Damnest thing you have ever heard someone say....

[Sonic Glitch]

I don't know if this counts as I didn't hear it, but it's a story my dad told me: He worked in newspapers for a long time. Back early in his career (80something) him and a colleague were doing freelance photography work for a local senator who was trying to make an i believe national run at the time, and so they were at a convention of some sort to get pictures. It turns out Senator Kennedy (I want to say Teddy but I'm not sure) was also at the convention. So as all the candidates and senators and such are exiting their trailers or what not to head to the floor, my dad goes off to photo the senator they're working for. He calls to his cohort probably saying something along the lines of "hey, we can get some good action shots of him greeting voters, or at least good profile shots to use in his publishings" or something like that, however at the same time Sen Kennedy is also heading to wherever they're going, my dads friend replies back (loudly, as they're separated by a bit of distance and crowd), "Hang on, I'm going to shoot Kennedy!" The whole place goes dead silent. And my dad and the senator they're working for are just kind of hanging their heads trying not to be associated. My dad walks over to him and says, "You are going to take pictures of Senator Kennedy, you are going to photograph Senator Kennedy. For the love of God you are not going to shoot Kennedy!"

[Mikey]

ROFLMAO!

[Mark]

This is great.


I had a friend Brian who had a girlfriend named Christine. She was dumb as a friggin' stump, but hot as hell. Now, Brian was impotent as a result of some massive testicle trauma from when we were younger, although everything else was still functional. She couldn't grasp this concept and insisted he use condoms during sex so she wouldn't get pregnant. Now one day Brian, just out of the blue tells her that if she jumps up and down after sex, the sperm won't take hold, thus she wouldn't get pregnant. She completely accepted it as fact.


Fast forward a week later.

I walk into his place, beer in hand. He's in the kitchen "preparing packages for sale" if you follow. We're talking and enjoying the fruits of his labor, when sure enough, Christine opens the bedroom door AND COMES HOPPING OUT. Beer sprayed everywhere

[Vic]

Priceless Mark, just priceless.

[Foxfyre]

Nice nice nice

[Uzume]

You do mean sterile not impotent, right?

Still, funny sh*t man. *two thumbs up*

[thelordharry]

Damnest thing you have ever heard someone say....

I heard my wife say 'I don't need any more handbags or shoes' the other night.

(keeping straight face)
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(keeping straight face)
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(begins to crack and smiles)

[Mikey]

Wait, were you being serious?

[Vic]

My wife says that there is a place for handbags and shoes and she dosen't like either.

I thank God every day!

[Nickswitz]

My wife says that there is a place for handbags and shoes and she dosen't like either.

I thank God every day!

You are a lucky man...

[thelordharry]

Wait, were you being serious?

Mankind will reach Alpha Centauri before that would actually happen Mikey

[Uzume]

I have an old wallet I got in Quart Site, AZ at a flea market when I was 17. 1 red leather hand bag that stays in the closet most of the time. An about 13 pairs of good shoes ranging from, work boots, tennies, and heels. That's it, that's all, don't like baggage.

[thelordharry]

I have an old wallet I got in Quart Site, AZ at a flea market when I was 17. 1 red leather hand bag that stays in the closet most of the time. An about 13 pairs of good shoes ranging from, work boots, tennies, and heels. That's it, that's all, don't like baggage.

13!?!? I've got, like 3 But then yours must wear out quicker from kicking Mr Bill S Preston Esquire's arse all the time

[Mikey]

OK... how about "damndest things I ever saw painted on a truck?"

A couple of weeks ago, East Coast Flagpole was fixing the windlass inside the flagpole at work. The boom on their crane truck was painted with the legend, "We're proud of our erections."

Yesterday I passed a reefer van on the highway from some local seafood wholesaler. Their motto? "If it smells like fish... eat it!"

[Tsukiyumi]

I have an old wallet I got in Quart Site, AZ at a flea market when I was 17. 1 red leather hand bag that stays in the closet most of the time. An about 13 pairs of good shoes ranging from, work boots, tennies, and heels. That's it, that's all, don't like baggage.

13!?!? I've got, like 3 But then yours must wear out quicker from kicking Mr Bill S Preston Esquire's arse all the time

Not as much as you'd think.