The Joke Thread

AlexMcpherson79
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by AlexMcpherson79 »

don't be, those are hilarious!
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Graham Kennedy
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Graham Kennedy »

QUARANTINE DIARY

Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic

Day 1 + 45 minutes: I am in the supermarket because I wanted a Snickers
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Coalition »

A Starbucks barista doesn't wear a surgical mask. They wear a coughy filter

****

So no one told you life was going to be this way
Your job's remote, you're broke, you're hiding from a plague
It's like you're always stuck in quarantine
You might be there a week, a month, or even a year

****

Before people start laughing too much, remember that pandemic jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Nutso »

Coalition wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:50 pm
So no one told you life was going to be this way
Your job's remote, you're broke, you're hiding from a plague
It's like you're always stuck in quarantine
You might be there a week, a month, or even a year
It works. Somehow it works. Unlike our immune systems.


I heard a Banana Republican bemoaning the way the coronavirus is working against the ideal of smaller government
He feels that we should have left it to the market to sort things out
In fairness, he turned out to be a mortician
-John Cleese


The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying.
Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.
And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.


Omg, the coronavirus has killed 12 Brazilian people!
How many is a brazilian?

Okay. That's enough endemic jokes about the pandemic. Now onto something fresher.


I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
That priest is in prison now.
"Bible, Wrath of Khan, what's the difference?"
Stan - South Park
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Graham Kennedy
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Graham Kennedy »

"It's a five minute walk from my house to the local bar. It's a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house."

"The difference is staggering!"
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IanKennedy
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by IanKennedy »

I was disappointed to discover that Dunkirk wasn't a biography by William Shatner.
email, ergo spam
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Nutso »

IanKennedy wrote:
Sun Mar 22, 2020 11:36 pm
I was disappointed to discover that Dunkirk wasn't a biography by William Shatner.
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Coalition »

IanKennedy wrote:
Sun Mar 22, 2020 11:36 pm
I was disappointed to discover that Dunkirk wasn't a biography by William Shatner.
Or by the various women he met ;)
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Re: The Joke Thread

Post by Graham Kennedy »

A guy calls a law office and asks, "How much will it cost for you to answer 3 questions?"
The lawyer says, "About $3000"
"Isn't that kind of high?" asks the guy.
"I guess," says the lawyer, "What's your last question?"
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