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"Yes, you look like you could use one of those."
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "Bring me to Risa at once, or I'll shoot!"|
|MR. WORF||A man enters the bridge with a phaser , now is the phaser real or fake ? What would you do ?|
|MR. WORF||Alright now !!! Where's the washroom ?|
|Obama3rdterm||The lunatics running the asylum...
An unfortunate comparison to the Trump White House
|EMH_MkI||Get off my yard, ya darn kids!|
|Shut up, Wesley!||That's not what you meant by "Kill the lights", is it...|
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "Let me have your big sky saucer, or I will take this shooty-thingy and zap your funny accent guy!"
Kirk: "Uh... Spock?"
Spock: "He said 'give me control over your ship, or I will use this phaser to kill Chekov'."
|J.A.I.||Which one of you stole my teeth!?|
|Niall Johnson||All right you motherstickers! This is a f*** up!!|
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "Excuse me? Sir? You dropped your phaser. Here you have it back. Sir? Where are you going? Hey, please don't run! I am an old man, I can't keep up with you!"|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "Barber! I need a BARBER! ...NOW!"|
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "Are any redshirts here? My cannon is hungry for cannon fodder!"|
|MLCoolJ||"Turn that damn music down! I'm trying to sleep!"|
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "I have to warn you! I really don't want to hurt anyone, but... this phaser is certainly heavy enough to cause a concussion when thrown at somebody's head!"|
|Bird of Prey||Spock: "Please hand over your phaser. I just remotely deactivated it anyway."
Van Gelder: "Oh, are you sure? Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!"
Spock: "Even if you had any clue about ventriloquism, those phaser sounds weren't exactly very... convincing."
|PegasusJF||Kirk: Van Galder! Stop pointing that think at the Caeli Ambassador!|
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "I have to warn you, I have a phaser and I know how to... well, I'll ask Spock to explain to me how to use it. But THEN I'll know!"|
|N'tran DS 12||Doctor Simon Van Gelder
Looking very much the elder
Tries a hijack,
and Almost sent back
To that instrumental Mind Melder.
|N'tran DS 12||Space(ed) Piracy.|
|N'tran DS 12||A Phaser in the Hand beats a Dagger of the Mind.|
|N'tran DS 12||Out of my mind....Back in five minutes.|
|Miss Marple||Inexplicably, “Bridezillas" remained popular for centuries.|
|PegasusJF||LSD flashbacks come at the darndest times|
|PegasusJF||Instant Zombification...INNN SPAAAACCCCEEEEE!|
|PegasusJF||The designer of the Kill-o-Zap pistol was told to make it totally clear that the gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. It is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable, and a side note, make people who chose to bring something else equally miserable.|
|MR. WORF||Van Galder's look , when he see's Captain Piccard sitting the Captains Chair.|
|Bird of Prey||Van Gelder: "Give me all your money, or I'll shoot!"
Kirk: "The Federation doesn't use money!"
Van Gelder: "Well... then... never mind. Pretend I was never here. Bye!"
|MLCoolJ||Van Gelder: Everybody freeze! I have a toy phaser, and I'm not afraid to--oh, shit, did I just say that? Goddammit!
Kirk: You've never done this before, have you?
|Bird of Prey||*vaporizes some redshirt*
"Yeah, OK. For 'stun', the switch has to be on the other position then."
|RogueSkyknight||Have you ever heard something so stupid it gives you Van Gelder face?|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum.”
Chekhov: “In Russia, ve are not allowed to chew gum. Ve ARE allowed to kick ass.”
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum."|
|EMH_MkI||I need help finding the restroom and you WILL show me where it is!|
|EMH_MkI||I'm happy AND I've got a phaser. How 'bout that!?|
|AJ||After centuries of taking massive casualties, it became necessary to drug redshirts before sending them into action.|
|AJ||As time passed, the qualifications necessary to become an NRA spokesperson were steadily relaxed.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "UNGUENT! I NEED UNGUENT!"|
|MR. WORF||OMG !!!! William Shattner ! Fortunetly the Phaser was set to stun.|
|Merat||Man, 23rd century Jehovah's Witnesses are getting REALLY pushy!|
|Merat||Good morning, do you have a minute to learn about our Lord and savior Kahless the Unforgettable?|
|Bird of Prey||The Enterprise is off to a stunning new adventure!
Well, at least this man's phaser is stunning...
|Cyrus Ramsay||Van Gelder: "This is a hi-jack; fly me to Rigel!"
Kirk: "But we're already going there."
Van Gelder: "Ah. This is...embarassing."
|Merat||When a letter writing campaign failed to save Star Trek after its third season, distraught fans tried something more direct.|
|Merat||T-shirt under a pastel jacket? Someone's auditioning for Miami Vice!|
|Bird of Prey||Kirk: "So you underwent the neural neutralizer therapy... Are you now... happier than before?"
Van Gelder: "Does trigger happy count?"
|AJ||Even Donald Trump agrees that people like this should not be allowed to own guns.|
|Bird of Prey||Spock: "Fascinating. How did this man get that old while wearing a red shirt?"|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: ♫"Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
♪Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
*Dear God...HELP ME STOP*
♫'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you"
|Captain Ned||My name is Simon Van Gelder. You killed my mind. Prepare to die.|
|Shut up, Wesley!||THIS was left on the toilet tank. I mistook it for the flushing lever. I can no longer feel my legs
That might be why
|Shut up, Wesley!||WHO STARTED PLAYING STAR TREK V IN THE VIEWING ROOM?! WHO?!!|
|Merat||Spock warned you not to do it, but you just HAD to try the gas station sushi.|
|Merat||Where will you be when the diarrhea strikes?|
|MLCoolJ||Kevin Riley: (over intercom) And now I shall render "Kathleen"...ONE MORE TIME!
Van Gelder: Oh no you don't, mister. This ends NOW!
|Mikey||"Dammit, Shatner, I told you to quit singing!"|
|ktasay||The voices in my head tell me to shoot you. Please don't let me listen to the voices!|
|Bird of Prey||Kirk: "Who is this guy?"
Spock: "Logically, he is Arthur Dent. Who else would wear a bathrobe while hitchhiking through the galaxy?"
|AdmiralM||Blame the phaser not the lunatic.|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sulu: "Clean up on the Bridge, please... clean up on the Bridge."
Van Gelder: "Make sure they bring an extra pair of shorts."
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sulu: "Clean up on the Bridge, please... clean up on the Bridge."|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "I swear... I only had it on 'Level One'."
Spock: "Dr. Van Gelder... 'Level One' is the HIGHEST setting on your Phaser."
Van Gelder: "THAT explains a lot..."
|Frankie Chestnuts||Sulu: "Will you be careful with that thing... You'll put someone's eye out!"|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "Quick!! Tell me again!! Down two decks... left out of the turbolift... third door on the left..."
Sulu: "The SECOND door on the left is the Men's Room. The THIRD door is the Lady's Sauna."
Van Gelder: "THAT explains a lot... I hope they'll forgive, me."
|Miss Marple||Even Redshirts observe "Casual Fridays".|
|Miss Marple||Sources claim Trump is distraught, angry, over the departure of Hope Hicks, who most insiders consider to be "his fourth wife".
Melanie seems OK with it.
|Bird of Prey||The face you make when you realize that you are wearing a red shirt in a Star Trek show...|
|AJ||Who's the lnatic with the gun?
Oh, that's the only person in the world who thinks Star Trek Discovery is worth watching.
|AJ||Please feel threatened by my vacant, doped-out expression.|
|Blaster||"It's high noon..."|
|mwhittington||"That's not possible! That shirt had a duranium/titanium weave and could handle a Type III phaser rifle blast for 3 whole seconds, and yet, YOU, Captain Kirk, found a way to rip it to shreds like paper while wearing it!"
"It's a gift."
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "IBS... IBS.. IBS..."
Sulu (off screen): "Oh My!"
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "IBS... IBS.. IBS..."|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "Tell me quick... Where's the men's room?"|
|Frankie Chestnuts||Van Gelder: "Shatner... Singing... Again..."|
|Cyrus Ramsay||"Is this a phaser which I see before me or art thou but a phaser of the mind?"|
|Miss Marple||Again taking "Casual Fridays" WAY TOO FAR.|
|Cyrus Ramsay||Kirk (o/s) "Is this a hold-up?"
Van Gelder: "No, it's a science experiment."
|EMH_MkI||It is not a shirt but a robe. Therefore, I am immune.|
|Miss Marple||Trump still thinks "more guns" is the answer.|
|Copyright Graham Kennedy||Page views : 745||Release date : 30 Nov -0001|