Chuck might find this understandably cringe-inducing, but as a non-Yank it's bloody funny.
As for Chuck's comment about the DoI, I've never understood the claim to "inalienable rights". If that's the case, then why does the US still permit imprisonment and the death penalty. The original, more nuanced version remains far superior:
No freeman shall be taken captive or imprisoned, or deprived of his lands, or outlawed, or exiled, or in any way destroyed, nor will we go with force against him nor send forces against him, except by the lawful judgement of his peers or by the law of the land.