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This is from one of the many deleted holo deck programs, that Tuvok made after his mind meld with Ensign Suder, in which Tuvok gives in to his urge to murder Nelix...
Granted everyone has their little "comfort rituals" to deal with episodes of loneliness, but not everyone gets naked and spends "quality time" with a life-sized Tuvok puppet.
Neelix: "Look, how it is dangling! Isn't that fascinating?"
Tuvok: "Not that much. But granted, I wasn't aware before that Talaxians actually have a tail."
Neelix: "Mr. Vulcan... Do you smell that?? Was that you? "
It might look like harmless flirting, but it doesn't take much to cross over into inappropriate sexual conduct...
Neil: … ♫ It's getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes
I am, getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off
It's getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes
I am, getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off… ♫
Tuvok: whoa, Nelly
Neelix: "I bet you didn't expect Talaxians to have so large ones. And so many of them!"
Tuvok: "You... are talking about your spots, right!?"
"I'm ready for first contact Mr Vulcan."
Neelix: I'm thinking of starting up a game of Talaxian Ring Toss, what do you think?
Tuvok: I see the rings in your hand, but around what will the participants toss...Never mind.
Neelix: You see, Mr. Vulcan? Not every species keep their genitals in the same place.
Tuvok: Mr. Nelix, PLEASE, STOP SINGING "It's getting hot in herre ..."
Tuvok, to self: I am trying to care, but nothing is happening ...
Neelix:"Oooh look! Clumsy old me dropped my bar of soap in the shower!"
"Tuvok: "Then I suggest that you replicate yourself a new one."
Tuvok: Mr. Neelix, why are you playing a Barry White soundtrack?
I swear, it's like looking at Spongebob and Squidward!
Mr. Vulcan, is that two pips or three pips?
Mr Vulcan, you missed a spot there shaving.
Tuvok! I found a puppy! I found a puppy! Can we keep the puppy? Can we? Can we? Can we? Pwweeeeesssse!
I'll feed it and pet it and walk it and play with it every day?!?!?
Tuvok: "Say Mr. Neelix, are you familiar with the Vulcan art of tal-shaya?"
Neelix: "Oooh, is this something like Earth's kama sutra?"
Tuvok: "Well, not quite... Let me demonstrate..."
Neelix : Come on Tuvok ! It's a Sauna you remember ? In a sauna we take off our clothes
Tuvok : The purpose of a sauna is to sweat. It is easier to sweat while dressed. Being naked is ... illogical
Tuvok: "When you invited me over to play a traditional Talaxian game with you that you called 'Count the Spots', this was not what I was expecting."
Neelix auditions for the part of Gollum ... "Helloooo my precioussssss"
Tuvok desperately hopes that this is a side effect of the Infinite Improbability Drive and not normality.
"Is it twue what they say about black men ... ohhh ... it's twue, it's twue, it's twue!"
(How did Blazing Saddles get away with that line?)
"Mr. Vulcan, have you seen my little rubber ducky? Ducky has gone missing!"
Neelix: "Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok? Are you ignoring me, Tuvok..."
"May I ask a personal question?"
"Of course Mr Vulcan."
"What gender are you?"

"Best guess Mr Vulcan."
Tuvok: "Were are your clothes?
Neelix: "In the laundry."
Tuvok: "You can replicate fresh clothes any time you want, Mr. Neelix."
Neelix: "Your point being?"
I am a bit afraid to give the command: "Computer, end program."
No matter will turn out to remain on the empty holodeck due to being the real person - the implications will be disturbing in any case...
Neelix: Are you ready, Tuvok?
Tuvok: No.
Neelix: I said, are you ready?
Tuvok: ...
Neelix: Who lives in a spaceship under the smoke?!
Neelix NoPants!
Who cooking catastrophes make people choke?
Neelix NoPants!
Prances and dances in a obnoxious jig!
Neelix NoPants!
Repeated nudity gets him thrown in the Brig!
Neelix NoPants!
Neelix NoPants!
Neelix NoPants!
Neelix NoPants!
Is...oh Neelix naked? Urgh...if there was ever a memory to scrub out of my brain with booze, that's the one...
Incident #1249012 where Tuvok almost wished he didn't learn to control his anger.
Hey!!! Mister Vulcan ! I was just trying some of that stuff earthlings call " Weed " . I think I may have smoked up the joint a little !!! Wooo EEEee !!!
Neelix: "Is this the right place for my Vulcan massage?"
Neelix: "Did somebody order a 'hot sweaty Talaxian, easy on the clothes' sandwich?"
"Naked Madame Tussauds in spaaaace"
Tuvok: "I don't know what's touching my thigh right now, but I sure hope it's just one of your leola roots..."
"Hey, cheer up! We're gonna be together in this caption competition for a whole month!"
"Which part of 'horrified' do you not understand?"
Neelix: "I bet you didn't expect that THAT part of my body has spots too!"
Tuvok: "To be frank, I never even pondered this issue. And to my horror, I can't think of anything else now."
Harry: "Lieutenant Tuvok... I was wondering if you were interested in going to the mess hall and play some Kal-to... DEAR GOD! WHAT'S GOING ON???"
Tuvok (to self): "Think about Kal-toh... think about Kal-toh... think about Kal-toh..."
Tuvok (to self): "Think about baseball... think about baseball... think about baseball..."
Tuvok: "We Vulcans don't have a concept similar to Hell or Gre'thor. But if we HAD, I can vividly imagine right now how it would be..."
Star Trek: Soaps.
Casual Friday was a full success - except for Tuvok ignoring it completely and Neelix taking it way too far...
Nelix was very pleased to see Mr.Tuvok in the steam room.Tuvok however was very puzzled as to why Nelix was naked .
Tuvok: Neelix, why are you not wearing clothes in the galley's hea...(looks down)...DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMNN!...Uh, I mean... I thought you would be more popular with the female crew members. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go meditate on my newfound feelings of inadequacy.
Neelix: Do you smell it yet? Do you smell it yet? Do you smell it yet?
*pops out*
How about now???
Pictured: How Tuvok strengthens his mental fortitude.
Mr. Tuvok was a very shocked to see that Nelix seem to have almost 3 legs !!
Neelix: Sorry Tuvok, I overdid the flambé.
Neelix: "Mr. Vulcan, I am so exited to see you!"
Tuvok: "I can... see that. Very clearly. Unfortunately."
Tim Russ resolves to fire his agent once he gets off the set.
"Come on, Mr. Vulcan, you know what they say: 'Once you go Talaxian, you never relax again!'"
TOS had "The Naked Time", TNG had "The Naked Now"... and Voyager had "The Naked Neelix"!
Neelix: "I haven't the foggiest"
Neelix: "So Mr Vulcan, isn't this a great day for sunbathing"
Neelix: "Smokin..."
Mr. Vulcan! It appears I've found my rubber ducky! Isn't this wonderful?
Tuvok's New Year's resolution was to avoid killing Neelix. And Neelix was going to make it a very long year.
Where did you think Talaxians have their genitals Tuvok?
Neelix: "So what do you say, Mr. Vulcan? Didn't I perform the Naked Fan Dance even better than Uhura in 'The Final Frontier'?"
On today's episode of 'Spot the alien emotion', we will be trying to determine what Mr Tuvok is feeling at this particular moment. Who wants to make the first guess?
Tuvok: "Mr. Neelix, please cover your... leola root."
Neelix: EASY? You think this is EASY?!?! Well if YOU think that this is SO EASY, then YOU try being a COMPLETE ASS for hours on end.....
Tuvok and Neelix in: "Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Talaxian Anatomy And Can't Ever Un-Know Again Now That You Do"
Neelix's Christmas gift: A life-sized Tuvok action figure.
Neelix: "Today on 'Briefings with Neelix', we are going to talk with 'Mr. Vulcan' himself, Lt. Tuvok. Tell us... What's going on in Security?"
Tuvok: "Why are you not wearing any pants?"
Neelix: "Just trying to spice up the morning briefings."
Neelix: "Come on, Mr. Vulcan! Let your emotions run wild and have some fun!"
Tuvok: "I can assure you, Mr. Neelix, *if* I were to let my emotions 'run wild', it wouldn't have anything to do with having fun. For neither of us."
Today on Kitchen Nightmares...
Tuvok: "Let me guess - this is yet another one of your many old Talaxian traditions?"
Neelix: "Correctly guessed, Mr. Vulcan!"
Tuvok: "You know, I can never tell if all these asinine traditions of yours are actually real, or if you are just pranking me."
TODAY on Neelix: misadventures of cooking!
Neelix once converted a room in his quarters into a smokehouse. It did not end well.
The locals make rapturous libations to the pointy eared sky god
Neelix: Maybe your replacators can make me a uniform like yours.
Tuvok: Doubtful...however they will make a very good straight jacket that I am sure will fit you...
'Out of the mists of time ...' or 'Evolution at work'.
Tuvok: "Mr. Neelix, while your observation is true that the lyrics proclaim that you should 'take off all your clothes' because 'it's gettin' hot in here', ancient Earth songs like this one are seldom meant to be taken as literal requests."
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... I do believe my nose is larger than yours."
Tuvok: "Your feet are also larger than swim fins, but that is irrelevant."
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... What does that mean: 'No Shoes, No Shits, No Service'?"
Tuvok: "That's SHIRTS, Mr. Neelix... SHIRTS."
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... What does that mean: 'No Shoes, No Shirts, No Service'?"
Tuvok: "Please put your pants on..."
Tuvok: I believe I will "get out of the kitchen" ...
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... Is this urinal taken?"
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... Loofah my back."
In the pilot, Nelix was played with more of an "Eric Cartman" type edge, but test audiences indicated that angle wasn't necessary for people to take an instant dislike to him.
FYI: This is what a Vulcan Death Fart actually looks like.
The aliens from "Waking Moments" return to put the crew through another round of nightmares. For Tuvok, it means being harassed by naked Neelix.
Neelix: Oh, hai Mr.Vulcannn!!!
Tuvok (outside): ...
Tuvok (inside) : AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Tuvok: "This is even worse than the dream in which *I* was naked!"
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... Tell me about this Pon Farr!”
Neelix: “Hey, Mr. Vulcan... Have you ever seen a grown Talaxian naked?”
Neelix: "Now don't be shy, Mister Vulcan. You're supposed to strip off for a sauna."
Tuvok: "Not in my case, as the temperature here is similar to that of my home planet."
Neelix: "Ooh, that sounds like an excuse to me."
Tuvok: "OK, you've got me there."
Neelix: "Wow, who says that Madame Tussaud's waxworks aren't realistic?"
Tuvok: "I beg your pardon?"


Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 36,144 Release date : 1 Feb 2018