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Lysian Central

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Caption Competition


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The goatee looked better in the artist's sketches.
So this is what happens when the make-up department runs out of ideas for aliens!
Archer: Don't feel bad. The time I got drunk and passed, out the guys took a marker and drew "junk" on my face.
Zobral shakes his head.
Not pictured: Reed and Tucker singing "Tale As Old As Time/Beauty and the Beast"
Zobral: "If you think this is impressive, Captain, you should see the tattoo I have on my...."
Archer: "I will give you so much money not to complete that sentence."
Zobral: "...ass."
Archer: *sigh*
Zobral: "Worth it."
"Do you know a man called Bashir? I know him from Smug Club."
"Yes, in my language it says 'THIS WAY UP' ..."

"Someone seems to have drawn a paperclip on my chin"
Zobral: "Oh, this tattoo isn't finished yet, I only had the first session so far. It's eventually supposed to go all the way down..."
"Great idea, have everyone vote on the captions. But...... No"
Archer: "Are you well prepared for your voyage through the galaxy?"
Zobral: "I have my towel with me!"
So, my good captain, it appears that I win!
Repeat, put down the Sharpie and step away from the guest star.
Archer: "I hate public transportation, with all those disgusting old bastards with their macho tattoos leeringly starring at me..."
Don't lose your head, Captain Archer.
Zobral : Well Captain , what do you think ?
Archer : Well I think it's hanging to the left a bit. It's almost as large and as expansive as my personal ambition.
Archer: "I have a tattoo too, but the judge said that I am not allowed to show it in public..."
Mr. Westmore, put down the Sharpie.
Zobral, suggestively nudges the "youthful" Archer: ... You KNOW I like 'em young.
Archer: So do I, Zobral, so do I...
(Based on an actual conversation I overheard on a dance floor!)
Zobral: ... You KNOW I like 'em young.
Archer: So do I, Zobral, so do I...
(Based on an actual conversation I overheard on a dance floor!)
There it is guys:
You see it...
NOW you know hows ladies feel most of the time!
Zobral, to self: I can smell him from here. (sighs)
Archer: "I am sorry to tell you this, but one little face tattoo doesn't make a Chakotay out of you."
Not the Mark of Gideon.
What do you say huh? You, me and a couple of Orion slave girls over Romulan Ale .... ? ;)
So this is the great Captain Archer, I thought he would be bigger.
Zobral: "Oh, that is nothing! You should see my OTHER tattoo. On a... less exposed body part..."
Archer: "Are you well prepared for infiltrating the Mirror Universe?"
Zobral: "Yes! My fake goatee is ready!"
Archer (to self): "Eyes front... eyes front... eyes front...eyes front..."
Archer (out loud): "EYES FRONT! I have a shy bladder."
I'm going to try to kill you, HAVE FUN
That's the same "I own you" look that Putin had!
Not visible: Archer's even bigger tattoo on the left side of his face.
Zobral : So Capt. What do you think of the hair cut I gave
your dog Porhos ?
Capt. Archer : Omg !!! You shaved him down to his skin
and wrote in hair " F*#@ TRUMP "
Archer (thinking): "Whatever I do, I must not mention his tattoo!"
Tattoo guy (thinking): "Why doesn't he notice my awesome tattoo?"
Tattoo by Sharpie. Hairstyle by light socket.
This is the exact same look Archer gives Porthos when he does a trick.
Pictured: Awkward urinal moment.
Archer: "Wow! Your tattoo makes your smug smily appear even more smugly!"
It's quite impressive. They took CLancy Brown, one of the toughest-looking actors in Hollywood, and made him look completely effeminate.
archer: Will I ever be as smug as you?
Zobral: No
Archer:"Why is this man looking at me like that? While he is drooling!?"
Don't call ME tiny.
There can be only TWO.
Put your hand HERE! And squeeze. HARD!
This is how we say hello on my planet!
Zobral : Captain ! You seem to have a bald spot on top of your head .
Archer : Never mind , just forget about it.
Don't look at him , Look at me , just me !!!
Zobral : You'll eat when we say you can , You'll sleep when we say you can and You'll SHIT when we say you can !!
Archer : What the hell is that ???
Zobral : OOOPS !! My bad , wrong movie .
Archer : Zobral , did you just blow a fart ?!!! Sniff Sniff
Zobral : Wasn't Me ! ???
Acrher : Hmmm Uhhh well you seem to the only one standing here ; so I just put 2 & 2 together ... so.....
Tattoo guy: "Do you feel intimidated by my chin tattoo?"
Archer: "Oh, that's silly! It's just ink! Haha..." *feels very uncomfortable*
Zobral: "I went to the same tattoo artist as Mike Tyson."
Archer: "...and who did your hair?"
Zobral: "I went to the same tattoo artist as Mike Tyson."
Archer: "Stop looking at my ear."
Zobral: "I went to the same tattoo artist as Mike Tyson."
Archer: "Was he blind?"
Zobral: "I went to the same tattoo artist as Mike Tyson."
Archer: "...and THAT'S saying something."
Zobral: "I went to the same tattoo artist as Mike Tyson."
Archer: "...and you see how far that got him."
"I call it a goattoo!"
"It's a combination of goatee and tat-"
Tattoo guy: "You know, in my culture, the size of your chin tattoo indicates the size of your..."
Archer: "Yeah yeah, I get it! Please don't finish that sentence!"
It's a statement. If you see a man walking around with a tattoo like that, you know that's a man who isn't afraid of anything.
Archer, 'Wouldn't it be easier just to grow a beard?'
This is the final test, captain. If you can make it through the conversation without laughing, you will be considered a fully qualified diplomat.
Each thinking: That looks delicious!
"Seriously? I was the Kurgan, the voice of Lex Luthor and one of the leads on Earth 2, and THIS is the best you've got for me!? I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry..."
Must... resist... urge to laugh... must... resist... urge to... laugh... resistance... failing...
Archer: "Does this tattoo have any specific symbolism in your culture?"
Tattoo guy: "No, I just lost a bet."
Goatee? Tattoo? or a poor job with lipstick...?
...and the winner for best actor goes to Captain Archer for "No your chin looks great!"
Great diplomatic moments of our time: "No your chin looks beautiful"
Archer (thinking): "no matter what, I am not going to get drunk and go find a chapel when we get to Vegas"
Archer (thinking): "Must learn the word for 'permanent' in his language"
Archer (thinking): "Must remember to hide the Sharpies on diplomatic missions..."
Archer: "How do I tell him in a dignified way that there is still a part of his lunch on his chin..."
Archer: "I try to be a good captain, but it's hard. Do you have any tips?"
Tattoo guy: "You are already good at being angry when someone under your command screwed up. But you also have to laud them whenever they do something right. Always breaking out in cheers can be exhausting though, so you have to do it more subtly. You have to nod in approval. Sorta like this..."
Archer sees that Trip has been playing with the permanent marker again.
Zobral, to self: "Now I shall test the resolve of these so-called "Earthlings" by seeing how long this Archer can go without commenting on this ridiculous tattoo!"
"Joey... have you ever seen a grown man naked?"
Archer : Zobral are you aware that you are urinating into a Jefferies Tube ???
Zobral : OH !! Well at least my aim is good !!!
Trip in the Tube : What the &%#@ is going on ?!!! OMG! Its urine !!!!
Capt. Archer : Zobral , are you aware your urinating into Jeffreirs tube ?
Zobral : Oh ! Well at least my aim is good !!
Trip in Tube : What the #@*& is this crap !!!!
Buget cuts were showing up on Enterprise near the end of the last season !!
Is the growth of your facial hair not sufficient enough for a cool looking goatee? We have the perfect solution!
Capt. Archer was having a hard time keeping a straight face after one of his crew had markered his tongue on his chin.
I'm gonna be a Rapper; See my face tattoo?
Zobral: I feel pretty
Oh, so pretty
I feel pretty, and witty and bright
And I pity
Anyone who isn’t me tonight
Ha! My drawn on goatee far surpasses your feeble fuzz.
"You've got some stuff on your face."
*wipes* "I get it?"
"No, you still got some there."
*wipes more* "I get it?"
"Other side. There's still some..."
*wipes more* "Is it gone?"
"...yeah. You're good."
Matter/Antimatter, Smugness/Self-loathing. In both cases the results of mixing are equally explosive.
Scotty: CAPTAIN!! The smugness and self-loathing readings are OFF THE SCALE! Breaking containment! I don't think I can hold her!
By this point in the season they'd pretty much just given up on making the aliens look the least bit alien, hadn't they?
It doesn't matter what planet you're on or what the culture is. This is never the look you want to get at a public urinal.
"Haha! No, seriously, captain - let me show you the all-male baths."
Zobral: “Well captain, I suppose you’re wondering about the significance of my tattoo.”
Archer: “No... Actually, I was wondering how badly I was going to get beaten up in this episode.”
Archer: “Don’t stare at the insect on his chin... don’t stare at the insect on his chin...”
"So, what do you think? I grew it myself?"
"Looks like someone took a brush to your face."
"I wasn't talking about my face."
"Hey! Like my goatee? I drew it on myself."
Archer: *thinking* "Just keep smiling and don't make eye contact..."
Archer: "What is the purpose of this tattoo?"
Tattooed guy: "It's for intimidating other people! Does it work?"
Archer: "...yes."
Zobral: So you're the guy from "Quantum Leap", huh?
The Grandmaster: Our champion is green, but he's not an Orion ... and I don't really think you're a contender.


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 40,093 Release date : 1 Aug 2018