A man walks into a bar and says ouch.
The Joke Thread
Re: The Joke Thread
found this one
Re: The Joke Thread
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Tsukiyumi
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Re: The Joke Thread
Nickswitz wrote:found this oneA man walks into a bar and says ouch.
Nice.
There is only one way of avoiding the war – that is the overthrow of this society. However, as we are too weak for this task, the war is inevitable. -L. Trotsky, 1939
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Sonic Glitch
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Re: The Joke Thread
2 peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
"All this has happened before --"
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
"But it doesn't have to happen again. Not if we make up our minds to change. Take a different path. Right here, right now."
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Mikey
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Re: The Joke Thread
a: My dog has no nose.
b: Then how does he smell?
a: Awful!
(cookie for the reference)
b: Then how does he smell?
a: Awful!
(cookie for the reference)
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
Re: The Joke Thread
Who is a pirate's favorite Star Trek character?
Yarrrr!
Yarrrr!
"I have nothing to say, I am saying it, and that is poetry."
John Cage
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Sionnach Glic
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Re: The Joke Thread
"You've all been selected for this mission because you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation MindFuck!"
Re: The Joke Thread
They say that in the Army,
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
the women are mighty fine.
They look like Phyllis Diller,
and walk like Frankenstein.
Re: The Joke Thread
1 LOL and 1 ROLL - I can live with that response
"I have nothing to say, I am saying it, and that is poetry."
John Cage
John Cage
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Sionnach Glic
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Re: The Joke Thread
Ah, but don't they both cancel each other out? 
"You've all been selected for this mission because you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation MindFuck!"
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Graham Kennedy
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Re: The Joke Thread
Guy goes into a bar and sees two pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender what's up with the meat.
"It's a standing bet we have here," says the bar tender. "You get one chance to jump up and rip both pieces off the ceiling. If you win, you get free drinks every night for a week. If you lose, you buy everybody else free drinks for a whole night. Interested?"
The guy looks up, thinking about it, then says "no, I don't think so... the steaks are too high."
"It's a standing bet we have here," says the bar tender. "You get one chance to jump up and rip both pieces off the ceiling. If you win, you get free drinks every night for a week. If you lose, you buy everybody else free drinks for a whole night. Interested?"
The guy looks up, thinking about it, then says "no, I don't think so... the steaks are too high."
Give a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day. SET a man on fire, and you will keep him warm for the rest of his life...
Re: The Joke Thread
At first I was thinking "what, I don't get it". Then I got it.
Very nice.
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Sionnach Glic
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Re: The Joke Thread
"You've all been selected for this mission because you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation MindFuck!"
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Mikey
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Re: The Joke Thread
Ouch.
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
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Graham Kennedy
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- Location: Banbury, UK
- Contact:
Re: The Joke Thread
Medical guy called Dave is working in his surgery one day when this female patient comes in. He can't take his eyes off her, he's instantly turned on... and from the little looks she seems to be giving him, he gets the impression that she's up for it too! As he goes to get her some medicine a little devil appears on his shoulder...
"Dave, go for it! She's gorgeous, it's been a long time since you got any sex, there's nobody else in the office, she's clearly into you too... do it Dave, take her roughly from behind right here in the surgery!"
Then a little angel appears on his other shoulder. "For God's sake Dave, you can't do this!"
"Well... why not?" Mutters Dave finally, completly torn.
The angel sighs. "Well if nothing else, there's the fact that you're a vet!"
"Dave, go for it! She's gorgeous, it's been a long time since you got any sex, there's nobody else in the office, she's clearly into you too... do it Dave, take her roughly from behind right here in the surgery!"
Then a little angel appears on his other shoulder. "For God's sake Dave, you can't do this!"
"Well... why not?" Mutters Dave finally, completly torn.
The angel sighs. "Well if nothing else, there's the fact that you're a vet!"
Give a man a fire, and you keep him warm for a day. SET a man on fire, and you will keep him warm for the rest of his life...