Phantom Menace Review

[Aaron]

I'm half-way through Part III and it really makes me realize just how fucking stupid this movie was:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7

[stitch626]

Only thing that made the movie bearable was Liam Nielson's acting. IMO of course.

[Nutso]

I saw that already. Part one is excellent particularly the end where he asks people to describe four Star Wars characters, 2 from the original, 2 from the prequels. The answers really speak volumes.

Don't mind the guy's voice. He really put serious criticisms on various points of the prequel. He also has some hilarious but on point Star Trek movie reviews, from Generations to Nemesis. He's got a serious hating for Rick Berman.

[Tsukiyumi]

[colmquinn]

Liam Neeson (and McGregor to a lesser extent) is the best thing in the movie, Qui Gon is decent character, pity he was placed in a shit situation


Midi - fucking - chlorians

[Tyyr]

Damn it, I'm trying to drink my cocoa while watching this thing and I can't stop laughing long enough to drink it for fear of getting hot cocoa splashed in my lap.

[Sionnach Glic]

This guy has the issues down perfectly. He even brings up a number of issues that I never even noticed - like the villains having a completely nonsensical motivation and the incredible idiocy shown by pretty much every character in the movie.
He's also quite right about the characters. Amidala is just a blank slate slathered in make up, and everything I know about Qui-Gon actually comes from sources other than the movie.

His Trek movie reviews are also excellent. Particularly his Insurrection review, in which he reveals that Picard is being rather hypocritical given his past actions.

I particularly loved his Rick Berman comment in the Phantom Menace review.
"Fuck you Rick Berman, now you go and ruin this too? Wait, you're not Rick Berman. What is it about guys called Rick?"

[Nutso]

It's really stunning. If you can't talk about Amidala's costumes and makeup, you can't really describe Amidala at all. I've been thinking of how to describe Qui-Gon's character, besides the obvious "stoic." "Bored" is the other word.

[Graham Kennedy]

For me the truly telling moment is when he asks "So who is the protagonist? Who is the hero?"

Ep IV is clearly Luke's story. We start with him, we see his life, we see what his dreams are, what is frustrating him in achieving them. We follow him as he is thrust on his journey and matures to become the rebel fighter he always wanted to be. Luke is the hero.

Who is the hero of The Phantom Menace? There simply isn't one.

[Tyyr]

The review was hilarious and yet so, so informative. I had never really sat down and thought about a lot of this. Frankly it just hurt too much to think about it. He however sacrificed a portion of his sanity to actually pick the film apart bit by bit and point out just how stupid the whole thing is. I would like to point out that one of my favorite points is that he doesn't fixate on Jarjar. He's there, he's fucking stupid, we all know it no need to dwell on it.

The protagonist portion was pretty telling. There's no one in the movie who really drives the story. Amadala surely doesn't. Neither do the Jedi. Anakin sucks for the reasons he pointed out mostly in that he isn't the center of the story, things just sort of happen around him.

The descriptions were funny at the time and now they're just sad. Really, what was Qui-Gonn? Stoic, calm...? He's just a bland teacher figure with no point. What is Amadala? The more times I watch the movie the more often I just hear a flat, monotone voice. She doesn't really have much going on, she's really there just existing to deliver the few lines needed to keep the story moving. Contrast that with Luke and Han from the original trilogy. It's something that's making me want to go back and re-evaluate the things I've written and see if I need to work on my characters to give them more character.

The Neomodian plot seems insane, as do the Jedi's actions. I will say that even when I first saw the movie I wondered what the hell was up with Obi-Wan's telling the Gungans the droids would come after them. It always seemed just off but again I never really sat down and pondered what was going on with it.

I enjoyed the pod race but even I have to admit that 1) it was too long and 2) it probably didn't need to be in the movie at all.

If you haven't, check out his Star Trek reviews. If my internet hadn't died last night I'd have watched more of them. Nemesis was a decent review but Insurrection really points out how fucking stupid that movie was.

My favorite title he had in all the reviews was, "The plot doesn't make any fucking sense, again."

[Graham Kennedy]

I thought a couple of points that were also quite telling was when he showed footage of George Lucas. Once when he was explaining the droids to somebody and he's like "yeah, Jedi just wade through these things, they are no threat at all really." Um... George? That's NOT a good thing you just said. I couldn't help but think "oh right, so all those times when we see droids attack the Jedi we don't need to worry at all then. There's no threat.

The other was when we see the producers talking after they watched the finished movie for the first time. From George's "I think I might have gone a bit far in some places"... the gradually increasing sense of despair and panic among them was almost tangible.

I'm working through his Trek reviews. He has some good points there, too!

[Tyyr]

I think he's got it right, George just didn't have anyone challenging him. Watch most behinds the scenes footage. It usually includes other people talking to the director, giving input, challenging them on things. It's a give and take kind of scenario. Now watch the Star Wars stuff. George descends upon them like a king. He comes in, makes a pronouncement and leaves. Everyone just sits there waiting for him to say something. He didn't have anyone challenging him. I think it's mostly due to the mythos around him. Think about it, the guys working on Phantom Menace and the other movies grew up on Star Wars. They worshiped at Lucas' altar. I hate to say it but I suspect that a great deal of the crew were, for lack of a less loaded term, fan boys. The other people such as the producers were dealing with a director that had total control of the movie and most likely had a studio pressuring them to get the movie out and keep George happy. After all they were making Star Wars, how could it not make money?

[Nutso]

I know I thought Star Wars was all George Lucas' idea. Never thought to research who were his collaborators and what lame ideas Lucas had that were challenged and dropped by those collaborators. It's telling that George Lucas walks into a room and there is silence. I doubt there was anyone there who would objectively critique the first script for the Phantom Menace. No one there even challenged the fucking midichlorians! No one to bring up that this is Anakin's story, let's get him in here for the audience to connect with. This is what happens when George Lucas has total control. Luke Skywalker is a 65 year old man with a robot head.

And remember how Lucas claimed this is a children's movie? What kind of children's movie has insanely incoherent political plots about taxes? Just stick with bad guys want to kill everyone, goods guys want to save.

[Tyyr]

George only wrote and directed the first movie. After that it was other directors and writers. He contributed the story but on the whole other people turned the script into something worth watching. Lucas is an ideas guy, at best. He can't write or direct for shit. That's why when he had total control it was a total disaster.

[Sionnach Glic]

The review was hilarious and yet so, so informative. I had never really sat down and thought about a lot of this. Frankly it just hurt too much to think about it. He however sacrificed a portion of his sanity to actually pick the film apart bit by bit and point out just how stupid the whole thing is. I would like to point out that one of my favorite points is that he doesn't fixate on Jarjar. He's there, he's f***ing stupid, we all know it no need to dwell on it.

I agree. One of the things I dislike about most TPM reviews is that they focus far too much on Jar Jar. We know he's fucking stupid. You don't need to spend time explaining why.

The protagonist portion was pretty telling. There's no one in the movie who really drives the story. Amadala surely doesn't. Neither do the Jedi. Anakin sucks for the reasons he pointed out mostly in that he isn't the center of the story, things just sort of happen around him.

There are also no character arcs. Let's have a look at the main characters:

Qui-Gon - We learn nothing about his background, he never changes anything about himself, his views or the views of anyone else. Upon his death, we know just as little about him as we did the moment he was introduced first.

Obi-Wan - The exact same. No idea where he came from, and no change in him at all. He trains Anakin, but not because he wants to - only because Qui-Gon said to.

Anakin - Annoying kid. Doesn't grow or mature at all.

Amidala - Completely bland. We know nothing about how she came to be a bloody queen at the age of 14, and she's the exact same at the end of the movie as she is in the beginning.

Jar Jar - Arguably, this is the character that changes the most in the film. He goes from being a worthless exile to a general, and in the next movie is the Gungan representative to the Senate. Okay, he didn't do anything to achieve this, but the fact remains that the one character in the entire movie that grows is fucking Jar Jar. That's pretty fucking pathetic when the poorly attempted comic relief has a better character arc than the serious characters.

The Neomodian plot seems insane, as do the Jedi's actions. I will say that even when I first saw the movie I wondered what the hell was up with Obi-Wan's telling the Gungans the droids would come after them. It always seemed just off but again I never really sat down and pondered what was going on with it.

That's one thing I never actually noticed before now. Indeed, he points out a lot of stuff I've never really thought of before - like how the Trade Federation's entire plan made no fucking sense at all. Or like how Qui-Gon's bet was hillariously nonsensical and all over the place (seriously, what the fuck was he betting against who?). It's really amazing how much stupidity just goes straight over your head when you're not looking.

I think he's got it right, George just didn't have anyone challenging him.

Spot on. That's been a belief of mine for some time now. I think the studio execs figured "Hey, Star Wars is really popular, so loads of people will go and see it. And Lucas' films have all been great money-makers, so he doesn't need any real oversight." Combine that with, as you pointed out, the TPM crew all considering working with Lucas a great honour, and you can easily see how he could create such a spectacular failure. Hell, with such basic things like the motivation of the bad guys completely missing, it's quite clear that there was practicaly no editing of the script.

And remember how Lucas claimed this is a children's movie? What kind of children's movie has insanely incoherent political plots about taxes? Just stick with bad guys want to kill everyone, goods guys want to save.

I think he was trying to stick to the feel of the OT. I mean, most of us here probably saw Star Wars when we were still fairly young.

But the difference between the OT and TPM is that the original films worked for kids. Let's take a look at the OT:
You have a boyish hero, a wise old man, a beautiful princess, a rogue and his alien sidekick, and a couple of robots. These guys are clearly the good guys.
For the villains, you have big, imposing grey starships, stern looking men walking around in grey uniforms, and masses of faceless armour-clad soldiers. Any kid will recognise them as the villain. And leading them you have Darth Vader - the most iconic villain in movie history. The guy radiates evil. The moment he appears it's quite obvious that he's someone that should be feared, and him choking a guy to death only reinforces that.
Similarly, the plot isn't that complex. It's actually quite simple. Bad guys want to blow up a planet full of good guys. The heroes have to sneak aboard the evil enemy space station to rescue a princess. Then the heroes have to go and destroy the fortress and save the day. Simple and to the point.

Now let's have a look at TPM.
You've got a bunch of monotonous, bland people who aren't in the least bit exciting or interesting.
For villains, you've got a bunch of cowardly aliens taking orders from some hologram and a bunch of robots that aren't in the least bit threatening.
As for the plot....Jesus Christ. It's hard enough for a fucking adult to keep track of everything that's going on and why, let alone a ten year old.

Of course, what I really want to know is what the fuck was up with midichlorians. Why did he bring them up? Why not just keep the Force as some mystical and unknown energy that a few people could manipulate? None of the OT films mentioned them, or even gave any indication where Force abilities come from, so the midichlorians just come completely out of nowhere in TPM. And later films don't even mention them, let alone explain them further. So why bring them up? Why fuck up one of the best bits of the Star Wars universe? Gah.

You know, I think I'm going to watch A New Hope later today and just admire how great a movie that was.