Sheen in the Dark

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Sheen in the Dark

Postby Nickswitz » Wed Oct 21, 2009 5:15 pm

I had no clue what to call it, but here it is, this is the intro, and will not be like most of the story. The protagonist is named George Johnson Jr. And the main antagonist will be Boss, which you learn a lot about later on. This is just the prologue basically, it's very short for a reason, and vague for a reason as well.

I will probably write more tonight and then a little more tomorrow night.

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The car quickly slowed to a stop, and a man from the other car came over. "Get your head down back there, son, " my father quietly shouted at me from the front seat. I thought it was a cop at first as dad had been in trouble with cops before, but it didn't look anything like a cop car, or an officer. After he had gotten to my dad's door he had him roll his window down to talk.
"Come on George, no greetings for an old pal?" The man said with a chuckle.
"You know I'm out now, so why are you here, I have nothing to do for you anymore!" My father stated adamantly.
"Well, Boss doesn't agree, he says one more job for him, just one, and then he'll never bother you again with anything. He promises."
"Yeah, that's what he said last time, look where you are now."
"Well, this is different, this one is your fault, you didn't clean up shop before coming and telling us, so you have to fix what you screwed up."
"Please, my son is with me, I don't want him to get pulled into all of this. Please, just let me go and come get me before I go to work, you know where I work, I know you keep tabs on me."
"He wants it done by tomorrow, so it's now or never."
"Ok, fine" He looked in his rear-view mirror in my direction. "Son come up here, and close your ears, I want to tell my friend here a secret." I came up from behind the seat and lightly covered my ears, allowing enough space for mew to hear what he was saying.

"Last time you 'helped out' you left some loose ends, well, one in particular, and Boss says you clean it up and we'll let you continue your life with your wife and kids, if you fail though "
"I know, you'll have to clean your loose ends up. So what loose end needs to be tidied up?"
"Mr. Guido, the Italian chef, he got out before the deed went down, and apparently he saw you and recognized you, now if you clean that up then you'll no longer have to deal with "
"No! I'm out of that, no more killing, all it does is makes a bigger mess. I'm not going to do it, and you can't possibly motivate me to get back into it."
"Ok, well, looks like you give me no choice." He pulled a revolver out of it's holster, put it near my dad's face, and pulled the trigger, the sound tearing through my ears, the man looked at me, and rotated his gun towards me. Some people would say that I was lucky, and I guess in some way, some demented, and forced way, I was lucky, because this man had enough of a heart to let the little boy in back live. But to me, I was very unlucky. I wish the man had taken away all the pain, the agony, the torture of the years.
Then the justice system came into it. I'm not sure what the justice system is even for anymore. It doesn't protect us, it doesn't bring justice, all it does is gives people something to exemplify good when they can't find a god.
I look at myself now and see just how sad my life was, between depression and constant anxiety my life sucked back then, and nothing really could change that. I always acted happy when people wanted me to be happy, and when I was supposed to be sad, I was. I've also learned that people can't get close to me, they can for a while, but then my past comes in, and my anger releases. I've learned that getting close to someone is just another way to say your gonna get hurt.
Today changed a lot, both in what I believe and what I can do. It gave me meaning; I know what to do, how to do it, and why I'm doing it.

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Comments, questions?
The world ended

"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world" - R.D.Lang
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Re: Sheen in the Dark

Postby Nickswitz » Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:13 am

The doorbell rang as I woke this morning. Who rings someone doorbell at 5 in the morning. "I'm coming, just hold on a second", I yelled to the door as I threw on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. I opened the door and there was a man standing there in a suit and tie. "What do you want sir? You do realize that it's 5 in the morning, what if I had company?"
"Yes I do know what time it is, and you have no visitors tonight. I am from a secure government sector entitled 'HRC', or High Risk Crimes. I know your history and know much about your father, he worked with me for a while, and helped to pull down half of a large crime ring before he was killed. As you are now 18 you can now legally be part of this government program. This program was developed in order to do things your father tried to do but could not. It is a high-risk environment, and there is no guarantee that you will survive at all, but with all your personal training you have done throughout your life you are the most suited man for the job.
If you accept this you will be paid for each mission you complete, and you will also get a large structure to house all the equipment you will need free of charge. You will have all of this as your own, and if you wish to terminate the contract at anytime it will remain under your name, I highly doubt you will terminate it though with the incentive you will have.
Do you wish to accept?"
"What will I have as my equipment? I can't really do much by myself either."
"You will get whatever you deem necessary to complete the mission at hand. And you will not be alone. We have developed six specially developed droids for these missions. As well as a seventh for your own personal training and programming. As well as this if need be more special built droids will be manufactured and programmed for your needs in the missions. Will that work out well enough for you?"
"Certainly, I accept. On one condition."
"Ok, what is your condition?"
"At any time I can break off from a given mission if information is provided on my father's killer."
"Of course, welcome to the HRC. We have your housing set up in the lower half of Queens; it's a large abandoned warehouse. The droids will be there along with a car of your choosing outfitted to hold the droids at all times."
"Ok, cool, sounds like a plan. What about everything here?"
"Anything here you would like transferred will be transferred on your time line."
"Um. Ok." Looking at his watch quickly "I'll be ready around noon."
"Ok, they will be here then." The man turned around and walked out of the room. I just stood there; I wasn't sure what I could even say to him as he left. This meant I could finally get what I wanted to have, revenge, and a sweet revenge it would be.

--------------------------------
Short part, but important part as well...
The world ended

"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world" - R.D.Lang
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Re: Sheen in the Dark

Postby Sionnach Glic » Wed Nov 04, 2009 2:16 am

Not bad. I do have a suggestion for you, however. When someone speaks, you should always start a new paragraph. Even if it's just one spoken word. For example:

"Certainly, I accept. On one condition."
"Ok, what is your condition?"
"At any time I can break off from a given mission if information is provided on my father's killer."


Could be better shown as:

"Certainly, I accept. On one condition."

"Ok, what is your condition?"

"At any time I can break off from a given mission if information is provided on my father's killer."


It's not much, but it does a lot to improve the presentation and helps make it a bit more readable. :)
"You've all been selected for this mission because you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation MindFuck!"
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Re: Sheen in the Dark

Postby Nickswitz » Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:07 am

In MS word it is that, sorry, I just copied and pasted and a lot of the formating was lost.
The world ended

"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world" - R.D.Lang
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Re: Sheen in the Dark

Postby Sionnach Glic » Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:11 am

Ah, well that explains it. No problem then.
"You've all been selected for this mission because you each have a special skill. Professor Hawking, John Leslie, Phil Neville, the Wu-Tang Clan, Usher, the Sugar Puffs Monster and Daniel Day-Lewis! Welcome to Operation MindFuck!"
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