Warped Trek Aesops

[Lighthawk]

What trek has really taught us, if you twist the logic just right...

TOS

The main reason to support space exploration is the chance to make first contact with a Green Skinned Space Babe.

The Federation has moved beyond prejudice, you green-blooded, pointy-eared freak! And tell that backstabbing Klingon savage that goes for him, too.

Don't bother creating specialist teams and equipment for ground combat, just use 4 of the ships highest ranking officers! Or 3 and an Ensign.

TNG

Some people are just better than everyone else, and should be given free reign.

Putting an android you found in someone's basement, with completely unknown programming, who doesn't think like or understand humans, into a command position in a vital military organization always leads to win.

DS9

A commander of a strategically important outpost who regularly spirals into strange obsessions and is mentally influenced by alien gods is to be left in command.

Genetically engineered people have no rights.

If you're a Trill symbiont, all you have to do to get forgiven for any crime is switch bodies.

If you're a Klingon, or live with one, you can hack anyone to death, beat your spouse, or have drunken brawls in public every night because it's "part of their culture".

The best way to defend a critical planetary outpost is with the badly outfitted crew from a starship. When the crew start getting slaughtered by the enemies most elite ground troops, the best way to reinforce them is to send the crew of your most important space station.

When any mission requires use of the starship attached to the station, it's okay if the station commander (who is also Emissary to the Prophets), the 2nd in command Bajoran/Starfleet liaison, the chief science officer (who is apparently the 3rd in command), the chief medical officer, the security chief, the strategic operations/fleet liaison officer and the chief engineer/senior NCO to all leave the station.

Voy

Despite there being no-one to support the rules, you should follow them even when it makes life worse for everybody.

Principles are only for people who are being watched.

Whatever principles you do have should be blindly followed even if they're wrong. Don't question the Prime Fucking Directive! (Even if it gets your crew, half of whom don't even follow it, killed.)

We're better than these colonialist, imperialist, war-mongering, capitalist, nuke-happy savages we're trotting around the galaxy to look down our noses on. We'll remind everyone of that fact EVERY FUCKING EPISODE.

Dating the producer gets your character the most focus and character development. Also, the hottest chick in the cast must wear skintight spandex and six-inch heels all the time no matter how impractical (a lesson carried over to Enterprise)

ENT

If a sentient species is being driven to extinction by an easily curable disease, just leave them to their fate. It's just evolution in action.

Having sex with someone you're counseling through the grief of losing a loved one is perfectly ethical, and will lead to a long-term relationship.

[SolkaTruesilver]

I cannot argue with such indisputable streak of arguments, except maybe the "Putting an Android in command".

Data went through the whole process of Starfleet Academy, junior officer, etc.. etc... He probably even spent longer time as a low-ranking officer than Riker (need confirmation), due to Starfleet not trusting him in a command position.

[Atekimogus]

The main reason to support space exploration is the chance to make first contact with a Green Skinned Space Babe.

What is wrong with you people? How is this NOT a perfectly good reason for space exploration?

Imagine a scenario where S.E.T.I suddenly picks up strange signals from outer space, yet is it not the blueprints for a wormwhole-device or a stargate but the newest issue of Fornax (search mass effect wiki )........damn, mankind would have already a foothold on Mars and preparing their first interstellar voyage!

[SolkaTruesilver]

I really don't think we should ever contemplate any First Contact protocol to have "Put your dick in it".

Sorry mate.

[Tyyr]

I really don't think we should ever contemplate any First Contact protocol to have "Put your dick in it".

Sorry mate.

You have no sense of adventure.

[SolkaTruesilver]

I really don't think we should ever contemplate any First Contact protocol to have "Put your dick in it".

Sorry mate.

You have no sense of adventure.

Hey, if I want to go "Where no man has gone before", I only need to go to some part of Asia!

[Captain Seafort]

Bit close to the line there laddie. Back away from it.

[SolkaTruesilver]

Bit close to the line there laddie. Back away from it.

I obviously meant mountains of the Himalaya...

...
...



[RollBluffCheck] = 4

Shit...

[Captain Seafort]

"Shit" indeed. Now scram, and take a lesson from this of what's funny and what's not.

[SolkaTruesilver]

"s**t" indeed. Now scram, and take a lesson from this of what's funny and what's not.

Wow, calm down. It was just a stupid joke about deflowering a woman, like in Japan or China. I was not refering about pedophilia or rape, mate.

[Captain Seafort]

1) Read my sig.

2) Like I said, you didn't cross that line. You did, however, come very close to it.

[SolkaTruesilver]

1) Read my sig.

2) Like I said, you didn't cross that line. You did, however, come very close to it.

1) I did. And I would usually back down. It's just that I don't want you to left you think I was making a pedo joke or the like. I might be a dumbass x% of the time, but I still got a limit.

2) All right. May I know what is appropriate for this board and what's not? Sex jokes were thrown, I've thrown my own, which was judged too close to comfort in your taste. I'd rather know what put you on the edge.

[Mark]

I cannot argue with such indisputable streak of arguments, except maybe the "Putting an Android in command".

Data went through the whole process of Starfleet Academy, junior officer, etc.. etc... He probably even spent longer time as a low-ranking officer than Riker (need confirmation), due to Starfleet not trusting him in a command position.

According to "Datalore" Data DID spend significantly more time in the lower ranks than Riker. Plus being the only character not to get a promotion the entire span of TNG.

But, to be fair.......how many times did some quirk of his programming cause trouble?

[SolkaTruesilver]

I cannot argue with such indisputable streak of arguments, except maybe the "Putting an Android in command".

Data went through the whole process of Starfleet Academy, junior officer, etc.. etc... He probably even spent longer time as a low-ranking officer than Riker (need confirmation), due to Starfleet not trusting him in a command position.

According to "Datalore" Data DID spend significantly more time in the lower ranks than Riker. Plus being the only character not to get a promotion the entire span of TNG.

But, to be fair.......how many times did some quirk of his programming cause trouble?

100% agreed, but then again, how many time did he single-handlely saved the day?

I think the bigger problem with Data as a LtCmdr on the Enterprise was that he was intitially super incompetent when it came to social relations. He didn't knew many basic things, etc... and he "grew" over the 7 years of the show. Yhea, I can see that.

Too bad it was just plain impossible for him to actually get to know anyone in his previous assignments that led him to the senior rank of LtCmdr. He definetly must have done quite a lot to overcome AI prejudice to, at last, get some senior posting. But all of it didn't showed initially, it was like he was fresh out of the Academy in everything but in rank.

[Mark]

I would guess he encountered alot of "racism" in his early career, as he never formed the kind of friendships he did on the E-D.