
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Picard: "What is it, Data?"
Data: "Tim Tebow is in the NFL playoffs. The odds of that happening are... astronomical..."
Troi: "He's so dreamy, unlike this poor sap..." |
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| Data investigates a cold case file. |
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| New years feast on the Enterprise D |
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Even in the 24th century the death of a yellowshirt doesn't constitute red alert.
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| The Last Redshirt... harmed in Trek. |
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| Troi: UHHH, guys...when he fell something broke... |
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| Once again, the Christmas decorations at DITL always have unforseen consequences. |
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Data:"I told him to wait for another yellowshirt to come and fix it."
Picard:"Serves him right breaking the rules on my ship, the wimp."
Troi:"See guys I told you the air conditioners were over acting." |
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| I wonder what is in that cold dead hand? |
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| Troi to self: "If only I weren't a vegetarian." |
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| Troy to self: I TOLD him if he kept doing that his face would freeze like that and he didn't believe me. |
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| data did warn that it has been a while when the ensign knelt down and undid his fly |
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| Cool! |
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| Picard: This is why I keep telling the crew. Do not press the little red button. |
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| Troi: "Is it twue what they say about frosty men? (lights go out)(Zip!) Oh, it's twue, it's twue, it's twue!" |
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| Why is Ensign Torres white? Torres is clearly not a white person's name. |
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Data: "It looks like another attack by the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man."
Troi: "Oh, the humanity!"
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| Picard: Get him to sick bay, save the blood, and the organs. What ever happens, save the blood! |
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| Captain: I told him what could happen when he started dating that Breen... |
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| I'm suprised that no one has pulled an "Ensign Revenge" joke yet! |
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"I'm sensing extreme coldness."
"Thank you for your insight, counselor." |
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| Picard: "Aw, damn it -- and he was one day from retirement too." |
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