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"Ten years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These people promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The DS9-Team.
|Frankie Chestnuts||Dax: "Is he drunk again?"
Odo: "I can't tell... I've never seen anyone sleep in that position."
Bashir: "I left him in Quarks last night at 2 in the morning. Is he alive?"
Sisko: "Mr. O'Brien... Good morning..."
|PHRobertson||"Who's that ugly so-and-so?"
"Oh, that's the winner of last week's caption competition - I think they're looking for two victories in a row."
"And... we're the caption? Just the four of us standing here?"
"Looks like it."
"Well, best of luck to 'em then, because I can't think of anything."
|PHRobertson||The annual DS9 Musical Statues Competition, now down to its last four competitors.|
|Miss Marple||Inside, no one can hear you scream.|
|Miss Marple||Sisko: Thank God it's February.
Odo: What's so special about February?
Bashir (quietly): Shortest month of the year.
Dax: Isn't this a leap year?
|C. W. Perkins||Sisko: Who the hell taught Worf the Lumberjack song?
Bashir: Humph...I look better than he does in a bra.
Dax: Jealous Doctor?
Bashir: Just a little and I can't wait till I have to mend his broken ankle from wearing those high heels.
Odo: You'd just love that.
Bashir: Yeah...I'll break the other one just for good measure.
Dax: But you got to admit he did pick a very stylish pair.
Odo: (humming)'I wish I were a girlie just like my dear papa'
Sisko: I'm worried about you Odo.
Dax: (chuckles) Ben you ought to see him do the 'Dead Parrot' sketch.
|Guybrush||Basir: "I'm afraid Bajoran menstrual cycles typically last for a full rage-filled month."
Dax: "Is anyone going to go help the Chief get out of that headlock?"
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sisko: "The key to a hot-selling Christian album is a flashy inspirational album cover... No, no, no! Haven't you guys ever seen an album cover? You're supposed to be standing in random places, looking away like you don't care!."
Dax: "Like this?"
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sisko: "Wow! This is going to be great publicity... Imagine... A FULL SPREAD in 'Space Station Quarterly'!"|
|Frankie Chestnuts||The latest spin-off:
Law and Order: DS9
"In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories."
|Miss Marple||The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and The Trill|
|Miss Marple||The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and the Genetically Enhanced|
|Miss Marple||The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and The Changeling|
|Miss Marple||Santorum means WHAAAAAT???????|
|Miss Marple||Sisko: You know whose fault this is? The Geek's.
Bashir: Well, Frankie Chestnuts and he were going at it for a while...
Odo: Stop being such a suck -up, Julian! Mr President was a player, too, but nerd86 was about to kick ALL their asses.
Jadzia: Guys, we all have to hang around here for a month, so lets not go around blaming anybody
Sisko: Of course we must assign blame. It's The Geek's fault.
I am the prophet and I say so.
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sisko: "Miles... We think you have a problem with alcohol and want you to get help."
O'Brien (drunk): "So you think I have a (expletive deleted) problem with alcohol? The only (expletive deleted) problem I have with alcohol is that (expletive deleted) synthehol. Who the (expletive deleted) invented that crap? It tastes like Cardassian vole piss and I can drink the (expletive deleted) all night and still find my way home to the biggest mistake in my life. That whiny (expletive deleted) and her (expletive deleted) shrill of a voice is enough for me to put a (expletive deleted) Klingon pain stick to my forehead. Sure, she has nice (expletive deleted) and a nice tight (expletive deleted), but let her come across your hidden stash of scotch and it's 'Miles, have you been (expletive deleted) drinking again?' or 'Miles, I think you've been mistaking vole piss for alcohol again...'. I (expletive deleted) give up."
*Miles passes out.*
Dax: "Well, THAT went well."
|Miss Marple||Here we see a gentle nod to the movie "Office Space" from the staff of DS9, because they know that DS9 is really just a Trekishly decorated office building IN SPAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!|
|Miss Marple||Sisko to self: Yeah, it's mandatory "posed" office photo "season's greetings" cards like THIS that have made me swear off sending off cards at the holidays...
It's almost enough to make me renounce my Pastafarian tenets...
but I love Pasta...
and I BELIEVE in Pirates!
|The Geek||Jadzia: "Wow. Worf really IS the Lord of the Dance!"
Odo: "For once, the idiot Quark was right..."
Sisko: "That's all well and good, but does he have to do it on the tactical console?"
Bashir (just walks in): "Everybody, I just found the cur- my... god!"
|Mr. President||Bajoran Vedek: (off screen) "Are...are you guys using the Orb Of Song to play musical chairs?"
Dax: "Aw, and I was winning too."
*Sisko kicks Dax in the leg*
Dax: "I mean, no."
|woodside||O'Brien: "It's not the uniform that makes you look fat, Commander. Whoever told you that was lying to you."|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sisko: "The key to a hot-selling Christian album is a flashy inspirational album cover."|
|DBB||Sisko: Why is Morn asleep in my office?
Dax: Apparently, he got drunk and stumbled in there last night.
Sisko: But why is he naked?
Dax: ...VERY drunk.
|Copyright Graham Kennedy||Page views : 209||Last updated : 30 Nov -0001|