Boy Suspended For 'Threatening' Classmate With The One Ring

[Nutso]

Texas Boy Suspended For 'Threatening' Classmate With The One Ring

A fourth grader named Aiden Steward was suspended Friday, after school officials determined he had threatened to use his magic ring to make another boy disappear.

Here are the particulars, from The Odessa American:

His father, Jason Steward, said the family had been to see "The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies" last weekend. His son brought a ring to his class at Kermit Elementary School and told another boy his magic ring could make the boy disappear.

Steward said the principal said threats to another child's safety would not be tolerated – whether magical or not. Principal Roxanne Greer declined to comment on the matter.

"All student stuff is confidential," Greer said. She referred a call from the Odessa American to Kermit ISD Superintendent Bill Boyd, who did not return a phone call.

The New York Daily News followed up with the Stewards.

"I assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend's existence," the boy's father told NYDN. "If he did, I'm sure he'd bring him right back."

From the comments:

Three rings for the Sporty-kids, under the sky,
Seven for the Dirty-kids, in their boxes of sand,
Nine for the Obese-kids, dining on their cherry pie,
One for Aiden Steward to wear upon his hand
In the Land of Texas where the cattle lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the classroom bind them.
In the Land of Texas where the cattle lie.

[McAvoy]

Wow. Once again Texas makes the rest of the US look like idiots.

[Mikey]

The father's response was epic. As deadpan sarcastic and passively cutting as a remark I would make myself.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

I have no words beyond, "What the fuck is WRONG with you?"

[Jim]

The father should have said something like, "If my son had the magical ability to make people disappear, I would have him make idiotic school administrators disappear."

The principal should also have a review done to re-qualify him as able to do the job that he was hired to do.

[Mikey]

The father should have said something like, "If my son had the magical ability to make people disappear, I would have him make idiotic school administrators disappear."

The principal should also have a review done to re-qualify him as able to do the job that he was hired to do.

Maybe the position of "village idiot" was filled.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

As others have said in other places, one wonders if they tried to use the school's incinerator to destroy the One Ring.

[Jim]

As others have said in other places, one wonders if they tried to use the school's incinerator to destroy the One Ring.

One does not simply walk into the boiler room...

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

As others have said in other places, one wonders if they tried to use the school's incinerator to destroy the One Ring.

One does not simply walk into the boiler room...

Not without MY SWORD! Or MY AXE!

[Jim]

The Fellowship of Study Hall

[Mikey]

I'm just thinking... I grew up playing pretend games such as Soldiers and Cops and Robbers; watching cartoons comprising nothing but idiots, explosives, and falling anvils, and the occassional launching of oneself from a trebuchet; and even watching boxing bouts with my dad. Somehow, even though nobody "protected" me from all these evils, I managed to grow up without becoming a serial killer or developing any sociopathic personality disorder whatsoever. What are the odds?

P.S. I never even once tried to launch myself from a catapult in the pursuit of a ground-based desert-dwelling bird.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

Well of course you didn't, Mikey. You didn't have access to the ACME catalog.

And in semi-seriousness, yeah. This is going WAY too far. It's utterly ridiculous and a complete time/money waster.

[Mikey]

Well of course you didn't, Mikey. You didn't have access to the ACME catalog.

For a kid who came from a family that didn't hunt, didn't shoot, and didn't deal with pyrotechnics, you'd be shocked at how much access to packed gunpowder, primer, and electrical fusing I had.