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Vote |
| "Go, Seabiscuit!" |
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Kirk: "Harvard...rejected. Stanford...rejected. Yale...rejected. Columbia...rejected. Princeton...waitlisted. Well, shit. Ivy Day is a real killer."
Scotty: "...My deepest condolences, Captain." |
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Bones: Have you tried turning it OFF, and then turning it back ON again?
Both: Thank you, Spock. |
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| Scotty: So it’s: Ctrl-ALT-delete, all at the same time… |
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| A viewscreen...How quaint. |
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| The USS Excelsior in pursuit. (Not) |
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| "I did nae intend to take her into battle." |
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| "Analysis, Mr. Spock! ... I mean Mr. Scott" |
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| Shatner: “Okay, okay… Nimoy gets to direct the next film, BUT I GET THE FOLLOWING ONE. I’m thinking of making it a musical!” |
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| While being forced to re-watch the transporter safety video, again, Kirk and Scotty begin to understand why McCoy fears the device. |
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Kirk: "What is that big floating thing that looks like a giant space whale?"
Scotty: "Magnifying...it's...YOUR MUM!"
Kirk: "Bones, do you think Scotty could fit in the warp core? I think he could fit in the warp core." |
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Kirk: "What is that big floating thing that looks like a giant space whale?"
Scotty: "Magnifying...it's...YOUR MUM!"
Kirk: "McCoy, do you think we need a Chief Engineer? I don't think we need a Chief Engineer." |
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| "So this is what Spock puts on Snapchat!" |
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Kirk: "What is that big floating thing that looks like a giant space whale?"
Scotty: "Magnifying...it's...YOUR MUM!"
Kirk: "McCoy, do you know where I could get my hands on some cyanide?" |
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Kirk: "Watching 'Threshold' has just inspired me to come up with a great pickup line: 'Are you a lizard? 'Cause I'd like to slither into bed with you.'"
McCoy: "And now you've single-handedly managed to make me disregard my oath to do no harm." |
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Kirk: "Watching 'Threshold' has just inspired me to come up with a great pickup line: 'Are you a lizard? 'Cause I'd like to slither into bed with you.'"
Scotty: "Silence yourself, Captain. I'd rather shoot meself in the balls than hear that collection of words ever again." |
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Kirk: So, if we succeed in bringing Spock back, we can choose the version?
Scotty: Aye, captain. But how do we choose? Nimoy is the one we know, but both Ethan Peck and Zackary Quinto have made names for themselves.
McCoy: It doesn’t matter to me. I will be dead before any of them. |
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Kirk: "OMG! Look at the Easter Eggs on that!"
Scotty: "Captain! That's the Easter Bunny you're talking about!"
McCoy: "It's the fluffy white tail that does it for him. I've seen his psych report." |
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Kirk: "Zendaya looks pretty stunning. If I were in Dune, I would be the one womanizing her."
Scotty: "Shut up, Captain. I'm focusing. If I hear an ounce more o' chatter outta ya, I'll have to try the voice on ya." |
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As the view screen retracts, Chris Hansen walks onto the bridge of the enterprise.
“Mr. Kirk, why don’t you take a seat.” |
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| "Scotty! You can't say that about Frankie Chestnuts!" |
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| "A little left, Scotty. There! Now drop the claw and that cuddly alien will be mine!" |
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| Isn't it past your jail time? |
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| Streaming, the final frontier. These are all he voyages of the Paramount Network. It’s continuing mission: the find new ways and new personnel to drive their properties into the ground, to seek new customers and new markets, to boldly price gouge like no one has price gouged before. |
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Scotty: "My goodness. They really had the helmsman and the captain turn into lizards?"
Kirk: "Well, I guess they were boldly going where no sane producers would ever go." |
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| When stumbling across a co-worker’s internet dating profile, nothing can prepare you for what you find. This image is all the explanation needed. |
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| "I'm sorry, captain. Ye cannae take a replicator when you compete on Bake Off!" |
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| "But will it tell us how to make a cappucino!" |
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Kirk: Scotty, how did my medical records make it onto the display?
Scotty: Alderan Herpes, Rigellian Syphilis, Bolian Chlamydia, Tortuga Warts… What is wrong you, Captain?
McCoy: That is only from his first semester at the academy. |
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| To the shock and horror of everyone, Kirk’s Star Fleet Academy graduation party was recorded, and now playing on loop throughout the ship. |
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| "That man! T.J. Hooker! He looks just like me!" |
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HAL-9000: I can’t let you do that, Kirk.
Kirk: What is going on with the main computer?
Scotty: Star Fleet upgraded it.
McCoy: And ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ was the inspiration?
Scotty: No, it was created by committee. |
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Kirk: "What are we looking at? Magnify, factor 10."
Scotty: "It's...WESLEY CRUSHER! IN SPACE!"
Kirk: "Quick! Lock phasers and fire! Can't afford to have his mother revive his cat-suit-clad, frozen, swollen corpse!" |
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| Here Comes the Sun |
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Kirk: "What is that woman doing? Why is she in a kitchen? Why is she whispering her speech in a vaguely threatening and dangerous voice? Shouldn't the response speech have a little more...oomph? Shouldn't she NOT be giving the speech at all?"
Scotty: "I don't know Captain, but she is certainly a threat to humanity. I suggest we fire phasers." |
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| They were amazed at the amount of commission that Shatner's agent was getting. |
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| Scotty and Kirk stare in disbelief as Clippy resurfaces during the latest Windows update. |
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| The Window's update almost stopped them from taking the Enterprise. |
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| After watching some 'Porn Farr' leaked from the starbase to the Enterprise, the crew decides to go to bed early so they can wipe the day's memory from their minds and cry their trauma out. |
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| "Well, now that I've witnessed 'Porn Farr' with me own eyes, Captain, may I go disintegrate myself with a phaser?" |
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| "Thank God Spock isn't here to see the fan art of him and me. His half-Vulcan mind probably couldn't handle this level of...passion." |
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| "Thank God Spock isn't here to see the fan art made for him and me. I believe he would spontaneously combust after seeing such...intimacy." |
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"One ping, Scotty. Just one ping."
(offscreen) "CUT! Shatner, stick to the script." |
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| The Spanish Inquisition appeared on screen. They were not expected. |
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| When watching the Oscar’s, don’t expect any of the winners to make sense. |
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| It appears the bridge crew has discovered Australian wildlife memes. |
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| “Mr. Scott, why is an animation of a giant spider being used as the screen saver?” |
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| Not every attempt at a clever password gets a laugh. |
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| "Ye cannae change the laws of TikTok, Captain!" |
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Kirk: "...watch here, Scotty. The big dog is going to be afraid of the tiny kitten."
Bones: "Let's not forget priorities here. I have a Vulcan bouncing around my brain."
Kirk: "Yeah, sure... Just one more. This idiot has a baby honey badger as a pet... It's a CLASSIC!" |
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"Bones! Look at this! Scotty is about to get the high score!"
(Fazoop! Weeooo weeoo zummmmmmmmmm ... "G.A.M.E.O.V.E.R")
"Aww, Captain, ye distracted me!" |
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| Scotty : OMG !!! I can't netfile your taxes !!! |
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| Studying the history of mixing unhinged narcissism with social media. |
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| When the history of economics, nothing can prepare one’s brain for the inflation data. |
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| Scotty can't believe how expensive a Saurian Brandy bottle is in the late 23rd Century. |
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| Kirk, Scotty and Bones jaw's drop looking a pictures of Uhura in a bikini !!! Whoa ! Hummna !!! Hummna !!!! |
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"Well done Scotty! So KAPOW gives us K, P and O but not in the right places."
"Dammit, Jim! Playing Wordle isn't going to help us find Spock!" |
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Kirk: Scotty, what language is this? I have never seen it before.
Scotty: It is written in English, but uses terminology the computer doesn’t recognize.
McCoy: The language is ‘government.’ |
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Kirk: "OK, computer. Is it alright to misgender Caitlin Jenner if that would prevent a nuclear apocalypse?"
Scotty: "I told you, sir. We shouldn't have bought this 21st Century AI!" |
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| "Surely they didn't vote for him AGAIN!" |
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| "They are so barbaric! Look at what they are saying, and they call it 'SOCIAL' media!" |
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Kirk: “Whoa…. What do you think Mr. Scott… are those real?”
Scotty: “Aye… maybe we should ask the physician.” |
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Internet Porn:
STILL popular well into the 23rd century. |
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| The crew accidentally stumbles onto 4chan. |
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As the command staff attempt to steal the Enterprise, a security prompt appears on the main view screen.
“How does one tame a horse in Minecraft?” |
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Kirk: Scotty, when was the ship’s operating system changed to Windows Vista?
Scotty: That cannae be. It is banned by Starfleet.
McCoy: should I call for Microsoft Tech Support? |
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| As the generations go by, the computer ‘are you human’ tests become even harder to understand. |
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Bones: "Can we stop... I need to go to the little Physicians Room."
Scotty: "Ach!!"
Kirk: "I told you to go before we left Spacedock!"
Scotty: "And STOP drinking those Venti Frappuccinos!" |
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Bones: "Are we there yet?"
Scotty & Kirk: "NO!" |
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Kirk: We can never tell Spock about this.
Scotty: How is anyone able to write such material?
McCoy: It’s called fanfiction. Get used to it. |
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Kirk: "Put an X in the center square..."
Scotty: "I KNOW!! Hey, are you going to let me play?" |
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| "My God, what is Frankie Chestnuts doing?" |
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| "OK, Scotty, just add a bag of prawn toast to that and I think we're done." |
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| "NO CAPTAIN! Don't click the download button!" |
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"Are you sure we'll be able to get dilithium crystals here?"
"Aye, captain. They say you can buy anything here."
"But how do we know they aren't fakes?"
"Och, captain, dinnae fash, this fella has loads of good reviews. And these Ebay people have a guarantee!" |
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Kirk: What is going on?
Scotty: It is some kind of musical performance from the 1980s.
McCoy: Khan got the last laugh. We have been Ric-Rolled. |
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Kirk: "My God... It's full of stars!"
Scotty: "Sir...?"
Kirk: "Stars, Mr. Scott. The universe is full of stars."
Scotty: "Aye, Captain... Stars..."
Scotty [under his breath]: "Putz!" |
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| Even in the future, political news is all but impossible to understand. |
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| When working as an independent contractor for Microsoft, expect to go blind looking at lines of code. |
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Kirk: Are you seeing what I am seeing?
Scotty: Why are they doing that?
McCoy: They are not thinking clearly.
Scotty: I just don’t understand.
Kirk: They are true believers of an unhinged narcissist trying to regain lost power. It has happened so many times in human history, and will happen again. Hopefully not some one who looks like a shaved orangutan. |
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| After 13 hours, 4 cups of coffee and a re-read of section 42, paragraph 4, the command staff is dangerously close to just accepting iTunes Terms and Conditions without reading. |
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| When future generations read about the 2020s, I expect their reactions to be very similar to this image. |
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| An engineer, a doctor and a diplomat walk into a bar… |
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| It would appear that trouble shooting the Enterprise’s main computer is easier that dealing with the death of Spock. |
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(After a moment of stunned silence) Kirk: "Well, Mr, Scott, I guess we now know what happens when you engage the warp drive while in Space Dock."
McCoy: "If you'll excuse me, Jim, I'm gonna go snort a line of sedatives." |
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KIRK: “Fembots, Mr. Scott.”
SCOTTY: “Sir...?”
KIRK: “FEMBOTS, Mr. Scott! They were just here.”
SCOTTY: “Yes, sir, workin' on it... Now were you lookin’ to find them or avoid them?“ |
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KIRK: “Steady... Steady... All right, Mr. Scott.”
SCOTTY: “Sir...?”
KIRK: “The doors, Mr. Scott!”
SCOTTY: “Yes, sir, workin' on it... Now did you want them open or closed?” |
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