Why Women Hate Men (NSFW!)
Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:32 pm
by Aaron
This was posted on SDN a while back. And it's a gold mine of hilarious stuff.
Spoilerized cause the below is probably pushing it:
Read the comments, great stuff there.
Spoilerized cause the below is probably pushing it:
18 looking for hot cougar 40-50
18male looking for an older woman to fuck. Will please you until your whole body is tingling and you can't walk. I will fuck you like no other man can. Don't be scared! Email me and I can send you tons of picture any kind you want. You would have to have a place. Call Scott at XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Sending an 18 year-old boy to satiate the sexual appetite of a woman in her libidinous prime is like sending an aloof zookeeper into the polar bear exhibit at dinner time with half a sardine served in a decorative teacup. You're going to end up with a pissed off animal Scott, and you should be scared. Never write a horny woman checks that your penis can't cash.
Little boys like Scott don't realize women reach their sexual peak in their late 30's and early 40's. She no longer views her reproductive organs as a delicate and fertile flower; now it's a Battle Cage designed solely to deliver her mind-shaking orgasms. If you dare step into her war zone armed with "The Alphabet Technique" and a Planned Parenthood pamphlet tutorial of the G-spot you downloaded at the local community center, she's going to send you home in a body bag with a pee stain.
Conversely, 18 year-old men are also at their sexual peak. In a cruel act of nature which I'm sure God plans to someday post on YouTube, these boys need an OnStar service representative just to find the nearest erogenous zone. He thinks he's getting you off by going down on you; you wonder why it feels like he's gnawing on walnuts during oral sex. Combine the two and you've got a mature woman who knows exactly what she wants, and a young boy that doesn't have a clue how to give it to her.
Most young guns like Scott have been having sex for a couple years and figure they've got this whole "woman" thing figured out. Like most young men, he aggressively humps a 17 year-old girl like he's trying to smash a spider in her womb, and the girl has no clue she's experiencing bad sex. When and if she has an orgasm, she might whimper like she failed a calculus quiz, but he feels like he's done his job.
A mature woman on the other hand owns her sexuality. She knows how she wants to get fucked, where, when and how often. She doesn't want a whimpering orgasm, she wants to eat a bedpost. She wants you to fuck her perm straight.
Although you have the gift of unending stamina, I doubt an inexperienced teen's entry-level movie-theater mop closet moves will make her whole body tingle, and I'm pretty sure she'll be able to walk after you're done with her. In fact, she'll probably walk right to her dresser drawer to get her vibrator. And it's not for her.
Bend over, Scott. Welcome to the jungle.
18male looking for an older woman to fuck. Will please you until your whole body is tingling and you can't walk. I will fuck you like no other man can. Don't be scared! Email me and I can send you tons of picture any kind you want. You would have to have a place. Call Scott at XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Sending an 18 year-old boy to satiate the sexual appetite of a woman in her libidinous prime is like sending an aloof zookeeper into the polar bear exhibit at dinner time with half a sardine served in a decorative teacup. You're going to end up with a pissed off animal Scott, and you should be scared. Never write a horny woman checks that your penis can't cash.
Little boys like Scott don't realize women reach their sexual peak in their late 30's and early 40's. She no longer views her reproductive organs as a delicate and fertile flower; now it's a Battle Cage designed solely to deliver her mind-shaking orgasms. If you dare step into her war zone armed with "The Alphabet Technique" and a Planned Parenthood pamphlet tutorial of the G-spot you downloaded at the local community center, she's going to send you home in a body bag with a pee stain.
Conversely, 18 year-old men are also at their sexual peak. In a cruel act of nature which I'm sure God plans to someday post on YouTube, these boys need an OnStar service representative just to find the nearest erogenous zone. He thinks he's getting you off by going down on you; you wonder why it feels like he's gnawing on walnuts during oral sex. Combine the two and you've got a mature woman who knows exactly what she wants, and a young boy that doesn't have a clue how to give it to her.
Most young guns like Scott have been having sex for a couple years and figure they've got this whole "woman" thing figured out. Like most young men, he aggressively humps a 17 year-old girl like he's trying to smash a spider in her womb, and the girl has no clue she's experiencing bad sex. When and if she has an orgasm, she might whimper like she failed a calculus quiz, but he feels like he's done his job.
A mature woman on the other hand owns her sexuality. She knows how she wants to get fucked, where, when and how often. She doesn't want a whimpering orgasm, she wants to eat a bedpost. She wants you to fuck her perm straight.
Although you have the gift of unending stamina, I doubt an inexperienced teen's entry-level movie-theater mop closet moves will make her whole body tingle, and I'm pretty sure she'll be able to walk after you're done with her. In fact, she'll probably walk right to her dresser drawer to get her vibrator. And it's not for her.
Bend over, Scott. Welcome to the jungle.
