Star Wars: Machete Order

Post Reply
User avatar
Nutso
2 Star Admiral
2 Star Admiral
Posts: 9614
Joined: Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:58 pm

Star Wars: Machete Order

Post by Nutso »

A new way to look at the Star Wars Sexology.

http://static.nomachetejuggling.com/machete_order.html
Next time you want to introduce someone to Star Wars for the first time, watch the films with them in this order: IV, V, II, III, VI

What Gets Removed?

Here’s some stuff that you no longer have to see as part of your Star Wars viewing experience, thanks to skipping Episode I.

-Virtually no Jar-Jar. Jar-Jar has about 5 lines in Episode II, and zero in Episode III.

-No midichlorians. There is only one reference to midichlorians after Episode I, and in the context it appears to mean something as benign as “DNA.”

-No Jake Lloyd. Sorry Jake, your acting is terrible and I never really wanted to see Darth Vader as a little boy.

-No confusing Padme/Queen switcheroo. The whole subplot with Padme and her decoy makes absolutely no sense. It’s clear that this was just so people could interact with Padme without knowing she was the Queen, but it’s incredibly convoluted and pointless.

-Less confusing master/apprentice relationships. Darth Sidious is training Count Dooku, Obi-Wan is training Anakin. No other trainer/trainee relationships exist to confuse the backstory. Fewer characters to learn about, so the story is more focused.

-Nothing about trade disputes. The “problem” as of Episode II is that a group of systems want to leave the Republic. This is much easier to understand for a kid than trade disputes.

-No pod racing. Seriously, who gives a shit? An action sequence for the sake of an action sequence and it goes on forever. A huge number of plot holes surrounding gambling and the subsequent freeing of Anakin are removed as well.

-No virgin birth. We simply don’t know or care who Anakin’s father is, and the subtle implication that it’s Palpatine is gone.

But booting Episode I isn’t merely about pretending a crappy movie doesn’t exist. Viewing Episode II immediately after V and Episode III immediately before VI actually tells the story better than including Episode I does.
"Bible, Wrath of Khan, what's the difference?"
Stan - South Park
RK_Striker_JK_5
3 Star Admiral
3 Star Admiral
Posts: 12986
Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 5:27 am
Commendations: The Daystrom Award, Cochrane Medal of Excellence
Location: New Hampshire
Contact:

Re: Star Wars: Machete Order

Post by RK_Striker_JK_5 »

... Flawless logic! :D
Post Reply