Starbase 127

Daniel · Post by **Daniel** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 8:53 am

Starbase 127: A Bold Move

Chapter 1: New Friends New Enemies

Captain Chris Rogers walked confidently into the Operations centre of his new command, a Spacedock Class Station in orbit of Tomo V and on the Federation Border with none other than the Ferengi. Chris wasn't looking forward to that, in fact his Ferengi Liaison Officer was due to arrive any minute and according to reports he was on a Fully Loaded Ferengi Ship. Shrugging of the almost dread Chris walked through the Circle of Consoles to the Centre Command Table and sat at one of the Chairs, took a Padd out of his bag and checked his Crew Manifest. But before he could read more than his first Officer, a Trillian female Commander Zaz, when a Young ensign said to Him:
"Captain the USS Web is Dropping Out of Warp and requesting permission to enter"
"Permission Granted, on Screen" Chris replied
The ensign put the picture on the Large veiwscreen, Chris watched the sleek form of an Excelsior Class Ship pass through the Gigantic station Doors and head towards a Docking Strut
"Inform my Officers I'll meet them in the Conference room immediately" Chris ordered the Ensign before standing and getting into the Turbo-lift

Commander Tora Zaz was lost she had no idea where the Conference room was and there were no Officers about to ask. So she walked up to a Computer Console before saying:
"Computer, where is the Conference room?"
"The Conference room is on Level 53 Section 23, Follow the Console Lights" The Computer replied in its Female voice
"Thanks" Tora said before heading of in that Direction, she found her way to a Turbo-lift which took her to the Conference Room; she straightened her Uniform before entering.
In the Room was Captain Rogers, a tall dashing figure, with an outstanding record.
"Ahh Commander Zaz" Captain Rogers said as Tora walked in "Good that you could join us you are the First here"

In another Part of the Station a Ferengi stepped out of and Airlock and was greeted by a Security Officer
"The Captain wants to speak with you immediately in the Conference Room" The Woman said to him
"Why go to the Captain when I'm with a Beautiful Woman" The Ferengi asked "I'm Dai Mon Tok"
"Don't try it Ferengi" The Officer replied "And for the Record, I'm chief of Security Lt Holly Bennington, so my word is law"
Tok looked disappointed before saying:
"Lead away Lt"

About Ten Minutes passed before the Senior Staff was assembled in the Conference Room.
"Welcome to Starbase 127, it's good to see you all made it" Chris said "Now Lets get on with Introductions"
He paused slightly before continuing
"This is Commander Tora Zaz" Chris said pointing at the Trill
"Hi" Tora said
"Lt Holly Bennington" Chris said pointing at the Human Security Officer "Our Chief of Security"
"Heya Everybody" Holly said with enthusiasm
"The Vulcan is Lt Voral, our Science Officer" Chris continued
"Live long and Prosper" Said Voral
"That is Lt Ben Clesse CMO and Counsellor" Chris said pointing at the Betazed sitting back in his chair
"Was Up?" Ben asked in a laid back tone
"And last but not least the Woman Keeping this Station in Space Lt Commander Clare Park" Chris finished "Now we have a Liaison officer from the Ferengi Government, Dai Mon Tok, but he doesn't seem to be here so.."
But before Chris could Finish a voice came from his Communicator
"Red Alert, Captain Rogers to Ops"
Chris and the senior staff jumped to there feet

Up in Ops the Senior Staff stood around the Command table
"We're being hailed" Said Lt Bennington
"On Screen" Chris Replied
A visage of a humanoid appeared and said in a menacing tone:
"You have invaded our Sacred Planet, we will destroy you"
"Captain, they're charging Weapons" Bennington reported

Can you tell me what you think?
More Comeing Soon

Sionnach Glic · Post by **Sionnach Glic** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 1:14 pm

Good concept and an interesting introduction of the crew.
The crew seem a bit too informal but that's just my opinion.
I would be interested in reading more.

DBS · Post by **DBS** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:28 pm

I don't know about the informality. Some characters seem more so than others. I imagine there might be some conflict between some of the characters regarding those differences. Nothing serious, but it would be fun to read about the crew finding their particular "style".

I like having the Ferengi around in a non-Quark sense! That could be fun to watch the culture clash.

You've given yourself a lot of possibilities to elaborate on! Good start, look forward to reading more!

I Am Spartacus · Post by **I Am Spartacus** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:48 am

Are you interested in receiving critique as a writer? Or are you simply looking to get that "ooh" factor from fellow Trekkies? If the former, I can help, though it won't be pleasant.

Daniel · Post by **Daniel** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:43 pm

Well sort of both now you mention it i intend to be a Writer/Journolust
And i can take what ever you say
*Secretly hides a Phaser in his sleve* LOL

DBS · Post by **DBS** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 11:09 pm

Not to infringe on the coming Spartan feeding frenzy

, but two things right off the bat jump out at me.

1. Go over punctuation, spelling, and voice when you edit this (I'd recommend reading it aloud and if it sounds good it is probably okay.) The capitalization Makes it a Bit Difficult for me to Read.

2. Work on the characters to not seem so DS9-ish. The starbase is a major facility. It probably would have consulates from various local powers, so maybe you could have a "Ferengi Ambassador" rather than a "Liason Officer". (Especially since the latter implies joint control, which doesn't seem to be what you want.)

In general, though, I think there is a lot of potential here for some good stories. Just keep creative!

Sionnach Glic · Post by **Sionnach Glic** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 11:39 pm

Yeah, I have to echo the thoughts on grammer. Perhaps you could try typing it up on Microsoft Word (or something similar) and then copy and pasting to here?

Crushproof · Post by **Crushproof** » Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:57 pm

Well it's already been said that the spelling and grammar could use a once over, but the characters are a tad... un-Starfleet-ish? Threatening a Ferengi ambassador isn't the kind of thing I'd have my Security officer doing, and the laidback attitude of the staff was culminated in "Was up"

Very good idea, but needs better execution.
(Also sort of reminds me of Star Trek: Unity. A fanseries a friend of mine made about a Starbase on the Romulan Border)