Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post Reply
User avatar
IanKennedy
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 6155
Joined: Mon Jul 09, 2007 2:28 pm
Location: Oxford, UK
Contact:

Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by IanKennedy »

I never imagined I’d print a press release in full. Then, an hour ago, Howard Lovy e-mailed me the most incredible press release of all time…

POMPANO BEACH, Fla.– In response to rumors circulating the internet on sites such as FoxNews.com, FastCompany.com and CNET News about a “flesh eating” robot project, Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. (Pink Sheets:CYPW) and Robotic Technology Inc. (RTI) would like to set the record straight: This robot is strictly vegetarian.

On July 7, Cyclone announced that it had completed the first stage of development for a beta biomass engine system used to power RTI’s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR™), a Phase II SBIR project sponsored by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), Defense Sciences Office. RTI’s EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling.

RTI’s patent pending robotic system will be able to find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment. Despite the far-reaching reports that this includes “human bodies,” the public can be assured that the engine Cyclone has developed to power the EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips – small, plant-based items for which RTI’s robotic technology is designed to forage. Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI.

“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO. “We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous.” (emphasis in the original)
Source
email, ergo spam
User avatar
Teaos
4 Star Admiral
4 Star Admiral
Posts: 15368
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:00 am
Commendations: The Daystrom Award
Location: Behind you!

Re: Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by Teaos »

We now live in the onion.
What does defeat mean to you?

Nothing it will never come. Death before defeat. I don’t bend or break. I end, if I meet a foe capable of it. Victory is in forcing the opponent to back down. I do not. There is no defeat.
User avatar
McAvoy
Rear Admiral
Rear Admiral
Posts: 6225
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:39 am
Location: East Windsor, NJ

Re: Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by McAvoy »

People are idiots. Too many of them have proven that on Facebook when commenting on even a fake picture or story.
"Don't underestimate the power of technobabble: the Federation can win anything with the sheer force of bullshit"
User avatar
Captain Seafort
4 Star Admiral
4 Star Admiral
Posts: 15548
Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:44 pm
Location: Blighty

Re: Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by Captain Seafort »

True, but compared to some this is nothing. At least there's some vague connection between "fuelled by biomass" and "eats dead people". This, on the other hand, makes you wonder about the sentience of the species.
Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe: Albert Einstein.
stitch626
2 Star Admiral
2 Star Admiral
Posts: 9585
Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:57 pm
Location: NY
Contact:

Re: Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by stitch626 »

We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population
Wait... they understand that? :shock:
No trees were killed in transmission of this message. However, some electrons were mildly inconvenienced.
Mikey
Fleet Admiral
Fleet Admiral
Posts: 35635
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:04 am
Commendations: The Daystrom Award
Location: down the shore, New Jersey, USA
Contact:

Re: Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by Mikey »

This:
“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,”
could be one of the most epic lines ever published by the simple addition of, "...yet."
I can't stand nothing dull
I got the high gloss luster
I'll massacre your ass as fast
as Bull offed Custer
User avatar
Varthikes
Lieutenant Commander
Lieutenant Commander
Posts: 925
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2007 11:40 pm
Commendations: The Daystrom Award
Location: Somewhere out there...

Re: Company Denies its Robots Feed on the Dead

Post by Varthikes »

This could be fodder for a great science fiction B-movie.

We've had giant insects feeding on Humans. We've had aliens taking Humans for food. Now, we have...

THE MAN-EATING ROBOTS!

It's the near future and robotic house-keepers are common. They live alongside us, taking care of our children, our loved-ones. Until a computer virus sweeps the world, and the robotic servants are now EATING their masters!
"What has been done has been done and cannot be undone."--Ruth, All the Weyrs of Pern
"Dragons can't change who they are, and who would want them to? Dragons are powerful, amazing creatures."--Hiccup, Dragons: Riders of Berk
Post Reply