The world ended today, not just my own, but theirs too, they just don't know it yet. I wonder what their reaction will be when they find that nothing they have will ever matter anymore. I wonder why Im still holding onto this journal, but it's all I have. I hope that for someone else it is all they have left. Hopefully it's something that can make them continue moving forward to try and fix what went wrong.
Today I walked, probably 20 miles, found a town, it was empty, just like the last one was. I wonder if I'll ever see another person. I certainly hope so, but for some reason I can't imagine that anyone could have survived what happened, although, I survived, not unscathed, and nowhere near happy, but I am alive, so I'm sure someone else Could have survived. I've always thought what it would feel like to be the last man on earth, turns out, it's not nearly as interesting as I thought it would be. However, it's made a detective of me, if only I could say that it was my own strength and my own intelligence, but, yeah, it was actually closer to my stupidity that got me here, locking myself in a bunker to get away from the mob. God, there was so much blood, everywhere, I don't think I've ever seen that much horror in so many people's eyes, they all knew they were going to die. How? What was it that came down on them, why did the bunker protect me. So many questions. I don't even know where to start, thankfully computers are working, the Internet is even working. I had an idea, checked to see if there were any article published within the last 2 days, nothing. That was a crapshoot, anytime I catch another computer I'll make sure to check. Power still works as well. The people knew they were goners, but it couldn't have been a nuclear blast, I would have died coming out only a few hours later. It's something that has to be biological, I think, or at least somewhat biological. And it doesn't affect the computers. I'll continue to look for things tomorrow, I found a nice hotel, I feel strange sleeping in someone else's house, even if they aren't around anymore, so I'll be finding hotels a lot for a while, at least until I get over this feeling. I feel like I'm writing a blog, except there's no one put there to read it, but regardless. Signing off, Joseph.
I woke up today to a dog licking my face, I don't know where the dog is from, but it seems that whatever killed the people didn't kill the dog. Although, I have yet to see anyone who is dead in this town, maybe they all survived; maybe they are all in an underground bunker. Or maybe they all ran and found somewhere safe, maybe they all ran and died. I'll walk along the main roads and see if I find anyone. I'd love to use a car, it would make it so much quicker, but I can't seem to find anyone's car keys, so I guess I'll be walking my way to somewhere, although I don't have any idea where I'll be walking. I found a compass while I was searching through a house, as well as a lot of camping supplies, just in case, although it's pretty crowded around here so I don't think I'll need it too much. But you can never be sure about these things. The dog has followed me all day, he eats like a pig, but he's company, so I'm not going to complain about him too much. I wonder if he does tricks.
Well, I guess I under-thought that crowded idea, walked straight for a day and a half, I think, then slept for 12 hours, best sleep I've had in a while, that dog actually makes me a little less scared of this place. He makes me feel like I belong a little bit. He's also an excellent attack dog, killed two rabbits on the way here, they were good eating, thank goodness that there was enough firewood that I could make a fire and cook the thing. It hasn't rained in 3 days. It's terrible, I have no idea when it'll even rain next, it could rain tonight and I would have no idea. It's surprising how much weathermen know, well, knew. I've been setting up radio broadcasts when I have found stations that worked and I could use, just like in the movies all the time. I wonder if anyone will even ever get that, if they do, will they even know where I am, I mean telling them I went west was ok, but I didn't really let them know where I was going. Movies make living in a dead world look so much easier. Although, one advantage, losing weight like crazy, thank goodness I walked a lot before this, otherwise there's no way I would be able to do this, however, I found a car that works and is in good condition, nothing fancy, but it's got high gas mileage and I filled it up at the gas station. It's funny, even though no one exists, I'm still paying for things, granted I take the money right back out, but still, it's strange. Found another hotel, I'll be staying here for a few days, just to get comfy, it's not like I'll get to know anyone here. Its scary, but everywhere I go starts to feel like home. Well, at least I'll never feel lost. Signing off once again. Joseph.
Woke up late today. Well, not late, it's not like I has plans or anything, but he clock said 10:00 AM when I woke up. I grabbed a nice laptop that I'm going to use to check into any wifi spots that show up. I'm going to walk around the town even though I have the car. It's a big town. Has lots of stuff in it. I would have been tempted to swipe things, except that no one is here, so there isn't any reason for me to. I keep thinking that I'm going to turn a corner and see some shape, and every time I think that, I see nothing. Just like every other time. Bruno, oh yeah, I named the dog Bruno, he always goes ahead of me, like he's watching out for me. There have been less and less animals that I've seen, maybe they've moved elsewhere, maybe the other animals are getting them, but they seem to be going away. I'll have to eat food from the market now, I can do that, feels nice to do something normally, although before this I would never consider making my own food, but now this is my everyday life. I guess I adapt quickly, it's only been 2 or 3 weeks and I'm already accustomed to doing all of this. I don't even remember how long it's been. The days kind of meld together now, I think it's been 4 days since I found Bruno, and he's been my best friend since then. He seems like he's pretty young, and seems to be able to take the distance, I'm sure he'll enjoy the car ride when we move to the next town. To be honest, I don't even know what I'm looking for, I wonder if I know when I find it. At first I was looking for what happened, then I was looking for people, now I'm just going places, I guess I'm now looking to find myself. Soul searching is what I've gone down too. I feel like a loser now. Well, I guess I'll continue on my 'soul-searching' and find something about myself in this god-forsaken world.
The morning feels good, although it's been close to a month since I've seen any other humans. Alive that is. I have a feeling that I will never see a living human in my life. At least I have Bruno here. Yesterday I went to the local gun shop. I have no idea how to use a gun, so I grabbed a small one, and I never thought that it would have so much of a kick, I nearly took my arm off shooting it. So for now I'm gonna start trying to learn to use a gun better, but I'm not even going to carry it with me until I can actually shoot it without killing myself. Currently I have a 9mm, I think, sitting in the cabinet. I doubt that I'll actually ever use it, but it's better to have it. Tomorrow Bruno and I are going to start moving on to the next town. I've kind of gotten attached to the place, but I don't know how well off I'll be, amazingly enough, grass grows really tall in a month, I mean I'm sure that the grass wasn't cut right before the world ended, but it had to have been cut pretty recently, however, even in the last week I've seen it grow a few inches. Bruno found himself a pet he likes to chase, it's a stupid frog, I think it was someone's pet, but it was going down the road cleaning up all the bugs and Bruno just ran after it, didn't attack it, just barked at it. It was like they had a sacred code between them. It's so clichéd, but it really does, Bruno won't get any closer to the frog, and the frog doesn't move towards Bruno. I've packed everything into the car, which is actually a lot roomier than I thought, but I guess that could be that I'm used to four siblings trying to cram into a five-seat car. It's a nice little hatchback, it doesn't have any name on it, but its a Chevy. I took out the backseat, which was such a hassle, I almost gave up, but Bruno really wanted to have that backseat for a bed, so we won't have to worry about having somewhere to stay, we will have that car as long as it lasts. I wonder how long gasoline will last, I'll have to grab a hose somewhere so I can siphon gas off the other cars I find, also some bandages and first aid stuff. Glass really hurts when you try to break it. I've decided I am no longer trusting anything movies claim, none of them are true, and I am definitely not going to try to eat bugs, I'm good on real food for now, so I should be just fine for at least until we get to the next city. They aren't even cities anymore, they are ghost-towns, lifeless and deserted. I really would like to know where this entire city went, I haven't seen any bodies at all here. Maybe that's why I'm staying here so long.
Well that was abrupt. Bruno got chased by a leopard, I think it was a leopard, it was a big cat, turns out that 9mm was useful. Although it caught Bruno's tail, a lot of blood loss, but I got it bandaged up, he liked that tail of his, poor thing. At least he's ok. The cat will be good eating for our last night in this city.
Driving down to this town we found a few cars on the road, the real surprise was the town, people everywhere, just lying on the ground, they were all decaying in the heat so I couldn't get any real clues from their bodies. It reeks here, I've decided that I would start creating mass graves, so they can have some sort of dignity, I don't know if I'm an idiot, or if I'm being respectful. But I just feel it's the right thing to do. I wonder if they died quietly. Or if they were all tortured in their last minutes or even hours of life. I sure hope that they didn't, I never thought I would care so much about people, or death. If it was the same thing that got the people who were trying to get me they suffered, but, it may have been something else, won't ever really know. Bruno's tail is getting better, it's amazingly enough, actually healing, he may get his favorite toy back.
I buried about 30 people, I don't know any of them, but I buried them close to each-other and marked each grave, nothing special, but it's something, something I would have appreciated for myself if I died randomly and a complete unknown. I don't know if I'll be able to bury anymore though, the stench is too much, and the ideas that end up coming around are too heart-wrenching. What about my parents, my dad was sick already, I wonder if he's still alive, and I wonder if mom is too. I haven't talked to them for years now. What about Kyle, John and Zoey. They all stuck with mom and dad. Hopefully they're all right, I never actually cared this much, but they're family. Sadly, I have a feeling that I'll never see them again. I guess it's true what dad always said, death is the biggest part of life. Signing off again. Joseph.
I've decided that I'm no longer going to leave radio trails, as much as they work in the movies, they take too much time to set up, and don't seem to get any results. I found another dog, sadly he was mangled, Bruno tried to lick his wounds up but he was long gone, it looked like he got attacked by a big cat, which means I'll have to keep my eyes out for more of them. Just in case. This city had a huge population based on the amount of people lying around, it's like they all just stopped dead whatever they were doing, in grocery stores, on computers, in the shower, they all just dropped dead. Bruno likes to search for things, he's been digging in the ground for the past 12 hours since we got to this city, not sure what he's looking for, but I hope he finds it soon, he's stopped sleeping since he started digging, which is weird for Bruno. I siphoned off some gas, the car seems to be getting worse and worse gas mileage, trees seem to be unable to hold themselves together anymore. It's kind of outrageous, there were three trees down on one of the main streets, it meant I wasted half a gallon finding my way around it. I still can't seem to ignore the rules now that no one is around. I think that it's my fear of hurting myself, because no one would be able to help me if I did crash the car. So it may be better than joyriding. I'm thinking about grabbing a bigger car, I'm not even carrying the big things, just the amount of food I want to bring along to be safe is a little too much, probably wouldn't be too bad to bring less just in case I need to walk somewhere because the car breaks down or something blocks me. I think I'll just keep the Chevy for now. It's the safe way to go.
I have decided that I'm only going to use the car to go between cities. The walking has been keeping me sane. In the distance there's a fire blazing, there was a thunderstorm and we haven't gotten rain, for close to 2 weeks I think, so that probably sparked the fire, I hope that it doesn't get here. Turns out brownouts are starting to happen, I'm going to grab a lot of batteries and a lot of flashlights, just in case. I've found some new clothes that I actually like, and the water is getting gross, so I'm going to have to start looking for streams to clean in and make sure that I grab enough bottles of water, they’ll get warm, but they’ll stay clean for a long time. Bruno has a good eye for those things, so I'll just chase after him when he runs off in the random directions. The car is starting to rust around the tires, so I'll probably have to grab a new car soon. It's not that bad off right now, they have a car dealership that’s indoors so I'm going to head over there later today before it gets dark.
Headed over to the dealership, they had a car that was small and got great gas mileage, had to search for the keys for 2 hours though. The night is coming now and I'm going to head to sleep in this hotel, it's the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in, and I didn't have to pay for it. Awesome, tomorrow I'll drive in the way of the next city, it looks huge, I can see the buildings from here, so it has to be huge, I have no idea which city it is because I've been traveling so much, but I'll find out tomorrow. Oh, turns out I'm on the sixth floor and the elevator doesn't have enough power to go up, so I had to walk up the stairs, should have been less vain, next time I will, tomorrow I'll siphon out a lot of gas and store it in the car so that I'll make sure that I don't run out. Joseph Marcus signing off.
Woke up this morning to the building next door on fire, never got around to siphoning out that gasoline I wanted. However I headed towards the other city, haven't reached it yet. Bruno and I decided that we would stop off and enjoy the sunrise together. He feels like he actually understands what's going on. He looks out for me, I look out for him. He acts like he understand all of this death, he acts like the death matters to him, I've heard so many people tell me animals don't understand death, they just recognize it, but Bruno, he's different. He seems to know that everyone is gone, he's sad, he always bows his head around them, he's an interesting creature. I'm glad that he hung around and decided to wake me that morning. The sun is coming up over the edge of the horizon. We'll get moving in a few minutes, after the sun is up. The sky isn't as red as it usually is. It's still beautiful. I haven't really noticed the beauty in the world since everything died, but it's really gorgeous, even without people, it's still beautiful.
In the city I was met with some unsightly folks, which, seeing as I haven't seen people in over a month I'm surprised I didn't just run up to them and kiss them. However, they shot at me, I don't know why they would shoot me, all they kept saying was that I was infected. I don't think that a virus could possibly spread this fast and kill this many people if it was spread human to human. But I don't think they cared. I ended up pulling out a rifle from back, it hurt shooting a human, it felt like I was betraying everything I believed in. But I needed to get in, and the people weren't going to let me in. So I had to do it, or that's what I'll tell myself. With every shot, Bruno whimpered, he knew what it meant. It hurt both of us. We buried each one, five of them, with everything they had. They deserved everything they had. I apologized for each one I killed, I had killed them, I wish I hadn't, I would have rathered they killed me now that it's happened. I wonder if they would have felt the same way having watched me die. Were they right, am I infected, did they know more about what had happened than I do, it's probably not hard for them to, I know almost nothing about what's going on. I hope what I did was the right thing to do. Although right and wrong is almost never determined now, and especially not now. I'll have to wait until the future to know if what I did was right. If there is a god, which after this I've started to believe there must be something more powerful than us, I hope that he will forgive me for what I have done.
I hope that there are more humans who are alive, since there were five of them here, maybe more have survived elsewhere. I should get a white flag, just in case. Hopefully the rest won’t think that I’m diseased as well. I hope I never have to take aim at another human again. Although for some reason I feel like this won’t be the last time that I have to do it. Bruno is still upset; I think he’s mad at me. I mean, I hate me for doing it, but it’s what had to be done. I hope he can forgive me for doing it. I stayed in bed for the remainder of the day, didn’t have the energy to expend any effort to do anything today. Last night was the first night I’ve felt anything in a long while, and it touched me deeply, I guess this really has become a journey of discovery, although I don’t know how much more I want to discover if it is going to continue to hurt me like this. The car is shot badly, too bad, I really liked that thing. Oh well, it’s just a car, I’ll find another. Hopefully it will be just as good as the last one. Bruno is still lying on the ground; his tail is healing remarkably well still, better than I thought a dog’s tail would ever heal. He gets up every once in a while and decides to chase it, still can’t catch it, but it entertains him for a little bit. Too bad I’m not that distractible, I haven’t been entertained in over a month. I have a feeling I won’t ever be entertained, I feel too guilty after yesterday.
I woke up and got ready to find another car. I wonder if I can find one that actually looks good. I feel like that might make me feel good, I can see highway in the distance, hopefully that will let me find somewhere I can settle down for a few weeks, because I’m tired of finding new places to go, and I’m tired of getting used to somewhere else. So I think I’ll settle down in another city, hopefully I’ll get to retire this gun and never use it again. There’s also a gun shop that I saw, I may grab some pistols and get better at using them, that way I can do damage without killing them if I have to. If I hit a shoulder rather than center of mass four or five times, then it’ll incapacitate them rather than killing them. Although incapacitating someone in this situation could just be a prolonged death sentence. I would stick around to make sure they healed up and were able to survive without my assistance. Off to look for that car, hope that there are a couple decent ones, although as long as it can drive and has decent gas mileage so I don’t have to constantly get out and fill it up it will be more than acceptable. Let’s hope Bruno feels better by the end of the day.
Bruno seems to like me a little more now. I got a car, it's another small one, looks a little nicer than the last one. I wonder how much longer cars will survive without much repair, it will probably work for the next few years, if it doesn't get shot up again. I pulled out the back seat of this one as well, now Bruno can have his home back. I walked down to the highway, it's a straight shot from the hotel down the main routes. From there, I have no idea where it goes. I guess I'll drive it until I see somewhere that looks familiar. I wonder how far that'll mean I have to go. At least it'll be somewhere I know. I think I'll move west along the highway and see how far i get, then try and get out west. If I can get to Wisconsin I can see if mom and dad and Kyle, and John and Zoey are all ok. I hope they are. They have no real way of fighting off anything, although, a month ago I had no way of defending myself, I learned, Kyle's a good kid, he should be able to learn to shoot, John is pretty useless, but he can cook, which helps, I guess, and Zoey, well, Zoey already knows how to shoot a gun, she's gotten good for being only 12. But she could decapitate a rabbit with a single shot last time I was over there. She's 12 now, well, may be, birthday was sometime this month, if it's still July, it feels like July, still a little cool, I wonder if the last town survived the fire. Probably not; It’s only been two days here, I already feel like I've been too long, should probably head out along the highway. Two of my fuel canisters have holes in them, so I only have three left over. I can make do with that, just have to watch for cars on the road, which there are amazingly few of. It had to be something local since they only seem to die outside of a car. So that means that whatever it is takes effect quickly, doesn't leave much damage either, since even though they are decaying, the organs are still intact and don't look to have burst, or anything too gross. They all look the same, I mean I've never dissected a well person, so they may all be sickly looking, but they all look the same, so it either doesn't physically affect them or it does in the same way throughout, and I think that the former is more likely for a widespread infection of something. Most diseases don't affect everyone else the same way, so I assume this one doesn't either. So it probably doesn't physically harm the person. I'm making the assumption that most of the people who I have found dead are from the same thing, since they all have the same symptoms, which mean it's very painful when it kills them from all the screaming I heard when I was in the bunker. I wonder if anyone else knows what kills them. I wonder if there are any scientists that are researching it. Well, I will be signing off again, then heading to bed one more time in this town and then head out onto the highway, which I hope to find some living civilization out there, which will hopefully accept me without shooting at me. Joseph Marcus signing off.
I've driven for almost a day I think, turns out my compass is broken, when it's supposed to be facing north its actually facing west, so I've been moving south for almost 3 weeks. Going back and forth between towns probably hasn’t gotten me very far, I should have noticed the sun being in the wrong place, I should keep track of these things better, never know when going the right way will actually save my life. Now I'm actually going west, or so say the road signs, I doubt that someone is trying to fool me with them, at least I hope no one was cruel enough to do that. Now I have no clue where I am, I haven't seen any distinguishable landmarks in the past month, so I'll just have to wait until I get to somewhere major before I know where I am. Bruno and I have decided we'll sleep in the car for the night. Tomorrow we may sleep outside, one of us keeping watch at all times, hope he doesn't stay up too late. I wonder what animals are around these areas, I'm guessing a leopard is not a regular occurrence. I hope nothing big lives in these areas. Before I left I decided that I would check the Internet, no change, still no people saying anything about what happened. There were a few news stories about worldwide bug infestation, but I don't know anything about what's going on, I don't know any kind of bug that will kill a person almost instantly. I wonder if the bugs disappeared. I hope they did, although all the decaying people have led to quite a bit of a bug problem, thankfully they have enough food to go around so I shouldn't have to worry about the flies coming after me. We'll settle in for the night and then continue the journey to find something, or someone. Joseph Marcus signing off
I woke up to find that the car’s battery died, completely. So the engine won’t turn over and I don’t have any way to start it up. I guess fuel shouldn’t have been my only concern. I guess overstuffing the car with food stuffs and water wasn’t a bad idea after all. Today I packed everything I could possibly carry, walked for a few hours and then settled down again, the heat and sun is brutal. I’m thinking it may not be a bad idea to move at night and find coverage during the night, means that it will take a lot longer to get anywhere, but it means that Bruno and I won’t get heatstroke out here, that would be the worst possible thing in this situation. For now we’ve decided the best place to hide out is under the highway. It’s much cooler under here than it is in the sun, Bruno seems to be enjoying it thoroughly. He caught some rabbits which we decided to cook rather than eating the packed meals, means an extra meal on the go. I’m so glad I decided to grab a lot of matches, they will come in handy when we have to eat. I’m just now realizing how easy life was with electricity. Microwaves meant food was fast and very accessible, without it, I feel like such a caveman, at least I don’t have to bang rocks together to make sparks, although I may end up having to come to that if I keep going through these matches so quickly. The next habitable area we come to, Bruno and I have decided we will hole up for as long as we can. He’s tired of walking, we’ll probably only stay a month or two, but it’s much too difficult to walk at this pace. The first month of walking wasn’t so bad, but after driving the long distances, it’s much harder to walk. Oh, we’ve also decided that it will be much easier to walk, we’re no longer going to use a car. Although a car can be useful, it makes it much more difficult to walk long distances after it’s been used for even a week. So we have decided that we will walk wherever we’re going. It also means not worrying as much about crashing the car, Bruno doesn’t worry about it, but I worry a lot about it, one can never be too cautious.
The world ended
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world" - R.D.Lang