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Malcolm: There is a rabbit hopping out of a Christmas stocking over there.
Trip: An' I thought a saw a shuttle pulling Santa's sleigh above us.
Trip: And THAT is why you need to keep the "mute" on during December.
Trip: I’ve been reading through the entries, and it turns out that “bae” means “poop”.
Reed: Now I feel embarrassed for Scarlet!
Trip: Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
Reed: Do you remember when our fans were mostly thirteen year olds?
Trip: You mean instead of just ACTING like thirteen year olds?
Trip: Why does he keep yelling “Kreetassa Kreetassa Kreetassa"?
Reed: I believe someone has forgotten his safe word.
Reed: Isn’t this the tirtieth Indiana Jones Movie?
Trip: Yep, and he’s still doing his own stunts.
SHAZAAAM
Look at this photograph!
Reed: It says "Parental Advisory - Explicit Content"
Trip: Let me see that!
Malcolm: Isn't this one of those months with 28 days?
Trip: They ALL have 28 days.
Malcolm: "I see a little silhouetto of a man... How 'bout you?"
Trip: "Scaramouche, Scaramouche. Will you do the Fandango?"
Malcolm: "That's the plan."
Malcolm: ''What are you doing here.''
Trip: ''The captain told me to cover this bulkhead with an anticorrosive protection layer, and I am waiting for the complete evaporation of the aqueous component.''
Malcom: ''In other words, you are literally watching paint dry.''
Left scrub: "This ain't 2012 anymore"
Right scrub: "I think we were... Just a bit late"
Jesus is among you
I could make waaay better pixel art than these scrubs
I've got a bottle of whisky. Let's get totally blitzed.
Trip: ''Is this... graffiti?''
Malcolm: ''And why is it in Klingon?''
It was at this moment that Malcolm realized that having Taco Bell before 4 day shuttle flight was a bad idea.
Hey Tripp, just watch, T'pol is about to change clothes.
Trip: ''What's that?''
Malcolm: ''Kreetassan porn.''
Trip: ''It's just some people eating.''
Malcolm: ''And yet... I feel strangely aroused...''
It was at this moment that Malcolm ralized that having Taco Bell beofre going on a 4 days shuttle flight was a bad idea.
Reed: It's gonna be yuge!
Tucker: How yuge?
*together*: THAT YUGE!!!
Malcolm: ''I have no idea what kind of stuff it was that Dr. Phlox gave Porthos - but now he can walk on walls.''
Trip: ''Neat!''
"Don't look at the light!"
"I can't ... help it ... it's so ... beautiful ..."
FZZZZZTTTTTT!
Kill yourself
When your friend shows you a video about rubbing salsa in between people's toes.
When you realise you're near Scott Bakula.
Malcolm: "What the hell is that?"
Trip: "I don't know what the hell that is!"
Malcolm: "What in the hell is that?!"
Trip: "Hey, you kids! Get away from there!"
Malcolm: "I would not mess with that thing..."
Trip: "Don't put your lips on it! "
Malcolm: "what the hell is that?"
Malcolm: "What the hell IS that?"
Trip: "I don't know WHAT the hell that IS!"
Malcolm: "What in the hell is THAT?!"
Trip: "Hey, you kids! Get away from there!"
Malcolm: "I would not mess with that thing..."
Trip: "Don't put your lips on it! "
Malcolm: "WHAT the hell is that?"
Trip: "WHAT is this again?"
Malcolm: "They call it 'Black Friday'."
Trip: "WHY do they do it?"
Malcolm: "Nobody knows."
Reed: Aren't we supposed to be doing something?
Trip: To heck with that! I can't stand the chow line on Thanksgiving!
On Thanksgiving Day, the Chef's live vid feed left the crew spellbound.
Malcolm: ''Trip, you are the engineer - what should we do about this crack in the hull?''
Trip: ''Oh, just put some paint over it.''
So anyway, how's your sex life?
Permission to speak freely, sir?
No
Permission to speak freely, sir?
Hi my name is fraser and i looooove startrek
Malcolm: ''Ew, what a mess!''
Trip: ''Well, what the heck did you expect to happen when you threw that tribble against the wall!?''
Malcolm: ''That it bounces off like a rubber ball!''
The best part about not being able to get home for the holidays:
Not having to explain why there aren't any "wedding bells" or grandchildren in the near future, again.
Malcolm: ''Behold! This painting is my master piece!''
Trip: ''What was your technique? Did you let Portos walk all over it?''
Reed commented on how he was the academy staring contest winner 3 years in a row...Trip didn't even bat an eye.
Trip: ''Woah, a quite impressive sight! Is that a super nova?''
Malcolm: ''Nah, I just fired a torpedo on it, and then it went boom.''
That time when you run into a Nausicaan
Two Redshirts in a Shuttlepod.
This mission will not end well.
Reed: "...and take a look at this page. It's the Honor Roll. THERE he is. Look... THIRTY WINS!!"
TRIP: "WOW! Over a thousand Special Mentions! He's LIGHTYEARS ahead of everyone!"
Reed: "Frankie Chestnuts is my hero."
Trip: There's your problem: You need natural, indirect light for a good selfie. ...hold the camera closer to your face. Never angle it from above, that just makes you look stunned and wrinkly... and be sure to ...
Reed, to self: He seems to have put a lot of thought into this.
Pink!
Malcolm: ''What is this? Fighting xenomorphs? A nature documentary about bizarre alien beasts?''
Trip: ''No, I have this from Dr. Phlox. It's Denobulan porn.''
"Commander Tucker, this is what's known as a Kelvin timeline. Basically, ignore everything about it and you'll be just fine."
Trip: "What's that color called again?"
Malcolm: "Impatient Pink."
Trip: "It really isn't working for you."
Malcolm: "What do you suggest?"
Trip: "Try that last one you had on again... What was it?"
Malcolm: "Girl About Town".
Trip: "Oh... Stick with the one you've got on. But I still don't think the Captain will notice."
Was there always a giant space spider there?
Malcolm: ''So, who of us will explain this large smoking hole in the wall to the Captain?''
Trip: ''You of course, you fired the weapon.''
Malcolm: ''Only because you asked me to show you how it works!''
Star Trek:Watching Paint Dry
Story Board Panel:
2001: A Space Odyssey plays in the background.
A giant ego rises over the horizon.
You're right. This show definitely needs some lense-flares.
Dammit, why did the Xindi have to blast Florida AFTER the election?!
Tripp: "Holy Crab Cakes. It looks like he is going to win Florida."
Malcolm: "And look at what is going on in Wisconsin."
Trip: "Thank God we are in space and don't have to emigrate to Canada."
I'm sorry Trip, but the evidence speaks for itself. The fact that your ancestors voted for Trump makes them directly responsible for World War 3.
Reed: ... then Canada was unable to accept any more American refugees.
Trip: So, that's how we wound up in space!
Reed: From my calculations, most people were able to ignore everything until January 19, 2017.
Trip: Friday, January 20, 2017, the day that hell froze over.
Malcolm: ''What is this what we are watching right now?''
Trip: ''A recording of Captain Archer's latest water polo match.''
Malcolm: ''I kinda find it disturbing that the sight of the Captain in swimming trunks is quite mesmerizing for me...''
Trip: "And so I said to her, "Do you want to see my spaceship."
Malcolm: "That has too be one of the worst pickup lines ever."
Trip: "It worked for Zephod Beeblebrox."
Space is big. Really, really big.
Trip: ''What are you watching there, Malcolm. Seems to really fascinate you.''
Malcolm: ''A history documentary about the US presidential election in 2016.''
Trip: ''Yeah, those were... different times...''
Pictured: Reactions to the election.
This election explains why the Xindi were so hot to blast a swath of destruction through Florida.
Ergonomics was an evolving science, until they decided that there was no place for “evolution” in our society.
Reed: So, they are getting rid of heath care, eliminating the minimum wage, and sending American workers to catch Zika, while building a wall to keep out Mexicans?
Trip: Well, from what I hear, some of the "smarter" ones are also gonna build walls on the east and west coasts to keep out "the rest of them foreigners".
Reed: And Canada?
Trip: They're building their own wall as fast as they can!
Reed: So, they are getting rid of heath care, eliminating the minimum wage, and sending American workers to catch Zika, while building a wall to keep out Mexicans?
Trip: Well, from what I hear, some of the "smarter" ones are also gonna build walls on the east and west coasts to keep out "the rest of them foreigners".
Eliot:
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
Malcolm: Commander...is this really happening?
Trip: I don't believe it! Trump actually won!
Watching the shifts in election results is nail biting.
There will be a winner, unfortunately.
I'm a Mac,
Malcolm here is a PC
continuing that analogy,
T'Pol is a mainframe,
and Travis is a hand calculator.
Trip : OMG !!! OMG !!!!!!!!
Malcolm : Yeah that's what I said too . Floxx has almost 3 legs !! No wonder they have so many wives !!!
Trip: ''What are you so mesmerized by?''
Malcom: ''My new screen saver.''
Trip: ''It's just a loop of a dancing Orion girl.''
Malcolm: ''Exactly!''
Malcolm: Commander...did you see that?
Trip: Unbelievable! The Cubs won the World Series!
Trip: ''Do you thing the Captain will notice that little scratch on the shuttlepod's hull?''
Malcolm: ''The one that you repaired with duct tape?.''
So, I've finished installing cameras in the decon chamber. This should be good!
Wait, what? OH MY GOD! What is Archer doing with his dog?
"Why are all these fan films so much better than our show?"
"Malcolm, what's that planet ahead of us?"
"Well, Commander, it's a big ball of rock going around that nearby star, but that's not important right now."
"Malcolm, what's that planet ahead up of us?"
"Well, Commander, it's a big ball of rock going around that nearby star, but that's not important right now."
Malcolm: ''Trip, you are an engineer, perhaps you can answer me this question. Why does the decon chamber have windows?''
Trip: ''No idea. Does this bother you?''
Malcolm: ''Not really. At least not as long as T'Pol and Hoshi are in there...''
Trip (whispering): "Are you sure it's vision is based upon movement?"
Seeing Phlox in the nude is like seeing a traffic accident...
... So Star Trek Discovery ...
Trip : What the hell is that ??
Malcolm : That Commander is T'pol taking a shower . What a rack !!!!
Trip : Holy shit ! I think I ripped my pants .
Holy Shit !!! This is Football as you call it . All they do is fall down when they are just grazed.
Malcolm: What the hell is that?
Tripp: I'd say ti was a Klingon warship in the last stages of a warp core breach heading right for us. We will probably be incinerated by the blast when it doe blow up.
Malcolm: And there's nothing we can do?
Tripp: Nope, we're screwed.
"So we just flip this switch and the toilet in the ready room will reverse flush."
"Awesome!"
"So, what does this sign say?"
"Do Not Reverse Polarity?"
"Yes, so which bit of that don't you understand?"
"The bit where 'Forbidden Planet' show up in our franchise. Do you think Robby The Robot will show up next?"
Trip: "That's no moon; it's a space station!"
Malcolm: "That's a moon and you need glasses."
We're going to need a bigger ship...
Malcolm: ''Nice pinup - what, isn't that T'Pol!?''
Trip: ''Don't tell her...''
Tell me you saw what she did with that dollar bill.
Penalty shootouts are always nail biting.
Bates Motel... As long as the shower works it should do for the night.
Reed: "Well... This doesn't look good. What do you think we should do?"
Trip: "I say we turn off all the alarms and go to bed."
Reed: "How long do you think Porthos can last out there?"
Trip: "Tell you what... I won't tell the Captain if you don't."
Dramatic Stage Lighting
.
IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!
Two blokes watching the ST:Discovery sentiment go up in smoke.
Trip: There's your problem, it's a TOTO toilet.
Reed: There was all that splashing and whooshing...
Trip: Yeah, just sit tight there 'til it stops, and you'll be fine. (not seen: Trip pocketing the "remote control")
Reed: Thanks!
Trip, laughing: My pleasure.
The camera man was a Hitchcock buff.
Shuttlepod one was shrunken down to the size of a dime by an unknown subspace anomaly. They found that their location was inside one of the toilets when the saw someone sit down.
Both: Ooooooooh.
Trip: Strangers.
Malcolm: From the outside.
The live feed from the Decontamination Chamber was always popular when T'Pol was coming back from an away mission.
Reed: "My God... It's full of stars!"
Trip: "Yup... That's DEFINITELY a rupture in the hull. I'll send one of my boys right up here with some duct tape."
Reed: "My God... It's full of stars!"
Tripp: "I warned you not to eat those mushrooms."
Reed: "My God... It's full of stars!"
Trip: "Those aren't stars. They're Kardashians."
Reed: "My God... It's full of stars!"
He smells FANTASTIC.
Can you see it?
How 'bout now?
How's this?
Trying to outwit Anti-Glare screen filters was fun... before the invention of holosuite technology,
and its "disgusting Ferengi sex programs".
Trip: So, THERE is where The Geek was hiding.
Reed: Apparently he had gotten a life, or a ...something.
Trip: I had a life once... (sighs)
Funny cat videos: Still the choice for wasting company time and bandwidth well into the future.
Reed: "The button above me says, 'Search'. Yours?"
Trip: "I have 'Lists' and 'Reviews'.
Reed: "This Trek website has everything!"
Reed: "The button above me says, 'Search'. Yours?"
Trip: "I have 'Lists' and 'Reviews'.
Reed: "This Trek website has everything!"
Reed: "Check this out..."
Trip: "Whoa!"
Reed: "He hasn't played in months, and The Geek is STILL second from the top!"
(sounds of Archer getting his ass handed to him emanates from the next room)
Reed: "I sure miss The Geek..."

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Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 26,361 Release date : 1 Dec 2016