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I call it, "The Aristocrats"!
I call it, "The Aristocrats"!
So THAT'S why they call them Medusans...
McCoy fails his saving throw against pertrification
HELP! If Reading Rainbow doesn't make its goal, Seth MacFarlane WINS!
It seems to be a series of tubes...
When a man loves a Horta, can't keep his mind on nothing else...
... and that's where babies come from.
Have any of you folks seen a Bartholomew around here?
Jim, you grew up in farm country. You of all people should know how much a gallon of this stuff is worth in the dairy farm industry!
Jim, you grew up in farm country. You of all people should know how much a gallon of this will go for to the right buyer?
After his rendition of Green Eggs and Ham was booed by everyone, Bones was heard muttering, "Damn it, I'm a doctor, not and actor."
The lengths that the crew had to go through to get the Captain into his girdle was amazing.
Jim, that was the last of the toupee glue.
Spock: "Thank you Doctor. Your help was most appreciated"
McCoy: "For gods sakes Spock I'm a doctor not a handkerchief!"
No no, I don't need a handkerchief. A "Bless You" would have been nice, but it's all good. Really.
Kelley: "Well, I may have crap-covered hands, but at least this role will help me become that A-list celebrity I always wanted to be."
Damn it, man , just give 'em a DOLLAR! Bring Butterflies into the sky ... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
kickstarter reading rainbow
You said: Rabbid, Phlegm-ish Giant
He heard: Flemish Giant Rabbit
Wait, you meant "Let's try to put some lipstick on this pig" RHETORICALLY?
I can't help it if they are Filthitarians!
Are you sure this is finger paint??
Yup...for absolute sure, that is NOT where a baby horta comes out...
No for real, it WILL shrink your pores!
Star Trek XIII: The Wrath of Harry Mudd
Jim, the jello, its spoiled. All of it.
Bones in search of the elusive Greenshirt.
Bones: "Well, Captain... I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that Spock is dead. Bled out. Poof!! Gone!
Kirk: "That's horrible!! What's the good news?"
Bones: "I always hated that green blooded hobgloblin!"
I know you can't see it from this angle, but it's a bad case of goniochromism, and it's everywhere!
Casting by Roddenberry
Yeah I just shook hands with Slimmer.
"Why Spock? WHY can't you use the toilet like a NORMAL person!!"
Remember in the movie Into Darkness when he was trying to impress Carol Marcus by explaining that he helped deliver Gorn octuplets? This is that moment.
McCoy: ''I am a doctor, not a proctologist! Well, they are doctors too, but you know what I mean...''
Time for your medicine Jim!
Kirk: "Why are your hands all green and what on earth happened to all the trees and plants?"
Bones: "De Forest Killy"
Kirk over the comm: "What is it? What do you see?"
McCoy: "Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to it."
Ready for your treatment Captain!
Kirk: Bones!
Bones: What?
Kirk: The Ref just pulled a red card on you!
Bones: Why?
Kirk: He says you handled the ball!
Bones: How would he know?
Kirk: Duh?!
Bones: Oh yeah. Sorry, my bad.
For the World is Hollow and I Can't Touch Anything Right Now
Star Trek/Batman crossover, guest starring Clayface.
"Here I sit all broken-hearted,
Tried to $#!% but only farted.
The very next day I took a chance,
Tried to fart but $#!% my pants!
So here I sit amongst the vapors,
Because the idiot before me left no papers,
But I must go, I cannot linger,
Look out @$$#0!3, here comes my finger!
Bones: "OK... Who's the clown that took all the toilet paper out of the Men's Room??
... no... I uh, -I wasn't touching anything...
Well, OF COURSE I was going to wash my hands before I shake your hand... (note to self: WASH HANDS before shaking)
THIS? This is NOTHING - just a little schmutz on my hands.
I've got your "Pat-a-cakes" RIGHT HERE.
Bones: "What's wrong Mr. Sulu? Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful ... she's rich ... she's got huge ... tracts of land ..."
McCoy: The Mother Horta's first egg just hatched.
Kirk: Was it a boy or a girl?
McCoy: Hard to say. But in my medical opinion, it was a pebble.
Scandal ensued when McCoy got caught harvesting Vulcan body parts for the black market.
McCoy: I'm a doctor, not A Ghostbuster.
Kelly: You know, it's a good thing I'm dead or I'd reach out there and slap you silly for having me stand her for thirty days with this goop on my hands.
Kennedy: Tough love. Baby.
Kelly: You know, it's a good thing I'm dead or I'd reach out there and slap you silly for having me stand here for thirty days with this goop on my hands.
Bones: Okay, Sulu, you're next.
Sulu: Ooohhh mmmyyy.
Bones: I know. I got this new spray-on latex and Nurse Chapel sprayed it on a little thick.
Bones: What do you think Captain?
Kirk: Pretty good patch work.
Bones: You don't think the handprints and signature are too much, do you?
Kirk: Nah, a little advertisement is always a good thing.
I tell you Jim, Scotty's sister has a pair that stick out this far.
What do you mean it doesn't wash off?!
I tell you Spock, it's finger licking good!
Group hug anybody?
Casting call.
McCoy makes medical history,
The first doctor to successfully put casts
on his own two broken hands.
I don't know why you reacted that way, Jim. I just asked what i khan do for you.
Bones: What? You said to get here right away. I had to leave my pottery wheel.
"This came out of me. This came out of me!!"
Nurse: Oh, look here in the bottom of the bag. We DID have some surgical gloves.
"I'm a doctor! Not a...um..."
"Bricklayer? Sculptor? Pottery Maker?"
"Any one of them, dammit!"
Frankie Chestnuts: Great posts. Keep up the good work. Love you long time.
sisWCK I value the blog post.Much thanks again. Much obliged.
How was I to know that the paint comes off when you touch an Orion woman?
"The Orion artificial insemination program? Well, there's still a few kinks to work out..."
Before the Federation rediscovered the M&M's formula for melting in your mouth and not in your hands.
Bones: "Good God man... I'm a doctor, not a guy with... stuff... ya know... stuff on his hands."
My god Jim! I just won a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award!
I've been Slimed!
McCoy, his hands brown, his eyes blue.
Vulcan prostate exams... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Bones: "Anything else you need while I'm in here, Jim?"
I know! I know! I shouldn't have shaken the Thixotropician Ambassador!
I've got your non-Newtonian fluid RIGHT HERE!
Oobleck comes ...FROM SPAAAAAAAAACE!
I've got your Oobleck RIGHT HERE!
I've got your guacamole right here!
"Dammit, Spock! Sneeze into your OWN hands next time, you green blooded hobgoblin!!!"
"What did you expect, Jim? I'm a doctor, not a potter."
It... It exploded. Boom. Just like that.
The reason McCoy didn't specialize in xeno-proctology
DAMN IT JIM !!! THAT HORTA TOOK A DUMP WHILE I WAS WORKING ON IT !!!!
Kirk: Hack! Sputter! Cough! Hack! Why Bones? Sputter.
Bones: Um...sorry Jim. Next time I'll take the huge mutant mosquito that's trying to suck your brains out off of you before I crush it.
Bag of popcorn: $5.00
Large Soda: $2.50
Watching Bones popping a boil on Cartman's butt: PRICELESS
Cartman: Ow! Ow! My butt's burning!
Bone: Come back here you little turd! I'm not done yet! (muttering) Maybe they ought to kill you and not Kenny you little prick...
Spock: ''You are a hypocrite.''
McCoy: ''What? Why, you green-blooded...''
Spock: ''You are always telling us to wash our hands, but never do it yourself.''
"Jim, don't EVER ask me to put a suppository in Spock again!"
"It's diarrhea, Jim. But not as we know it."
Bones: "What is this, Mr. Scott?"
Scotty (off-stage): "It's um... It's green."
Kirk: ''Any suggestions how we should name this new planet we discovered?''
McCoy: ''Diarrhea Prime!''
Can't it wait? I'm in the middle of my ceramics lessons!
Scotty (Drunken, off-stage): "It's um...
It's green."
DAMN IT !! ..... JIM , I'M A DOCTOR NOT A POTTER !!
“handshake free zones”... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
While the Iotians' ability to imitate gangsters of the 1930s was quite impressive, they got the concept of ''cement shoes'' slightly wrong.
Where will YOU be when your twenty condoms of China White Heroin burst?
RD Cat: "His-head-burst"
Spock, your next.
Jim, I can explain.
I'm melting!! Paranoia one, transporter zero.
This is why I hate the transporter.
That's how you stitch up a mud alien.
Damn!
I'm a doctor, not a sewage reclaimation officer.
I'm not a doctor, I'm a latex salesman!!!
Chekov (off-stage): "Doctor!!! Vat are you doing?? Zat vas my lunch!
McCoy: ''Does someone here have a towel?''
McCoy:"My god Jim! All that time when I've been irritable and racist to Vulcans! I've been The Incredible Hulk!!
Man, i've had to do surgery, touched all sorts of gross stuff, but I still puke on my hands and hate it. Should'nt I be immune by now???!!!
f***ing allergies.
My God Jim! All that time i've been irratible and mad! I've found the answer! I'm the Incredible Hulk!!
Gesundheit!!
A doctor, a midget and an incontinent Horta walk into a bar...
DeForest Kelley: PLEASE, couldn't we just introduce some "ensign-in-training" type kid into the story line, that we could rook into doing this sort of stuff?
A doctor, a Horta and a midget walk into a bar...
Good God, man, I'm TRYING to keep it clean!
I was doing the "hokey pokey"...
Bones: "Good God, man... Frankie Chestnuts can put ANYTHING in for a caption and STILL win!!"
Hay fever had considerably changed, but was still a problem in the 23rd century.
For future reference,
This is s Horta, assimilation is futile.
This biological distictiveness
can not be added to a DNA based collective.
"And I have touched the sky...
It's gray, wet and very very sticky."
"Who knew it had mud for blood?"
Kelly gets muddy.
Oh why must I do this scene?
It's in the contract?!
"I need a new agent..."
"You want Shadow Puppets! I'll show you shadow puppets..."
Having to clean up the cave after the 'Kirk Maneuver'...
"He slimed me, Ray!... I mean Jim!
In the world of Captain Proton, The legend of Crapotica begins...
"It rubs the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again..."
My Gorn suppositories are the future.
"The Klingon called it a 'gorch'..."
"Damn it, Gene, I know we're on a tight budget with the network, but I expect spoons with the pudding in my dressing room!"
Forgetting to heed the miner's warnings, McCoy could not resist the old "Horta in the Microwave" trick.
"And who are these damned Aristocrats you speak of?!"
Mudd's Doctor
McCoy: ''Honestly, I didn't touch any of Mudd's women! What I touched though where mud women...''
Bones: "Wet wipe?? Anybody?? Wet wipe?"
"Jim! I've found Harry Mudd!"
The Mudd incident
Jim: "Just be glad it didn't happen in zero gravity."
After years of exploration, McCoy and the away team find the boogeyman.
Bones "Well I'm just glad it only shook my hands and didn't give me a hug and kiss."
Quote from recent news article title (May 2014): "Researchers call for doctors to give up shaking patient's hands and says practice is as harmful as smoking in public"
No T'Pol! don't reach inside!
Spock: "You should have put on gloves doctor."
McCoy: "Confounded Vulcans and their logic!"
An innocent game of shadow puppets turns ugly.
Bones reflecting: "...but Jim made punching aliens in the face look so easy."
Bones remembering the fine print on hypospray: "May cause gangrenous extremities."
Despite surprising McCoy, they didn't catch him red-handed.
Fortunately for Bones, he woke up before Kirk tickled his nose with a feather.
Bones reading sign "Watch out for falling Horta barf..."
Bones: "You want me to smear this on my face and put cucumbers over my eyes?"
Bones: "No one will look for the body here, but how do we explain our hands?"
Bones: "What? You've never seen a grown man up to his wrists in alien entrails before?"
Bones moments before discovering and tragically defiling the fountain of youth.
"Jim, Spock! I've discovered anti-red matter and no surprise, it's green!"
Kes may have had a hydroponics bay, but Bones has the green thumb.
He's dead Jim.
I have to admit, obstetrics wasn't my strong suit back in med school."
"I... I don't understand! There were these robots shaped like salt shakers, about 5 feet high... I thought they were going to kill me, but then they just started chanting, "Ex-fol-i-ate! Ex-fol-i-ate!"
McCoy: ''Can someone tell me again why the Captain has ordered us to create a giant statue of himself? Yeah OK, I just realized that this question is answering itself...''
Kirk - "please make sure you wash your hands before you eat anything Bones"
McCoy: anyone got a towel?
Kirk: you could use the paper machet wall behind you...I'ok go rip you off a live real quick.
"Wait... Frankie Chestnuts won again?!? I just spent the last eight hours crafting the perfect caption! Look at my hands! This crap'll never come off! I... I... (sigh) oh well. Maybe next month..."
"Alright, I finished the background. Can I please go back to being a doctor?"
McCoy: ''Trust me, Starfleet Medical has released a study which proves that mugato excrements are good for your skin.''
Bones: "Let's see how clean YOU can be when you have to give a Gorn a proctology exam!"
Seen shortly after the captain ordered explosive dye packs installed on the ship liquor cabinets.
Great doctor, terrible sculptor.
I'm a doctor, not a guy with goo on his hands!
It's hardly fair. Jim gets all the sexy aliens, but I only get to feel up the acid-spewing blobs.
The things we do for love.
Bones: Of all the places we could have put Starfleet HQ, we had to put it right by silicon valley.
Ah jeez... what did I do last night?
Those are the eyes of a man who has peered into the abyss and seen what lies within.
The answer: lots and lots of terrible special effects.
Those are the eyes of a man who has peered into the abyss and seen what lies within.
So you're telling me that we've managed to develop FTL travel, artificial gravity, and a machine that can teleport you into space... but Starfleet Medical doesn't issue gloves?
Careful doc. The set isn't dry yet.
Let's be honest here Jim. I've caught you doing MUCH worse than this.
Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not an obstetrician - wait.
*Cue sexy sax*
NEXT?
Kelly: Shut your trap George.
Jazz hands... not as easy as to DO as it looks.
Yes, I've got too much slime on my hands.
McCoy's final attempt to help Spock "get in touch with his inner child".
The meaning of Santorum... IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!
McCoy: ''I don't even know if Vulcans like birthday cakes, but I am making one for Mr. Spock anyway!''
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.
"Soylent Green is...people!"
Yeah... this is beyond my medical knowledge (as usual)
Jim, we really have to let up on the refried beans!
Jim, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's not human...
Jim, he's... oh never mind!
"I'm a doctor not a bricklayer."
Bones: Capt. Kirk, you remember me telling you nine months ago that I couldn't remember what I did on shore leave?
Kirk: Yeah, I remember. Why?
Bones: Well I just delivered the Orion slave girl's baby and it looks just like me except a little greener.
Kirk: Ooohhh mmmyyy.
Scotty: Aye it had to be the Romulan ale laddie.
Bones: "Hey Spock... Come here and smell my finger... I had an itch."
Bones: As God as my witness, I will never do a surgery on Slimer again!
Note to self: Never do a cavity search without gloves.
The Captain's birthday was coming up, and Bones decided to make a Pinata for the occasion.
Don't worry, everything's fine. I'm just putting the finishing touches on next week's alien costume.
When the Enterprise crew finished their new patio, everybody made a handprint in the cement.
McCoy was unusually enthusiastic about it.
It's PEOPLE! ...SOYLENT GREEN! ...It's PEOPLE!
Bones: "Nurse Chapel... my nose... I have an itch."
Mani-pedis ...IN SPAAAAAAAAACE!
Good God Man, they're bringing READING RAINBOW back, we've ALL got to do our part!
Bones: "...anyone have any hand sanitizer?"
They're bringing READING RAINBOW back man, we've ALL got to do our part!
Don't tell him about KICKSTARTER until AFTER he washes his hands.
"Safe Sex" precautions slide # 18a.
Bones: "Wow... THAT could have gone better."
Afterwards, they always referred to him as "The Spackle Queen" behind his back.
Another unfortunate consequence of remastered Star Trek in HD.
This Father's Day remember: Dr McCoy delivered his own daughter.
"What do you mean the special effects look lousy? I'm standing in front of a spray-painted wall of crinkled Mylar!"
Bones: "Nurse Chapel... GLOVES!!!"
Bones: "Well, Chekov... We're all set. I do have to tell you... That was one HELL of a pimple."
Well, YOU tear Frankie Chestnuts a NEW ONE, and see how you look!
Bones: "Good God, man... I'm a DOCTOR, not a Proctologist...
Hang on... that didn't come out right."
I'm a doctor, not a decoupage artist!
It's PEOPLE!!!!!!
I forgot how much fun it was to make mud pies!
You'll never guess what Doctor McCoy did last night...
The aftermath of Spock's Proctology examination.
McCoy suddenly realizes why Proctology didn't appeal to him as a profession.
McCoy tries desperately to shout a warning back to last months picture:
"T'Pol! Stop what you're doing before it's too late! I've discovered that the Ferengi ejaculate from their ears! For Gods sake, woman! Wear protection!"

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Copyright Graham Kennedy Page views : 4,373 Last updated : 30 Nov -0001